by Lucy Rinaldi
I really feel shy around him; I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my right ear. “I’d like that” Elijah will just have to wait, even though I really want to see him I also want to spend time with Blake, he makes me feel normal and safe.
“Great!” His voice higher than normal. He holds his hand out to me; I smile and take it and great, now I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. Yikes! Jesus, he’s got strong hands! Hands that I would give anything to have travel all over my body! “Does it still hurt when I clean them, Sadie?” He asks as we stand in my bathroom, my back bare, while I face the mirror, holding a towel in front of me, covering my breasts and stomach. I don’t take my jeans off anymore, the marks across my behind have almost healed and don’t require the attention they once did.
“Not much anymore” I turn my head to the side to look at him, while I answer his question. He’s on his knees fixing a new dressing to my hip. His thumb skims my skin and sends tingles to my groin. I bite my lip to stifle a gasp that threatens to escape me. I can’t help but think how I’d love him to tie me up while he fucks me, it sends my imagination wild! I quickly face the mirror hoping he didn’t notice anything. When he finally gets to my shoulder and fixes the last dressing, he places both hands on either side of my shoulders, and out of nowhere he bends, closes his eyes and kisses my left shoulder. My eyes close on me as my heart beats out of my chest. I open my eyes, seconds later a tear escapes them. He looks at me through the mirror and our eyes lock. His hand finds my face turning me gently to face him. He runs the back of his hand down my cheek bone and across my jaw. I close my eyes again. Shit, more tears! But I don’t know why when I’ve wanted him to touch me for weeks, and now he is I’m crying. What the hell?
“Don’t cry, please” His voice is so low and calming, and then I feel his lips on my face, kissing away my tears. He takes my chin between his finger and thumb and lifts my head. My eyes are still closed as his lips meet mine. He kisses me oh so gently, a kiss like no other I’ve ever felt in my life, and the sensations flowing through my body are unreal! I’m tingling all over and my groins on fire! His tongue finds mine and I welcome him as he deepens our kiss, and it feels so good. He places one hand on the base of my spine carefully making sure not to touch my dressings, and his other hand gently on the back of my head. I can’t believe it, I must be dreaming, if I am, I don’t want to wake up! He gently pulls out of our kiss. “You are so beautiful” He says slightly breathless, and his eyes look so sincere, but I don’t believe his words. I’ve heard them so many times in my life and all they are are a gateway to more violence, more abuse, more games that men play with me. I don’t want to be a game to Blake Benedict, I would rather just dream about him being the man to save me. I frown and shrug him off me. I’ve read all about his playboy ways, and his many, many women. Why in the hell would I want to fall into something with a man that loves nothing more than fucking woman and walking away. Don’t I deserve more than that by now? “What is it? Did I hurt you?”
“No, just please leave” I don’t want to hear him say what all those men have said before, not when I’m so ugly and mutilated. I sink onto the toilet lid still holding the towel against me with one hand, my head falling into the other hand.
“Sadie, what’s wrong? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you”
“Just go, Blake!” My voice is so loud it’s almost a shout. “Just please” God dammit, tears a lot of tears and they won’t stop!
“No! I’m not leaving you like this. What’s wrong? Tell me please. Did I do something wrong?” He’s now kneeling beside me, his hand on my thigh. What am I supposed to say, god I don’t want him to pity me if that’s what this is, pity. Pity is something I couldn’t take, especially not his.
“Why did you do that?” I wipe the tears from my eyes and look at him; he eyes me in wonder like he doesn’t understand what I mean.
“Because I wanted to. Because I like you, Sadie. I thought you felt the same. I’m sorry I got the wrong idea, I would never have kissed you if I thought” He hangs his head for a second. “I really am sorry”
“You didn’t do it out of pity?” I ask while wiping more tears from my eyes.
“What? No! I would never do that. Jesus, Is this because I said you were beautiful?” I nod with my eyes still on him. “Mercedes” He breathes, while shaking his head. “Stand up” Taking my hand, he pulls me against him, my back to his chest in front of the mirror. I can’t look. I turn my head away and close my eyes, tears still running down my face. “Look” He whispers as he takes my face in his left hand and turns me toward the mirror. “Look” His voice is now a hot authoritative tone. Opening my eyes I stare at the woman looking back at me, the young woman old before her time, worn out and used up. “You are so beautiful” His words make me want to crawl away; I can’t take it, why is he torturing me with these words? With his index finger, he traces my hair line round my face and down to my jaw. “From here” Then down my neck, over my chest and down my stomach. Then bending down, he traces my legs to my toes. “To here” Then from the back of my ankles, up my legs, over my backside, up over my hips to the pit of my back, up over my shoulders, then my ears and back up to my head. “Right to here” He looks at me in the mirror and I’m still crying. “Believe me” He whispers. “You are beautiful from top to bottom, inside and out” I don’t know why, but I turn around and wrap my right arm around his waist, while I hold onto the towel in front of me with my left, holding onto him like my life depends on it. I feel his arms around me holding me tightly against him, and the tears just fall and fall, while he kisses my head softly. The feeling of his chest against my cheek is so comforting. He feels so warm and his heartbeat sounds like the humming of a tiny bird, but that of a lion roaring all at the same time. “Ssshh. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. No one is ever going to hurt you again, not with me around”
“Don’t let go” My voice sounds so small, but right at this moment in time I don’t want him to let go.
“I promise” He whispers as he kisses my head.
We stood like that just holding each other for what seems like an age. I don’t know what this means, I’m scared. I don’t know what to think, I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I know I’m not ready for anything more than friendship right now, I’m too messed up inside and out. But his words, his sweet, thoughtful, comforting words, what does it all mean? “You okay now?” He asked finally letting go of me.
“I’m fine now. Thank you” My smile is actually genuine for the first time in weeks, because I do feel okay now I’ve cried it out with someone neutral.
“Do you still want to go for dinner? Or would you rather just eat here and wait for Sam and Alex to get home?”
“I don’t think we have to wait any longer” I giggle, knowing I’ve just heard Sam’s voice. Oh, this should be fun. I hope she hasn’t been out there long or this will be the most embarrassing conversation ever!
“Oh” The smile on his face one of I-didn’t-do-it makes me giggle. “I’ll go out first and let you get your top back on” Oh shit! I’m still holding the towel in front of me, if you can call it that I’m barely covered, I can feel my face redden. Damn! I hope he hasn’t seen something he shouldn’t, mainly my breasts.
“Okay. Thank you” He smiles, kisses my lips softly, leaves the bathroom and walks through my bedroom quickly closing the door behind him. I hear Sam ask what he’s been up to like he’s a naughty school boy up to no good. Blake casually tells her that he changed my dressings so we could all go for dinner his treat. All of us? When did he say all of us? I touch my lips for a second with a smile on my face. His lips felt so perfect against mine, so soft and so utterly amazing. So amazing that I can still feel his against mine. I pull my top over my head and straighten myself up feeling like I’d much rather just go to bed, I’m super tired. I leave the bathroom and walk out of my bedroom, and into the living room where my best friend, Blake and Alex are all in deep conversation. Not about me, I hope!
“Sad
ie, we’re going away for the weekend” My best friend’s face is beaming with excitement as she practically does a running jump toward me, grabbing my hands, jumping up and down like a lunatic, which only makes me laugh at the fact she’s acting about three years old right now.
“That’s great, Sam. You enjoy yourself, have a really good time” I’m excited for her I know she loves traveling and meeting new and interesting people. So it’s good to know she’s getting to do it again. This time with a good man who treats her like she should be treated.
“What do you mean? We’re all going silly; did you think I was going to leave you here alone?” I don’t fully understand why she thinks I’d want to go anywhere. “Don’t be obtuse of course I’d never leave you here alone. You, me, Alex and Blake are going to their parents’ cabin for the weekend. Isn’t it exciting?!” If she smiles any wider her face will split! She grabs me into a Samantha McLaughlin, rib cracking bear hug. Jeez, thank God, my back no longer hurts like it used to or this would really sting, the heavy handed madam!
“Sam, I can’t go” My voice is always so damn small when I try to object to things I don’t want to do. God, I was never like this growing up, I was a little madam. I was once a strong woman. I was an utter fucking bitch! Elijah fucking ruined me! “I think you guys should go, have fun you deserve it but…”
“But what?” She looks at me with a puzzled expression.
“Aww, come on, Sadie, it won’t be the same without you”
“Thanks, Alex, that’s a really nice thing to say. I just, um. Look, I’m no company for you guys I’ll just spoil your weekend”
“Sadie, why do you always do that? Stop putting yourself down, you’re my best friend I don’t want to go without you, and there is no way I’m leaving you here alone where you know who can get you”
“Sam, ju...”
“Sadie,” Why is he holding my hand? And in front of them? Oh, this is awkward. “Please come with us. You need a break too, somewhere you can forget about everything that’s happened for a little while. Somewhere you can let go and be free. And I’ll be there. I’ll look after you. I promised. Remember?” His eyes are, god I could. Wow. Um, what the hell shake it off, Sadie, Jesus. “Doctor’s orders” He smiles a gorgeous full set of pearly white’s at me.
“Okay,” I smile at him because I don’t want to argue with them, and to be honest, I don’t want to be away from him for a whole weekend, I feel safe when he’s here. He’s still smiling at me making me feel shy. “Get a grip idiot you’re not fourteen” Of course the voice in my head is right, but then why do I feel like a teenager around him?
“YAY!” Oh my god, I think Sam’s the teenager I can’t help but laugh at her, God, I love her she does make my day better.
~ ~ ~
Chapter Eight.
“Mercedes, wake up. We’re here, baby girl”
“Hmm, don’t want to” I mumble. I can’t open my eyes or even move my body I’m so tired. Did he call me baby girl or am I dreaming? I feel his hands under my knees and across my back, lifting me. I could get used to this, strong arms lifting me into them. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder, he smells good, of fresh air and spiced cologne. I can hear talking behind me, Sam and Alex I assume.
“Come on, beautiful; let me get you inside you’re exhausted”
“What’s going on with you two?”
“Sam, she’s tired, too tired to open her eyes by the look of her, so I’m carrying her inside to her room. Is that a problem?” I hear Alex snicker at Blake or Sam I don’t know which.
“No, I mean of course, it’s not a problem. I just thought something was going on between you the way you called her baby girl and beautiful. Kind of sounds like a boyfriend to his girlfriend”
“Well, if I am ever her boyfriend, which I hope to be one day, you’ll be the first to know, Samantha. Now, if you’re ready, Alex, open the damn door so I can put this beautiful creature to bed” Wait what? He wants to be my boyfriend? I want to say something, but my heads so heavy I just can’t move, but boy do I feel happy laying in his arms. I think what I just heard was a dream playing out in my head, a nice dream. The joys of being half in and out of sleep. Pity really because what he said made me feel so happy inside. I hear the door open and I can smell wood and coal I’m guessing it’s from a log fire. I hear muffled voices but I’m too tired to make them out. I suddenly feel something soft beneath me; I jolt upright in a panic where the hell am I? “Ssshh. Hey, hey, it’s okay, Sadie, it’s just me”
“Blake?” God, my heads, killing me and my eyes won’t focus “Where am I?”
“We’re at my parent’s cabin in Alaska; don’t worry everything’s okay. You fell asleep on the drive over here from the airport. I carried you inside. This is your room” My eyes finally focus and he’s looking at me smiling sweetly. I smile at him. He’s wearing tight black jeans and a black thermal long sleeved shirt, his hairs all wild, he looks so hot right now! All of a sudden my head doesn’t hurt as much, but my stomachs doing back flips and the tingle in my groin is working overtime. I feel moist. What the hell? I’ve never had such a strong sexual feeling toward anyone before, this is something, I just wow! “You have a beautiful smile” He traces my lips with his thumb making my breathing spike and my chest heave, dammit! My body’s on fire with sensation and desire, I want him so badly! God, I shouldn’t feel like this it’s not right so soon after everything that’s happened. But I can’t help the way I feel about him. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel special. No one has ever made me feel like that before. I take his hand between both of mine and kiss the inside of his palm; I hear his slight gasp, I then place it against my right cheek, just cradling it against my face. He has such beautiful strong hands.
I slowly look up at him and his eyes haven’t left me. I bite my lip as the sheer want for this man is taking over my body, to the point I feel like I could explode! I want him to erase the bad from my mind, the horrors from my body. I want him to replace it all with something beautiful. “Kiss me” I whisper as I slowly pull his hand down my face and neck and over my left breast. His eyes follow his hand and then find mine again. His breathing spikes faster and I can see how much he wants me right now, and it makes me feel so hot.
“Are you sure about this?”
My eyes close as his lips are just centimeters away from mine. “Don’t let me think, Blake. Please, I need you to take it all away” I whisper against him. His lips find mine, kissing me passionately, he puts his hand on the back of my head, pulling me into our kiss, deepening it. His tongue invades my mouth and I feel so hot. He lifts off the bed slightly, laying me down at the same time without breaking contact. Our lips still entwined as his right hand travels under my shirt so slowly, oh so slowly until he finds my breast rubbing my nipple through my bra, making me moan against his mouth. He breaks our kiss and his lips skim my jaw and down my neck, and I can’t help my head tilting back. My god, am I dreaming? I can’t believe this is happening!
“Come here” Taking my hand, he pulls me up off the bed to stand in front of him. His lips find mine once more, but this time I feel his passion and his want for me, even more than before. With one hand on the base of my spine, he pulls me hard into him, and I can feel his erection through his jeans digging into my pubic bone, making me wet with desire. “I want to undress you” He whispers seductively in my ear, making my eyes roll. I don’t want to be naked in front of him... Yeah right, who am I kidding, I want him to rip my clothes off and fuck me right now, and it’s not like he hasn't seen most of my body already. But I’m scared because of the way I look, but my desire for him takes over me. I take his hands and rest them on the hem of my shirt, letting him know that it’s okay to undress me. He slowly lifts my shirt above my head, my arms automatically lifting so that he can remove it, he throws it to the floor and grabs the button on my jeans, and with such ease he pops it and unzips them. He pulls them down past my knees. He motions for me to sit on the edge of the
bed. I do as he wants as he gets down on his knees and slowly, seductively takes off my boots and socks one at a time. He removes my jeans gently planting light kisses on my right foot, making me shudder, my skin feels like it’s on fire! The feeling of his lips on my skin makes me burn both hot and cold, and I’m so wet for him right now. “Take off your bra” He says in a voice so authoritative, deep and seductive that it makes me shudder. I do as he asks, taking off my bra and throwing it to the floor. I lean back on my hands as he kisses my ankle, and then all the way up my right leg. His right hand skims my left leg, and god the sensation is unreal! I lay back on the bed and my hips move of their own accord, as he grabs my panties and pulls them down my legs, so slowly I want to scream! I want him inside me, god more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life. I want him to erase what Elijah’s little brother, Hunter, did to me, I want him to replace it with something beautiful. “I’m gonna kiss you here” His lips brush against my pubic bone making my clitoris throb and pulsate. “And here” Then I feel it, his tongue on me, licking and sucking my clit. His tongue is like turbo, round and round, and it feels so good that my back arches. I grab my nipples between my thumbs and index fingers and twist and rub them making them harder. I feel him smile against me and I know he’s watching me.
“Ah! Fuck” He slides a finger inside me without warning, and then another, my hips tip into him, forcing his fingers deeper into me.
