In the Wind

by Lilliana Anderson

  Everything would be back to normal by the end of the day. I could fix it all.

  As I turned into my street, I could see a dark figure that was undeniably Zeke, sitting on the front step of my house, a white box sitting on his lap that looked just like the one I was holding in my hands – no wonder Lauren, the bakery assistant, had giggled when I’d ordered. Zeke had already been there.

  “Great minds think alike,” I said lifting the box slightly as I walked up the path and stopped in front of him.

  “A peace offering,” he replied as he stood to greet me. He looked nervous, and fidgeted, shifting his weight between his feet. “Dawn, I’m so, so sorry about the way I reacted last night. I…”

  “Don’t, Zeke.” I cut him off and gave him a smile that I hoped would put him at ease and tell him that I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I was drunk. It didn’t mean anything. I promise.” I didn’t want to sit and analyse it. I didn’t want him to come up with excuses or reasons as to why he didn’t see me like that. And I really didn’t want any sort of uncomfortable conversation. I just wanted to pretend it never happened and remain the friends we always were. I opened the front door, and he followed me to the kitchen, setting his box on the bench.

  “It didn’t mean anything?”

  I shook my head, laughing in this uneasy way that I tried really hard to make sound real. Being around Zeke after trying to kiss him was way harder than I thought it would be. Inside, I was still dying of embarrassment. But, on the outside I was trying to be as cool and calm as possible. “No, it didn’t. I guess it was all that ‘do something that scares you’ stuff we were talking about before we left. I let it get to my head, and Shea was making out with two guys at once, so I thought I’d try something crazy too. Is that dumb?” I pulled a face that was more of a wince as I turned on the kettle and set about making tea.

  He picked up a muffin and peeled away the paper casing. “Nah, I get it. I guess I just…I don’t know, I don’t want things to get weird between us. I mean…it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I…I mean you’re g…”

  My heart leapt into my throat and immediately my hand shot up, to stop him from speaking. “Let’s just stop there. We don’t need to do this.”

  His mouth was flapping like a goldfish in his discomfort, and I needed him to know it was OK. I got it – he wasn’t into me like that. And for the sake of our friendship, I needed to make him think I didn’t like him that way either – even though I’d kind of been in love with him for, well, forever…

  While I unwound the tea bags and dropped them into two mugs, I continued, “We were drinking. People were hooking up all over the place, and you’d just punched some guy out. I got caught up in all the hormones. I’m sorry, and I promise – I promise – that I’ll never do it again.”

  Nodding, he separated the top of the muffin from the bottom and took a bite of the smallest part, chewing thoughtfully. “OK,” he said when he’d swallowed. “I won’t mention it again.”

  Smiling, I ignored the pang in my gut as the kettle whistled. “Tea?”

  ***

  Zeke stayed for a little more than an hour, and during that time I forced myself to talk casually and even asked how things went with Olivia the night before. He responded with a shake of his head, as he stirred his tea unnecessarily. “You know what Olivia is like,” he said, and I really hoped that didn’t mean what I thought it meant, because I did know what Olivia was like, and Olivia was a whore.

  Without elaborating further, he changed the subject to talk about heading to the lookout later to check out the hang gliding school. “I thought it might be fun to learn before we go away for Uni. You want to come with?”

  “Hang gliding? Since when did you want to learn hang gliding?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just something different – something that scares me a little. I never learned to surf, and honestly, I’m not interested in learning at this stage. But flying…” He grinned and ran his fingers through his hair, and the look in his eyes had me seriously swooning. He was just so damn beautiful. “Now, that would be cool.”

  I found myself leaning forward on my elbows with my chin on my hands as I looked up in awe. “That does sound cool,” I admitted when he returned his eyes to me. My voice came out in this dreamy sounding way that had Zeke chuckling, and me feeling silly.

  “So you should come then.”

  I stood up and shook my head as I began to transfer all the leftover muffins into one box. “I think the whole epic summer pact isn’t really my thing. I’m just going to chill here and watch some movies.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Seriously? That’s how you want to spend your last summer in Hargrave Cove?”

  Shrugging, I glanced up from my muffin arranging. “Yeah. But, maybe Shea wants to go. You could ask her.” I had no idea why I kept pushing the issue of him hanging out with Shea. I suppose it was just that I could see that was where his interest lied. I said it, telling myself that’s what a best friend would do – they’d encourage their friends to pursue their desires, right?

  His expression furrowed. “I thought you didn’t want things to be weird.”

  Closing up the box, I transferred it to the pantry. “I don’t. How is this weird?”

  “Because we do everything together.”

  I turned to him and gave him a broad smile. “We do not. We do plenty of things without the other.”

  He folded his arms across his chest. “Really? Name one.”

  Slipping my hand across the benchtop, I collected some crumbs in my palm as I faltered. “Sleeping?”

  He responded with a laugh.

  “Peeing?”

  His laughter continued as I listed all of the basic things we did outside of each other’s presence.

  Eventually he held up his hand. “OK, I get it. You don’t want to go.”

  Leaning on the counter, I looked into his eyes, giving him a serious expression. “No. I don’t.” I don’t know if it was because I was uncomfortable over the almost kiss, or if I really just didn’t want to go, but it was probably the first time I flat out said no to being Zeke’s sidekick. I think I surprised him as much as I surprised myself; I could see it in his eyes.

  “What we go up and get some information, will you at least consider it?”

  I twisted my mouth in thought. “I kind of had my heart set on watching movies today.”

  He nodded slowly, his eyes still on mine. “Want me to watch with you?”

  I could tell he found my refusal to spend time with him a little off putting, and twenty-four hours ago, I would have jumped at his word. But, after all that had happened, I really needed some time to myself.

  Besides, I was planning to watch The Lost Boys like Luke had suggested, and I really didn’t want to share that experience with Zeke; something about that felt unfair to Luke.

  “Not this time. Go, test it out. If it’s super awesome I might get all jealous and decide to join in. But for today, spread your wings without me. We can’t do everything together forever, Zeke. It’s kind of a part of growing up.”

  “Doesn’t mean we can’t try for as long as possible.”

  Pressing my lips together in a small smile, I stood up and slid my hands into my back pockets. “Why don’t you drop by later and tell me how great it was. Maybe we can grab dinner at The Palms. I’m sure mum hasn’t bothered to shop for anything other than freezer meals again, and I’m kind of tired of Lean Cuisine.”

  “OK. I get it. I’ll get out of your hair.” He stood up, and I felt relieved as I walked with him to the door. It was new for me to not want him around and I wondered what that meant for the strength of our friendship. As I said goodbye at the door, I found myself rubbing my foot over the anchor tattoo at my ankle, wondering if it’s fading was somehow symbolic.

  “Dawn?” he said, just as he was stepping out the door, turning back to face me. I tilted my head in question then felt surprised w
hen before he caught me in his arms, hugging me tightly against his chest. Something akin to guilt or loneliness washed over me as I breathed him in. He smelled of Omo washing detergent, baked goods, the sea, and Zeke – Zeke had his own special smell. He smelled of comfort. “Meet me at The Palms at eight?”

  “Sure.” I smiled as he released me. “Have fun today. Oh, and Zeke? You didn’t happen to grab my shoes last night by any chance? I went looking for them on the beach this morning but they weren’t there.”

  “I did look for them. But, they weren’t there when I went back either. Maybe Shea grabbed them for you?” Did that mean he’d gone back and spent more time with Shea after I’d left? Had he gone back for Olivia? My eyes narrowed slightly and I shook off the thoughts that threatened to cloud my mind, telling myself he just went back there for his shoes and mine then he probably went straight home like I did. “You should go and ask her.”

  I knew I had to have a conversation with Shea, but the thought of talking to her made a bunch of butterflies take flight in my stomach. “Can you check for me? You’re going to ask her hang gliding aren’t you?”

  His expression was hard to read as he looked at me thoughtfully.

  “What?” I asked when he didn’t respond.

  He shook his head. “It’s nothing. I’ll check for you, sure. See you soon, Dawn.”

  “See you soon,” I said, closing the door as he stepped outside. The moment it clicked shut, I leaned up against it in the quiet, relieved that visit was over, while still kicking myself for getting so drunk I tried to kiss him.

  Note to self – quit drinking or you’ll turn into your mother, throwing yourself at every guy who dares to smile at you. Quit drinking so you never lose control again.

  10

  After Zeke left, I finished tidying the kitchen then headed upstairs to set up The Lost Boys to download on my iPad while I was in the shower. The cleansing water did wonders for both my physical and mental state, and I actually contemplated getting back into my pyjamas to spend all day in bed. But, when a knock sounded on the front door, I knew that option wasn’t really going to work out for me.

  “Damn it,” I grumbled, dropping my towel and grabbing my robe so I could go to the door without seeming completely naked. Why did people always have to knock at the worst possible moment?

  The knock sounded again as I made my way down the stairs. “Coming,” I called out, not worried about waking my mother, as she tended to sleep like the dead after a night out on the town.

  Checking the sash was tied tightly around my waist, I opened the door a crack.

  “I’m looking for Cinderella. She left both of her shoes at the ball this time.” Shea held up my missing ballet flats in one hand and pushed against the door with the other. I stepped back and let her through, and as always, she paused and kissed me on the cheek. But, she let it linger a little this time and something about her body language as she moved passed me had my heart thumping wildly in my chest, the calm I’d felt only moments ago dissipating as she turned around to face me.

  “Well, aren’t you going to offer me a drink?”

  I don’t know why I was so surprised to see her. After all, I had asked Zeke to enquire about my shoes, although I suppose I was expecting that she’d be at the lookout with Zeke.

  “Didn’t Zeke ask you to go hang gliding?”

  She grinned and answered as she placed my shoes on the tiles with their toes pointing up against the wall. “He did. But, as I’m sure you saw earlier, I was a little…busy this morning.”

  My cheeks burned with a fiery heat that I felt sure would melt the skin right off my face.

  “I…” I started, my mouth moving but struggling to form words. I didn’t know what to say. I’d thought I’d apologise and move on, but the reality of the conversation was way more uncomfortable than I’d told myself it would be. I mean, I saw her naked. I saw her…well…I saw her come…

  Her smile broadened, and she got that feline look in her eyes that was somewhat predatory. “Did you enjoy what you saw?”

  “I…” Breaking her gaze, I turned my head away, my stomach feeling sick and nervous and a whole bunch of other things that were too confusing to name. I tried to close my eyes to focus, but all I could see was the image of her and her stepfather – together – doing…things… A shudder rolled through me as my mind tried to reconcile what I saw.

  A chuckle erupted out of her before she spoke again. Did she think this was a joke? “Relax, Dawn. I don’t mind that you watched. How about you just offer me a drink?” When I looked back at her, there was an upward tilt to the side of her mouth and a gleam in her eye that told me she was enjoying my discomfort. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure if Shea was a friend, foe, or something else entirely.

  Swallowing hard, I nodded and went to the refrigerator. It was still morning so I reached out for the bottle of orange juice. I felt the cold air wash over me, and in my satin robe, I felt my nipples harden. A furtive glance confirmed they were embarrassingly obvious through the mauve fabric.

  I was stuck where I was, needing to keep my back to her or turn around and have her see the protruding twin peaks. She’d laugh at me for sure.

  Dear God, why on earth did you make us with nipples that do this?

  Taking a hold of the juice, I took a step backward and placed the bottle on the counter, careful to keep my back to Shea.

  “The uh…the glasses are there.” I pointed to show her the right cupboard. “I’ll just go up and get dressed. Help yourself to the juice. There’s a bakery box in the pantry.” I said it all in a rush then took off for the stairs, racing for the safety of my room, relieved when I was finally behind the closed door.

  Quickly, I rummaged through drawers and dropped my robe, grabbing a pair of panties from the tangle of underwear and bras before I leaned forward to put them on.

  “Holy shit!” I almost fell over. Shea had followed me in and was standing in the now open doorway, watching me.

  With the grace of an albatross on land, I picked up my robe and wrapped it around my body like a sheet before standing upright and feeling incredibly indignant. “What the hell are you doing?”

  She shrugged and closed the door before she took a few steps toward me. “You saw me naked. It’s only fair that I see you.”

  I shook my head and stepped back, clutching the robe tighter around my body. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.”

  As I bumbled through my apology, her eyes slowly dragged over my body, and she moved around my room with catlike elegance, stopping at the window seat and looking down into her own bedroom. “How did it make you feel?” she asked after a moment.

  I didn’t understand the question. “Excuse me?”

  “Watching me like that – how did it make you feel?”

  My head moved slightly in the negative. I didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t want to answer that.

  “Were you interested? Were you afraid? Were you…turned on?”

  “It was…it was your stepfather.” It was the only part of the encounter I could actually voice. The rest of it felt too confusing for me to say.

  She turned and faced me, her lips curving into a smile. “Yes. It was.”

  “Is he? Are you?”

  “Are we together? In love?” She shrugged. “I don’t know. But technically, he isn’t really my stepfather anymore – dead mother and all. It kind of voids the marriage.”

  She moved toward me, with something predatory in her gait, it had me stepping backward and clutching the fabric around my body tighter.

  “He promised to take care of me. But, our relationship is open. Noa doesn’t believe in monogamy. He didn’t when my mother was alive either. But, she didn’t mind. And I suppose I don’t mind either, I’m learning to share.” She stopped in front of me, and my breathing became sharp and shallow as her eyes dropped to my tightly curled hand. “Just as long as he doesn’t stop me from loving freely as well.”

  Her eyes moved up to my face,
slowly lifting until our gazes met. I was sure my eyes were wide and petrified, whereas hers were soft and sultry. I didn’t want to believe what was happening both in reality and with my body, and I stood frozen, barely breathing.

  “I could do that for you, you know.”

  I couldn’t speak and spoke only in a whisper. “Do what?”

  She ran her fingers lightly around the edge of the fabric coating my breasts. “What you saw.” I swallowed hard and shook my head sharply as she placed her hand over mine. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting it, Dawn.”

  All I could do was shake my head and stand there frozen. Why wasn’t I yelling at her to get out? Why wasn’t I telling her to stop?

  Her fingers slipped beneath the edge of the fabric and ran along the curve of my breast, causing me to shudder and stare at her with wide eyes as my body reacted. She pulled at her lip with her teeth as she kept her eyes on mine and moved her hand so it ghosted gently over the hard peak of my nipple.

  “Did you touch yourself while you watched me this morning?” she whispered, moving her hand down over my ribs. Her touch was so gentle that when it hit my stomach, I flinched back and gasped.

  “No,” I managed, as her hand continued lower still, touching my thigh then moving up beneath the fabric.

  “Do you ever touch yourself?”

  Her hand cupped between my legs, and I didn’t know what to do. My insides were throbbing, and I knew I should have said stop, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t.

  “Never.” It came out in a gasp as she slipped one finger between my folds and gently rubbed. My body quivered in a way I’d never felt before.

  I wanted her to stop.

  I wanted her to keep going.

  “Never,” she repeated in a whisper. “I had a feeling.” She moved her finger back and forth, and I thought for a moment that she was going to enter me, but she didn’t, she stayed on the outside, focusing her attention on the small throbbing bump. Back and forth. Back and forth.