Arrows

by Melissa Gorzelanczyk

  You fell for her once, and you will again.

  Take a chance.

  The paper felt smooth as I folded it into three even sections. I placed it in my closet next to the golden arrow, my other option for fixing Karma’s life. Because if Day 90 came without Tek, no matter how much it hurt, I’d do it. That’s what I’d decided.

  I’d shoot Danny with the golden arrow; yes, it would kill me, really kill me—but I’d wait in the school parking lot with the golden arrow until Danny walked out. I’d fix things for her one way or the other.

  A horn beeped twice. Karma was waiting downstairs.

  The studio had this amazing vibe when we walked in, like I’d really pulled off a night to remember with all the balloons and music and just the right amount of red.

  Aaryn. “This looks great.” His eyes were lit by just the right amount of twinkle. “Thanks.”

  “Sure.” I felt like bursting.

  Peyton made her way over with Nell on her hip, Nick trailing behind. “You have to try your mom’s dip.” She had a smear of something cheesy on the side of her mouth.

  “Honey, look at me,” Nick said. He used a napkin to wipe her face, crumpled it, and stuck his hand out to Aaryn. “Happy going away, man. Lakefield won’t be the same without you.”

  Aaryn shook his hand, but he didn’t seem to like being reminded of the reason we were all here. I stole my baby from Peyton’s arms and kissed her cheek. “I’m starving. Come on, Aaryn, I’ll show you everything.”

  The sun was setting, though it was unseasonably warm for mid-November. Still no snow, but we’d all need jackets for the bonfire.

  “I didn’t know I had so many friends,” Aaryn confided.

  I smiled. The girls of Shining Waters had invited people from town, so it really seemed like we had a good turnout. Svetlana had her arm around a boy. I held Nell on my hip and felt a little rush of pride at how delicious everything looked. “Let’s eat.”

  We filled our plates with the pulled pork Mom had made, the dip, Juliette’s fruit salad, chips, appetizers, and pickles galore.

  “What are those yellow things?” Aaryn pointed to a small glass plate.

  “Fresh cheese curds. The fresher they are, the more they squeak.”

  He tried one, the squeaking sound audible with every bite. “I feel weird.” He chewed. “And I’m eating cheese that squeaks.”

  I laughed. Leah waved at us and patted the table next to the windows. She, Mom, and Juliette were poised to pounce. Aaryn and I sat down.

  “Aaryn, so nice to finally meet you,” Mom said. “I’ve heard so much about you already, all good. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done to help my girl.”

  “It was my pleasure,” Aaryn said.

  “Did she tell you about the cake for her announcement?”

  He nudged my side. “Announcement?”

  “Just a little something I have planned for later. You’ll see.”

  Leah wiggled her eyebrows at me, though thankfully I didn’t think Aaryn noticed. I made a calculated attempt to kick her but connected with the table leg instead.

  “Whoops,” I said.

  “It’s so sad that you’re leaving,” Leah crooned. She scooted to angle toward him and sat with her chin in her hand.

  “I really like Lakefield,” Aaryn said. “You were right, what you said about it being a small town full of good people,” he told Juliette.

  “Ah, so you’ve noticed.” My aunt’s mouth lifted into a small, sort of sad smile. “I came here a long time ago to be with the love of my life but found a new love instead—this place.” She gestured toward the room. It struck me suddenly that both my aunt and my mother had fallen for these tragic loves, two men who hadn’t turned out to be what they thought. Mom tugged Nell’s hand, which was wrapped tight around her finger, smiling and talking to her. They were both amazing in different ways. Both really strong.

  “When do you think we should start the bonfire?” I asked. “The wind’s died down. Maybe soon?”

  “We can get it going after dinner,” Mom said.

  We chatted about regular, safe things for the rest of dinner, Aaryn rehashing the details of his leaving for the tenth time, me feeling both sad and satisfied at the way the night was going. I wasn’t obsessing about Danny. Not really. Yes, he would have had a good time with us, but I couldn’t make him like Aaryn, and I couldn’t make him understand how important the party was to me.

  An hour later, when we were full and tired from small talk, Aaryn and I decided to go outside. Nell had fallen asleep next to Mom. The cold November wind crept through my clothes, the way it always did, even though I wore a winter jacket. I hugged myself and rubbed my arms to stay warm.

  “A little different from Florida, huh?” I said. The fire roared and snapped, and we stood close to it. There were other kids around I recognized from school. I smiled and offered a polite hi.

  The fire felt soothing. I held my hands out, drawn to the flames, staring and staring.

  “I wonder if it will snow before I leave,” Aaryn said. He was turning his hands in the light, shadows around them. The scent of woodsmoke bit back against the chill.

  “I hope so. You should experience snow at least once.”

  “I always thought it was cool to look at.”

  “Give it five months and then get back to me.”

  We smiled, entranced—entranced by the fire and everything that was between us. He was a good friend, a good dance partner, and even though he wasn’t leaving for another sixteen days, suddenly the night really felt like goodbye.

  “You’re really leaving,” I said.

  “Yes.”

  “But you’ll be back. You still have to get that tattoo.” I nudged him. “And the letter. You said you’d write me one.”

  “I have it at home. But, Karma—things have changed a little.”

  “Changed?”

  “I just, I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back, or if any of that, the letter, the tattoo, I just don’t know if any of that will matter.” The firewood collapsed, sending a spray of sparks into the sky.

  “Oh.”

  “Let’s just enjoy tonight.” He took my hand and squeezed, then let it go again. “This is a great party. Can we do that?”

  “Sure.”

  But there was sadness now, and a mood I couldn’t figure out. I couldn’t pinpoint the emotion for it. Regret and guilt and uncertainty all in one.

  I lost my footing when Leah grabbed me. “I have to tell you something,” she said. “Now.” Her voice came through her teeth. We walked off and Aaryn started to follow, but Leah waved him away, and soon we were just cold, just us sisters standing at the side of the studio. She was really upset about something.

  “You won’t believe what I just found out.” I opened my mouth to ask, “What?” but she had her hands around mine, tight. “Danny and Jen have been hooking up. I just talked to Megan, who was at the shack just now, where Danny and Jen happened to be, and she said she saw them, you know, saw them in his truck. I’m going to kill him. Karma, I’m seriously going to hurt that creep for doing this to you. I knew something was up with him, I just knew it.”

  “Wait, what? Who?” The wind blew, but this time the cold felt good. The cold helped me think.

  “Danny’s been sneaking around with Jen for months, ugh, I could murder them both.”

  “Stop talking like that.”

  “Well, I could.”

  “I need to talk to Danny.”

  “I agree. I think you should drive over there right now and confront them both.”

  “I don’t want drama.”

  “Come on, Karma—get pissed!” My sister shook me, my teeth chattering. “Go yell at him as loud as you can. Tell him he’s a creep.”

  “We need to talk. I don’t know. Are you sure Megan knows what she saw?”

  Leah made an outrageous face. “Really? You can’t believe your boyfriend, who is a complete asshole, would cheat on you again? My God, ge
t a clue.”

  “Why are you being so mean?” Tears flooded my eyes and inside I felt sick, like I might fall apart. Leah’s mad face softened a little. She sighed loudly and crushed me in a hug. I was frozen. I was dying.

  “What’s going on?” Aaryn blocked my view of the fire. Leah waited for me to answer, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t speak when I was that close to dying. She shrugged and placed Aaryn’s hand on my shoulder.

  “Danny cheated. Try to talk some sense into her.” Then she stomped off.

  Aaryn’s worried look was only making me sicker, making me want to throw up. “What’s going on? Is she serious?”

  Leah knew, everyone knew. Even Aaryn.

  I shook my head and turned away when he placed his hand on my arm, and the fire blurred into a big yellow ball.

  Day 74

  “What are you going to do?” I asked, slowing to a stop. I turned toward my apartment, the blinker ticking into the silence.

  Karma sat in the passenger seat with her phone in her lap. “I have to call him,” she said. “Maybe—” She faced me, her eyes wide despite the tears in them. “Maybe it’s just a rumor. You know how things are in a small town. I guess I just really need to talk to Danny.”

  “Okay.”

  “Leah hates him. She’s always looking for ways to make him look bad.”

  “Hmmm.” We pulled up to my apartment and sat there for a while.

  “I’ll call him upstairs,” she said. She was still stunning in her oversized jacket, that loose, messy hair, and a selfish part of me almost wanted the rumor to be true so she’d hug me. Need me. I unlocked the door with a weird anticipation in my stomach, but mostly I just felt like a jerk.

  She made the call right in my living room. I stood there waiting but not looking at her, because it seemed really wrong to anticipate any sort of pain in her reaction.

  “Danny?” She cupped her hands over the phone. “Hey. It’s me. Where are you right now?” She plugged her left ear. I could hear loud music in the background, even though the call wasn’t on speaker. “Can you go somewhere quieter?”

  She looked so sad. “Have you heard the rumor people are spreading about you and Jen?” Her fingers turned white as she gripped the phone, listening. “Mm-hmm. Leah said her friend Megan said you two have been sleeping together.” She waited but then whipped the phone from her ear in shock. “He hung up on me.”

  “Wow.”

  “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this is happening again.”

  “So he cheated?”

  “He hung up! That’s practically like admitting it, right?”

  “I don’t know. Seems pretty sketchy.”

  “Why is he doing this to me?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “He knows I’m applying to Southern Miss. I can’t believe this. He said he wanted us to go with him.”

  “I’m sorry.” After a second of hesitation, I pushed away from the wall and stood next to her.

  “I can’t go through this again.” Her voice had a desperate, breathy sound, like she was on the verge of hyperventilating. “I can’t stay with him and wonder if this is true or if he’ll cheat again—it drives me crazy. I can’t do it and I won’t. You have to help me.”

  “How?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I need to know the fucking truth!” The light above us shadowed her eyes, her lips, her collarbone. “What’s wrong with me? I mean, what! Am I ugly? Am I a bad girlfriend? Am I stupid?”

  I took an immediate step forward and leaned down, firm hands catching her waist.

  I kissed her.

  Silenced her.

  I wasn’t breathing anymore, or worrying, or thinking about anything except her taste.

  Her lips soft beneath mine.

  The kiss had trapped her hand against my chest, making it easy, so easy, to push me away.

  But she didn’t.

  I felt her hair and she melted toward me, toward me and not away. With a long inhale, I lifted her up with my arm against her back until she was edged against the wall. I pulled away, my mouth wet, her eyes still closed.

  “You’re beautiful,” I said. “You’re talented and sweet and smart, and the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I don’t know why he cheats. He doesn’t deserve you.”

  She started crying again.

  “Sorry,” I said, stepping back a little. “Don’t cry. Say something.”

  “I’m trying.”

  She sounded so pathetic, a lump rose in my throat.

  “Are you mad?” I said.

  “No. I…I’m thinking.” She turned away fast and jammed her knuckles over her tears. “Maybe he didn’t cheat.”

  “Karma. Look at me.”

  She did, her cheeks blotchy and wet.

  “Tell me I’m not imagining this,” I said. “Don’t you feel it? There’s something between us. There always has been. What are you feeling?”

  I felt like I’d been running. She stared, unblinking, almost as if she couldn’t focus on me. The arrow was still making her miserable. Still making her want him.

  “I don’t know what I feel anymore,” she said with a shrug.

  “Well, you mean a lot to me. I want to be with you all the time.”

  “You’d be better off kissing someone who deserves you.”

  I shook my head. “You’re the only one I want.”

  She couldn’t help a little smile, which changed into a frown seconds later when her phone rang. “Hey, Leah.”

  I watched as she listened, then took a deep breath.

  “No, keep going,” she said. She turned and sat on the couch, then stretched out, like she couldn’t hold herself up any longer. Her breathing was erratic. “Oh my God,” she whispered. “No. Tell me. I want to know…this is tearing me apart.”

  There was nothing I could say to comfort her, though there were a million heartless words at the tip of my tongue.

  Ditch the loser.

  He’s never loved you.

  I could love you better.

  But the arrow.

  She ended the call. Her shoulders shook as she cried. I knelt guiltily beside her, sighing as she collapsed against me. “Can I get you anything?”

  She sniffed loudly, her face wet, eyes bloodshot. Her gaze on me was pitiful as she curled around a couch cushion, letting her face rest against the tweed, sloppy. Our faces were inches apart, but there was nothing sexy about our gaze now, not when she cried.

  “What did Leah say?”

  The life had left her eyes. She shook her head fast, as if telling me would kill her.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  She didn’t know the number of things I regretted. I could add one more to the list: the golden arrow shoved in the back of my closet. If I’d shot Danny right away, like Phoebe had wanted, I might have helped Karma avoid her pain. Once again I was too late.

  “I’m not at home, Danny.” I slid my phone to the other side of my hair. “I’m at Aaryn’s apartment.” A stupid part of me longed for him to care. I felt a little stronger after my cry. A little like I was ready to break something instead of break down.

  “Babe, Prodigy, I’m going to pick you up. We can talk, okay? I’m leaving now.”

  I reached noisily for a tissue. “No. You lied to me again. You did this to our family. I’m done covering for you, and paying for you, and supporting Nell by myself, and being your fool.” I stopped to avoid crying. You love him.

  I hated myself.

  The scent of coffee from the kitchen only hurt more. Why couldn’t Danny be more like that? Why couldn’t he be there for me when I needed him most?

  “Babe, I know I screwed up.”

  “You think?”

  “You’re the only girl I want. You and Nell, my two girls. I’m leaving now, okay?”

  I scoffed. The flutter in my stomach hearing him beg. I knew it wasn’t healthy. “Only girl? Ha.” My crumpled tissue bounced lightly off the wastebasket next to the bathroom sink. “Did you really
think you could go around sleeping with Jen and who knows who else without me knowing? You are an idiot. The biggest idiot I’ve ever met.” I used volume to emphasize the idiots. I tried not to feel bad for yelling at him.

  “I swear this is the last time, Karma. You’re right, I am an idiot. Please, I have to see you. We can work this out.”

  “You don’t deserve to see me or touch me or talk to me ever again.”

  I rolled my eyes as he continued to beg, set the phone on the sink, and began fixing my hair in the mirror. When his stupid voice was no longer begging from the phone, I picked it up.

  “I don’t want to see you tonight or ever,” I said. “We’re through. So goodbye.”

  I punched the end button and doubled over until the sharp pain in my stomach faded. My phone lit up a second later. The buzzing made me want to scream. I marched out of the bathroom with my finger on the ignore call button. Aaryn had spread a blanket over the couch and was reading on top of it, his head against the armrest. He glanced up.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.” I ended another attempted call from Danny and sat on the opposite side of the couch. “I just want to punch him or die, I don’t know.”

  “I had no idea you could yell like that. Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

  “I’m not in the mood for jokes.”

  “I know. Sorry.”

  The phone in my hand would not shut up. I groaned. “Do you care if I take this in your bedroom? I’m not feeling the greatest. I think I need to lie down.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “Not at all.”

  I shuffled into his bedroom and shut the door. His room was simple, no-fuss, and I didn’t think twice about crawling into his bed, the sheets that smelled like him, a hint of cologne, his bitter soap. My eyes closed and the burning feeling disappeared. I felt like all my tears had left me empty, not even a person, just a shell with nothing inside, lost in a great lake. I felt hot, feverish, even, and the pain in my stomach had gotten worse.