Dreams Made Flesh bj-5

by Anne Bishop

  "The answer to a question."

  Saetan raised one eyebrow and waited.

  "Why?" Lucivar asked, thoughts and feelings swelling that one word until he wasn't sure what else to say. But when Saetan just looked at him, he tried to shape the question. "When Daemon and I were taken away from you, why didn't you fight to get us back?"

  He watched in amazement as Saetan paled. "I couldn't," Saetan said after a long pause, his voice rough.

  Lucivar took a step toward him. "Why? Even if you couldn't have fought back at that instant, you're a Black-Jeweled Warlord Prince. You could have…"

  "I couldn't." A tremor of some strong emotion went through Saetan. He wouldn't look at Lucivar. His deep voice was barely a whisper. "I couldn't. Because of Zuulaman."

  Puzzled by Saetan's obvious distress, Lucivar said, "Who is Zuulaman?"

  "Not a person. A place." Saetan moved fast and was at the door before Lucivar could raise a hand to stop him. But he hesitated as he opened the door. "If you want to know about Zuulaman, ask Andulvar. In some ways, he remembers better than I do what happened."

  Then he was gone, and Lucivar stared at that closed door a long time, wondering what had happened in that place that could make the High Lord run away.

  He found Andulvar near the small lake that was part of the estate. He could have pounded on the door of Andulvar's rooms, but the coven had gathered to be with Karla, and he suspected it was better to keep this conversation private. So he'd waited until sundown when the Demon Prince rose from his daylight rest and followed Andulvar to the lake.

  "Zuulaman?" Andulvar growled. "Why in the name of Hell are you asking about Zuulaman?"

  "I asked my father why he didn't fight to get us back when Daemon and I were taken from him. He said it was because of Zuulaman. He said you'd tell me what that means." Lucivar waited while Andulvar stared at the lake. "Do you remember it?"

  Andulvar snorted. "Yeah. I remember Zuulaman." Turning his head, he studied Lucivar for a long time. "Are you sure you want to know this?"

  No, "Yes."

  Andulvar sighed, went back to staring at the lake… and began to talk.

  Two hours later, Lucivar walked back into Saetan's study and stopped just inside the door. His father was standing next to the bookcases that filled the wall behind his desk. He held a book open in his hands. He didn't look up, didn't turn a page. Just stood there.

  "He told you," Saetan said in a voice stripped of any emotion.

  Unnerved and a little queasy, Lucivar worked to keep his voice steady. "He told me."

  "So now you know."

  Something's wrong here, Lucivar thought as he studied his father. Something about the way Saetan stood made him think of a brittle object that could shatter at the slightest blow.

  He shook his head, raked a hand through his black hair. "I don't understand why Dorothea let us live. Once she realized she couldn't use either of us for stud, she should have killed us before we got old enough to make the Offering to the Darkness and come into our full strength."

  "She couldn't." Saetan closed the book and put it back on the shelf. "Before I left Terreille for good, I sent Dorothea a message. I told her that on the day Daemon no longer walked among the living, Hayll would become another Zuulaman. I sent the same message to Prythian about you."

  Lucivar felt the floor slide out from under him. He took a stagger-step to regain his balance. "But… it was a bluff, wasn't it? You wouldn't have done it."

  Saetan finally turned and looked at him. "Yes," he said too softly, "I would have."

  This wasn't the man he'd come to know over the past three years. He understood now all of Andulvar's cautions about dealing with the High Lord. And yet…

  He'd seen that look in a man's eyes before. But not in that face, not in those eyes. That was the difference between him and Andulvar, Prothvar, and Mephis. They didn't know Daemon. They had never danced with the Sadist.

  He understood the brittleness now. Saetan was waiting for him to turn away. Expected him to turn away. As Andulvar must have done for a while. As his other sons must have done when they became old enough to understand what their father was capable of when provoked beyond rage.

  Everything has a price. Carrying the memory was Saetan's price. He didn't have to add to the burden.

  "I need to get back to Askavi," Lucivar said, feeling awkward and knowing that what he said now could shatter the bond between them. "I didn't tell Marian I was staying overnight."

  "I understand."

  No, you don't. You think I'm turning away, and I'm not. "I'll be back in a couple of days." Turning toward the door, he hesitated. "Good night, Father."

  He watched the tension seep out of Saetan's body. Saw what might be a shimmer of tears in those gold eyes.

  "Good night, Lucivar," his father replied.

  It was after midnight when he landed in the courtyard in front of his eyrie. He'd been too churned up to go home when he got back to Ebon Rih, so he'd flown, working his body while he struggled to empty his mind. Now his body was tired, but his mind…

  There were so many ways he could have died. Accidents happened in the hunting camps when youngsters were being trained to handle weapons. Warriors died trying to prove themselves in the Blood Run or the Khaldharon. There were battles between courts…usually staged as contests and exercises with weapons shielded to do nothing more than bruise, but there were always males who used those contests as an excuse to shed a rival's blood, and there had been plenty of warriors who had resented that a half-breed bastard had fighting skills they could match only in their dreams.

  There were so many ways he could have died. And he almost had died when he escaped and ended up in Kaeleer. If he had…

  The door opened behind him. Marian said hesitantly, "Prince Yaslana?"

  He turned and looked at the reason his feelings were still churned up. "Come here."

  She came toward him, her steps uncertain, trying to gauge his mood. "I could heat up something for you to eat."

  He shook his head. "I'm not hungry." He reached out, touched her hair. When his fingers trailed along her shoulder, she started to step back. "Marian… Let me hold you. Please. I need to hold you."

  She didn't move toward him, but she folded her wings tight so he could wrap his arms around her and draw her up against him. At first, she held herself stiffly, but when he didn't do anything else, she relaxed enough to rest her head on his shoulder and put her arms around his waist.

  He brushed his cheek against her hair, savoring the feel of her, the smell of her.

  Everything has a price.

  He would have to talk to Saetan and reach an agreement. He was an Eyrien warrior and Jaenelle's First Escort. He had to be able to step onto any kind of battlefield and fight to defend his Queen. He had to be willing to die for his Queen. He couldn't do that until he got a promise from Saetan that there wouldn't be another Zuulaman.

  His arms tightened around Marian. No Eyrien mattered more to him than she did. So he had to have that promise.

  Because if he died without it, the price would be too high.

  FOURTEEN

  Marian looked at the sugar spilled on the kitchen floor and wanted to cry. Such a little thing. A bobble of the hand that held the sugar bowl. Normally, it would have caused no more than a moment's annoyance before she cleaned it up.

  But not today. Not when a taloned fist had curled around her womb and was squeezing hard.

  She closed her eyes and braced a hand against the kitchen counter. Maybe once in a year, the physical discomfort that came with her moon-time escalated to nauseating pain. When it hit, it made her grateful she didn't wear a Jewel darker than the Purple Dusk because the pain balanced the power that could be wielded the rest of the time, and darker-Jeweled witches always suffered more during the first three days. And no witch could use her Jeweled strength during those first three days without causing herself hideous pain.

  Marian opened her eyes and stared at the spilled suga
r. The thought of doing any physical labor made her want to curl into a ball and weep, but she knew from experience that even using basic Craft today would increase the pain.

  With a shaky sigh, she went to the cupboard in the pantry where she kept her broom and dustpan.

  * * *

  Lucivar stopped in the corridor, the scent hitting him with the force of running into a stone wall. His nostrils flared. His lips pulled back in a silent snarl. Moon's blood.

  Some change in a witch's psychic scent or her physical scent triggered that recognition in Blood males once they reached puberty. Maybe it was a trait that had developed long ago as a tool for survival since this was one of the times when the balance of power between the genders swung in the males' favor. A witch who had to defend herself against a male ended up fighting two adversaries: him and her own body.

  Which was why the males closed ranks around a Queen during those days when she was vulnerable. Even the mildest-tempered Blood male became edgy and aggressive, but moon's blood drove Warlord Princes to the killing edge. Naturally aggressive and territorial, their response to an unknown male was lethal more often than not. That response was the primary reason Blood males were trained to ignore the scent of moon's blood except for the females in their own family and the Circle of the court they served in.

  And that was the problem now, wasn't it? At the Hall, the male servants looked after, and fussed over, the female servants. The family and the boyos took care of Jaenelle and the coven when they were in residence. The boundaries were established, and all the males accepted them. But there was just the three of them here. He'd gritted his teeth through it the other times, reminding himself that Marian worked for him, so he couldn't yell at her for exerting herself. He couldn't insist that she sit and do something quiet that wouldn't strain her body. He couldn't roar until it brought every male in the area running to find out what was wrong the way he could when Jaenelle got stubborn. There were boundaries and…

  Screw boundaries. Marian was not going to make him frantic again, seething in silence and trying to keep a slippery hold on his temper while she scrubbed and polished things that could damn well wait a few days before they got scrubbed and polished. They were going to compromise…and if that meant tying her to a chair to make her rest, so be it.

  With his temper choked back to simmering…and ready to boil…he strode toward the kitchen to explain a few things to his little hearth witch.

  "WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

  The broom jerked in Marian's hands, scattering the sugar she'd just swept into a neat pile. Her heart slammed against her chest. She took a step back as Lucivar stepped through the archway into the kitchen, his lips pulled back in a snarl and a wild look in his eyes.

  "You are not going to do this again, do you understand me?" he shouted as he walked toward her. "You are not going to beat yourself into the ground trying to do more than you should be doing."

  The weepy mood vanished. Resentment welled up, hot and bitter. Hearth witches weren't pampered. Other witches might be excused from their work, but hearth witches were expected to grit their teeth and keep going, no matter how they felt. Her mother had worked half days during the first three days of her moontime. Her sisters weren't required to do more than sit quietly and study…and usually complained about doing even that much. She, on the other hand, was expected to prepare the meals and do the cleaning, excused from her work only if the greasy nausea that sometimes accompanied the start of the moon's blood made her too sick.

  It had become a matter of pride that she did her work and didn't complain, since that only brought criticism. Now Lucivar was yelling at her for no reason, just when she'd been about to swallow her pride and tell him she really needed to rest for the day. She was even going to ask him to purchase bread at the baker's in Riada so she wouldn't have to make biscuits to go with the stew she was planning to make for the midday meal. Well, she was not going to ask him for anything now.

  "I can do my work," she said, gritting her teeth as she started sweeping up the sugar again.

  "You're going to rest if I have to tie you down to make sure you do it."

  Oh, she'd love to rest today, but not on his terms. Not when he was snarling at her. "What I do is my own business."

  "Think again, witchling," Lucivar snapped, moving closer to her. "You live in my eyrie, you're under my protection. And that means protecting you from yourself when you get too stubborn to do what's good for you."

  "And you never get stubborn and always do what's good for you," she snapped back. The nerve of the man. Who did he think he was, anyway? He grabbed the broom handle, his hand closing over it just above her own hands. He tugged. She tugged back, trying to reclaim control. His hand tightened. A fast twist of his wrist and the handle snapped. He took one step back, turned, and threw the piece of wood through the archway. Marian flinched, expecting to hear a lamp in the other room smashing. Or, worse, the crash as the handle shattered the glass doors that led out to the lawn on the other side of the eyrie.

  No smash. No crash. Nothing. Not even the clatter of wood as it fell on the floor.

  He must have vanished it before it could hit something. Before she could react, he yanked the rest of the broom out of her hands, strode to the archway, and threw the broom away.

  How could she forget how strong he was? She'd seen him exercising to keep his warrior's body and reflexes sharply honed. She'd seen him chopping wood. Hadn't she watched those wonderful muscles ripple under his skin all summer? He didn't need Craft to be dangerous.

  Turning back to the kitchen, he pointed a finger at her, and snarled, "You are not doing anything today."

  A wave of temper drowned out nerves. "Don't you tell me what to do! I can do my work!" Irrationally angry and feeling cornered, she grabbed the pot sitting on the stove and threw it at him.

  He tucked his wings in at the last second. The pot hit the wall next to the archway and fell to the floor. Awful silence filled the kitchen. Lucivar picked up the pot and walked away.

  Marian crept to the archway and saw him outside, throwing the pot at the bales of hay he'd set up for target practice. She sagged against the wall. Eyrien males didn't tolerate defiance from a witch who didn't outrank them. Thank the Darkness Lucivar was taking his anger out on a pot and bales of hay. Her father, who didn't technically outrank her since he also wore Purple Dusk Jewels, would have slapped her for arguing with him. Throwing the pot at him would have earned her a fist in the belly, inflicting pain where it would hurt the worst today.

  *Marian?*

  She turned and saw Tassle sniffing the spilled sugar.

  "Don't step in that. I have to clean it up."

  Tassle sniffed the air. *You cannot use Craft.*

  She bit back a snappish reply. That furry body made it easy to forget at times that Tassle was more than a wolf. Other times, forgetting that he would respond to some things like any other Warlord would only cause more problems.

  "You're right," she said. "I can't use Craft, but…"

  *I will clean it up for you.*

  The sugar on the floor vanished. He looked at her, obviously expecting praise.

  Even the furry male didn't think she was capable of doing anything today. But she petted him and thanked him. Pleased with himself and satisfied with the praise, he left her to roam the mountain since Yas was there to protect her.

  She didn't mention Lucivar might be the very thing she needed protection from. Tassle wouldn't have a chance of surviving if Lucivar decided to punish her and the wolf got in the way.

  When she heard Lucivar come back inside, she looked around for something to do. She winced as she bent over and pulled a skillet from the bottom cupboard. He liked her beef stew. Maybe knowing he'd have it for his midday meal would soften his mood.

  Trembling, she put the skillet on the stove and stepped back as he entered the kitchen. Throwing the pot hadn't eased his temper. If anything, his mood seemed darker.

  He set the pot
on the counter beside the sink, and growled, "That won't do it. The balance is off." Spotting the skillet, he picked it up and took it outside.

  Returning a few minutes later, he grabbed her arm and hauled her out to the bales of hay.

  "What?" Marian said, trying to pull back. "Prince Yaslana…"

  He shoved the skillet's handle into her hand. "The pot doesn't have the balance to be an effective weapon. This does."

  He moved toward her. She swung the skillet up over her head. As his hand closed over her wrist, he shook his head. "Not that way. The move takes too long and tells your adversary too clearly what you intend. It has to be fast and unexpected to do you any good." He positioned himself behind her, one hand on her waist, the other still holding her wrist. "You need to attack with a side motion, working from about the same height as if you'd grabbed it off the stove and swung. Your own strength behind the swing would be enough to bruise bone. With a little Craft to enhance it, you can break bone."

  "I'm not going to break anyone's bones,"Marian said as he moved her arm back and forth in a swing motion. Of course, the thought of denting his head had a lot of appeal at the moment.

  "You're not tall enough to make a head shot practical," Lucivar said as if he'd read her thoughts. "But breaking ribs or a forearm would be a good first strike."

  "I'm not going to attack anyone with a skillet!"

  "Maybe not. But you're going to learn how to do it anyway." He released her and stepped back. "Now swing it and release to hit the target."

  She swung it, put nothing behind it, and let it go. It bounced on the ground halfway between her and the target. Satisfied she'd proven her point, she said, "See? It doesn't work."

  The skillet flew through the air, straight to Lucivar's hand. He just looked at her until she stepped aside. Moving into the same spot where she'd stood, he swung the skillet in that sideways motion and let it go. It hit the target with enough force to get wedged in the hay. It hung there for a moment before he used Craft to bring it flying back to him. Saying nothing, he handed the skillet to her.