In the Wind

by Lilliana Anderson

  “Dawn has a crush on the bartender by the way,” Zeke informed Shea as we stepped through the doors.

  “I do not.” I shot him a warning look and slapped him on the shoulder, then the chest, causing him to laugh and hold his hands up defensively. Adorably.

  “We’ll grab a table outside if you want to get the drinks,” he said, steering Shea toward the side doors that lead out to the balcony. My eyes couldn’t help but linger on the place his hand rested – the small of her back. I took a deep breath and turned away.

  “Did Zeke find another unsuspecting tourist to ditch you for?” Luke asked as he saw me approach the bar. Luke wasn’t a fan of Zeke’s. He’d walked me home once after Zeke had gotten a little too drunk and forgotten his best friend duties when he left the bar with some random girl from another town. I’d told Luke I could take care of myself, but he’d insisted, saying that friends didn’t abandon friends to walk home alone in the dark. Zeke had felt like an arsehole and apologised profusely, and he’d never ditched me again, but still, Luke held a grudge.

  I shifted my glasses to the top of my head and slipped onto the barstool in front of him, pulling a short black straw out of the caddy and placing the end of it between my teeth. “She’s a new resident. Moved in next door to my place last night.”

  His eyebrows lifted. “During that storm?” Without waiting for me to order, he began to mix a Jack and Coke for me then he pulled a Bundy Draught for Zeke.

  “Yeah. Right in the middle of it.”

  “She’s game. What’s she drinking?”

  “Give her a vodka orange, she seems the type to me.”

  “How do you rate her?” he asked, placing all three drinks in front of me.

  I gave him money for the drinks along with a single shoulder shrug. “She seems OK. She’s smart. So, that’s cool.”

  Ringing the drinks up on the register, he handed me my change. “She into all those crazy books you read?”

  Zeke knew Luke didn’t really like him, so I was always the one ordering for us, and while waiting for drinks, I often talked Luke’s ear off about books and films, and anything else I felt like rattling on about at the time. He was a good listener, and he was a nice guy who seemed to have all the patience in the world. We got along well, and Luke was incredibly easy on the eyes – so, maybe I flirted with him a little. But, despite Zeke’s teasing, there wasn’t anything going on. I think Luke saw our friendship as more of a big brother type of thing that developed over the couple of years Zeke and I had been hanging out of The Palms. At first we went there for their spectacular fries and ice cold Coke during high school, but once we hit eighteen and were legally allowed to drink, we shifted to the harder stuff and upgraded to their wood fired pizzas.

  Luke was thirty-five. He was a widower with a five-year-old son who now lived in the same street he grew up on so his mother could help watch his son while he worked. He had light brown hair that fell in a wispy mess that’s only style was however it dried after his early morning surf. He was tanned a golden brown all year round and had kind green eyes with flecks of brown in them. His strong jawline forever looked as though he’d forgotten to shave and he always wore a pair of tan cargo shorts with a white cotton t-shirt and an open Hawaiian themed short-sleeved button up. The only close-toed shoes he owned were canvas boat shoes that didn’t require laces. But, if he wasn’t working, he would wear flip-flops or go bare foot.

  “She’s read Nietzsche,” I offered in explanation as to why I’d stated that Shea was smart.

  “What’s that book about?” he asked, busying himself in the quiet of the afternoon lull by polishing glasses from the dishwasher.

  “It’s not the name of a book.” I smiled. “Nietzsche is a philosopher.”

  He frowned and looked off into the distance before returning his gaze to mine. “What does he philosophise?”

  I gave him a bounce of my shoulders. “I have no idea. I haven’t read his work.”

  Pressing his lips together, he nodded and returned his attention to the glass in his hands. “She must be smart then if she’s read a book that you haven’t.” Luke had it in his head that I was the smartest girl around, and often commented that he thought I’d be running the country some day.

  “Right?” I grinned then thanked him for the drinks before carrying them outside to where Zeke and Shea were sitting across from each other and talking as they looked out over the balcony.

  “Have a good chat to your boyfriend?” Zeke teased as I set the glasses down and took my seat in between them around the circular frosted glass top table.

  “Quit it, Zeke, he’s like, thirty-five – way too old for me.”

  Shea sat forward and looked inside to where Luke was serving an older looking couple at the bar. “Age is just a number, Dawn. He’s hot. I reckon he’s got an ace body under that shirt.”

  “You think he’s hot?” I queried, putting my feet up on the rung under the table as I slid my sunglasses back over my eyes. “So you’d do him, and not care about his age at all?”

  She picked up her vodka and orange and took a sip through the half sized straw. “Of course. I’m an adult. He’s an adult. As long as you’re both into it, what does it matter how old he is? He’s obviously interested in you, Dawn.”

  “I doubt that,” I replied as I looked back at Luke, watching as he busied himself behind the bar. He was definitely hot, I wasn’t blind to that, but I was fairly sure he was just being kind to me because I was a regular customer. It wasn’t because he liked me. The guy had been married and had a kid of his own. There was no way he looked at me the way she was saying. I was just a kid to him.

  “Believe me, Dawn. I know men.”

  Considering she was only eighteen as well, I highly doubted she knew as much as she said. Frowning in thought, I turned my attention to my drink and used my straw to stir it, watching the ice swirl about in the dark liquid. “Well, it doesn’t really matter what you think, because it’s not like that between us. We’re just friends.” I lifted my eyes to meet hers. Who was she to come into my life and start poking her nose around where it wasn’t wanted?

  “Friends can have benefits, you know. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” She grinned at me, moving her leg so she nudged mine gently with hers. I shifted away slightly, feeling uncomfortable with her insinuation. I didn’t like the way this conversation was going.

  “I think it should mean something,” I retorted. “The whole ideal of ‘swiping left’ and ‘Netflix and chill’ leaves a lot to be desired in my opinion. No one seems to care about having decent human connections anymore.”

  Zeke sat forward, placing his hand on my forearm to silence me before I went off on a rant. “Relax, Dawny, she doesn’t know your stance on the subject.” He turned to Shea to explain while I looked away and rolled my eyes. “Dawn feels very strongly about the current hook up culture. She thinks things should be more old fashioned.”

  “And what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with dating and being committed to each other before jumping into bed and screwing?”

  “Nothing.” He turned back to me. “But that’s your opinion, and not everyone here shares that.”

  Looking away, I chewed the inside of my bottom lip to keep myself from ranting again. The amount of flack I’d copped from covering for my own mother’s exploits, when I knew those mocking me changed their partnerships as often as they changed their swimsuits, had me feeling as though I was the only person left on the planet who cared about actually getting to know a person before you got all naked and horizontal with them.

  “Human’s aren’t meant to be monogamous, Dawn,” Shea pointed out. “We’re not penguins. Sex should be fun. It should be natural and unrestricted.”

  “So you advocate random fucking?”

  Smiling, she shook her head. “You misunderstand. I advocate unrestricted love.”

  “Unrestricted? Surely you don’t think laws should be broken?”

  Her expression stayed serene as she
tilted her head slightly. “Of course not. They’re there for a reason. But everything else…I think it should be explored, and I don’t think there should be any shame attached.” She exchanged a glance with Zeke that had my chest tightening.

  Looking away, I knocked back my drink and placed the glass with the remaining ice on the glass table with a thud. “Can we change the subject please?” Discussing monogamy and sexual desires was something that, unless you’ve witnessed the heartache a cheating partner caused, wasn’t something you could discuss with me lightly. Zeke knew that. It was why he never discussed girls with me, and why, besides sometimes picking them up in front of me, he tended to conduct any sort of casual relationship he had going on outside of my knowledge. I had no idea when and if he ever slept with other girls, and I was much happier that way.

  I think.

  I looked out to the water as Zeke took over the conversation and asked Shea where she’d lived before coming to Hargrave Cove. She answered that she’d lived all over. It was stuff I’d already heard throughout the day, so I sat quietly, half listening, half watching the world go by, thinking about how much better life would be if men could keep their dicks in their pants, and women could find value in things other than a reflection in the mirror. The shallowness of the world made me sick.

  On the beach I could see Scott Jennings throwing a football to one of his Wannabes, his tan muscular body making every movement look choreographed. Off to his right, Olivia Hunter was laid out on a towel, her own entourage of Sunshine Barbie girls surrounding her, bikini tops untied as they baked and completely ignored the Skin Cancer Council’s recommendations regarding sun exposure to get the perfect line free tan. Every time I saw them, I reminded myself that I wasn’t like them. I didn’t care about how pretty I was or wasn’t. I didn’t care about hooking up with some guy at a bonfire every week. I didn’t care…

  Or so I told myself anyway.

  Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I focused on the fact that each day was one less day I had to spend watching them all from the outside. School had finished a couple of weeks ago, and we had a little more than three months until the University term would start. It was one last summer of not fitting in. One last summer of being judged for who I was – one last summer…

  “Are you staying in town permanently, or do you have plans to go to Uni next year?”

  “Oh, I don’t think University is the place for me. I prefer to get my education from life experience. It’s served me pretty well so far. And, as for staying here…” She looked out to the water and closed her eyes for a moment as she let the breeze caress her face. Then she turned back to us, her blue eyes mirroring the water behind her as she took a breath to speak. “I’ll let the wind decide.”

  We let the comment sink in for a moment, as if it carried some sort of great meaning within its words. Then Zeke and I glanced at each other; his eyes were so full of amusement that I started laughing. “The wind? Who are you – Mary Poppins?”

  Zeke had begun to laugh as well, and I suppose Shea saw the funny side of it too, because she reached into her drink and pulled out some ice, throwing it across the table at each of us. It started a war of flying ice and laughter that ended in Luke having to tell us to take it somewhere else.

  “I’m sorry,” Luke said, his eyes meeting mine, genuinely apologetic.

  I shrugged to tell him it was fine, and we all stood to go.

  “Oh, lighten up, beautiful Luke.” Shea jumped up and twirled toward Luke, wrapping her arms around his neck as she looked up at him with a smile. He blushed and chuckled uncomfortably, gripping her hips to push her away while he looked to me for help. “We’re just having a little fun.”

  I took a hold of Shea’s arm. “Come on, Shea. We still haven’t seen the beach.”

  With a giggle, she released a very relieved looking Luke and spun around to grab both Zeke and me by our hands. “We should go swimming.” I waved goodbye to Luke as she pulled Zeke and me down the stairs to the beach.

  Once we hit the bottom, she reached down the pulled her dress up over her head, letting it fly in the wind as she raised her arms skyward and let the billowing fabric go, running toward the water in a tiny black string bikini that left very little to the imagination. I felt the need to look away. But Zeke watched, tracking her movement with hungry eyes.

  Instantly, my chest felt tight. Zeke wanted her, I could see that. And given her views on sex and relationships, I could see it would be very easy for that want of his to be fulfilled. Sex. They all wanted sex. What was so wrong with wanting more than that? Why couldn’t it be special?

  Feeling like the third wheel, I considered going back up to The Palms to get another drink and talk to Luke, who didn’t seem to lose his mind over the attention Shea gave him. If anything, it seemed to make him uncomfortable. Fleetingly, I wondered if perhaps it was because he did like me in the way Shea had insinuated, but I dropped that idea as quickly as it appeared in my mind. It was more likely that he was uncomfortable because Shea was so young, and he was a grown man. Shea was just a kid, just like me. He was out of our league.

  Letting out a small sigh, I found the closest bit of shade and headed over to it, leaving Zeke to stare after the most beautiful girl Hargrave Cove had ever seen.

  Big hint – it wasn’t me.

  5

  The afternoon sun felt as strong as it did at midday, and knowing my distaste for tanning, Zeke dropped a bottle of sunscreen on the sand in front of me. He’d managed to tear his eyes away from Shea for long enough to remember I existed. “Where’d you get that?”

  He nodded toward the Sunshine Barbies. “From Olivia.”

  My eyebrows lifted above the white rim of my sunglasses as I picked up the light blue bottle. “And she just handed it over?” Olivia never did something for nothing.

  Taking the bottle from my hand, he flipped the lid and squirted some on his hand, gesturing for me to turn around so he could apply it to my back. “As long as I agreed that we’d turn up at the bonfire on Friday night.”

  His hand was a warm contrast to the cool lotion as it moved against my skin. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the connection a little too much. “Why would you agree to something like that?”

  “I don’t know. It’s our last summer here. I guess I just wanted to see what it was like.”

  “Does she ask you to the bonfires a lot?”

  He didn’t answer for a moment. “Define ‘a lot’.”

  I rolled my eyes at his response then turned as he finished with my back. “Whatever. It doesn’t even matter. You obviously said yes.” He handed me the bottle, and I began to apply the lotion to my legs and arms.

  “Yeah, but I’m only coming if you do too.”

  “I can’t imagine I was a part of the deal, Zeke.”

  “It doesn’t matter what she meant. You and I are a package deal. If she wants me there, you come too. And we can bring Shea, show her what Hargrave Cove is really like.”

  Lifting the side of my mouth in a sad smile, I looked out to where Shea was, splashing about in the water while one of the Wannabes tried to get her attention. She was laughing and drawing everyone in. There was just something about her that made people pay attention.

  “Something tells me she’s already invited. She fits right in.”

  “Does that bother you?” he asked, taking his eyes off her and meeting mine.

  “Why would it?”

  He shrugged a single shoulder. “I just know how you feel about this whole scene, and it seems as though you two get along pretty well. I’d hate to see things fall apart just because she fits in with Olivia and Scott’s crew. She seems nice.”

  “She seems opinionated.”

  “You like opinionated.” He bumped his arm against mine.

  I grinned, looking out into the surf as Shea spun and let her hands skim the top of the water, sending a spray of water all over the Wannabe closest to her. Her laughter carried on the breeze and somehow made me feel a little l
ighter.

  “Yeah, I like opinionated.”

  I turned back to him as he smiled broadly, as if he was proud of me for making a friend or something.

  In my stomach, there was a tiny pull – a niggle – that started a worry in my mind. What if he had always wished I’d make more friends besides him? Was I a burden to him? Did he secretly want to be a part of all this? Was I holding him back?

  “You seem to like her too,” I said once I’d pushed my thoughts down as far as I could.

  “She’s cool.”

  “She seems to like you.” Butterflies fluttered about in my stomach. I needed to shut up, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from commenting on his obvious interest in her.

  “I guess.”

  “Where did you two go last night?”

  “Last night?”

  “Yeah. When you went and spoke to her during the storm.”

  “Oh, that. Nowhere. We just ran to her balcony so we were out of the rain. She told me her name. I told her mine. She asked after you, and then her dad told her she was needed inside. Then I went home. We didn’t hook up if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  I shrugged. “Well, you could, you know…I mean, if you like her and all.”

  He looked at me, his brow furrowed. “And you’d be totally fine with that?”

  “I suppose.”

  Shea came running up to us, wringing out her long wet hair as she trudged through the sand. “The water is amazing. Are either of you going in?”

  “We don’t really swim,” I told her.

  She released a puff of air. “There’s a lot you two don’t do, isn’t there?”

  I shrugged. “It’s what separates us from the riffraff.”

  “I’m sure,” she said with a laugh. “Just make sure you don’t miss out on having fun to prove a point.”

  “Thanks, mum,” I mocked as I picked up the bottle of sunscreen and held it out to Zeke. “You’d better take this back to Olivia. Tell her you’ll see her Friday.”