I Zombie I [Omnibus Edition]

by Jack Wallen

  In the end, who really cared? Television was never anything more than a means to a mind-numbing end. Now the human race had another way to rid their minds of thought, emotion, and memory. Ultimately, however, the only thing that truly mattered now was survival, and that would certainly go to the fittest.

  “Where are we?” The sound of Echo’s exhausted voice rose from the dead of the passenger seat.

  “Fargo.”

  “You mean like the movie? Seriously?” Echo looked out the passenger window and nearly screamed. “Holy shit! I’ve never seen so much snow! It’s exactly like the movie.”

  She was right. The tundra was frozen and looked to be as bitter as American soil could get. As we drove into the town, the snow crunching under tire, a question came to mind. Could zombies survive in below zero temperatures? Or did the lack of functioning internal organs give them some super-human ability to survive extremes of temperature? I assumed, being in Fargo, we’d get the chance to find out.

  But then something occurred to me. During this whole road trip, we’d only really seen any semblance of the undead in Minneapolis. How was it possible that a road trip that currently spanned nearly thirteen hundred miles and over twenty-four hours would reveal only a the smallest handful of zombies?

  I didn’t believe in luck.

  I didn’t believe in karma.

  I didn’t believe in destiny.

  Or that guiding hand of fate.

  I sounded like a Rush song.

  Digress much?

  “Gang, we have to stop. I have to eat, pee, and sleep. Who’s with me?”

  What I really wanted was a shower. Sure it was the apocalypse, but I was starting to smell like sour onions.

  “Oh my God Bethany. Look!”

  Echo’s pointing finger jerked to my side of the car to point out what I could only describe as Mecca.

  A hotel. And hotel’s meant beds and possibly showers. I didn’t care if there was electricity or even heat – I just wanted to clean up and lie down.

  “Can we stop?”

  I laughed. It was the only reaction that seemed suited to the moment.

  “Are you kidding me? There’s no way we’re going to pass up this opportunity. But we have to be careful. Just because it seems like some secluded bastion of open-armed warmth and protection, there’s nothing saying a small army of zombies aren’t hold up inside. We do this, we do it safely. Are you with me?”

  Echo held up her hand for me to high five. Under normal circumstances I’d pass on the frat-boy jocularity. But for some reason, at this very moment, it just seemed fitting. So… I high fived my girl.

  I pulled the Audi into the U-drive at the front door of the hotel. I hated to look so obvious, but it was better than hauling supplies, and Jacob, from the parking lot. Out in the open, one random screamer could easily take us down.

  “Gabe, grab food out of the trunk. Echo, grab some clean clothes for us. I’ll get Jacob and my pack. We head to the door as one. Got it? And make it quiet. Ninja quiet.”

  The wonder twins nodded and went to work. The silent dance we did was a thing of beauty. Even Jacob played along, still napping, as I pulled his car seat from the back of the Audi. As soon as I had my pack on my back, we were ready. We closed up the car, locked it up tight, and made our way into the hotel… only to get smacked upside the head by the smell of rotting corpses.

  Echo nearly dropped to her knees as soon as her sinuses were assaulted. “Oh my God! Make it stop!”

  “My eyes are burning. What is that Bethany?”

  I knew what it was. It was actually quite obvious – the floors and furniture were lined with bodies. Wall to wall death. Every square inch of the reception area and the visible halls were flooded with the rot and filth of death. The stink of methane hung in the air. A single match would blow this building to Munich, where this nightmare started.

  “Can we get out of here?” Echo started to bolt.

  “Echo. I know it’s bad, but we really need to find beds and try to rest. We’ll go upstairs and try to locate less morgue-like rooms.”

  Echo stopped and gave off a moan to beat the undead band.

  “If we don’t find anything, we’ll leave. I promise.”

  Thankfully, Echo capitulated and we moved on, our mouths and noses covered. The stench was really as bad as it sounded. The floor was greasy with rot and ooze. Every time a foot went down, it was like stepping on ice. Only if you slipped and fell, the slop you landed in would haunt you until your dying day.

  Be a tightrope walker.

  Be one with balance.

  “What do we do if a zombie gets up and attacks?”

  For some reason, Gabe’s question stopped us all in our tracks – like we were part of some strangely humorous reality TV show that followed a train wreck of a group of ghost hunters.

  “We run Gabe. We run like Hell.”

  Echo whispered her answer, giving away the fear that had to be boiling in her gut.

  At the end of the corpse-carpeted hall, we were greeted with stairs and an elevator. When Echo reached for the elevator button, I grabbed her hand and slowly pulled it away.

  “I don’t do elevators. We’ll take the stairs.”

  Gabriel and I shared a look. I knew what he was thinking. He’d read Jacob’s book and my blog and knew what could happen within the four claustrophobic walls of an elevator.

  Death could happen.

  Without saying a word, Gabe grabbed the handle of the stairwell and held the door open. Before I crossed the threshold, I stopped at his side and pulled a pistol from my back pocket.

  “Can I trust you with this?”

  He nodded. I handed him the pistol.

  “You shoot anything but zombies, you won’t live to regret it.”

  Gabriel took my threat seriously and acknowledged with a quick nod. I grabbed the second gun from my other pocket and stepped into the stair well.

  The smell almost instantly cleared up. We all stopped and enjoyed the fresh, cool air.

  “We don’t know what’s above us. As far as we know, there could be a horde of moaners and screamers up there. We’ll stop on each floor until we find a room worthy of our group. Everyone okay?”

  Both Echo and Gabe nodded. We fell into a marching order with Gabe leading the charge and me pulling up the rear. I didn’t like having Jacob so exposed in the back, but any member of the undead party would have to go through my ass to get to him. Fat chance.

  We slowly, quietly marched on. I could hear Echo’s heavy breathing ahead of me. I wasn’t sure if she was winded or frightened. Fortunately the apocalypse did one thing for me – got me in shape. I’ve never felt so athletic in my life. Of course, at the moment, I’d trade my old lethargy any time for some order and security.

  As soon as we hit the first floor landing, Gabe grabbed the handle of the door and gave it a turn. He was able to push the door open about six inches before it came to a sudden halt.

  “Jesus Christ!” Gabe let the door slam, holding his hand to his mouth.

  “What was it?”

  Gabe looked at me, with a slight hint of madness in his eyes.

  “Slashed up bodies. Broken bones, guts, blood… men and women turned inside out.”

  I’d seen that before. Zombies could wreak havoc on the human body. Once the brain was fully consumed, some moaners and screamers would gladly tear open a body cavity in search of other meats to bring them peace. It never worked. Those fuckers could dig through every inch of the human body and not find a single morsel to quiet the sound driving them mad. It was brain paté or nothing.

  I was at a bit of a crossroads. Part of me wanted to curl up into a ball and weep away the rest of my life, while the other part knew strength was the only way me and my baby would ever survive this monster mash. The Girl Scouts never prepared me for this. Their motto lied. But then, how in the name of differential equations could anyone be prepared for the apocalypse?

  Damn it. I just wanted to curl up with some C+
+ and code myself to sleep. Right now, however, I’d settle for a shower. We had to forge on… or up.

  “Next floor.” I nodded to Gabriel who immediately took off, onward and upward.

  When we reached the third floor, the door swung open easily. I certainly didn’t want to jinx us, but it was possible we’d found our refuge.

  “Spread out. Try to find an unlocked room clear of the dead or the undead.” I tried to make a joke, but realized now was not the time. The failed attempt at humor also only served to remind me of Jacob, the baby daddy Jacob.

  I wanted to punch myself for even thinking in such terms. Trash did not become this girl.

  My weary legs carried me off, away from Echo and Gabriel. It took more energy than I really had to keep from either dropping or swinging the car seat bassinet hard enough to wake Jacob. Fortunately, my little man was a sound sleeper. He could have easily ruined our chances of survival a time or two. One loud enough cry at the wrong time and we’d be surrounded by brain craving monsters.

  Over my dead body didn’t really work so well at the moment.

  Just as I was about to reach out for the door handle, an ear-drum shattering screech rattled the walls and my nerves.

  “Echo!”

  I turned in time to see a pair of moaners practically fall out of a room in a contorted attempt at reaching Echo.

  “Run Echo!”

  Gabriel appeared from out of a room and screamed out. His reflexes were almost super-human. As soon as Echo zipped past him, he had his gun leveled and his sights on the forehead of the moaners. The first shot was dead on and dropped one of the beasts in a spray of brownish blood and rotted brain. The second zombie turned its attention on Gabe and the noise maker. Echo was by my side faster than she could say LMFAO.

  Once Echo realized exactly what was happening, she screamed at Gabe to watch out. The angst that billowed from her mouth was powerful. Echo’s screech could shame a screamer.

  I stared to raise my own gun, but before I could, Gabriel had knocked out two more shots, the first grazed a cheap wall sconce, the second pierced the frontal lobe of the zombie’s brain. The undead bastard dropped like a wet bag of Spam.

  We all stood, motionless. Once again my little group managed to knock out a small contingency of zombies. But how many more would there be? I could whip out a TS-100 and calculate the probability that more moaners would show their ugly, flesh-eaten faces, but there was no time for math. There was only time for survival – and that meant tucking ourselves away in a room.

  Then, as if on cue, Jacob started crying. It never ceased to amaze me how quickly everything could spiral down the drain to Hell. Jacob’s screaming kicked our search for undead amnesty into high gear. We stuck with the original plan and split up. One of us would find a safe haven that we could barricade ourselves within.

  “Bethany!” Echo’s whispered voice teased the far reaches of my hearing. Instinct had my feet following the sound before my brain registered what they were doing.

  Echo stood in a doorway and waved me to hurry up. I walked as quickly as I could, but with a crying baby hanging in a car seat from my arm, sprinting was not an option. Gabe followed suit, his gun swinging in a one hundred and eighty degree arc across the hall.

  As soon as Gabe slipped into the room, he pulled the door shut behind him and slid the dead bolt closed. He wasn’t finished. Somewhere, within the man, a newfound survival instinct switched on. He went to the four-drawer dresser, grabbed it, and jerked the piece of furniture toward the door, It wouldn’t budge.

  “Fuck! It’s bolted to the ground. What the Hell? Do they think someone is going to walk off with this cheap crap?”

  “No Gabe, I think they’re worried someone is going to try to barricade themselves inside a room with it.”

  My jab brought a nervous laugh from Echo. Fortunately, when Echo laughed, Gabe didn’t try to pull some alpha male shtick on me. Had that happened, I’d have to make it very clear who the Alpha Male was, and it certainly wasn’t male.

  After a quick inspection of the door, it dawned on me the easiest means of keeping said door from swinging open was to pull the closet around until its edge bumped up against the door to the room. Should undead cleaning come by, manage to smash through the deadbolt, and try to enter our hide out, the door would stop as soon as the handle caught the edge of the closet door.

  Instant protection without a hernia or need for tools.

  With the room secured, it was time to bring us a little silence. Jacob was turning bright red. A quick check of the diaper gave a good indication the poor boy was starving. Gabe had the bags of food already on the bed. I grabbed a can of formula and prepared it for the baby. As soon as the nipple slipped between Jacob’s lips, all was silent again.

  We exhaled together.

  “That was close.” Echo was the first to voice the obvious.

  “Do you think there’ll be more?” Gabe asked the impossible question.

  “Probably. I mean, most definitely. You saw the size of this hotel – it’s huge. The likelihood that a place this big would only have three moaners is slim to zero. In fact, it’s binary. Yes, there will be more. Many more. The best we could hope for at the moment was to hold up here, get some much needed rest, and try to bust out tomorrow.”

  I hated to drop that bomb on Echo and Gabe, but hiding the truth would serve no purpose other than to shield them from reality. I’d rather make sure they both knew just how ugly the situation really was. The apocalypse required some serious tough love and that job fell squarely on my shoulders.

  “You two shower first. Jacob isn’t finished eating. Once he’s done and asleep, I’ll grab a nice hot shower.”

  Echo called dibs on first shower. Gabe didn’t argue. The boy was starting to grow on me. He’d finally proved where his loyalties were, so time for sleeping with one eye open was gone.

  Sleep… perchance to wake up and have all of this be one nasty-ass nightmare. How many times had I made that wish and how many times did it not come true? After a year I would have thought an endless supply of the undead would have beaten hope out of me. But there it was. Hope. It still springs forth. Hope. I wanted to wallow in it for a while – lap it up, drink it in, wrap its warm arms around me like a fuzzy robe after a hot shower.

  The sound of water running yanked me from my odd revelry. That sound was a delicious music I never thought I’d hear again. My eyes closed and my mind swam in deep seas of memory. A shower with the adult Jacob back in Munich. A warm summer rain. A high school chess club car wash. Skinny dipping at band camp.

  This one time…

  And then it hit me. I hadn’t cried since I lost Sam, Danielle, Courtney, and Dirt Bag in Pennsylvania. Why now? The sound of running water? Or maybe it was just having human contact and a bed to sleep in. I was certain tears of joy were an indulgence from a past we’d never see again. But there they were, running in rivulets down my cheeks.

  I turned my face so Gabriel couldn’t see. There was zero desire in me to explain my emotions to a young man. As if a young male could understand the roller coaster emotions of a female. The great mystery of life.

  The ‘E’ spot.

  “Do you think we’ll be safe here tonight?”

  Gabe’s voice interrupted my moment of self-indulgence. How could I answer such a question? There was no such thing as safety now. No guarantees in this tabloid reality. The horror of horrors crept out of man’s collective nightmare and cut a swath of terror into the land so deep we would never arrive back at safe. And none of this shit storm was about to slow down. My arrival in Seattle would hail the beginning of a new era. That era would be called ‘vengeance’.

  A dish I would most certainly serve ice cold.

  “Yeah, we’ll be fine in here.”

  I lied, or maybe exaggerated. Hell, maybe I was telling the truth, but even I didn’t believe the words as they spilled out of my mouth.

  But Gabe just smiled, a deep, caring look in his ice-blue eyes. I had to adm
it, he was handsome. Not my type – too young and unknown. His hair was close cropped, his lips and chin finely chiseled. Minus the foul mouth, barcode tattoo, and the shady background, Gabe could have walked out of a Wall Street internship or the cover of a GQ magazine. When he smiled, his teeth were toothpaste-commercial white. When he laughed (on the rare occasion that he did), the sound aired out of a fraternity house – all fist bumps and high fives to the tune of some unlikely urban hip hop. Like I said, not my type.

  But the boy was here, and making it to the Pacific Northwest was far easier with him in tow.

  Jacob finished his bottle. After a quick burp he was back in his tiny world of peace and sweet dreams.

  “I wonder if he understands what’s going on around him.” Gabe nodded toward the silent baby. “I’d give anything to just not know.”

  He had a point. It would be a glorious thing to be ignorant of the hell that was our reality. But some day, even Jacob would grow up. His generation would either be responsible for continuing on the race of man, or making sure it ended. One way or another, that boy was going to have a massive weight on his shoulders.

  The bathroom door swung open and Echo appeared with a towel wrapped around her waif-thin body. The look on her face could only be described as transcendent.

  “There’s hot water! I could have stayed in there forever. Don’t worry, I saved plenty for you guys. Who’s next?”

  Gabe gestured for me to go, but I overruled him saying I wanted to make sure Jacob was fully asleep. The truth was, I wanted some alone time with Echo. Thankfully, Gabe gave in and headed for the bathroom. As soon as the door was shut and the water was running, I sidled up to Echo and whispered.

  “Should we trust him?”

  My question caught the young girl off guard.

  “Why not?”

  I was surprised by her reaction. Echo had lived on the street, so she knew the score with trust. It was a rare commodity. Or maybe I was just too paranoid. With everything I knew about the world around us, it was nearly impossible for me to trust a single soul.