Damaged (Bound & Tied Book 1)

by Lucy Rinaldi

  “Blake, I need to come, please...!” I can feel it right there, right at the tip, I’m right at the edge of a waterfall ready to free fall down into the beyond. He thrusts faster, pushing himself deeper into me, taking my body higher than it’s ever been before.

  “Come, baby. Come with me” He tips me over the edge with his words, and I’m falling hard and screaming his name as he comes hard into me with my name on his lips.

  He stills himself inside me. But my orgasm won’t end it just goes on and on and I can’t breathe. “FUCK!” I scream so loudly it hurts my throat. My orgasm finally ends and I’m left breathless. He looks at me just as I open my eyes, he’s still inside me holding me against the wall with my legs still wrapped tightly around him. He grabs my face and kisses my lips hard.

  “Come hard, baby?”

  “Yes” My voice a breathless whisper. Fuck, what is this man doing to me?

  “That may have something to do with the fact you need to pee” He laughs in amusement as he pulls out of me and sets me on my feet, my legs shaking.

  “How is it you just so happen to know this? Oh, you did it with your ex, huh?” I feel foolish all of a sudden.

  “No, I never did these kinds of things with her. She was more a lie on your back and not move kind of girl. Besides, I’m a Doctor” He winks and laughs at me.

  “It’s not funny it hurt, you pig”

  “Good hurt or bad hurt?”

  “I’ll tell you when I’ve peed” I laugh as I push past him to leave the shower, wrapping a towel around me as I go. He smacks me on the ass hard making me jump and squeal. Jesus, I miss being spanked! Maybe he’ll spank me one day. Soon I hope!

  “Don’t pee yourself, there’s a good girl” He winks at me.

  “Bastard”

  “Tut-tut, Miss Moretti, there is no need for such profanity” I laugh at his expression of mock disgust. He turns away from me and finally I can pee. It burns so bad!

  “Good hurt” I smile.

  ~ ~ ~

  “So you do live?” Sam asks amused as I walk into the living room. Sarcastic cow! It’s so unfair; she always looks hot in everything she wears. Even now as she leans over the breakfast bar reading a fashion magazine with lady gaga playing in the background, dressed in a lemon strapless above the knee summer dress, white sandals and her hair tied in a high ponytail, she looks like a million dollars. Ugh! I always look like shit! I’m hardly ever out of pajamas these days, and my hairs always a mess. The thoughts disheartening.

  “Yes, cow, I live”

  “How are you feeling?” I shrug and smile slightly. I don’t really want to talk about what happened to my baby right now. All I want to do is have one day where I can just forget, even though I know I’ll never be able to forget what happened to him. “I would have made you breakfast, but I didn’t know how long you’d be”

  “I’ve been awake a while. I just showered”

  “Yes, I know I heard you” She’s kidding right? I feel my face burning with embarrassment. I’m pretty sure my face is as red as my pajama bottoms. I just look at her and shrug. “He must be a very big boy to make you scream like that” She laughs as she stands up straight, and I’m trying so hard to stifle my giggle but I fail miserably.

  “Sam! Shut the fuck up!”

  “Oh, so he is big? Oh, Blake... Please Ah! Fuck... Yes...! Dude, who needs porn with you two around”

  “Oh my god, you fucking whore! Shut the fuck up before I beat you” I can’t stop laughing, even though I’m embarrassed like crazy. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed, it’s not like she hasn’t heard me a hundred times in the past. She turns her back to me, her head turned to the side with her arms wrapped around herself, pouting her lips while faking kissing the air as she moves her hands up and down her back. I’m laughing so hard my ribs hurt. She opens her eyes and stops suddenly, turns back around to face me and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear nervously.

  “Don’t stop on my account ladies” Shit, busted! Again! I don’t turn around to face Blake because right now I’m trying so hard to stop the laughter escaping from my lips. I feel his arms snake around my waist slowly, pulling me against his chest. I put my arms around myself, so my hands are holding his forearms, so we’re entwined; he kisses my cheek making me smile wide. “Do carry on, Samantha, it makes for very interesting listening” The look on her beautiful face is priceless! She looks mortified. I can’t hide my amusement, she’s dumbfounded. A first for her I might add. “If you would like to know how big I am just ask me. Although be warned, you may never look at my brother in the same way again” Oh my god! I can’t help it, I burst out in fits of laughter.

  She looks at me with a confused smile on her face. “Fuck you guys” She laughs, her smile touching her eyes. “I’m off to meet my man. I’ll leave you dirty fuckers to watch TV or whatever it is you two do when I’m not around. But judging by what you do when I am around, it doesn’t leave much” She turns her heel to leave, but stops suddenly and looks back at us still standing entwined together in the dining area. “Oh, and if you’re gonna fuck some more, which I suspect you will because of his massive cock and magic mouth. At least have the decency to text me first so I don’t come home too early. I wouldn’t want to catch you in the act” She shoots us a dirty smile, and winks then leaves. If only I could see my own open mouthed expression, I bet I look like I complete idiot.

  “She’s shameless your friend”

  “She’s just fun, that’s all” I turn myself in his arms and kiss him gently on the lips. Oh, he’s wearing sweat pants and T-shirt. “Besides, you do have a massive cock and a magic mouth” I smile at him and he smiles shyly at me. “Are you going for a run?”

  “No baby, I’m not going anywhere today. I want us to sit and talk. I need to get my head around a few things. I want to ask you a few questions”

  I look at him with a puzzled expression on my face. I understand that he needs to as me about my son, if that’s what he mean, but I don’t know if I have the strength to finally admit to myself what happened. “Questions?”

  “Yes. Will you answer me honestly, Mercy? Please?” I’m not sure about this. I don’t know what he wants to ask me, or if I’ll even want to answer him. But I do know that I love him with all that I am, so much so that I never want us to be apart. Maybe I could try for him. Maybe if I just finally let it out, if I tell him what’s inside of me then everything will be okay. I nod, and he takes my hand and leads me toward the couch. I sit next to him, he doesn’t let go of my hand, he just strums his thumb over the back of my hand and looks me in the eyes. “Who’s Xavier?” Oh, not a question I expected. How could he know my son’s name? I haven’t spoken it out loud. Only four other people in the world know that name, and I know Blake has never met three of them. Or at least I don’t think he’s met Clyde yet. Besides, I know Clyde would never spill my secrets, he’s nothing like Sam. No, she doesn’t mean to do it, but she can’t always help herself.

  “How do you know that name? Did Sam tell you?”

  “No, you were screaming it out in your sleep”

  “Oh, um, Xavier... Xavier was my son” That wasn’t so bad finally saying his name out loud. Blake doesn’t take his eyes off me and I can’t seem to draw mine from his. “Although I wasn’t allowed to call him that officially” He narrows his eyes. I don’t say anything, I just shrug.

  “Who was his father?”

  “I... I don’t know who his father was” I do know who his father was, but how on this earth can I ever tell Blake, how do you drop that bombshell on someone?

  “Did you meet him at school?”

  “No, Blake, I didn’t know him. He was just some guy my father knew, and no he wasn’t nice and he wasn’t young, and no I didn’t know his name” He didn’t say anything for a few moments, he just looked at me, so I automatically think he’s satisfied. But he continues...

  “You gave him up without ever looking at him. Why?” His tone is kind of harsh, and he’s looking at me
like I’m some evil whore who fucked around and dumped her responsibilities. If only he knew the real truth about what happened!

  “I didn’t give him up. Not willingly at least”

  “What do you mean? I want to know”

  “Blake, can we not do this? Please? It’s all still so raw,” I really don’t want to talk about this, because I know the only way to make him understand is to reveal more about myself than I want to, and truth be told, I’m scared he’ll leave me and I’ll be left alone with just my memories.

  “I know its painful right now, but I need to understand, baby. I need to know why you cry so much, and why you scream out in your sleep at night. What could possibly make you so sad that you’d hurt yourself. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the scars, but that can wait. Now tell me, Mercy” What the?! Damned man observes too much! Way more than I want him to, and I guess I’m just going to have to tell him, I don’t want there to be bad feeling between us; I love him too much for that.

  “What exactly do you want to know?”

  “Everything”

  I look at him sceptically. He smiles sweetly, putting me at ease. I take a deep breath and begin, I just hope he understands. “When I was a child, I rarely saw my father, when I did see him it wasn’t the kind of visit I hoped for. All I remember is how he’d beat my mother, humiliate her and make her sleep with his friends, or anyone who paid the right price. But he loved me, I was his princess. Until I turn twelve, that’s when he changed toward me; it was like he hated me all of a sudden. One day when I was thirteen, my mother and father were arguing in the living room, I remember how angry my father was and how my mother begged him to stop. He just laughed at her, called her names and told her how he was never coming back because he didn’t need her anymore, but he was taking me with him. She ran to the door and stood in front of it trying to stop us leaving, and God, he hit her so hard! Her head hit the floor with such a crack, and he dragged me out of that house screaming for my mom” I have to choke back the sob that’s restricting my will to swallow; I can’t believe I’m telling him about my past so soon into our relationship. Well, parts of my past that I remember at least. I’ve never told any boyfriend, I’ve had anything about my past. But somehow it seems right with Blake. “Anyway, I ended up in Italy with him and my younger brother and sister, my eldest brother was there too, but I didn’t see him often, he’s a lot older than me. They have different mothers from me, hell, we all have different mothers. Roberto wouldn’t tell me about my mother, if she was okay, nothing, I simply wasn’t allowed to talk about her. Months went by, and then one day, on my fourteenth birthday, he came into my room with this guy and he said “Mercedes this is a friend of mine, I want you to be very nice to him. If you do as you’re told, I’ll let you speak to your mother” I so wanted to talk to her” This is the biggest lie, I have ever told, but how am I supposed to tell him who really raped me on my fourteen birthday? No, I can’t tell him, and the story I’m telling him is true, it just didn’t happen on the day I’m telling him about. “He left me there with this overweight, greasy man and I didn’t understand what was going on. He touched my face and I flinched. I shouted for my father, but the man hit me across my face with the back of his hand knocking me onto my bed... I remember how that much hurt” Subconsciously I rub my face with my hand. It’s strange how I remember such things. “He held me down and he,” I close my eyes and swallow hard. God, this is hard. “He raped me” I can’t look at him anymore, if I don’t look at him it’s easier to talk. I just stare straight ahead of me while wiping the tears from my face. “I’d never done it before, and it hurt so badly. Roberto told me that I was a good girl, and he brought me things. After that for thirteen months every Friday and Saturday I would be whatever Roberto asked of me. I did as I was told. I did it because if I didn’t men would hurt me worse, and then Roberto would beat me because of it. It was easier to just get it over with. Then, once I’d turned fifteen, he sent me back to my mother. But she was never the same with me after that. For two years she ignored me as much as she could. I spent most of my time with Sam and Clyde because it seemed those were the only two people in the world who gave a damn about me. By the time I was seventeen, I was doing well in school, having fun with my best friends, I never got in trouble, and I pushed what happened to me to the back of my mind. But he turned up one day like a bad smell, I wasn’t expecting to see him” Yes, he visited, and he spent three weeks fucking me every damn night like I was his slave! I couldn’t see my friends, and when I did I had to lie and tell them my mother had grounded me like a ten year old! My father raped em like I was nothing to him but a hooker he picked up off the street. A girl never recovers from something like that. The things he did to me on those nights don’t even bear thinking about, not that I can honestly remember much of it. But he’s my father, and it seems that even memory loss can’t erase what he did to me. “He spent a few weeks with my mom and me, they were hard weeks to get through. He was always an angry man. One night he took me to this hotel room and gave me clothes to wear, a short skirt, a tight top and no underwear. He said if I didn’t do what he wanted he’d hurt my mom and I didn’t want that, I knew how bad he could be to her. She was so fragile by that time. So, I went into that hotel room expecting one, maybe two men, but instead there were seven” Jesus, this is so hard, this is one of the worst memories I have and I wish so badly that I could forget it, that Elijah could of beaten this memory out of me. But I know I never will forget that night, its etched into my brain like a carving of a statue. This was my father’s ultimate punishment for me; he raped me in that room, and then allowed those seven men to use my body like I was a toy. Blake’s eyes widened as I told him a little of what those men did to me that day. The way they took turns in fucking me, separately, together, in all sorts of positions, in all sorts of ways. “Six hours it took. Six long, agonizing hours of sheer pain before they’d had enough of me. When they were done, they walked out like nothing had happened. I was in so much pain I could hardly walk, but Roberto didn’t care at all. He took me home and said “See ya” that was the last I saw of him until the day after my mother died. When my mother died, he took me back to Italy and I found out I was pregnant. I don’t know which of those men is Xavier’s father, all I know is it was one of them. Even though I didn’t know who his father was I wanted my baby. He may have been conceived in horrible circumstances, but he was mine. The whole time I was pregnant, I was locked in my bedroom so no one would know I was expecting. I would sit talking to my unborn baby, I bonded so much with him, and I couldn’t wait for him to be born just so that I could hold him, kiss his head and tell him just how much I loved him, how much I would take care of him and never let anyone hurt him. I gave birth to my son and Roberto took him from me before I even had the chance to look at him. I never got the chance to hold him or tell him that I loved him. Roberto renamed my baby Valentino. He told me the child was no longer mine, I had no right to name him in the first place. He then gave my baby away to people he said would be able to care for him. He promised me that I would one day get to see my baby, that once I was feeling better, once I’d gotten past the grief of losing my mother I would be able to have my son back. I knew deep in my heart that he was lying. I spent the following two years grieving for my mother and my baby, until one day I just picked myself up and left. I came home; I was a complete mess, but Sam she was there for me just like always. I fell for her brother, or so I thought. It wasn’t long before we were inseparable, but it didn’t take long for him to become controlling and possessive and, God so violent. It got so bad that I didn’t dare breathe the wrong way for fear of what he’d do to me” Once this is done, once he knows then it’s done, he won’t have to ask me again and he can either stay or leave. “He used to beat me all the time, it didn’t really bother me apart from the times he tried to kill me. The day he did this to my body he accused me of cheating on him. But I hadn’t someone raped me, but he didn’t believe me. He said I had to pay, and boy did
I pay. But you know what? I’m glad he did this”

  “You’re glad?” Okay, now I’ve shocked him.

  “Yes. I’m glad because I met you, and you have no idea how you’ve saved me, how you’ve brought me back to life. I may have lost my son, but I know I’ll go on living if I have you” He smiles sweetly at me. “I have to be strong for my little sister now. I never want her to think she’s alone in life. I swore to her that I’d always be there for her, and I will be. I really am sorry I never told you about Xavier before now. I’ve only ever told not even a handful of people. I just thought it would be a lot to throw at you so soon into our relationship. I love you, but I know that now you know about me and what I was you’ll want to leave. So, I’m gonna go to my room, because I can’t watch you walk away from me” I pull myself up onto my feet, but he grabs my hand pulling me into his lap. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into him; I wrap my arms around his neck as he rests his forehead against my temple.

  “I’m not leaving you, I promised no matter what. My feelings for you, haven’t changed or altered in any way, Mercy. Baby, I’m so sorry I made you relive all of that hurt, but it’s over now, and no one is ever going to hurt you again, I promise” How does he do it? How does he make me feel so loved? He tilts his head to look at me, and I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, but they’re not tears of sadness, they’re tears of relief and tears of love. Love for the man whose lap I’m sitting in, and for the fact I know he really loves me. I wrap my arms tighter around him and bury my face in his neck. He strokes my hair so tenderly and I feel so calm like this. “I love you, Mercedes. I honestly never thought I’d find love. Not until you walked into my life at least”