Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  She headed for his room again, terrified yet determined as she opened the door.

  He spun around, his eyes wide. “You’re unbelievable.”

  “I can’t leave until you understand why I texted your picture,” she blurted out, before she tripped over her words and fell into a blubbering mess.

  “Cos you fuckin’ hate me, that’s why.”

  “No, I said love you, which is why I did it.”

  “You’re fucked in the head even worse than I am if ya think that.”

  “But I had to stop you from seeing Carly.”

  “You were with my brother!”

  “I should’ve been with you! I love you more!”

  “Bullshit. You’re a lying bitch.”

  “I’m not lying!” She was upset over Ash leaving her, but when Dante walked out she was devastated. “I love you so much that I’m even willing to risk gettin’ hurt.”

  He stormed over to her, making her jump backwards. “Do you think I’m gonna beat you up? That I’m some lowlife piece of scum like Deano Jones?”

  “No.”

  “Then say it without flinching!”

  “You wouldn’t hurt me,” she said, although she didn’t believe it.

  “But YOU hurt me. You ripped my heart out and spat on it.” He grabbed the neck of her blouse and tore it open, then placed a hand on her heart and pushed her against the wall. “Do you have a heart in there or are you just a stone-cold bitch who enjoys screwing with people’s lives?”

  “I-I didn’t m-mean to hurt you.”

  “I fuckin’ love-d you!”

  She flinched, the pain in his voice raw. She was wrong; he did hurt her, because he’d accentuated the “d” at the end of “loved.” Past tense, present tears, he didn’t want her anymore, it was as clear as that.

  Her heart thumped against his hand. “I still love you,” she said, now unable to hold back the tears.

  He let go of her and covered his ears. “Stop saying that!”

  She grabbed his arms and pulled them down, desperate for him to hear her out. “Then explain why I always run to you when you end up in jail, or why I get torn apart every time I see you with another woman. And if I didn’t love you I’d still be with Ash and I wouldn’t be standing here crying and scared out of my wits that you won’t forgive me.”

  He stared at her for a moment before speaking, his expression now uncertain. “If you loved me you wouldn’t have risked my life.”

  “I didn’t know Deano would order a hit.”

  “But you know he’s violent. What do you think he wuz gonna do? Congratulate me on fucking his wife?”

  “I didn’t think about him at all, all I saw wuz you on top of another woman, and all I wanted wuz that woman to be me.”

  He jerked his arms away from her. “How do you think I felt when Ash kissed you? But I didn’t go humiliating him or risking his life like you did to Carly.”

  “I didn’t think!” she screamed, frustration now taking over. “And he’s your brother, you love him, whereas I HATE Carly for goin’ anywhere near you!” She pulled off her blouse and threw it at him, her hands shaking badly. She needed to shock him into silence, because she couldn’t handle much more of his venom, plus she was willing to do anything to get him, to make him want her as much as she wanted him, and if it meant stripping down to nothing then she’d do it, because he was already stripping her nerves raw.

  His eyes widened as she started unhooking her bra. “What the hell’re you doin’?”

  “Proving I love you.”

  “By stripping?”

  “No, by explaining to you what I did last night?” She dropped the bra.

  “What did you do?” he croaked, his eyes riveted to her breasts.

  She pushed down her skirt, her heart beating so fast she swore he could hear it. “I got into bed with you.”

  His eyes flicked up to hers. “What?”

  “You heard me, and do you wanna know why I did it?”

  “Why?”

  She dropped her knickers. “I wanted to get a taste of what it would be like to sleep with you every night.”

  “We fucked?”

  “No, I meant to sleep literally.”

  “But, you weren’t there this morning.”

  “I snuck out, even though I didn’t want to leave, cos you felt perfect against my body.” She touched her breasts. “I pressed these up against your back.” She lowered one hand to her crotch. “While this throbbed for you. I wanted to wake you, but I didn’t, cos I need you sober so you would remember everything you did to me. I want your mind as well as your body.”

  He snorted. “Did you get that stupid line out of one of your romance novels? Cos it’s shite.”

  “If you wanna mock me, then stop looking at my breasts.”

  His eyes shot up to her face. She took another step forward and reached for his zipper, the large bulge in his pants giving her confidence.

  He stumbled backwards, almost falling over his suitcase. “What do you think you’re doin’?”

  “You know the answer to that.”

  He shook his head. “You abused my trust.”

  “Then abuse me in return.” She grabbed his waistband and unzipped his pants, surprised to find no underwear.

  “Beth, no.”

  She lowered herself to the floor and took him inside her mouth, his groans telling her yes. Watching his face intently, she ran her tongue up his cock and flicked the hood. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back, his visage a portrait of sex. She grasped his cock and started twisting it as she sucked on him hungrily.

  “Deeper,” he said.

  She breathed in through her nose and took in more of him, trying to relax her throat as he began to move his hips.

  “Deeper.”

  Unable to, she bobbed her head up and down, hoping he’d like that instead. With a loud groan, he grabbed her head and started pumping her mouth, almost making her choke. She forced her head back for a breath, then before she knew what was happening, she was tugged up and shoved onto the bed. He kicked off his pants and climbed on top of her, his expression overflowing with lust. Overcome with happiness, she grabbed his butt and pushed up against him, rubbing herself against his hard cock. She squealed as her wrists were wrenched away and clamped over her head.

  “Don’t touch,” he growled.

  He lowered his head and latched onto her breast, sucking it so hard she thought he was going to eat her. She screamed as he bit down. He lapped the mark, then moved to her other breast, pulling at her nipple with his teeth. She knew he was a biter from the incident at the party, Carly’s squeals having woken her up.

  Aching to touch him, she tried to free her wrists. He squeezed them tighter, making her gasp, “Dante, you’re hurting me.”

  “Payback’s a bastard.”

  He bit down again, pulling out another scream. Pain shot through her body, turning into pleasure below. She arched up into him, not sure if she could take much more, but desperately wanting to.

  He replaced his mouth with his fingers and squeezed her nipples hard, his smile telling her he was savouring her squirming under him. “Who would’ve guessed that sweet li’l Bethy-babe’s a pain junkie.”

  She shook her head, not wanting to admit anything to him, or more likely too scared to, because she knew he’d give her what she wanted—and more.

  His smiled widened, telling her he didn’t believe her. He let go of her nipples and traced her body with his mouth, kissing and biting a path down-under. Her eyes almost shot out of their sockets as his mouth started attacking her below. She grabbed his head and thrust upwards, the feeling so frigging good.

  He knocked her hands away. “I said, don’t touch!”

  She went still, too shocked to do anything else.

  He moved up over her body, the glint in his eyes scaring her. His top lip curled up into what she could only describe as an evil grin; then without warning he flipped her over, planting her face down. “You real
ly want me to abuse you?” he whispered into her ear, giving it a lick.

  She moved her face to the side, barely able to get out a “Yes.” No. Yes. No, fuck yes!

  “Then let’s see whether you’re all talk, whore.” He grabbed her hair and twisted her head around, bruising her lips with his own.

  She pulled away. “Don’t call me a whore!”

  “Okay, princess?”

  “Don’t make fun of me either!” She tried to turn around, but couldn’t.

  “I can do whatever I like...” His hand edged under her breast, cupping it roughly. “...cos you do. You thought you could control me with sex, but it ain’t working, is it?” He squeezed harder.

  “Ouch! You’re hurting me.”

  “And you like it.” He slackened his grip, then brushed her hair aside and kissed her neck. “Gentle and rough,” he whispered against her skin. “Soft and hard, my princess, my whore.” He kissed down her spine, his hands caressing her butt, then he smacked it, making her yelp. He kissed the ache away, then moved a hand lower. He said something else, but she lost all concentration as his talented fingers started playing with her entrance. She wriggled about, desperately trying to get him to push them inside. Instead, he pushed her legs apart and moved back up, replacing his fingers with his cock. “Do you really want me?”

  Oh God, “Yes.”

  “Even the bad?”

  “Yes, yes.”

  Without warning, he shoved his cock inside of her, pushing to the hilt. Heaven and Hell shot through her all at once, the feeling far too intense. She screamed as he pistoned in and out of her, the friction sending her over the edge. It was how she’d imagined he’d do her, taking her roughly as he forced his way in, the pain adding to the fantasy, and making her come harder than she ever had before.

  He froze on top of her, then pulled out. He said something, but she couldn’t take it in, the orgasm still swamping her mind and making her body shudder. Loud swearing started up behind her, snapping her out of her sexual high. Lazily, she turned around, surprised to find Dante staring down at her, and looking like he was about to cry.

  “What’s wrong?” she said, not understanding why he was upset.

  “I did it like that sick bastard.”

  “Who?”

  He bent over as though he was going to throw up. “Please forgive me.”

  “There’s nuthin’ to forgive—”

  He jerked upwards. “Yes, there is! I fuck everything up. Everything!” he yelled, his emotions controlling his body like a puppet master.

  She pushed off the bed, almost falling over the tangle of clothes at her feet.

  He reached out, then whipped his hands back as though he was afraid to touch her. “Get dressed.”

  “But, I wanna stay—”

  “No, you hafta leave.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m sick; go before I hurt you again.” He went to his knees, searching through the clothes on the floor. “I need my meds, I need my meds...”

  Wanting to calm him, Beth bobbed down and placed a hand on his back. He smacked it away, causing her to fall onto her butt. He started talking fast in Croatian, the words “I’m sorry” the only ones she recognised. He refocused on the floor, getting more and more worked up when he couldn’t find what he was looking for. Not taking her eyes of him, she started dressing, wondering again whether he was on drugs.

  Dante’s focus shifted back to her as she pulled on her skirt. “I scare every chick away.”

  She stopped doing up the zip.

  He got to his feet. “Go on then, run away like everyone else.”

  “I’m not running,” she said, reaching out for him.

  He backed into the cabinet. “Don’t touch me.”

  “But, I wanna hold you.”

  “No, get dressed and go away.”

  “But, you just said—”

  “Leave!”

  She grabbed her blouse and pulled it on. “I needa know you’ll be alright.”

  “Just go.”

  She backed towards the doorway, then hesitated. “Will you be alright?”

  He picked up a CD and threw it at the wall. “Go, dammit!”

  She turned and ran down the passage, heading for the dining-room. She grabbed the phone off the breakfast bar, quickly dialling Sledge’s number. The front door opened, making her drop the phone.

  Ash stepped inside, looking shocked to see her. “What the fuck are you doin’ ’ere?” His eyes lowered to her ripped blouse. “For Christ’s sake, you can’t help yourself, can you?” A crash came from Dante’s room, snapping Ash’s head up. “What’s goin’ on?”

  “Dante’s gone nuts.”

  Beth followed Ash down the passage. They stopped in Dante’s doorway, both of them watching as Dante trashed his bedroom.

  “What are you doin’?!” Ash hollered.

  Dante looked over at Ash, his eyes frantic. “Someone stole my meds.”

  “I told ja not to take meth.”

  “Not meth, you fuckwit, meds.”

  Ash shot across the room, shoving Dante onto the bed. Dante went to punch Ash, but got an arm clamped across his throat instead. “Stay!” Ash yelled.

  Dante tried to push Ash away. “You bastard, I bet you took ’em. Give ’em back!”

  Ash pressed down, making Dante choke. “I didn’t take any of your shit!”

  Beth grabbed Ash around the waist, trying to pull him away from Dante. “Get offa him!”

  Ash slackened the pressure on Dante and glared back at her. “What the fuck did you do to him?”

  “Nuthin’,” she said, backing off.

  “I doubt it with him naked and you half dressed.”

  “He thought he hurt me, but he didn’t. I think he might be on drugs.”

  “Gimme back my meds!” Dante yelled. “The doc gave ’em to me.”

  Ash looked back at Dante. “What’re you talking ’bout?”

  Dante started cursing.

  “Stop swearing, so I can bloody understand you.”

  “I need my medication.”

  “What medication?”

  “Bipolar.”

  Ash’s back went rigid. “Why didn’t cha tell me this sooner?”

  “I’m telling ya now, so give ’em back.”

  “But, I didn’t take ’em.”

  “Then who did?”

  “I don’t know, but we’ll get you some new ones.”

  Dante thanked Ash, his voice almost hysterical, then he started babbling nonstop, saying he hated whoever had stolen his meds and that the person should burn in Hell, followed by a torrent of swearwords.

  “I can’t let you go until you calm down,” Ash said.

  Dante stopped swearing, his tone changing in an instant from angry to apologetic as he begged Ash to release him, his broken voice making Beth cry.

  She wiped at her cheeks. “What’s happening to him?”

  “I think he’s having an episode,” Ash said, his expression sad. “Our father used to swear like this when he went off the deep end. And right now you seem to be the trigger, so you better leave.”

  Not needing anymore explanation, Beth turned and ran, barely noticing Juliet as she flew through the house, desperate to escape what she had done to Dante—and what he was doing to her now.

  20

  Corey

  Corey lay on the hospital bed with his eyes closed, pretending to sleep. The other patients in the room chatted to their friends or family, comfortable in their familiarity. But all he felt was discomfort, and not only from his badly bruised ribs and sore gut, but from Sledge sitting behind him for the past hour; occasionally prodding his back and asking if he was awake. Corey wished he could talk to him, but couldn’t make himself. He felt humiliated, and worse, scared that Sledge would look at him with disgust.

  Sledge prodded his back again. Corey tensed, his nerves raw.

  “I saw that,” Sledge said. “You’re awake, aren’t cha?”

  Corey remained silent.
/>
  “Are you too chicken shit to look at me?”

  Yes.

  “Well, I ain’t leaving until you do.”

  Just go away...

  “There’s no use ignoring me, cos this chair is real comfy, I could stay here forever.”

  ...go away...

  “Or are you crying like a li’l girl again?”

  “Go away!”

  Sledge went silent, then his voice hardened. “Nice, real nice. You ignore your best mate for over an hour cos you’re too much of a pussy to face him.”

  Corey fisted the bed-sheet. “You beat up Tyler when he did nuthin’ wrong.”

  Sledge sniffed. “Tyler breathing is wrong, and you’re not allowed to see him again.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do.” Corey turned over, quickly regretting it. Sledge looked more than pissed. Corey forced himself to continue, “Tyler had nuthin’ to do with what happened to your brothers, so you had no right to hurt him. And what he did with me wuz my idea.” A lie, but Sledge didn’t need any more encouragement to hurt Tyler.

  “I had every right!” Sledge shouted.

  Corey cringed as the room went silent. “Just go away.”

  Sledge leaned forward, his expression vicious. Although Sledge looked nothing like Ash, it was the first time Corey could see the family resemblance—violence their common parent. He’d always known Sledge had a volatile side, but it had never been directed at him before. Not able to handle it, Corey closed his eyes.

  “What?” Sledge said. “You can’t even look at me now?”

  “Why won’t you go away?”

  “I will after you look at me, and tell me why the fuck you went with that worthless piece of shit.”

  “No, it’s got nuthin’ to do with you, and stop insulting him.”

  “It is when you use my sister, then go off with Tyler to spite me.”

  Corey’s eyes shot open. “Why would I go with Tyler to spite you? I told ja he’s got nuthin’ to do with you.” Corey froze as Sledge moved his face within a whisper of his. Sledge’s features softened, his eyes fixated on Corey’s as though he was going to kiss him. Corey held his breath, willing it, then the visage was shattered, Sledge’s features returning to vicious once more.