(Never) Again

by Theresa Paolo

  I glanced up, and the way he looked away from me, I knew my damn lip had betrayed me. It was official. I was the world’s worst liar.

  “It’s okay. I really have to get going anyways. Have to head over to see Mimi before my next class.”

  He lied too. He didn’t have enough time between classes to see Mimi. But he was giving me an easy out, and I was grateful. “Tell her I say hi,” I said and took my books from his arms, making sure to avoid skin-to-skin contact.

  His lip quirked at the corner. “I will.” He ran his hand through his hair and stepped back. “See you at your party,” he said before turning away and disappearing onto the quad.

  After finding my two non-internet-based sources to cite at the library, I stopped at the campus coffee shop, ordered my usual hazelnut macchiato, and headed back to my place.

  I parked my car and headed into the building. As I approached my door, my attention was drawn to the small square object on the floor. I bent down to pick it up—staring back at me was the DVD for The Name of the Rose.

  Even after I lied to Zach, he still came through for me. I tucked the DVD under my arm and opened my door, dropping my bag on the side of the couch. I opened the case and inside was a post-it note.

  Hope this helps.

  Zach

  I popped the DVD into the player and sat on the couch. Twenty minutes into it, Sadie walked in.

  “What ya watching?” she asked, plopping down on the couch, and pushing her hair out of her face.

  “Something you’ll hate. A boring movie about the Middle Ages.”

  She raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me. “And why are you watching this?”

  “So I don’t have to read the book.”

  She picked up the case and turned it over, gray eyes flicking back and forth over the words. “Yeah, I love you, but no way in hell am I watching this. Where’d you get it anyway? Don’t tell me you wasted money on it.”

  “Zach dropped it off,” I said, refusing to look her in the eye. The way she repositioned herself, I knew the questions were coming. I hit pause on the remote and turned to her. Eye contact or not, she wasn’t going anywhere.

  “Really? And how’d he know you needed this?”

  “I bumped into him on the quad earlier.”

  Both eyebrows rose this time, and I braced for her next question.

  “Was it a planned bump?” She rested her chin on her hand.

  “What do you think? Of course not. He just happened to be there with Tanya and he spotted me.”

  “He was with Tanya?”

  “Yup. He was. Are we done with the interrogation? Because I have a movie to finish before Josh gets here.”

  “Nothing else happened?”

  “What could possibly have happened? I’m with Joe.”

  I could’ve sworn she rolled her eyes, but my eyes were so tired from trying to stay awake during the movie, it could’ve been a blink. “Okay. If there’s nothing else.” She stood, lingering for a moment. “Back to your movie then. I’m going to crash early. I’ll see Josh in the morning.”

  The movie ended and Zach was right. It was horrible. But at least I had a better idea of what I was going to write my paper on.

  I wanted to crash but instead I got the couch ready for Josh and waited up for him. When he arrived two hours later than expected, I couldn’t help greeting him with annoyance. How hard was it to pick up a phone?

  “Good to see you too, sis,” he said when I asked him why he was so late. “Jeez, cut a guy some slack, will you? I basically sat in traffic for four hours just so I could spend the weekend with you.” He threw his hat onto the couch.

  He let his duffel bag fall from his shoulder and caught the strap in his hand. “I’m sorry, but you had me worried. You should have called or at least answered your phone.”

  “Battery’s dead.” He waved his phone at me.

  “You could have used a pay phone.”

  “If you can tell me where a pay phone still exists, I will give you a hundred dollars.”

  He was right. I hadn’t seen a pay phone since I was in elementary school, but still, that wasn’t the point.

  “I’m sorry. Next time I will find a way to call you even if it means risking my life and asking some shady character at a rest stop if I can use his phone.”

  “That’s better,” I said. “Apology accepted.”

  “Oh, good.” He rolled his eyes and dropped his duffel bag on the couch. “So what’s the plan for the weekend?”

  “I actually need to talk to you about that.” I walked away and then called over my shoulder, “Are you hungry? I can make you something if you’d like. Turkey sandwich? French toast sticks?”

  “Liz!”

  I kept walking.

  “Yeah.” I stuck my head in the fridge.

  He jumped up on the counter. “Spill.”

  “I . . . uh . . . kind of planned a party for tomorrow night, but it was supposed to be small just my friends you know and well . . .”

  “Let me guess . . .” He drummed his fingers on his chin. “Somehow every frat house from here to Connecticut found out, and they’re going to show up expecting a rager.”

  “Well . . . not from here to Connecticut.” I took my head out of the fridge and glanced towards him. “Just the entire campus.”

  “Even better. Sounds like it’ll be a blast.”

  I don’t know why I expected him to say it was a bad idea. He was always out looking for a party and now I was bringing one right to him.

  “Good. I can’t wait. I never got to throw a party in high school. Now I have my chance.”

  “It’s a shame. Our house was perfect for parties.”

  My hands rested on my hips. “When did you ever have a party?”

  “Remember your trips to Grandma’s my senior year?”

  “Yeah, but you stayed home to study. You said it was the perfect opportunity to study for finals because there would be no distractions.” Josh shook his head, a sinister smile spreading across his face.

  I smacked him on his shoulder. “You are such a liar.”

  “Hey, it worked every time,” he said, raising his hands up in front of him.

  “Unbelievable.”

  “I know. So how about that turkey sandwich?”

  “Sure, you can go ahead and make it yourself.” I said and shut the fridge.

  “What? You’re mad at me?”

  “Not at all. But now I have something to hold over your head.”

  “We don’t live at home anymore. It doesn’t work like that.”

  “True, but the disappointment on our parents’ faces when I tell them—man, I can imagine it now.”

  “Touché. I’ll get my own sandwich.” He jumped off the counter.

  “Good. Wanna make me one too?” I asked, sitting down on a stool.

  “Now you’re pushing it.” He held the turkey out at me since his finger wasn’t free to point. I took it out of his hand, got up and grabbed two plates from the cabinet while he got the bread. Josh and I were a team. Always had been.

  Always would be.

  Chapter 13

  Around eight p.m. the band showed up. They were there early to figure out the best place to set up. I was lucky to get a kiss from Joe before he got in on the discussion and I was on my own.

  After arguing for what seemed like forever, they settled on the far corner of the living room so they were close enough to the keg. They obviously didn’t realize they were taking up most of the living room and making it difficult to access the beer. I rolled my eyes—it wasn’t worth fighting over.

  Sadie walked out of her bedroom shortly after, decked out in her best party wear. I made her help me put away any valuables we forgot, which she wasn’t too thrilled about doing in heels.

  “Go throw on my slip
pers.”

  “God, Liz, what if people start showing up and I’m in slippers?” She had a point, but she couldn’t hide the wince that crossed her face when she walked away.

  The night came too fast. By ten p.m.it was party time, and I had yet to even get dressed.

  With the last of the valuables hidden, I headed to my room to get myself together. Why hadn’t I picked an outfit out ahead of time?

  Sadie let herself into my room without knocking. Once we’d started living together, any and all boundaries had disappeared.

  “Why don’t you wear that racer back top you got at the mall? The one with the silver sequins and embellished v-neck. It makes your boobs look huge. Not to mention purple looks good on you.” She walked over to my closet to retrieve it.

  “I forgot about that top, I never had a reason to wear it,” I said, happy she was there to help.

  “What better reason than a party—a party you are throwing. You need to be the belle of the ball. This shirt is perfect.” She reached into the back of my closet, found the shirt, and tossed it at me. She followed it with a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans and black leather round-toe pumps, which barely missed my head.

  Unfortunately, my hair was still up in a ponytail from when I had showered earlier and I had no makeup on. Sadie came to my rescue again and took the black elastic ponytail holder from my hair, shooting it across my bedroom before grabbing the hairspray off of my dresser.

  “Flip,” she said, motioning wildly with her hand.

  “Excuse me?” I cocked my eyebrow at her.

  “Flip your head so I can spray. You have that natural wave thing going on. It looks really good. I just want to make sure it stays.” I did as she said and she sprayed and fluffed. “Okay, flip back.” I threw my head back and shook it until my hair fell naturally into place.

  “Wow,” I said to Sadie’s reflection. The style made the blond highlights more noticeable against my natural boring brown. I’d gone from plain Jane to shampoo commercial hair in seconds.

  “Told you. Now get me your bag. A smoky eye would work perfect with this outfit.” She placed my desk chair directly in front of my bed.

  “Sit.” She pointed her midnight blue nails at the chair.

  Twenty minutes later we stepped out of my bedroom looking like we were walking the runway at Bryant Park.

  Not like anyone was there to notice. The band was arguing about what song they would lead off with, but no one else had shown up other than Matt, who was trying to help them come to a compromise.

  “I’m going to see if I can help out,” Sadie said.

  “Help out, or flirt?” I asked, looking to Matt and then back to her.

  She batted her eyelashes. “Maybe a little of both.”

  “Maybe it’s time you told him how you feel,” I said, hoping she would listen to me for once.

  “Maybe.” Sadie walked away with the fiercest strut imaginable. She was definitely feeling good.

  I didn’t want to hear the band have the same argument for the hundredth time, so I scanned the area for Josh. I found him in the kitchen with Zach. When had he gotten here?

  Zach wore a nice pair of black resin jeans with a light gray t-shirt beneath a dark gray leather jacket. He looked like he’d just walked off the pages of a men’s fashion magazine spread for casual chic. Especially next to Josh who wore basic jeans and a gray thermal.

  “Hey,” I said, letting my presence be known.

  “Hey, Liz.” Zach turned to reveal a freshly shaven face. His eyes caught mine and his mouth parted. For a second I could see the boy he used to be. But a glance down to his black leather sneakers and it was obvious he was no longer that boy anymore. The crisscross lacing was tied neatly at the top instead of untied, frayed and dangling from the sides like his laces always used to be.

  “Where’s Tanya?” The words were out before I could stop them. I knew they weren’t dating, but the way she hung around him . . . well, she was acting like his girlfriend.

  “She’s meeting me here. She and Vicky wanted to get ready together.”

  The fact that he knew her plans cut into my heart. Stupid, considering my boyfriend was in the other room.

  An awkward silence filled the air. I hated that I felt uncomfortable in my own apartment. A loud bang followed by a cymbal crash disrupted the silence.

  “What the . . . ?” Josh pushed off the counter. “I swear, your friends are morons. No offense.”

  “None taken,” I said, holding my hands up.

  “I’m going to make sure Sades doesn’t have her claws out. I’ve caught her wrath over a pillow. Could you imagine if they did any real damage? I’ll be right back.” Before I could volunteer to go for him, he was in the living room shouting questions. And I was alone with Zach, in the only spot in the kitchen not visible from the living room.

  I took Josh’s spot, leaning against the counter. Zach didn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as I felt. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so awkward in the first place. It’s not like this was the first time I was alone with him.

  “You look good,” he said, studying me closely.

  Three words. The same three words I’d wanted to hear from Joe, but he was too busy fussing with the band to even notice me.

  “Thanks. You do too. Since when do you dress like you’re posing for a GQ cover?”

  He scratched his chin and cocked the corner of his lip. “And she has jokes. Double threat.”

  “Shut up.” He turned his chin up and tilted his head as if he was taking my words seriously. “Cut it out,” I said and reached out to push his shoulder.

  “What is it? Shut up or cut it out?” he asked.

  I rested my chin on my hand. “Seriously, where’d you get the clothes?”

  “Seriously?” I nodded my head in response. “Mom. She stopped by to see Mimi last week and she shops a lot when she’s upset. Kind of like when you used to bake. It’s her escape.”

  I knew exactly what he meant, but I wouldn’t let him know that since it would risk bringing up the baking topic again, and that was one thing I really did not want to discuss.

  Instead I asked, “How is Mimi?”

  “She’s still having her good days and bad days.” I could sense by the look in his eyes that there were more bad days than good.

  “Has she asked about me?” I felt guilty for not going back to visit again when I had promised her I would.

  “No, but even on her good days she’s not completely there. And you haven’t been around in a while so . . .” He didn’t have to finish—I knew the rest. I hadn’t been around and because of that I wasn’t worth remembering anyway.

  “Does she remember Matt?” In high school Matt spent a lot of time at Zach’s. Mimi loved him. I looked up, catching Zach’s eyes.

  He looked down at his hands. “I haven’t brought him by to see her.”

  That was not the answer I expected. They were pretty much best friends. Why wouldn’t he bring Matt with him sometimes?

  “Why not?” I didn’t want to pry but my curiosity was piqued.

  “I don’t know. I just don’t want people to know, I guess.”

  “But you told me.”

  “You’re different,” he said his voice rising slightly.

  “Why?”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose before dropping his hand and looking directly at me. His lips parted and just as he was about to answer Josh came in like a wrecking ball, jumping between me and Zach and breaking our gaze.

  “So what’d I miss?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” Zach said almost defensively. “So everything okay out there?”

  “Yeah. Liz’s dumbass boyfriend tripped on Evan’s guitar cable and fell into his drums. Then the cymbal toppled over.”

  Zach laughed, but stopped when I gave him the evil eye.

 
“He’s not a dumbass,” I said in a sad attempt to defend Joe. Though, after hearing that story it was hard to justify, and when both Zach and Josh raised their eyebrows at me I knew it wasn’t even worth the effort. “Is he okay at least?”

  “He’s fine. Charlie helped him up. I also helped them settle on a set list, so the commotion should be down to a minimum. Hopefully. I mean, if they plan on making it they really need to get their shit together.”

  “Some of the most popular bands are or were completely dysfunctional,” I said, defending the band since they weren’t in the kitchen to do so themselves.

  “She has a point,” Zach said. “Oasis, the Beatles, Guns N’ Roses. You want me to keep going?” I could not believe he was helping me out.

  “Please don’t,” Josh said.

  Zach and I started to laugh when Sadie barged in. “Liz, I need you for a minute.”

  “Okay.” I held up my finger. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

  “No. I need you now!” she said through gritted teeth.

  “Okay. Okay.” I pushed off the counter and looked back at Josh and Zach. “I’m being summoned. Talk to you guys later.”

  I followed Sadie past the living room and into the bathroom. It must’ve been serious. Bathroom meetings were in the red zone of our emergency alert system.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as she shoved me in and shut the door behind us.

  “Matt looks so good tonight,” she said, shoulders slumped as she leaned against the sink.

  “Okay. Would you like to elaborate? Or did you shove me in here just to drool?” I put the toilet seat down and took a seat.

  “I think he might have been flirting with me, like seriously flirting with me, but I’m not sure.” She bit her nail and I knew she was analyzing every gesture and every facial expression he’d made during their conversation.

  “What did he do?” I asked, wanting her to get out of the dangers of her own mind.

  “He rested his arm on my shoulder and told me I was the perfect height. So I laughed. Then he said my laugh is cute. I said thank you, because let’s face it, I didn’t know what else to say. What do you say to that? Anyway, then Scott asked him if he could go to his car and get him his lucky scarf, you know the one he uses to wrap around the mike as if he’s Steven Tyler or something. And then Matt asked me to go with him.”