Damaged (Bound & Tied Book 1)

by Lucy Rinaldi

  “There you go, Miss. Your fiancé will love this” I feel a pang of jealousy; my Elijah would never allow me to wear anything like this, even for him. He hates my body, he tells me often enough how ugly and fat I am, and how vile my body shape is. I can’t help being the way I am, but I’ve never had any complaints before. Sam, my best friend and his sister, always tells me how she envy’s my pert breasts and perfectly rounded ass, I don’t see what she means, all I see when I look in the mirror now is an ugly fat whore. Before I met Elijah I loved going out dancing with Sam, wearing hardly any clothes. I loved my body, even if it was used up by my father and his friends when I was a child. My figure seemed to be what men wanted and I loved the attention I got from both men and women because of it. I like women as well as men, but no woman liked my body more than my best friend. God, I loved fucking her, she made me feel so beautiful, even if I was using her body the way men would use mine! The truth be told, no one has ever made me feel the way she did, with the exception of Parker that is. Parker being my dom when I was fifteen years old, and God, how I miss him right now! He would never have hurt me the way Elijah hurt me. Parker always cared how I was feeling and he always made sure I was okay after he hurt me badly. I’m beginning to think he was the man I truly needed to make me feel alive! If Sam hadn’t have found out about Parker and me he would never have left the way he did. She was his girlfriend at one point, but she couldn’t handle his dominant side, and so he and I started a relationship of sorts. He was never my boyfriend, but I belonged to him, and he was everything I needed, even at that tender age. Sam found out about us and she hit the roof! She forced me to choose between her and Parker. As much as I loved what Parker would do to me, I knew I’d never get through my crazy life without Sam to help me. So, I ended things with Parker to please her, and if truth be told, I’ve been lost ever since!

  “I really hope so,” The blonde in front of me smile at me once more. “He works very hard, I think he needs something to help him relax after a hard day at work” She winks an, he’s-gonna-get-it-so-good-tonight wink. “I don’t see him as much as I’d like. He works away a lot” She looks down for a second. I feel a little sorry for her. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with that. Not if I was deeply in love with someone the way she so obviously is with her fiancé. I love it when Elijah goes away, it’s the only time I get to relax!

  “What does he do for a living?” I ask.

  “He's a lawyer” She says while looking at me. Then for no reason at all she pushed her cell in front of my face. “That’s him” Her face beaming. Oh. My. God, Elijah! My Elijah! What the fuck!? I’m looking at a picture of her and Elijah arm in arm, smiling at the camera. How the hell is this even possible? Surely I would have known? Surely they would have been publicly photographed? Maybe they have, I wouldn’t know because I don’t read newspapers or magazines! I can’t get my head around this!

  “How, um, how long have you been together?” I ask out of curiosity, but I’m scared of the answer.

  “Almost five years”

  What the actual fuck!?!

  My heart sinks. Oh my god, I’m the other woman! I can feel the bile rising in my throat and I can’t breathe. All those nights he stayed out, apparently staying at his own apartment, all those weeks he’d spend working away, telling me he had to work on a big case, when all the time he must have been with her! How could his family let me carry on seeing him when it’s obvious they must have known about her? Jesus Christ, they must have she’s been with him five years, how could they have never met her? My minds swimming with so many questions. Christ, they must have had such a good laugh at my stupidity. God, did Sam know? No, she’d have told me, I know she would have. She would never have allowed me to keep on seeing him, she would never have allowed me to stay with him when he hurts me like he does if he was with someone else the whole time! Then again, nor would Scott. But how could he have kept her and me such a secret from everyone around us? I wonder if he hurts her the way he hurts me, or does he fight with her and take it out on me afterward. That sounds more like it because she doesn’t look like she’s ever been hit in her life. She looks too happy and so in love with him! “We’re getting married in two weeks time in Ireland... Can you believe it? Ireland!” Married? I think I’m going to pass out. How the fuck would he have hidden that from me? Surely his wedding would be public knowledge? Even if he is taking her to Ireland to get married, there will be photographs! Am I really that stupid? Have I really allowed him to twist my mind like this, to the point I don’t know what’s real and what’s not? I feel like I’m looking in on someone elses life! Her excitement is overflowing, and my heads spinning as she holds out her hand to me. “My names Ava” I blink for a moment, my heads somewhere in space, I feel sick and I can’t breathe and the question keeps on repeating in my head. Why? Why would he do this? How the hell didn’t I know? How the hell could he have kept her a secret for that long? Why would he have introduced me to his family as his girlfriend and not her? I’m so fucking confused, I just don’t understand what the hell is going on!

  I take her hand hesitantly. “S-Sadie” I stammer. She smiles and releases my hand.

  Taking her bag she turns a walks toward the door waving as she goes. “Thank you for your help, Sadie. See you again” See me again? What the hell! “You work in a lingerie store dumbass, of course she'll see you again” The voice in my head reminding me where I am. I smile and wave out of courtesy, and in a flash she’s gone. I fall to my knees holding my stomach, holy fuck this hurts! My worlds falling apart, I can’t breathe, and I’m vaguely aware that tears have started streaming down my face. Sobs escape from my throat.

  Fuck!

  I need to calm down; I can’t do this not here. I don’t even know why I’m crying, this is the excuse I need to leave him! But then I know in my heart and mind that he’ll never let me go, even though I now know about his fiancée. He’d make me stay with him because he owns me! But he doesn’t own me anymore. “Sadie, are you okay?” Amy must have seen me fall; she helps me struggle to my feet. I’m trying hard to calm the tears and wipe them away from my eyes with the backs of my hands. Amy hands me a tissue from her pocket.

  Shit, my nose is running!

  I wipe it in a very unladylike way, then roughly wipe my eyes. “I don’t feel well, Amy, I need to go home”

  “Of course, you go I’ll look after this place”

  “Thank you”

  “Are you okay to drive? Do you want me to call anyone?” I can hear the concern in her voice.

  “No, Amy, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow” I grab my purse “Thanks, Amy”

  “No problem. I hope you feel better. Bye, Sadie” I smile at her my fake, I’m-fine smile when actually I feel like I’m dying. I know I need to talk to him tonight, I need to know what the hell’s going on I don’t want to be the other woman! “Don’t be stupid he'll be fucking the night away with his fiancée” Of course the voice in my heads right. But then right now I don’t even want to go home! I can’t get my head around this. How the hell has he managed to juggle two relationships? God, I feel so sorry for that girl, he’s done nothing but cheat on her with me for two and a half goddamn years! I can’t even say she’s dumb for not realizing when I didn’t even realize!

  “Sadie!” I jump again. Shit, I’m so jumpy these days. I look up and see her standing there, my best friend.

  “Sam” I whisper. My best friend stands in the doorway looking as beautiful as ever, her dark brown hair tied in a ponytail, her gorgeous face caked in makeup just like always, and she’s wearing her usual dark jeans and black camisole top with high heels. She does like to dress oddly. I let out a sob of relief, relief at seeing the one person who understands and knows me inside out.

  “Come here and hug me you cow” I laugh slightly, she’s always so nice to me the cheeky... I take big steps to get around the counter, and then I run into her arms and cry hard into her shoulder. “Hey, hey what’s this, you miss me that much?” She
tries to pull me away, to look at me but I hang on for dear life. I don’t know why but she always makes me feel so much better. God, I’ve missed her so much its been months since I saw her! “Sadie, what the fuck? Look at me” She hates Elijah after witnessing his assault on me last year, one in which he pinned me against a wall with his hand around my throat, choking me, his fist connecting with my face and stomach as he screamed at me for wearing a see through shirt that wasn’t even see through, but in his mind it was. “You fucking whore! You want men too look at you? You want them to see what’s mine?” His words are still etched in my mind as if it were yesterday; Sam’s never spoke to him since. But the fact she’s his sister is obvious from the way she has his demanding authoritative ways. She pulls me out of her arms and holds me at arm’s length, her hand on my cheek soothing me. “What happened?” Her voice now a concerned tone.

  “Nothing. I just, I just missed you” What else am I supposed to say to her? “Oh, hi best friend, guess what? While you were away your brother raped me, then your other brother, my boyfriend, beat sixty shades of shit out of me and raped me! Then I found out he’s engaged to someone else, and I’m the other woman! But hey, how was your vacation with the man of your dreams?” I could never tell her, I’d rather die than hurt her.

  “Bull shit, Sadie. What’s he done this time? And don’t even think about lying to me to save his worthless ass, because I’ll find out, you know I will” She always sees past the lie, just as I did when she was in an abusive relationship of her own. A relationship that ended badly and brought Elijah into my life. I don’t regret what happened the night her relationship came to an end, what I regret is Elijah coming into my life like a bad smell! “Come on I’m taking you home” She puts her arm around my shoulder, pulling me into her as she now stands beside me.

  “I don’t want to go back there. Please, don’t make me go back there” The truth is I don’t want to go back there, not right now at least. I know I won’t be able to stay away for long because Elijah will find me and drag me back. But while he’s with her tonight I just want to stay with my best friend.

  “Okay, babe, I’ll take you to my apartment, and then I want to know what’s happened. Okay?” I know I’m not going to get out of this without telling her something. But what do I tell her? Jesus my heads pounding.

  “Okay,” I replied with a nod.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter Five.

  Sam’s apartment is on the third floor of a small apartment building just north of town. Julipa Towers is a small eight story apartment block in downtown LA. Sam’s apartment is gorgeous and so homely. I haven’t been here in months, not since she went away with Alex, the new man in her life. She ushers me to the couch and takes off her jacket and throws it across the back of the chair opposite, and then takes her seat next to me. I remove my shoes because in all honesty, my feet kill from standing so long at work. “How’s Alex?” I ask because I’m honestly interested in my friend’s life, I want her to be happy and as long as he’s making her happy that’s all that matters.

  I remember when she came and told me about him, and how much she was falling for him. I’d heard it all before, she’s been in love so many times it’s unreal. I encouraged her to go for it; after all, the way she banged on about him anybody would think he was prince charming! She’s been away with him for so long it’s unreal; I’ve missed her, she’s the other half of me. We’ve spent so much of our lives together, in every kind of way, friends, lovers, sometimes enemies, but we’ve always been there for each other in every way friends can be.

  “Oh no you don’t, Missy. What’s been going on? What’s that wank faced piece of shit brother of mine been doing now?”

  “Did you really just call him a wank faced piece of shit?” I can’t help but giggle she always has such a way with words.

  “Yes. And?” She looks at me and we just burst out laughing, big, bold from the bottom of the belly laughter. God, I’ve missed her so much she’s my rock. Jesus, I shouldn’t laugh so hard it really hurts my back! “Enough with the laughing, tell me” Her voice is calm and soothing as she takes my hand in hers, and I really don’t know what to tell her, I can’t tell her about the rape because that story would lead into how Elijah tortured me the other night, and I can’t tell her about Ava because, well because that’s just unbelievable.

  “I don’t know,” I shrug. “Elijah and me, we had an argument that’s all, it just upset me. I kept it all in until I saw you, then I broke down... I’m sorry” She looks at me as if to say you expect me to believe that crap?

  “Argued about what? Did he hit you?”

  “Oh, you know, just stuff, he didn’t want me to go to work and he yelled at me like normal. He didn’t hit me don’t worry” She doesn’t believe a word I’m saying, I can tell, but I really don’t want to go into anything that’s happened, I couldn’t bear the look on her face if she found out, the look of I-told-you-so.

  “Why are you even with him, Sadie? You’re so much better than him. He’s... Scum!”

  “I love him” I look down at my hands. Truth is, I don't love him, I lie to her and myself every time. But I don’t know where I’d be without him, and even now after all he’s done to me, I still wouldn’t know who I’d be without him. I now know he doesn’t love me, he never has. I also know I’ll never be free of him, I’m not really sure I want to be. God, my heads so messed up!

  She takes my hands in hers and looks down at me. “I know you do... You need professional help” She laughs, Cheeky Bitch! I smile at her.

  We got lost in conversation and drinking wine she’d fetched from the chiller, telling me about her trip to Spain and England with Alex and how much fun they’ve had, the places they've seen and for some reason she saw fit to explain just how good he fucks her...? I couldn’t stop laughing, then she went on to tell me about the time he forcefully made her suck his cock, and how much it turned her on. I choked on my wine spitting it all over the place, and I couldn’t catch my breath! I was coughing like crazy. Sam tapped my back hard, which hurt like all hell, but I couldn’t stop coughing to tell her not to touch me there. She can’t stop laughing at me the bitch!

  “Calm down you silly cow, you’ll choke to death,” She laughs as she’s saying it.

  When I could finally breathe, I replied with... “Is that what he said?” I winked at her and once again we’re laughing. I’ve missed this, the fun me and her used to have in the days before Elijah. I often wonder where we’d be now if I hadn’t have fallen into a relationship with him. Would we have followed through with our teenage dream of traveling to Sam’s father’s homeland of Ireland? Or would we be top executives in a big company somewhere? I guess I’ll never know. “Oh, fuck!” I squeak as I look at my watch. It’s 8.30pm! Oh my god, where did the time go?

  “What is it?”

  “I’m so late, Sam. Elijah said he’d be back at six it’s now eight thirty and I can’t drive home, I’m a bit drunk” I feel sick. Jesus, something else he’ll be mad at me for being late, and drunk! But then again why should I worry if he’s going to be fucking the night away with Ava? Because he’ll come home first to make sure I’m there, that’s why!

  “Elijah Smijah, juss stay, herr” She laughs in a drunken slur.

  “You are so drunk” I laugh at the fact she cares for nothing but having fun, and I don’t know if it’s her drunken state or the fact I really don’t want to go, but I decided to stay and let my hair down. “Okay, I’ll stay, because you asked so nicely. I’ll just text, Elijah and tell him I won’t be home, but that I’m okay or he’ll worry” I take my phone out of my bag and, shit! Sixteen missed calls all from Elijah and four text messages.

  Sender: Elijah McLaughlin

  To: Mercedes Moretti

  Baby, where are you?

  Are you okay?

  Sender: Elijah McLaughlin

  To: Mercedes Moretti

  Where the hell are you?

  I told you not to go out!

  Now, I a
sked you fucking nicely the least you could do is answer my texts and phone calls!! I don’t have fucking time for this shit, Sadie, I have work to do!

  Sender: Elijah McLaughlin

  To Mercedes Moretti

  You think this is fucking funny?

  You think the other morning was bad? You’ve seen fuck all yet!!!!!!

  Sender: Elijah McLaughlin

  To: Mercedes Moretti

  WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, SO FUCKING HELP ME GOD!!! OBVIOUSLY I NEED TO BEAT YOU FUCKING HARDER FOR YOU TO LISTEN!!!!

  Holy fucking hell!

  My heart starts racing, I’m dead! He’s going to kill me, I know it. I look over at Sam, she’s fallen into a drunken sleep. I put my glass on the floor next to the couch and type a message back to him.

  Sender: Mercedes Moretti

  To: Elijah McLaughlin

  Elijah, please don’t be angry with me. I went back to work today, and Sam came over to see me. She’s back from her vacation, so I came to her apartment after work and we got chatting. We had a few drinks and before I knew it the time had flown by. It’s been so long since we saw each other, time just escaped me. I’m sorry if you got worried. I’m going to stay here the night with Sam, I’ve had too much to drink and can’t drive home. Don’t be mad, please? I’ll see you tomorrow. I Love You xx

  I scan the message. Even though I should have told him to drop dead, and that I’m never coming back because he’s a cheating abusive bastard! I didn’t because I don’t want him to have any reason to kill me this time! I look at the message once more. Yes, it looks okay. I press send and I suddenly feel sleepy. I lift my legs onto the super large couch and curl up into a ball, and within seconds I’m asleep.“Sadie. Sadie, wake up” Someone’s shaking me softly “Sadie!”

  “What?” I ask grumpily, not opening my eyes.

  “Sadie, what’s this mean?” I open my eyes to Sam standing over me with my phone in her hand. I reach up to take it from her, but she pulls her hand away.