Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  “What’re you doin’ ’ere?”

  Sledge uncovered his eyes and looked down at Corey. “More like, what’re you doin’ ’ere?”

  Corey sat up. “Gettin’ away from you, so piss off!”

  “No, you’re coming with me,” Sledge said, grabbing Corey’s arms.

  “Lemme go!”

  Sledge yanked Corey to his feet. “If you don’t I’ll beat the shit outta Tyler!”

  “Don’t cha dear touch him. He’s done nuthin’ but help me.”

  Sledge let go and batted the bottle of lube at Corey. “Yeah, he’s obviously helped himself to you.”

  “Fuck off, you bastard!” Corey picked up the bottle and threw it at Sledge’s face.

  Sledge swore as it connected with his cheek.

  “Why can’t you leave me alone?!” Corey yelled.

  Sledge shoved Corey’s chest, knocking his mate onto the bed.

  Corey winced. “Are ya gonna beat me up, like you did Tyler?”

  “No,” Sledge said, feeling guilty. “You threw that bottle.”

  “Cos you’re treating me like shit! I can’t help the way I am. I didn’t ask to be gay, or to have cancer, or for a gay-bashing mate who finds me disgusting.”

  “I don’t find you disgusting.”

  “Yes, you do. You basically said it at the hospital.” Corey pushed off the bed. “Or you will soon. Do ya know what I wuz thinking ’bout while Tyler fucked me?”

  Sledge covered his ears. “Don’t say that!”

  Corey yanked one of Sledge’s hands down. “You! Tyler’s fuckin’ gorgeous, but all I could think about wuz you. It took everything to hold myself together so I didn’t shout out your name again.”

  Sledge wrenched his wrist free. He couldn’t understand why Corey wanted him. Corey was right, Tyler was gorgeous, and he was fucking ugly like Juliet.

  Corey grabbed Sledge’s T-shirt and lifted it up, placing a hand on his stomach. “Do you know how much I’ve wanted to touch you?”

  Sledge froze, not sure what to do. Corey was staring up at him with a slight smile, his expression unsettling.

  “So fuckin’ bad it hurts,” Corey said. “I’ve been jacking off most nights picturing you wearing nuthin’ and with your big cock hard for me. And you’re right; I did set up that threesome so I could watch you. I still daydream ’bout you ramming that chick and wishing it was me,” Corey said, brushing a hand over Sledge’s crotch.

  Sledge jumped backwards.

  Corey moved forward, backing him against the window. “What? Is my touch that repulsive?”

  Sledge breathed out. Corey could never be repulsive. He was... For fuck’s sake, he shouldn’t be looking at his mate like this, shouldn’t like Corey’s touch or be imagining what it would be like to take him from behind. It was sick. Girls did it for him, not guys. But Corey was ... different. Yeah, and if anything Corey was a lot cuter than some of the chicks he’d done, and right now he looked so damned fuckable. Maybe it would be alright, just as long as no one found out... No! He was his mate, nothing more.

  Corey smiled. “Why’re you lookin’ scared, Sledge? You should smack me over cos I’m just the same as Tyler.”

  Sledge opened his mouth, then closed it. Corey wasn’t the same, he wasn’t girly like Tyler, but he wasn’t masculine either. He didn’t know how to describe him. Other than he was just Corey: the person who was always there, who smoked weed with him, laughed at his stupid jokes, watched porn with him... Oh God, that’s why Corey had said it was alright to wank next to him, that other guys did it too. Man, he was a moron, how could he not have known Corey was gay?

  “What will it take for you to hit me?” Corey said, moving his body closer.

  Sledge shook his head. “Don’t.”

  Corey grabbed Sledge’s head.

  Sledge pushed Corey’s hands away. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

  Corey grimaced. “You already have.”

  “You threw the bottle first.”

  “No, your words, you idiot.” Corey placed a hand on Sledge’s cheek. Sledge jerked his head to the side. “Go on, hit me,” Corey said.

  “No.”

  Corey grabbed Sledge’s crotch.

  Sledge smacked Corey’s hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

  Corey moved up against Sledge, his whole body pressing against Sledge’s. Sledge shoved him away, causing Corey to yelp.

  “Shit! You alright?” Sledge said.

  “No.” Corey grabbed Sledge’s head and yanked it down, planting a kiss on his lips.

  Sledge stood still, the kiss taking him by surprise.

  Corey let go. “You wanna hit me now, don’t cha?”

  Fuck, he did, his mind screaming at him to pound the little bastard, to prove that he didn’t like what Corey had done. Sledge grabbed Corey and pushed him against the window, grinding his thumbs into his mate’s shoulders. “You wanna kiss me so bad that you’re willing to get a beating? Or do you just want an excuse to leave me?”

  Looking pained, Corey bit his bottom lip. “I don’t care anymore.”

  Sledge’s gaze moved to Corey’s mouth. His grip slackened, then before he could stop himself, he leaned down and kissed him.

  22

  Corey

  Corey went stiff, and not just in one place, because, God, he’d never thought this could ever happen. Sledge’s hands moved to Corey’s face, cupping it gently as he continued to kiss him oh so fucking perfectly. Corey snapped out of his shock and kissed him back with all he had. His excitement ramped up a hundred fold as Sledge began to harden against his stomach.

  Still kissing Sledge, Corey inched his boxers down and dropped them. Trying to control his shaking hands, he started fumbling with Sledge’s belt. He unzipped Sledge’s pants and grabbed his cock, ready to explode from just holding it.

  Sledge pulled back from the kiss and hit Corey’s arm, making him let go. “Don’t touch me!”

  “Ouch, whatcha do that for?” Corey said, shaking out his arm. “You grabbed me first.”

  “No, I didn’t, and I didn’t touch your cock.”

  Corey’s hand moved to his own. “Then bloody return the favour.”

  Sledge’s eyes widened. He quickly turned to face the wardrobe and started doing up his zipper. Corey reached around Sledge’s waist.

  Sledge spun around. “I said, no. Get dressed, we’re goin’.”

  Corey stepped closer, backing Sledge into the wardrobe door. “I’m not leaving until you accept that you wanted me just now.”

  Sledge spluttered. “No, I didn’t. I’m into chicks.”

  Corey looked down at Sledge’s pants. “Well, your hard-on says it wants to be in me.”

  Blushing, Sledge covered himself with his hands.

  “You were just as turned on as I wuz, but you’re too ‘chicken shit’,” Corey said, using Sledge’s words from the hospital, “to admit it.”

  “Am not, I already said I like chicks.”

  “I didn’t say you didn’t, but you also get a massive boner for my ‘girly arse’.” He grinned as Sledge’s face turned even redder. He’d never seen his mate blush before today, and was enjoying it, especially since it meant that Sledge liked him in ways he never thought possible. And if he kept on pushing, then maybe he could get Sledge to react the same way as before.

  Corey reached for Sledge’s pants again.

  Sledge swatted Corey’s hand away. “Stop touching me! And I only like you as a mate.”

  “Mates, eh? Would ja stick your tongue down my bro’s or Tama’s throat like you did mine?”

  “No!”

  “Then we’re more than mates.”

  “Okay! I got carried away, but it wuz a mistake.”

  Corey shoved Sledge in the chest. “No, it wuzn’t!”

  “Stop pushing me.”

  Corey shoved harder. “Fuckin’ admit it! You wanted me.”

  “Only as a mate.”

  “Bullshit! Admit it!” Corey clenched a fist, willing to pummel it ou
t of Sledge.

  “Christ, Corey, calm down, man. I’m sorry, it wuz my fault. Can’t we just forget ’bout it?”

  “No fuckin’ way! And if ya don’t admit it, I’m gonna stay with Tyler, and you can piss off.”

  “Stop being stupid, Corey.”

  “I’m not being stupid, you are! I’m not the one too scared to admit I wanna make love with you, and I know you want it, cos you don’t kiss someone like that and don’t mean it.”

  “I got carried away, okay, but there’s no way in hell I’m gonna fuck you. It just ain’t right two guys together.”

  “You don’t even believe in hell, you’re an atheist.”

  “Don’t be a smart cunt, you know what I mean.”

  “I’m not a smart cunt; all I wanna be is your cunt.”

  “Stoppit! I’m not gay!”

  “Then you’re bi.”

  “No, I’m not!”

  “You’re a liar, you got hard.”

  “You made me.”

  Corey screamed, “That’s the point, you moron!”

  “You’re twisting my words,” Sledge said, covering his face with his hands.

  Corey grabbed Sledge’s wrists. “Look at me.”

  Sledge shook his head.

  “Please, Sledge.”

  Sledge lowered his hands, his expression devastated.

  Corey continued to hold him, encouraged that at least Sledge wasn’t shaking him off. “I know it’s tough admitting you feel sumpthin’ for me, I went through this too, cos I really didn’t want to feel these things for you, especially since I didn’t think you’d ever return ’em. And I didn’t want to like guys either, all I wanted wuz to fit in. But I wuz wrong, cos that’s not how God made me, cos I do believe in Him no matter how much I pretend I don’t. I’m sick of hiding who I am from you. This is me; I’m a stupid God-bothering gay who loves you more than anything in this world and the next.”

  Sledge pulled a face. “I love you too, but only as a friend.”

  “Stop lying, cos you know we’re more than friends now. You can’t take that kiss back.”

  “I can’t give ya anything more than that. I just can’t. What will our mates say? Our families? Oh shit, Ash... He wouldn’t be able to handle me doin’ a dude.”

  “Why the fuck should I care what he thinks? You shouldn’t either, cos he’s an arsehole to you. And I don’t give a toss ’bout what anyone else says either. If they can’t handle it, they can take a flying leap for all I care.”

  “But, what about kids? You can’t give me them.”

  Corey exhaled loudly. “Now you’re just looking for excuses, cos I know you don’t like kids.”

  “But, I—”

  Corey shook Sledge’s arms. “I love you, and all I care ’bout is being with you. You must care ’bout me too, otherwise why do you keep coming after me? And shit, what happens if the radiotherapy fails?” Because if Sledge would have him he was definitely getting it. “So, I’m gonna take what I can get now, cos I might be dead in a few months.”

  “Don’t say that. Your treatment’s goin’ better than expected.”

  “For now it is, but I feel sick all the time. It’s just...” Corey looked down at Sledge’s hand then brought it to his lips and kissed the ring finger. “...your friendship isn’t enough anymore. I need your love to get through this.”

  Sledge turned his head away from Corey, his mate’s reaction feeling worse than a kick to the gut. He stared at Sledge, shocked by his cruelty. No, he was fucking fooling himself, because he’d always known that Sledge was a selfish cunt, he just didn’t want to see it, or more likely, he didn’t care about it up until now.

  “What? You’re gonna ignore me now?” Corey glared at him. “Well, deal with it, cos I know you feel sumpthin’...”

  Someone sniffed on his right. Corey stopped talking and looked in the same direction as Sledge. Tyler stood in the doorway, wiping his nose and crying.

  Corey’s heart dropped. “Oh God, Tyler, I’m so sorry,” he said, letting go of Sledge.

  “My uncle’s dead ’cause of his brother!” Tyler shouted. “And you bring him into my home?”

  “What the hell are you talking ’bout?” Sledge said. “My brother wuz attacked by your uncle, not the other way round.”

  Tyler wiped his eyes. “The cops found my uncle with his throat slit on your brothers’ property.”

  “You’re a liar!” Sledge rushed Tyler, knocking him to the floor.

  “No, Sledge!” Corey grabbed Sledge’s arm.

  Sledge yanked free and turned on Corey, his face furious. “He’s spewing shit ’bout my family and you’re defending him?”

  “He doesn’t deserve to be attacked,” Corey said.

  Sledge turned back to Tyler. “Well, if what you say is true, then it’s ’bout time your prick of an uncle got what he deserved.”

  Tyler jumped up and went for Sledge. Sledge knocked Tyler onto the bed, then raised another fist. Corey pushed himself in between them. “Leave him alone!”

  Sledge shoved Corey into Tyler. “Some fuckin’ friend you are! All that bullshit ’bout loving me, then this faggot turns up and you instantly side with him. Well, if you care more ’bout him then stay here, cos I don’t ever wanna see you again!” He took off out of the room.

  Corey went to follow, but stopped in the doorway, Tyler’s sobbing catching his attention. He stood for a moment, not sure who to go to, then turned back to Tyler, knowing Sledge was wrong about who he cared more for. But he couldn’t leave Tyler like this, not when the guy had helped him, got bashed for him, and was now crying so hard it was making Corey want to protect him.

  Corey sat down on the bed and wrapped his arms around Tyler, whispering, “I’ll look after you.” Tyler leaned into him, making him melt. He lay down, pulling Tyler along with him, knowing he wasn’t leaving anytime soon, no matter how much he wanted to run after Sledge.

  23

  Ash

  Ash was sitting next to his brother in the doctor’s waiting room, while Juliet was on Dante’s other side, quiet as a mouse, probably still shocked from having seen Dante stark raving mad as well as naked. Dante had calmed down about five minutes after Beth had left, to the point that Ash was able to get him dressed and to the doctors without much trouble.

  “When were you diagnosed as bipolar?” Ash asked, making Dante jump in his seat. They hadn’t spoken much since leaving the house. Ash wondered whether Dante was embarrassed, because his brother was doing everything to avoid looking at him.

  “When I wuz thirteen. I had a major meltdown, so Dad took me to the doctor’s.” Dante started fidgeting with the hem on his hoodie. Ash watched Dante’s hands shake, feeling bad he hadn’t known, but then again, after their mother had been killed they’d gone to live with different people: Ash with their cousin, Dante with their father, while their grandparents had taken in the twins. Chaz had torn their family apart in more ways than one.

  “What caused the meltdown?” Ash said.

  “Lavinia.”

  “As in Tiana’s best friend?”

  “Yeah, I thought I loved her, but like every female she left me.”

  “She wuz sixteen, you were thirteen, it wuz gonna happen. It wuz amazing you even got her in the first place.”

  Dante shrugged, still picking at his hoodie. “I didn’t see it that way.”

  “Still, that wuz ten years ago. How come you didn’t tell me you were bipolar? It’s not exactly a surprise with the old man being it.”

  “I didn’t want cha thinking I wuz a nut-job.”

  “I wouldn’t think that.”

  “Well, it’s how you treat Dad.”

  Ash exhaled. “I don’t mean too, plus he’s so fuckin’ agro.”

  Dante made a derisive sound. “And we’re not?”

  “Father’s more so.”

  “I hate it when you call him that. Why can’t you just say Dad?”

  “That title is earned.”

  Dante let go off his hoodie
and looked up, annoyance creasing his brow. “He really tried to make things up to you, but you never forgive shit.”

  “That’s easy for you to say, cos he didn’t used to beat the crap out of you.”

  “He never hurt you after he got treatment and that wuz over ten years ago.”

  “Which is why I’m polite to him.”

  “More like cold.”

  “You call it whatever you like, but as far as I’m concerned Hunter’s my dad.”

  “No, he’s not, he’s just a cousin.”

  “He’s way more than a cousin; he treated me more like a son than Father ever did.”

  “Stop calling him Father!”

  The waiting room went quiet, making Ash feel uncomfortable. “Look, I understand you’re close to...” Father, “him, and I’m sorry I can’t connect in the same way, but it’s just how things are.”

  “But it hurts him.”

  “Oh, boo-fuckin’-hoo. What he did to me wuz child abuse, he’s lucky I even look at him.”

  “And you beating the crap outta Sledge wuzn’t abuse?”

  Ash raised a finger. “I wuz an innocent kid when Father beat me up, Sledge wuz a fully grown shithead who got returned what he dealt to my mate. Big difference.”

  “What Sledge did wuz wrong, but what you did made things worse. He barely talks to you now, like you barely talk to Dad. Do ya like him looking at you the same way you used to look at Dad?”

  Ash clenched his hands. No, he bloody hated seeing fear in Sledge’s eyes, but it still wasn’t the same, Sledge wasn’t an innocent kid. “You keep your fuckin’ opinions to yourself, cos you’re lucky I’m even speaking to you after what you did, let alone breathing the same air.”

  Dante’s face twitched. He lowered his gaze and started pulling at the loose threads again, mumbling he was sorry in Croatian.

  Ash loosened his hands, then looked over as the doctor called out Dante’s name. Ash got to his feet, along with Dante and Juliet.

  “Stay here, Juliet,” Ash said, following Dante into the doctor’s room.

  The doctor closed the door as Ash settled into the seat next to Dante. “How can I help you?”