by Sarah Hope
Searching for Peter has shaped all of my life choices, all of the decisions I have made throughout my life.
Chapter Twelve
Lynette
I have no idea how I’ve managed to get through the last few days. But I have. Mostly thanks to the wonderful produce of French vineyards. That, and a numbness induced by the amount of paracetamol I’ve been taking to reduce my morning headaches.
To be honest I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet. I keep rolling it around in my head; Ste leaving me, finding the mortgage details for his shag nest, him having the audacity to turn up to see the kids and act as though nothing has happened. As though he’s not the bad guy. All that ‘there’s two sides to every story’ rubbish. What side could there be to his? He’s the one who has made all the choices. He’s had the luxury of deciding which route life takes him. I’ve not. The kids certainly haven’t. He’s been the one that’s come in and ripped our lives apart. No one forced him to sleep with that tart. No one forced him to buy a house for her. No one forced him to move out.
Thinking back to how he left makes me so angry. Telling me it was my fault. What I forced him to become a lying, cheating scumbag who sleeps behind his wife’s back? I don’t think so. But you know what? I can deal with that. We all enter marriage hoping that we can trust our husbands but knowing deep down, even if we don’t ever admit it, that there will always be that chance, that slight doubt of trust, that they may just go and sleep with another woman. Men think with their dicks. It’s well known. No, it’s not that. That doesn’t slice me through the heart or leave my chest feeling so tight I can hardly breathe. That doesn’t make me think I can’t carry on anymore.
No, it’s the fact that he has moved in with her. That he brought a place for her months before I even knew anything was wrong. It’s the thought that he was leading a double life that I didn’t even know about. It just didn’t occur to me that all those times he was called away ‘on hospital business’ he was really with her; living and sleeping with her. That time he got called away and missed Charlie’s school play. All the times he promised to take Mandy somewhere and let her down at the last minute. Or when I needed his support and medical knowledge at Mum’s doctor’s appointments.
The one that hurts the most though is on Christmas Day when he had to ‘take a call outside’ and then left us to deal with a ‘hospital emergency’. It hurts that he would rather be with some slapper than his own family. That he set up home with her, spent time away from his kids to be with her.
The sudden shrill of the phone ringing startles me from my thoughts.
‘Hello?’
‘Oh hello. Is that Mrs Andrews? Mandy’s mum?’ A professional sounding voice asks.
‘Yes it is. Can I ask whose calling?’
‘It’s Mr Benridge, Mandy’s form tutor.’
‘Oh, is Mandy okay? What’s happened?’
‘Mandy’s fine. Nothing has happened. I am calling because there are a few concerns that I would have liked to have had the opportunity to raise with you during last night’s parent and teacher consultation.’
‘Parent’s evening? Yesterday? I’m so sorry I had no idea.’
‘Oh, I’m sure we had your form back saying you could not attend.’
‘I didn’t receive a form. If I had known about it of course I would have come.’
‘Well, never mind. I’m wondering if it would be convenient to meet to discuss Mandy’s progress?’
‘Yes of course.’
‘I’m free tonight at about four o’clock if convenient?’
‘Yes that’s fine. Today at four o’clock.’
‘Good, I look forward to seeing you and your husband.’
‘Oh I don’t think...’ Too late, he’s already rung off. Why does he want to see both of us? I’ll have to ask Ste to come now. He’ll be expecting him there.
Not having the courage or inclination to talk to him I text him and hope he doesn’t turn up.
After dropping Charlie off at Rachel’s house yet again and telling Mandy where I’m going, much to her utter disgust, I arrive at her school hopeful that Ste won’t bother coming because he has not returned my text.
Pushing open the heavy doors to the school I am greeted by the receptionist who indicates me to a chair. I sit and wait for about five minutes until Mr Benridge calls me through to an empty classroom.
‘Pleased you could make it Mrs Andrews. No Mr Andrews?’
‘No sorry he couldn’t...’ Just then the classroom door opens and the receptionist shows Ste in. Great, it’s all I need to be stuck in this room with him. It takes all my strength not to cry or shout abuse at him in front of Mandy’s form tutor.
‘Ah Mr Andrews. Glad you could make it.’ Mr Benridge grins, unaware of the stony atmosphere that Ste brings in with him. ‘Now, there are a few concerns about Mandy’s progress that I need to discuss with you both but first do you have any questions or concerns of your own?’
‘No, we were very pleased with Mandy’s last parent’s evening results in October,’ Ste juts in before I can even open my mouth.
‘Well, I’m afraid there has been quite a few changes since then. I’m having reports from her subject teachers about her work and they have been highlighting quite a few worries. Up until as recently as three, four weeks ago I only heard about Mandy’s good progress and focus in lessons but it seems she has been struggling in most subject areas these past few weeks. Recently I have been having reports of her lack of concentration and application to her work. She has not been handing in homework on time, if at all in some subjects, and her attitude towards her teachers has become quite poor. I apologise that all of this seems to be very negative but it’s best that I am honest with you both. We are all quite worried about Mandy. She was always a straight A student, very polite and an example to others so we are shocked at this sudden down turn of her school work. Her grades are falling dramatically and she has had to be reprimanded on quite a few occasions due to her attitude towards her teachers and other pupils alike.’
I sit in silence. Is he really talking about Mandy? My little Mandy who has always loved school and relished the challenges bestowed on her from the teachers?
‘Are you sure you have the right Mandy? That doesn’t sound like her at all.’
‘Yes, I’m sorry to be the bearer of such a disappointing report Mrs Andrews, but this is the information that has been passed to me from her subject teachers. In fact I have been called in to speak to Mandy herself on a number of occasions due to her lack of respect for her school work. I realise that all the time off she has had recently won’t have helped and hopefully this is just a reflection of the illnesses she seems to have caught recently and hopefully once she is fully recovered her school work and attitude towards it will improve once again.’
‘Time off? Lynette you didn’t inform me she had been ill.’ Ste’s gaze bores down on me making me flustered.
‘You must have that wrong Mr Benridge, Mandy has not been ill. I can’t remember the last time she had a day off. It must have been last school year.’
‘Oh, well, Mandy has had quite number of absences this half term. In fact due to the amount of absences her case had been referred to the headteacher but because she always brought a letter in and we received a telephone call in the morning of the absence nothing was done.’
‘Telephone call? Letters? Who rang the school and who has written these letters? There must have been some mistake. I’ve not, and I know her father certainly hasn’t.’
‘Well, I’m not sure who informed the school by telephone but the letters I have received are all in your name Mrs Andrews.’
‘Have you been writing letters excusing our daughter from school Lynette?’
‘No, of course I haven’t. I haven’t written any letters and I was not aware of any absences.’ How dare he ask me so accusingly?
‘In that case it appears Mandy must have been truanting.’ Well done Mr Benridge what a good detective you’d make. N
ot. ‘If you don’t mind me asking, has there been any changes or upset at home recently? Only it may explain Mandy’s change of character.’
‘Yes, my wife and I have separated.’ Go on then twist the knife a little bit deeper Ste, while you’re at it why don’t you tell the whole world?
‘Oh, I am sorry. In light of this information we will try our best to support Mandy while she becomes accustomed to your new arrangements. I will speak to our school counsellor and ask her to set up regular meetings with Mandy, and perhaps she will suggest some family discussion time with you both coming along too.’
‘I don’t think we need that. Thank you anyway.’
‘Ste, let Mandy have a fighting chance please? Don’t dismiss the counselling. It may be what she needs. You don’t realise how this has affected her. She may find it helpful to have someone from outside of the family to talk to.’
‘Your wife, um, sorry, Mrs Andrews, is quite right. In cases like these sometimes having someone objective to speak to about any problems is all it takes to get students back on track. Particularly in Mandy’s case because up until recently she has been such a model pupil, I really think it might make all the difference. There is also a homework club available if she is having difficulties studying at home. As for the truancy, if I could take one of your mobile numbers I can have our receptionist call you on your mobile if we receive a phone call from someone claiming to be either of you permitting Mandy to stay off school. That way we can double check the authenticity of the call.’
‘Yes, of course.’
And that was it. After leaving my mobile number we are thanked for coming and shown out.
I ignore Ste as I walk outside but as I approach the car he calls to me.
‘I’ll follow you back and we can talk about this.’ Fantastic can this evening get any better?
Back at home I don’t wait for Ste to come through the door before I head towards the kitchen and sit down. I have a feeling I’m going to need to reserve all my energy for the discussion ahead.
‘Why didn’t you tell me she was having trouble?’ He barges into the kitchen after slamming the front door. It has become quite a habit of his; slamming doors.
‘Trouble? Trouble accepting what’s happened, you mean? Trouble accepting that her father has walked out on a fifteen year marriage straight into the arms of his mistress? You really need me to tell you that she has been having trouble accepting that do you?’
‘I meant having trouble with schoolwork?’
‘Oh, is that what you meant is it? Well, Ste, put two and two together. Did this really come as that much of a shock to you? Do you think that we can all compartmentalise everything into little boxes like you do? What happens at home stays at home, what happens at work or school stays there? She’s a teenager for goodness sake. She’s at a vulnerable age and you dump all this,’ swinging my arms around I encompass the mess he’s made of our lives as if it were visible, ‘Of course she’s having trouble coming to terms with it all. I can’t deal with it all and I’m a grown woman.’
‘Don’t you go blaming me. It’s you she’s been living with.’
‘Don’t you dare Ste, don’t you even dare try and put the blame onto me. It’s you who has pulled this family apart and turned our worlds upside down. It’s you who left us, remember?’
‘Yes I left, but you can’t make Mandy’s actions my responsibility when I haven’t been here. You are the one that should have been caring for her. Making sure she did her homework. Making sure she even got to school.’
‘Not your responsibility, huh? She’s your child. How can you not be responsible? You walked out on her. On us. It was you who ignored her phone calls.’
‘I bet you’ve been filling her head with lies and hate campaigns against me. That’s why she’s not been able to cope.’
‘Don’t even go there Ste. She blamed me for our break up until Charlie told her he’d seen you with another woman. I didn’t say anything. I’ve not even told her or Charlie about you paying the mortgage on your sordid love nest. I’ve not told them you had been having an affair behind my back long before you grew the balls to leave me.’
Speechless. I’ve left him speechless. That’s a first.
‘Do you really think I would have turned her against you in some way? You’ve done that all by yourself. You’re her dad. She was close to you and you’ve broken her heart by leaving. So don’t even try to blame me. This is your fault. It’s your mess. You’ve made it.’
‘You should have noticed she was struggling. Did you not help her with her homework or made sure she got to school instead of truanting?’
‘She goes to her room as soon as she gets home. She does all her homework there like she always has if you don’t remember? As for getting her to school you know she walks most days. Don’t put the blame on me.’
‘Point made Lynette. Yes, I left you but you can’t put all the blame on me either. If the marriage had been working I wouldn’t have had to find someone else.’
Oh that knife can go deeper. I turn away so that he can’t see my face.
‘Right, this needs sorting out.’ He goes to the bottom of the stairs and calls, ‘Mandy, Mandy come down here please.’
No answer.
‘Mandy, Mandy you heard me. Down here now please.’
Still no answer.
‘Mandy do as you’re told and get down here at once.’
I knew he’d flip. I knew he’d lose his temper and this is before he’s even seen her or heard her side of the story.
‘Lynette, she’s not answering me.’ You don’t say. ‘Can you tell her to come down? She should not be disrespecting me like this.’
‘She won’t come down. She knows you’re here now and she told you yesterday she didn’t want to see you.’
‘You’re enjoying this aren’t you?’ Yes I am Ste, I’m having my bit of pleasure thank you very much. ‘Well if you don’t care enough about her school work to get her to face up to her actions then I’ll go up there myself.’
I follow him upstairs. He tries Mandy’s door but of course he’s given her warning that he was coming so she’s done her usual trick of pushing her chair against the door so that you cannot move the handle to open it.
‘Mandy, it’s your father,’ I think she realises that already you idiot, ‘Let me in at once.’
No answer.
‘Mandy, I mean it. Let me in or I’ll barge my way in.’
No answer.
‘Right that’s it young lady, you’ve been warned.’
Ste tries forcing the handle, which, of course doesn’t do any good whatsoever. Then much to my amusement he tries ramming the door open with his shoulder. Which, of course, ends up with Ste rubbing his shoulder and the door staying shut.
‘Lynette, I don’t believe you. You let her play truant. You don’t supervise her doing her homework. We get called into school and now you can’t even be bothered to talk to her about it. Some mother you are.’ Even though he mumbles this last bit under his breath it’s the last straw. My self-pity suddenly turns to downright anger.
‘Don’t you dare Ste. Why do you think we’re in this mess in the first place? It’s you who left us remember? It’s you who’s shagging another woman. You who’s up and left you family without a seconds thought as to what it will do to your kids. So don’t you dare even talk to me about who cares. You’re the one who blatantly doesn’t give a crap about the family you’ve left behind. You ignore Mandy’s calls, you ignore your six year old son in the street for goodness sake and then after weeks of no contact you barge your way back into the house, hoping your relationship with your kids won’t have changed. Well, think again. Mandy’s a young woman now and she knows what’s going on. She’s lost all respect for you and she’s not the only one. So get out and run back to your mistress and let me deal with this my way.’ With that I storm off to the bathroom and sure enough the creep’s slunk off by the time I re-emerge.
Mandy comes down for dinne
r sullen faced and ready for a fight but I remain as calm as I can and wait until Charlie has gone to bed before approaching the subject of her skipping school.
‘Mandy, love...’
‘Don’t bother Mum I know what you’re going to say. I know you went to see Benridge today, so don’t even bother starting. I don’t care what you think.’
‘Hey don’t go. Sit back down, I just want to talk to you,’ Gently I pull her back down onto the sofa by the sleeve of her black hoodie. ‘I’m worried, really worried about you. I know how difficult what’s happening with your dad and me must be for you.’
She stays still, sat on the edge of the sofa, head down twisting her hands in her lap. Taking this as a good sign because she hasn’t bolted up to her room I plug on.
‘Mr Benridge told us that you’re struggling at school, that you haven’t been handing in your homework or even going into school. I know this is a tough time for our family but how can you think it will help, you going off the rails? School’s important, you’re about to enter your GCSE year, you need to go.’
‘I don’t care Mum. I hate school and if I don’t want to go I won’t.’
‘Where have you been going? When you’ve been skiving school, where have you been going?’
‘None of your business.’
‘It is my business Mandy. You’re still my little girl and I love you. Please tell me where you’ve been? Who have you been with? Has Holly and Kayleigh been skiving too? Is that who you’ve been hanging around with when you’re supposed to have been at school?’
