by Vi Keeland
My mind drifts as I sketch, to the swell of his chest. The deep defined crevice of each bulging muscle. I exhale audibly as my mind pictures the deep indents of his narrow waist, the deep v that I watched deepen in the mirror last night with each powerful thrust forward.
Pulling me back to reality, my teacher points to the drawing in front of me. “Less bulk, more bone,” she comments. I nod noticing for the first time what the drawing on the pad in front of me looks like. I’ve been drawing more from my own memory and fantasy of a man I can’t stop thinking about, and less from the model in front of me.
***
The parking lot is bustling when I leave. Again I look around, finding no one in particular focusing on me. Yet I get that feeling again. I’m sure it’s my paranoia kicking in, but Caden having backed off so easily leaves me feeling unsettled. The fight between Jax and Caden is in seven days, I hadn’t really expected Caden to keep away until then.
The packed late morning subway car actually brings me comfort. Oddly, being crammed in like sardines makes me breathe easily. I ride the dozen or so stops to Ralley’s Gym and notice a few photographers outside. Jax must be at the gym already. The paparazzi have dwindled over the last few days and only a few diehards follow him back and forth to his hotel now.
I take a deep breath before pulling the door open, even though Joe told me Caden wouldn’t be there till the fight next week. Jax is sparring at the back, but he catches my eye the minute I walk through the door.
“Everything okay?” Joe comes out from the back office.
“Yes.”
His eyes drop to my neck. The black and blue has faded to a lovely shade of yellow and purple. His jaw tightens. “Caden’s been keeping away?”
“Haven’t heard from him or seen him since that night,” I confirm.
Joe nods. “Good.” He eyes Jax in the back, who just knocked Marco on his ass. “He’s got good hands. Very good hands. Caden’s my nephew, but his ego gets the best of him sometimes. Thinks he’s better than he is. The only way he stands a chance against Jackson is if his crazy comes out and fuels a fire of adrenaline.” Great. Just great.
A few minutes later Joe comes back to the front desk, boxes in hand. “I’m going to head out, run uptown to drop off the new gloves that just came in. I almost forgot…” He hands me an oversized cream envelope with beautifully scribed calligraphy on the front. “That was delivered for Jackson this morning before he came in. Messenger brought it.”
“Thanks Joe. I’ll see that he gets it. Have a good afternoon.”
***
After Jax finishes up his training, he comes to the front desk. He’s sweaty and his muscles are pumped up from a vigorous workout. My eyes roam his chest, the way his t-shirt clings to his pecs is a feast for the eyes. Unconsciously, I lick my lips.
“I thought you asked me to keep things low in here.”
“I did.” I snap out of my worship trance.
“Then stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you need to be bent over this counter.”
I stare down at the counter, visions of our encounter in the closet flood my mind.
Jax chuckles. He hooks one arm around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. “Going to shower. You’re locking up tonight, right?”
I nod.
A dirty grin on his face, Jax looks at the counter and then back to me, arching an eyebrow. My cheeks start to pink just from the thought he puts in my head.
***
We’re back in my apartment before I realize I’ve forgotten to give Jax the envelope that came today. It’s odd that someone would deliver what appears to be a wedding invitation to the gym. His hotel would have made more sense, someone apparently knows Jax’s routine.
“Sorry. I almost forgot. A messenger brought this for you today. Joe gave it to me and I put it in my bag. I got busy and it slipped my mind till now.” I hand Jax the envelope and he furrows his brow.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t open it.”
Jax opens the envelope and glances at the first few lines, he quickly discards it on the table.
“A wedding invite you weren’t expecting?” I ask curiously.
“No. An invitation to a birthday party.” He doesn’t add more, his unhappy face relaying the surprise of the invite wasn’t a good surprise.
He’s quiet the rest of the evening. We’re getting into bed before he shares what upset him. “My father is throwing a birthday party for my mother.”
“Oh.” I’m not quite sure how to respond.
He stays silent as we get comfortable and I snuggle into him. His voice is quiet when he eventually begins to speak again. “My mother’s best and worst quality is the same. She’s loyal to a fault.” Jax says as he rubs my bare shoulder. Head on his chest, I trace the outline of a figure eight between the bulk of his pectoral muscle in the dark. My fingernail scrapes lightly in the plain between the ridges as I respond.
“I think loyalty is always a good quality. It’s our choice of where to place it that can be a fault.”
He nods and kisses the top of my forehead. “You’re right. I just don’t know how she stays with him after everything he’s done to her. Why didn’t she walk away?”
“Love isn’t something you can turn off. When it happens, it takes a little piece of who you are. I think sometimes people keep fighting because they’re more afraid to lose that piece of them, rather than lose the person they love.”
Jax exhales deeply. “Jesus, Lily. You may not know her, but you couldn’t be more right.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes. “Have you ever been in love?” Quietly, I ask, tilting my head up to look at him even though it’s dark.
His hand rubbing my shoulder freezes. “You first.”
“Why me first?”
“Because now you have me thinking that you’re lying there thinking about another man.”
I laugh. “I’m not.”
“Good because I don’t think I could handle that.” He rolls us so I’m lying on my back. “So have you?”
“I thought I was once. But I realize now that I wasn’t really.”
He kisses my lips gently.
“Have you?” I ask again.
“I think so.” He kisses the corner of my mouth, then the other corner, before softly kissing the center of my mouth again. “Every day I become more sure.”
Chapter 22
Jax
After a night of tossing and turning, I’ve finally made up my mind. “I’m going to go back to D.C. for my mother’s birthday party. I need to spend a few hours with Brady anyway. He’s trying not to let on he needs me, but I know spending an afternoon in the office would give him a little relief.”
Lily nods and smiles politely. “Okay.”
“It’s about my mother. Not him. Or me. I’m going to go for her. She had a breakdown after the news of my father’s endless string of affairs hit. I’ve been holding a grudge against her for too long. Taking it out on her for loving him, because he doesn’t deserve her love or loyalty.”
She refills my mug of coffee and sets it in front of me. I catch her hand as she begins to walk away and pull her down on my lap. “I’ll fly up tonight. Come back the day after the party.” That will still give me a few days to rest before the fight with Caden, although I don’t mention that part to Lily. I’ve learned it’s a topic we’re never going to agree upon, so it’s best to avoid it.
“You’re coming back?” she asks, surprised.
“Of course I’m coming back.” My brows draw together. “Did you think I was going to pack my stuff and say goodbye. It’s been fun, nice to meet you?” The more I think about it, the angrier it makes me she would even consider I’d disappear after the last few weeks.
“I. We. I…it’s just…we never spoke about the future…after your business is done here.”
“My business is far from done here, Angel.”
She l
ooks up at me. Her freshly showered face free of makeup, she’s even more beautiful than usual. There’s something so vulnerable about her, yet strong at the same time. “I thought you said the bank was almost done and everything was almost wrapped up for the investors.”
“It is.” I kiss her shoulder blade. “That’s not the business I was referring to. There’s other, more important things, I need to take care of here.”
The corners of her mouth twitch upwards with hope. She wraps her arms around my neck. “What other things do you need to take care of?” she asks coyly.
I trail one finger across her shoulder, my pointer finger slipping off the spaghetti strap of her tank top. Following the delicate curve of her collarbone, I reach across to the other shoulder and slip the other strap off too. The thin fabric of her night shirt falls, revealing her perfect breasts. I’m mesmerized as I watch her nipples harden before my eyes.
“There’s lots of business here I need to take care of. Important business.” My mouth drops to her nipple and I suck it in deeply, tugging a bit with my teeth as I release it pulling my head back. “I’m going to tell you all about it as I take care of it now.” I lift her from my lap and scoop her into my arms. She squeals a bit, the sound makes me smile even more. “You ready for the play by play?”
She nods and bites her bottom lip, her eyes going from playful to hooded.
“I can’t hear you.” I begin to walk toward the bedroom.
“Yes.” The single word comes out breathless. It makes my cock harden in my pants just knowing I can make her that way.
“Yes, what?”
“I want to hear the play by play.”
And so I do. I tell her about each important thing I need to take care of right before I do it. Sucking her tits. Licking her sweet pussy. Making her scream my name as she comes.
***
My parent’s home, the one I’ve lived in since the day I was born, sits atop a tall hill overlooking downtown D.C. Grand gates block the passage to strangers, leaving them only to imagine the characters in the storybook that is on display for the world to see. Punching in the code, I look up at the main house. Soaring white pillars frame the strikingly tall double front doors to the stately home. Strategically placed lights illuminate the finer points of architecture, leading your eyes to see what is on display, instead of the darkness that truly looms inside. It’s a home very much like the man that lives inside. Perfect on the outside, standing tall, defying anyone to question its place in the community. But the inside is cold and filled with lies.
Three years ago I moved out of the main house and into the small guest cottage. I’d wanted to get my own apartment downtown, but my mother talked me into a compromise. Parking in the driveway of a place that once felt like home, I realize I feel more like an intruder than someone that belongs.
A large pile of mail waits for me on the dining room table, an announcement rests on top. Thick card stock and calligraphy proclaim the birthday party will take place at eight sharp. No doubt hundreds were hand delivered all across town, an invite for every dignitary. I wonder again if my decision to come was right.
A family portrait hangs on the wall in the living room, compliments of my mother when I moved in. I was only about five or six, dressed in a suit with suspenders, I stood proudly between them. Both of them smile widely for the camera, I step closer to study their faces. My father’s smile is the same one I’ve seen a million times, he’s perfected it over the years. Sadly, I’m not sure I can even remember what the natural one looks like anymore. But it’s my mother’s face that I examine for the longest time. I search her eyes, wondering if she was covering her sadness even back then, or if it developed in the years after.
Was there ever anything real in my life? Or did the lies and secrets surround me from the day I was born so I didn’t know anything different.
Startled by the sound but not faintly surprised at the visit, my father’s voice breaks into my thoughts as I stand staring at the picture. “You’re liquidating a substantial amount of investments. What’s going on Jackson?”
I shake my head and laugh out loud, even though I find nothing really funny. I make a mental note to change bankers. Come to think of it, there are probably a dozen changes I need to make in my life to rid myself of the old boys club that my father gets his information from. So much for damn privacy laws. “It’s none of your business what I do with my money. But don’t worry, I’m not paying off a madam that’s blackmailing me or investing in heroin.” I walk to the bar in the living room and pour myself a drink, not extending a courtesy to my unwelcomed guest. “You don’t have to concern yourself about a looming scandal, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I take a sip of the amber liquid, it burns as it slides down my throat. “Don’t you have plenty of your own scandals to worry about anyway?”
“I know you’re upset, but I won’t tolerate being disrespected in my own home,” he says with disdain.
I toss the rest of the liquid back and turn to face my father with a smile laced with venom. “That won’t be a problem. I won’t be staying long.”
“And where will you go? Back to New York to waste your time hanging around a bunch of losers who think beating each other is a sport? And this Lily…she isn’t the type of woman you need.”
“You don’t know anything about Lily,” I spit. “In fact, you don’t really know anything about me either.”
“I know her kind. Enjoy yourself, sow your wild oats. But marry a well-bred woman.”
“I’d fucking lay you out right now, if I didn’t find you so pathetic.” Looking at my father for the first time I see tired and worn.
“Lay me out? You sound like an animal. Like that half-breed brother of yours. That’s what you’ll wind up being spending your days in a place like you’ve been.”
I laugh humorlessly. “Who would have thought the Senator’s prodigal son would be envious of the illegitimate child?”
“Jealous?” he utters. “What on earth could you be jealous of that man for?”
I stare at him, incredulous. “He grew up without you.”
***
I don’t know why I expected my mother’s birthday party to be anything less than a show. A venue for the world to glimpse the happy couple, an attempt at restoring the Senator’s tarnished image. For the most part, I’d played the role I was expected to fill. It was just easier to go through the motions on autopilot than try to prove a point to my father. Although I did note his jaw clench when I decided to sit on the other side of the room with Lourdes, the woman who took care of me from the time I was a baby, rather than at his table, the one that was assigned to me. He didn’t really care where I sat, but the whispers started immediately and we both knew it.
I ignore my father’s act when I approach his table to ask my mother for a dance. “Well there’s my son who’s too busy running an empire to visit with his old man these days.” He says while holding court to two fellow Senators at his table, one of whom is being groomed for a potential Vice Presidential run.
“Mom, would you like to dance?” Her face lights up when I ask. It makes the torture of spending time in the same room as my father worth it to see her happy, even if it’s only for a moment.
“Thank you for coming,” she says quietly when we make our way to the dance floor.
I nod.
“Are you back for good now?” she asks.
“No. I’m honestly not sure where I’ll end up anymore, Mom.”
She looks at me nervously. “But your business is here.”
“And I have a good man running it. I spent the day with Brady. He’s got things under control.”
It looks like she wants to add something, but then she thinks better of it and simply nods. We’re both quiet for a minute, before I tell her what I’ve only just realized to be true. “I’m sorry if I’ve been hard on you, Mom. I was taking out how I feel about him on you.”
Her face saddens.
“I didn’t understand why y
ou stayed with him. It made me angry that you let him walk all over you.”
“I love your father, Jackson,” she says almost regretfully.
“I know. But that doesn’t mean you have to let him destroy you. I feel like I lost you, Mom.”
“I’ve always been right here, Jackson.”
“I don’t mean physically. I mean who are you, Mom? You’re his wife, his partner, the woman who stands by his side in the photo shoots…but does any of that make you happy?”
A tear falls from her eye, yet she smiles.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s your birthday.”
“You didn’t upset me, son. I just realized what a fine man you’ve grown into. You see things clearly. Some woman is going to be very lucky to catch you some day.”
I smile. Accepting her compliment. “I don’t know what I can do to help, but I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you. That means the world to me.”
I nod and lean down to kiss her cheek, pulling her close against me until we finish the dance. Feeling like I accomplished what I came here to do, I slip out early not long after.
Chapter 23
Lily
It had been a while since Reed and I had a Friday night movie slumber party night. Donning a sweatshirt two sizes too big and making two bowls of Moose Tracks ice cream, I settled into my worn couch, handing the one with three cherries to Reed.
“Nice sweatshirt.” My best friend grins widely knowing full well it’s Jax’s. He’d worn it for a few hours before bed the other night and it had that Jax smell on it. It isn’t cologne or soapy, it’s just his manly, delicious natural smell.
“Thanks.” I smirk, shoveling a heaping spoon of ice cream into my mouth. “So what did you bring to watch?”
“Ocean’s Eleven, Fight Club, and Mr. & Mrs. Smith.”
“Still on the Brad Pitt kick, I see?”
“I don’t have a Jackson Knight to keep me warm at night, so Brad fills in.”
