You Said Forever (Club Decadence)

by Maddie Taylor

  “It’s OK Rick. That’s the first really honest emotion she has shown me in all these weeks of therapy. Isn’t it Regan?”

  She shook her head desperately in protest. Her well-constructed plan was crumbling thanks to the good doctor. She looked at the puzzled expression on her husband’s face.

  “What are you talking about Doc?”

  “She’s not being honest with either of us, Rick. Just going through the motions and telling us what she thinks we want to hear. I really see no need in continuing if she is not going to be invested in treatment.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I know her secret, Rick. It is up to her to clue you in and until she does, we are just spinning our wheels.”

  “Tell me what you know.”

  “I’m sorry but she told me in confidence and I cannot reveal it without her permission. I can tell you that her moods have stabilized and will continue to do so if she keeps taking the meds I prescribed. But a pill won’t fix her self-esteem and trust issues. That is up to her. So, I’ll see her back in thirty days for a med check but I see no reason to waste our time with more therapy sessions until she decides to be honest with us and herself.” With that said, Dr. Windham stood and moved to her desk where she sat and consulted her calendar. “Is May 30 at 2 pm all right with you Regan?”

  She didn’t answer, just sat sobbing in Rick’s arms. He sat frozen with a stunned look on his face. Now what do I do to get through to her?

  Rick finally gathered himself enough to ask the doctor for clarification. “Are you sure this is what needs to happen?”

  “I’m sorry Rick, but I can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help herself.” She shook her head sadly and handed him the appointment card. “If circumstances change before her next appointment, please let me know.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Regan waited on her knees on the rug in their bedroom. Sixty swats? What had she done? She felt horrible and acted even worse. She couldn’t blame the hormones anymore because she hadn’t taken any in three weeks. The antidepressants weren’t helping, nothing was.

  Rick came in the room and took a seat in the wingback chair, the site of her nightly spanking. That wasn’t helping either. Usually a spanking settled her at least for a few days. It was odd but it made her feel grounded and cared for by her husband. She took a shuddering breath, wanting desperately to go to him and climb into his lap but not for punishment. She wanted to bury her face in his neck, breathe in his intoxicating clean scent, melt into his big strong arms and let him make it all better.

  “Look at me.”

  When she looked she saw the unguarded expression on his face. He looked deflated and worn-down. His eyes were wet and a tear rolled down his rugged check and disappeared into the stubble on his clenched jaw. She had done this to him.

  “I can’t even imagine something so horrible that you can’t bring yourself to tell me. Is there someone else?”

  She shook her head vehemently in denial. “No, I swear. I would never be unfaithful to you.”

  “At least there’s that. Then what is this big secret? Have you done something, committed some kind of crime, hurt someone? I’m at a loss here, Regan.”

  She was horrified that he thought she could do something criminal, but said nothing, only shook her head back unable to give him the answers he needed.

  “I love you, Regan but I can’t stand to see you in such pain. You obviously don’t trust me anymore and I can’t stand that. If you don’t want to be together anymore, I won’t force you to stay. I’ll agree to a separation for now, because I don’t know what else to do. But no divorce, I’m not ready to even consider that yet.”

  The words, from his mouth brought her low. She collapsed onto the floor, great wrenching sobs racking her slender body. Rick knelt at her side and gathered her close. “Please baby, don’t cry anymore. Isn’t this what you want, some space? I’m willing to give you some time apart, to think about what you really want. Please Regan, you’re killing me. Talk to me.”

  Out of control, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and hung onto him as if she would never let go. Stroking her silky hair, he took the next painful step. “I’m leaving on a mission in the morning. I’ll be gone a week, maybe more. When I get back I’ll find another place to stay, at The Club or with one of the guys until I find something more permanent.”

  She cried harder, soaking his shirt with her tears. Her nose clogged and she wiped her face with the back of her hand. She was a mess. He grabbed some tissue from a nearby table and cleaned her up, holding a fresh one to her nose and telling her to blow.

  Gasping for breath she tried to get the words out. “I’ll go. It’s my fault… I… want you… to stay at… the house. I’m so sorry… I wish I could be what you wanted… what you need. I love you… so much.”

  “Baby, I don’t understand any of this. I love you, more than life itself. You are all that I want and all that I need in a woman. Please trust me enough to tell me what is tormenting you so. If we love each other we should be able to work this out.”

  Shaking her head she pulled him close, one last time. He was wrong. She wasn’t all he needed in a woman, not by half. Pushing out of his arms she tried to meet his eyes but couldn’t bear to. She whispered between sobs, “You are such... a good man, Rick Spencer. I don’t… deserve you. I’ll be out… of the house before… you get back.” She then ran sobbing to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Desperately attempting to muffle her cries, she grabbed a hand towel and pressed it firmly against her mouth. She listened for any sound from the bedroom. Never, in ten long years, had Rick tolerated a locked door between them.

  She waited and waited, but no sound came from the bedroom. Curled up on the floor in a tight ball, she wept for her failed marriage. She had no idea how long she laid on the cold tile floor wallowing in despair. A knock at the door startled her from her misery.

  “Rick?” Her voice was hopeful.

  “It’s Meg, honey. Can I come in?”

  She crawled to the door and fumbled with the lock then slumped back to the floor. “Oh, honey.” Megan found a naked Regan in a fetal position on the floor.

  “You’re coming home with us.”

  “How?”

  “Rick called Cap and asked us to come get you, honey. He told us about the trial separation and asked us to look after you while he’s away.” Megan wrapped her sister in a thick robe and pulled her into her arms, rocking her against her chest. “Shh, baby. I’m here.”

  Megan looked up at her husband standing in the doorway. She reached out a hand to him as he moved into the bathroom. He scooped his pitiful, sobbing mess of a sister-in-law into his arms, throwing over his shoulder at Megan.

  “Grab enough things for tonight, Angel. We can come back for the rest tomorrow.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Regan dusted off her hands and wiped them on her jeans.

  “I hate moving,” she grumbled as she stood surveying her one bedroom apartment. The movers had delivered her shabby old furniture an hour ago. Most of it was left over from her college days and was well used. It was clean but slightly musty, having been in storage for nearly eight years. At the moment, she was grateful that she had hung onto it or she wouldn’t have any furniture at all. Megan and Elena, along with her cousins Moon and Amanda had all helped her unpack. The few suitcases and boxes she had held only her essentials. Other than photos and her wedding video, she hadn’t taken anything else. She looked down at the wedding set on her left hand she couldn’t bring herself to even think about taking them off or leaving them behind.

  It had been two weeks since she left the home she and Rick had built together and gone to stay with Megan. Although grateful for a place to stay, she was glad to be out of her sister’s house and her hair. Seeing Tony and Meg everyday was just too much for her poor heart to take. Finding a place so soon which was coincidentally right next to the bakery was an unusually lucky event
for her. Last week, Megan had introduced her to Sunny Haynes, the new owner of the teashop next door. They were discussing a possible joint venture to expand their catering business when she mentioned the vacant apartment above her store. When she offered it to Regan at a very reasonable monthly rental, she jumped on it.

  “Now what?” Regan wondered as flopped down on her ancient couch. Alone and unhappy she had no idea what to do with the rest of her life. Rick agreed to a trial separation but Regan felt sure she wasn’t going back. She couldn’t. Pushing him away once had been the hardest thing she had ever done. She hadn’t seen him in a week and felt like she was in withdrawal. He had come by Megan’s when he got back from his mission and it was all she could do to keep from dropping to her knees in front of him and begging him to take her back. Since then she had kept her distance. He was like a drug to her, one taste and her addiction would rage out of control again.

  “I’ll throw myself into work. I’ll take over the catering business for Meg or open that new shop for her in El Paso.” She face planted into a worn throw pillow and groaned. “Then, I guess I’ll go see Dr. Windham again because I’m acting crazy sitting here talking to myself.” She looked around for her new cat, a housewarming gift from Moon. As she buried her face in her warm fur she told it, “At least I can pretend I’m talking to you instead of losing my freaking mind.”

  Regan listlessly shuffled to her bed and flopped down with her cat on top of the covers. She lay there exhausted and unable to gather enough energy to change her clothes, scrub her face or brush her teeth. Yet she couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned forever and then finally rolled over to look at the clock. It was 1 AM and she had been lying there for three hours. Finally, she grabbed the Ambien from the nightstand and swallowed one of the pills. This was her life now, a pill to make her want to get up in the morning and another pill to make her sleep at night. Life really sucked, big time.

  Twenty minutes later and still wide awake, she was startled by a noise coming from the living room. Regan got out of bed, slipping on a robe before quietly tiptoeing down the short hall when a loud bang sounded near the front door. Stopping in the hallway she looked around desperately for some kind of weapon. The best she could come up with was a broom from the coat closet, which she held in front of her like a bayonet as she entered the living room. She saw a shadow through the small window in the door and the knob jiggled. Panicked she called out, “Get away from my door. I’ve got my 38 special cocked and loaded and have called 911.”

  Pausing a moment to listen, she was relieved to hear the sound of retreating footsteps on the stairs outside. She grabbed her cell phone and called 911. They put her on hold. WTF? How did 911 put you on hold? While she waited, she peeked out the window to see if she saw anyone outside.

  “911 what is your emergency?”

  Regan quickly gave her address. “Someone just tried to break into my apartment. I’m here alone and scared. I saw a dark colored truck leave my parking lot, heading south on Newton St. I couldn’t make out the driver. Please send the police right away.”

  The operator told her to stay on the line until the police arrived. Just a few seconds passed before she heard a siren and saw the blue lights of the cruiser pulling up in front of her building.

  “Thank you, they’re here,” she told the operator. As she hung up she saw a black SUV pull in beside the cruiser and a large man get out. Two more SUV’s pulled in alongside. She frowned and moved away from the window as the police knocked on her door.

  “San Antonio PD.”

  Regan opened the door and admitted the officer who was followed by Lil T, Jonas and another man she didn’t know. “What are you guys doing here?”

  Jonas moved to her side while the others fanned out and searched her apartment. “Are you OK Regan?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. But, what are you guys doing here? How did you get here so fast?”

  Jonas continued to ignore her questions as the officer spoke to him. “We’ve got a BOLO on a dark Toyota truck with the plates you gave us. The lab will be here soon to dust for prints at the door. Other than that, there’s not much to go on.”

  “Uh, excuse me officer. How do you know what you have to go on, you haven’t even asked me what happened? And how did you know it was a Toyota truck?”

  “No need, miss. Surveillance from Rossi told us what we needed to know. But I will ask that you come to the station tomorrow morning and make a formal statement.”

  “Surveillance? What surveillance?” Regan looked at Jonas who held up a finger as he opened his phone to take a call. She turned to Lil T and the other man who came back into the living room.

  “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”

  Lil T and Jonas looked at each other but said nothing. Regan turned to the new man and pointed to him.

  “Who are you?”

  “Jason, ma’am. I’m new to Rossi.”

  “Well Jason, can you tell me what the hell is going on here? No, don’t look at these other asshats, look me in the eye and tell what is happening here.” Regan was getting agitated. She was tired of these arrogant men trying to protect the little woman and keeping her in the dark. As far as she was concerned she wasn’t a submissive anymore and didn’t have to take their crap.

  “Regan, no need to get upset here, I’ll answer your questions.” Jonas hung up the phone and taking her arm in typical Dom manner, moved her to the couch where he sat her down. “As soon as you moved in here we started monitoring. We’ve got cameras at the door and living areas. There are sensors at the windows and surveillance in the parking lot. And of course you still have a man on you 24/7. He saw the perp approach your door but you must have scared him off. We’ve got an eyewitness description and a good video still of him distributed already. We also got the tags on his truck and SAPD will have him apprehended in no time I’m sure.”

  “But why?”

  “Rick’s orders honey.”

  “He’s been spying on me?”

  “No, honey, he wanted to make sure you were safe. Just because you’re separated doesn’t mean you’re not at risk anymore.”

  “More like he thinks I’m a total nut job and wanted to keep tabs on me. Damn.” She turned to the officer.

  “Is this legal? Can they just put cameras in my apartment without my say so?”

  “Well, ma’am.” The officer looked at the Rossi men, clearly uncomfortable. “That’s really not for me to say. You would probably need to consult someone who knows the privacy laws. I’m only here to work the attempted B&E.”

  “I cannot believe this.” She rose to her feet and began to pace. Suddenly, she turned to Jonas “Take them out, now.”

  “Not going to happen, hon.”

  “You can’t do this. You have no right.”

  “Rick owns the building. He can install whatever security he wants.”

  He bought the freakin’ building? So much for giving her space. Regan grabbed her phone and dialed Rick’s number. He answered on the first ring. Yeah, he was probably watching the whole show on CCTV.

  “Regan. You OK, babe?”

  The sound of his familiar voice washed over her and instantly soothed her and her anger faded a few notches. “Yeah, just a little shook up.” She missed him so much she wanted him to come over and just hold her and protect her. She shook herself. No Regan, you asked for this separation, stay strong.

  “What were you thinking putting cameras in my apartment, Rick? And you bought my building? Have you lost it? Are you stalking me? We’re separated. This is a huge invasion of my privacy.”

  “Easy, Regan. I was worried about you living in town alone. It’s not the best neighborhood and there is a lot of drug activity nearby. I put in the security to keep you safe.”

  “You really should have asked me first.”

  “You would have agreed?” He waited a few seconds and his answer was silence. “I didn’t think so. You have to admit I was right, honey. I just got word that SAPD picked him
up just blocks from your place. Without the security, who knows what would have happened.”

  “The end doesn’t justify the means, Rick.”

  “I’m sorry honey, but I think it does. Would you please give Jonas the phone for a minute?”

  Without another word to him, she passed the phone.

  “Yo, Beast.”

  Regan flinched at that nickname. She could only imagine what he’d done to earn it during the war and she hated the sound. He wasn’t a Beast, he was her Bear. She knew the security was put in for her safety. She knew he loved and cared about her, but it made her think he wasn’t taking the separation seriously if he was keeping such close tabs on her. Since she left she had been to the bakery, to Megan’s or her apartment. That was the sum total of her life now. All of them were monitored by Rossi which gave him total access to her life, more so than when they were living in the same house.

  Regan looked at Lil T who was looking at her with a concerned expression on her face. “Is there a camera in my bedroom? The bathroom?”

  “Just the bedroom.”

  Regan gave him a searing glance. “Take it out, T”

  “I can’t do that Regan. Rick’s out of his mind with worry for you already and after tonight I have to agree with him.”

  She changed into jeans and a T-shirt in her bathroom, then spent a half hour searching her entire bedroom until she found the hidden camera and draped a heavy black sweatshirt over the lens. She wondered how many of them had seen her naked. She wondered if her bedroom at Megan’s had been monitored, too. For once she was thankful of her depression, which caused her libido to be practically nonexistent, or they would have had some interesting footage of her with her vibrator. How disappointing for them, she smirked. It was one thing to voluntarily be an exhibitionist, but hidden cameras felt like a violation.

  “Officer, are you done here?”

  “We’ve got a few more minutes of work for prints, and then we’ll clear out.”

  “I’m going to take a soak in the tub. T, would you lock up for me when they’re done?”