Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  “Oi, Pig!” Sledge shouted. “Shit, I mean, Cop. Remove the cuffs.”

  Dante glanced over at the fat policeman approaching the bed, his vision clearing enough to recognise him. “You bastard!” he tried to yell, although it came out as a croak. His throat felt like someone had rubbed it with sandpaper. “Why didja pepper-spray me for?”

  “Sorry, I thought you were gonna attack the prisoner,” the cop said, freeing one of Dante’s hands. He moved over to the other side.

  Once his other hand was freed, Dante sat up and rubbed his wrists. He must’ve been yanking pretty hard, because the skin was broken. “I thought I heard my stepfather.” He swallowed. “I need a drink.” Sledge handed him a glass of water, which he gratefully gulped down.

  “Did you know your uncle was here?”

  “No.” Dante asked for more water. After drinking it down, he returned his attention to the cop, annoyed that the man didn’t look sorry. “I didn’t know he wuz my uncle,” he said, wishing he could punch the smarmy bastard.

  The cop lifted his hat and scratched his bald spot. “That’s what your brother told me. Your uncle also confirmed it, but I needed to check that all your stories were straight, especially with what has just happened. Kind of thought it was too much of a coincidence to start with, but since I now I have all the information on your stepfather you guys are cleared.”

  “What’re ya talkin’ ’bout?” Dante said, wiping at the corner of his eye.

  “Your stepfather and another prisoner escaped.”

  Dante went still, not believing what he was hearing.

  The cop continued talking, “I have your brother’s phone number, so we’ll contact him once your stepfather has been apprehended, but I’d advise you stay someplace he isn’t aware of.”

  Still stunned, Dante nodded automatically.

  “If you’re feeling up to it, you can leave now.”

  Dante swung his legs over the side of the bed, then almost fell back, Sledge catching him in time. He shook his head, feeling dizzy.

  “You’ll still be feeling the effects of the pepper-spray,” the cop said. “You had a stronger than normal reaction to it. It usually reacts badly when the person sprayed has drugs in their system.”

  Dante stared at the cop, trying to process what he was saying.

  The cop grimaced at him.

  Dante finally clicked onto what the man was getting at. “Don’t look at me like that; I’m not a drug addict. I take bipolar medication.”

  “What’s the medication called?” the cop asked.

  “None of your fuckin’ business, and don’t think I’m letting you get away with pepper-spraying me. I’ll be filing a complaint against you.”

  “That’s your prerogative, but I did everything by the book.” The cop left the room, settling himself into the chair outside the door.

  “Prick,” Dante muttered.

  “You’re bipolar?” Sledge asked.

  Dante turned back to Sledge. “Yeah, but no one knows, so keep your mouth shut.”

  “Why? Not like anyone will be surprised since Dad and Hunter are too.”

  “Cos it’s my choice, and Hunter isn’t bipolar, he has psychosis.”

  “Isn’t it the same thing?”

  “Course it fuckin’ isn’t.”

  “But, you appear normal.”

  “Thanks,” Dante said, sarcastically.

  “I didn’t mean it as an insult, I just meant you don’t act the same way as Dad.”

  “Cos I don’t go off my meds like he does.” Dante frowned, realising he hadn’t taken any for the past two days. He’d never done that before, but with all the shit that had gone down, and not being able to find them, he’d let his routine slip. Although he felt stable, he needed to find them as soon as he got home.

  “Is Ash bipolar too?” Sledge asked.

  Shit, Ash! “Is he alright?”

  “Yup, he woke up ’bout half-an-hour ago. So, is he bipolar? Cos that would explain a lot.”

  “No, he’s just a grumpy bastard.”

  Sledge smiled, then his face screwed up. “I love you, bro,” he said, pulling Dante in a bear-hug.

  Dante patted Sledge’s arm, his brother’s words making him feel good, well, as good as he could be with his eyes still burning like gonorrhoea. “I love you too, Sledge.”

  Sledge let him go, his expression broken.

  “What’s wrong?” Dante asked.

  Sledge shook his head, his lips in a tight line.

  A chill prickled up Dante’s arms. “Is Ash really alright?”

  Sledge covered his face.

  “You’re scaring me, Sledge. What’s happened?”

  Sobbing started up in the next bed. Dante glanced at Chaz’s brother. The man had one huge, muscular arm across his eyes. “What’s wrong with him?”

  “Tama...” Sledge said, dropping his hand. “He’s dead.”

  Dante’s mouth fell open. Tama had been one of Sledge’s closest mates since the beginning of high school. But, if it wasn’t for his kid brother being upset, Dante would’ve been happy that Tama had finally gotten what he’d deserved. He put an arm around Sledge’s shoulders and headed towards the door.

  “Ash is this way,” Sledge said, steering him in the opposite direction.

  They walked the length of the corridor, turning a few corners and pushing through a couple of doors, then came to a sudden stop when Sledge pulled Dante into another hug. Dante stood still, allowing Sledge to get himself together. After a minute, Sledge released him, then without a word, they entered Ash’s ward.

  Four beds lined each wall; some surrounded by green curtains. In the far corner, Juliet was seated next to Ash’s bed, while across the room Beth stood awkwardly by the window. A brief smile flittered across her face when she spotted him, before a mask of sadness fell into place. Surprised to see her, Dante followed Sledge, doing his best to keep his eyes directed elsewhere. He could feel her gaze on him as well as Ash’s, making him intensely uncomfortable. Dante glanced at Ash as he neared the bed, then quickly dropped his gaze, his brother’s scowl making him feel ashamed.

  “How’re ya feeling?” Dante mumbled.

  “Been better,” Ash said. “Heard ’bout that sick bastard escaping. He better not come near us, or he won’t be ending up in hospital again, unless it’s for an autopsy.”

  “True... Um...” Although Ash was talking to him civilly, he knew he was in for a yelling, he just hoped it didn’t come with a ‘Fuck off, I don’t ever wanna see you again’ speech. “I’m sor—”

  “Don’t say it!”

  Dante look up at Ash’s glare.

  “You know sorries don’t cut it with me.” Ash’s gaze shifted to Beth. “But for some goddamned reason Beth doesn’t. Though, I let her stay here for one reason,” he said, returning his glare to Dante. “Do you wanna know why?”

  Dante wished he could shake his head or say no, because he most definitely didn’t want to know why. Instead, he wanted to get the hell out of there before Ash opened his mouth again, but he remained stuck to the same spot.

  Ash sniffed. “The only reason I allowed her to stay is cos I wanted everyone to learn what type of people you two are.”

  Dante could see Juliet’s confused expression. “Leave, Beth,” he said, knowing Ash was building himself up, the soft way his brother was speaking unsettling.

  “No, I wanna stay with Ash,” Beth said.

  “Why?!” Ash yelled, seemingly oblivious to the other patients watching. “Cos I can’t stand being near you. You used me, used my brother. I have enough shit in my life; I don’t need you adding to it.”

  “Ash!” Juliet shouted. “Don’t talk to Beth like that.”

  “I can damn well do as I please, cos she does, not giving a shit ’bout the people she fucks over—or fucks.”

  Bursting into tears, Beth took off out of the room.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Juliet growled. “She’s your girlfriend, for goodness sakes.”

&
nbsp; “Not anymore.” Ash’s gaze shifted to Dante. “Dante’s here now, he can tell you why.”

  Shame flooded Dante, leaving him speechless.

  “Tell them what you did,” Ash said, his voice calm again.

  Dante stuffed his hands into his jacket, willing himself not to walk out—or to follow Beth, because that’s what he wanted to do. But he couldn’t do that, because he knew what it would look like to Ash. But he also didn’t want to answer Ash’s question either. He’d been confrontational as a kid, never backing down, because in his opinion he was always right. However, as he grew older, people wore him down. His teachers, the females he went with, even his father made him feel worthless—although his old man never intended to, but it all had the same effect, whittling down his confidence. Oh, he still gave off the air that he was right, but it was only to save face. But he couldn’t do that now, not after what he’d done.

  Ash shook his head, his expression disgusted. “Is it so hard for you to admit that you fucked Beth?”

  “What?” both Sledge and Juliet gasped.

  Dante’s feet finally kicked into motion. He turned and headed for the door, feeling like the biggest scumbag in existence.

  “Go on then!” Ash yelled. “Go to her, cos she obviously means more to you than your own brother!”

  Dante stopped in the doorway. “You mean more to me.”

  “Your actions don’t show it.”

  “I lose control, like you lose control.”

  “Don’t put this on me.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way. I just don’t think sometimes, I just react. I know it’s not an excuse—”

  “Damn right it ain’t. Now, piss off to your girlfriend.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “Sorry, I forgot, you’ve fucked her, so you won’t want her anymore. Love doesn’t last very long for you, does it, Dante?”

  Dante squeezed his eyes shut, the movement hurting them even more. “Don’t do this, Ash.”

  “You even talk like Beth. And I didn’t do anything, you did. Just get outta here; I’m sick of listening to your bloody excuses.”

  Dante left, barely registering Tiana as she ran down the corridor towards him. He needed booze, needed to get so wasted that he couldn’t remember what he’d done—or its consequences.

  13

  Corey

  Corey dried his body, then pulled on his underwear, jeans, hoodie and beanie, the last making him feel the least naked. He hated losing his hair even more than being sick. It had been the only thing he could express himself through. He’d gone through stages, dyeing it all sorts of colours, even blue, his mother constantly worrying that his hair was going to fall out from all the chemicals. Yeah, chemicals did make it fall out in the end, but instead it was due to what the doctors had pumped into him.

  He shuffled over to the bathroom mirror, and sized-up his black eye and sore nose. He prayed that Juliet hadn’t told Sledge about what he’d said, although he didn’t think she would be that stupid. Tama had once called him a fag and Sledge had punched Tama for it, so hopefully she would know what was good for her, and keep her mouth shut.

  He went to leave, jolting back as he opened the bathroom door. His brother blocked his path, giving him “the look” that basically said he was in for an earful.

  “Yeah, what do ya want?” Corey said, annoyed. He was sick of Naf bugging him about Juliet, and he also didn’t appreciate the fat prick telling him he was nuts for sleeping with the “ugly slag.” Juliet wasn’t ugly, and it wasn’t like Naf could talk, because Aroha made Juliet look like a runway model. Okay, the old bird wasn’t ugly either, but she was a smelly slag who got a giant slurpy over teenage guys, and if looks could kill, hers shot STDs.

  Naf crossed his arms over his chest. “Why didn’t cha tell me you’re a fag?”

  Corey’s face dropped. “Does Sledge know?”

  “No, Juliet only told Aroha.”

  Corey breathed out, the relief more than he could take.

  Naf’s expression darkened. “Well? Why didn’t cha tell me?”

  “As if I could. You’re just as bad as the rest, always slagging off gays. And Tama ... shit, that homophobe would’ve beaten me up if he’d known.”

  “You don’t know that for sure, and you played along when we slagged fags off.”

  “Stop using that word; and I only played along cos it would’ve looked suspicious if I didn’t. And there’s no way Tama would’ve lemme stay in the gang if he knew. He wuz always on my case, calling me names even when he didn’t know.”

  “But, what about that hot chick you diddled from school?”

  “I lied. Juliet’s my first.”

  “You’re a sick puppy for doin’ her. And you have a thing for Sledge? Sledge! Do you have a death wish or sumpthin’? You’re not only gay, you’re fuckin’ nuts.”

  “I’m not a sick puppy!”

  “Well, there’s definitely sumpthin’ wrong with you if ya think you could get Sledge. He’s as big a homophobe as Tama.”

  Corey ran a hand over his beanie, fear now replacing anger. “It’s not my fault, I ... I can’t help how I feel ’bout him.”

  “Do you purposely want your heart and face stomped on?”

  “I won’t as long as he doesn’t find out. And it’s not like I hafta go without, cos we watch pornos together and I’ve had a threesome with him and a chick once. Fuck, it wuz awesome.” Corey smiled at the memory. “He fucked her, while I got a blowjob. You should’ve seen him, he looked so sexy. I could suggest that again, he doesn’t hafta know why. Yeah, that’s a great idea, cos he closes his eyes when he fucks, which means he won’t see me looking. He gets off, I get off, it’s a win, win situation.” Corey stopped talking, finally noticing his brother’s dumbstruck expression.

  Naf started waving his hands about as though he had a spider on them. “That’s so sick!”

  “Is not!” Corey shoved Naf.

  “Don’t push me! And you can’t do that to Sledge.”

  “Why not? I won’t be touching him, so he won’t know.”

  “He will if I tell him, you li’l pervert.”

  “I’m not a pervert! And he’ll punch your big fat gob if you open it.”

  “Even after I tell him why Juliet hit you? Why you called out his name?”

  “He won’t believe you!”

  “He eventually will, even if it’s not the first time. You can’t keep this hidden from him if you do crazy shit like that.”

  “He didn’t find out before.”

  “You’re fuckin’ deluding yourself if ya think you’ll get away with it over and over again. You’ve already let things slip with Juliet, just imagine if you yell his name out while you two are in the middle of a threesome. Can’t hide that so easily, can ya, Einstein?”

  “But I want him.” Corey breathed out in frustration. “And, I love him.”

  “You what?!”

  “I love him.”

  “No, Corey, not Sledge. You’re gonna get hurt. Go to one of those gay bars or sumpthin’ and find some other guy.” Naf stuck out his tongue and shook his hands like he’d tasted something disgusting. “Man, I can’t believe I just said that, it’s so bloody gross.”

  “You fucker.” Corey shouldered his way past Naf. He didn’t even know any gay clubs, and if he did, it didn’t mean he wanted people knowing about his sexual preferences. It was no one’s business but his. And why the hell would he want some other guy for? Although he’d been attracted to quite a few, Sledge was the only one he’d fallen for.

  Corey walked into his room and grabbed his wallet. He had to get out of this place, to have a break from all the agro. He swore as he looked at his dressing table. Shit, where’d he put his keys?

  Naf leaned against the doorway with Corey’s keys dangling from his fingers. “I knew you’d try to take off, pro’bly to some party, knowing you. The doc said you’re s’posed to stay home, cos of those bugs that can make you worse.”

  “I d
on’t care.”

  “Well, I do. Plus, you’ve taken a beating.”

  “She didn’t hit me that hard.”

  “That’s not what your face is telling me.”

  “Stuff you.” Corey pushed past Naf and headed for his brother’s bedroom.

  Naf followed. “Get outta my room.”

  “It stinks in here,” Corey said, wrinkling his nose. Dirty clothes were piled high in one corner, while ashtrays were on either side of a mattress, which had been plonked down on the carpet without a base. Maybe Naf was suited to Aroha after all. Gagging to get out of there, Corey picked up his brother’s car keys from the cabinet and went to leave.

  Naf blocked the door. “Give ’em back.”

  “Lemme through before I pass out from B.O.”

  “Gimme my keys first.”

  “I just needa get some fresh air. That’s s’posed to be healthy, ain’t it?”

  “You can do that without a car.”

  “But, I wanna visit Mum,” Corey lied.

  “Bullshit, I know you. You’ll be after drugs.”

  “No, I won’t.” He went to move past.

  Naf mirrored him.

  “Move outta my way or I’ll bust ya!”

  “No, Corey. Calm down, man. Just get some sleep. I’m not gonna tell Sledge, and I’ll make sure Juliet doesn’t talk either. Everything will be fine.”

  “No it won’t, I still can’t have him completely.”

  Naf exhaled. “Well, you already knew that. But at least you two can still be mates.”

  “I just wanna go out, and blow off some steam.” Corey sneered. “Or maybe I can go to one of those gay bars you mentioned.”

  “Okay, I’m sorry for saying that, but c’mon, sleep it off, things will be better tomorrow.”

  “Nope, I wanna go out, and if you’re so worried ’bout me why don’t you tag along.”

  “But Aroha’s home.”

  “Tell her to take a nana nap, she’s the right age.”

  “Don’t be a bastard.”

  “Nah, Mum and Dad were married when they had me, but I can’t say the same for you.” Their mother had met their father at a widows and widowers support group, Beth’s dad having died from meningitis. Corey didn’t know what had happened to his father’s first wife, because his old man refused to talk about her.