The Minnesota Candidate

by Nicholas Antinozzi

  Tom rubbed his eyes. Behind them, the black sky was filled with flashing red lights. “Shari is back? What about the ray gun? But I don’t have it. I dropped it back at the tree.”

  “Don’t you think that I know that? Give me some credit. I’m not some blundering fool. I found the ray gun and its sitting right there on the table. Shari is still programmed. You have to shoot her.”

  Tom spotted the ray gun. He staggered forward and grasped it in his right hand. “Why didn’t you use it on Shari?” he asked.

  “Why didn’t I use it? You didn’t read the journals, did you? I should have known better than to trust you. How many times did I ask you to read them, Tommy?”

  Tom flung his free hand up. “Okay, I get it. I’m sorry, but there just wasn’t time.”

  “If I only had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that excuse, well, I’d be living in the Bahamas.”

  Tom was beyond exhausted, but Alice’s nagging pushed him inside the patio door, through the dining room, and onto the staircase. The power was out, but the house was illuminated by the light of several candles. Tom’s knees barked in pain as he climbed the stairs. He held the ray gun in his left hand and clutched at the railing with his right. From the bedroom, the thumping began. Glass shattered and something began to wail. Tom clawed his way to the door. He grabbed the handle and shoved with all of his strength. The door didn’t budge. “Damn it!” cried Tom. “What next?”

  Chapter 30

  President Peabody rode in the front seat and made a series of phone calls. After he was finished, the limousine stopped and Peabody hopped in back and sat next to Levitz. With Chona tending to Sam, Senator Levitz and President Peabody conversed in the opposite seat. Levitz was still angry about his plane being shot down and the crash of his medevac chopper. “How could you do that?” he asked. “What did I ever do to you?”

  Peabody’s eyes flashed with presidential indignation. “Senator Levitz,” he snapped, “how long have you been serving in the Senate?”

  “Twelve years.”

  “And twelve years into this, you’re still clueless how our government operates? Really, I find that hard to believe. Do you really think I call the shots? I swear on my mother’s grave that I had nothing to do with your accident.”

  “There were two,” said Levitz, “and they weren’t accidents. A lot of good people were killed.”

  “And our country grieves for them. Merle, can I give you some advice? You’ve got to stop swimming against the current. I’m going to need you on my side if we have any chance of beating this thing. The plan was to activate the conversion chips and that was supposed to be sometime, last night. By now, half the country has likely converted to Islam. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they were turned into radical Islamic extremists. This is going to be an uphill battle, Merle. I need to know if I can count on you. I need to know if America can count on you.”

  “Half the country?” spat Levitz. “How could you have gone along with such a thing? Look, I’m still running against you. I just want your word that you’ll call your dogs off. I need to know that I’ll be safe. I have a family to think of.”

  “This isn’t my circus and those aren’t my dogs. Merle, have you even been listening to me? I don’t make the decisions, you know that. Go ahead, run against me. And do you know what? I hope you win. See how much you like being president. Nobody works with you. Congress just twists your words to suit their purposes. The press hates you and picks your family apart. Do you know what? You could sponsor a bill that would eradicate world hunger, but it’d never pass. Oh yeah, being president is great.”

  “That might be how it is for you. You’re a Republican. The people will love me.”

  “Will you stop and listen to yourself? Do you really believe that? Merle, you’re a Jew. I hate to be blunt, but let’s be honest here.”

  Levitz leaned back as if President Peabody had just vomited on him. “I can’t believe that you just said that to me. You’re an anti-Semite, aren’t you?”

  “I am no such thing! I was merely trying to open your eyes to how others perceive you to be. I am not a racist, you can ask anyone. Why, some of my best friends are as black. I have a Mexican Chief of Staff and my Press Secretary is an Oriental. I am not a racist and everyone knows that.”

  Levitz put his face into his hands and shook his head. “I rest my case,” he grumbled. “Just forget about it. Where do we go from here?”

  “You and the others, you never saw me tonight. I’m heading to the airport and I’ll be back in Washington in a couple of hours. I’ll get the word out that you’re not to be touched, but I can’t make any guarantees. I think our best bet is for me to pretend like I’m still programmed.”

  “And what about us?” asked Chona. We have to get Sam to a hospital!”

  “There are helicopters waiting for you at the airport. My team created a cover story for you. Merle, these people rescued you from a terrorist cell. My people left some dead Arabs in a ditch, just down the road from your place. Just stick to the story. You’ll be in all of tomorrow’s papers.”

  “Are you crazy?” roared Chona. “We have to tell the truth!”

  “You can say whatever you like, but I’m not going to back you up. No one is going to believe you. My dear, we have our national security to think of. Think of this as being your patriotic duty.”

  “He’s right,” grunted Sam. “They’ll never believe us, sugarplum.”

  “Shush now, baby-cakes,” cooed Chona. “Don’t try to talk.”

  Levitz shook his head. “Sam is right, they’d never believe us. Besides, we don’t want anyone tying us together with that fire. Mister President, how did we kill those Arabs?”

  “You overpowered them and shot them with their own weapons. You then contacted my people by radio and they handled the rest. Short and sweet, the way a good lie was meant to be told.”

  “I won’t lie for anyone,” said Chona.

  “Yes you will,” said President Peabody. “That’s an order, young lady. Do you think this is a game? There are no options here. The people I work for, that we all work for; they don’t mess around, you best remember that. I like you. I’d hate to hear the both of you died in a murder-suicide.”

  Chona looked from Sam to President Peabody. “Fine, we’ll go along with the story. I don’t want our names leaked to the media. Call us concerned citizens or whatever the hell you want, but keep our names out of it.”

  “You have a deal. I was going to suggest that, anyhow.”

  Levitz nodded. “Let me get this straight,” he said, “after my plane crashed, my helicopter was hijacked and crashed by Islamic extremists?”

  “That’s all you have to say. You could say that you were drugged and the next thing you remember was being rescued. The people will buy that. Whatever you say, just keep it simple. One last thing, Merle, I want that ray gun. Do what you have to do, but I want that gun on my desk by Wednesday morning.”

  Outside of the airport, the motorcade pulled into a dark parking lot. President Peabody said his goodbyes and he was escorted out of the limousine. Marie climbed in to take his place. Kicking and screaming about her reward, Doris was then tossed inside. “I can’t believe this,” she grumbled. “Nobody treats me like a sack of potatoes.”

  Ten minutes later, Sam was placed on a stretcher and all five of them were whisked away by a military helicopter. The chopper flew directly to United Hospital in Saint Paul.

  Tom attacked the stout oak door with a sledgehammer. Five swings later, the door crashed open. He stared at the empty room in disbelief. Shari was gone. A breeze fluttered the curtains and Tom rushed to the open window. The screen had been shredded. Tom swore in frustration as he spun around and ran for the broken door.

  “That was fast,” said Alice, who sat sipping tea at the dining room table.

  “She isn’t in there! She must have seen the fire!”

  “Oh dear,” gasped Alice, covering her mouth with a spotted hand.


  Tom ran past Alice and out the patio door. He rounded the corner and carefully made his way around the fallen tree. He then stopped on the driveway. The big house was engulfed in flames and they licked up at the night sky. The lawn was a parking lot of fire trucks and emergency vehicles. Tom stuffed the ray gun into his front pocket and began to walk up the driveway. With so many people milling about, Tom thought it would be difficult to find Shari, but he was wrong. Screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs, Tom spotted Shari as she ran among the emergency workers.

  On his third attempt, Tom was able to grab Shari by the waist. She was frantic. “Let me go, you son of a bitch!” she demanded, having no idea that it was Tom who had captured her. A group of firemen waved a thank you to Tom.

  “Shari, you have to calm down. It’s me, Tom.”

  “My parent’s house!” cried Shari. “Oh my God, what have you done?”

  “I’m sorry, it was an accident,” said Tom, dragging Shari away from the fire. “You’ve got to settle down.”

  “Settle down? Tom, that house wasn’t insured! Let me go!”

  The words hit Tom like a hand grenade. Still, he retained his grip on his twisting wife and he continued to drag her back to their own home. Eventually, Shari gave up her struggle and she began to sob. Tom led her to the back of the house. He then pulled out the gun and shot her in the face.

  Chapter 31

  Tom woke up early on that first Wednesday of November. He pulled on his bathrobe and walked upstairs. Tom walked directly to the television. Merle Levitz had won the election. Tom smiled and walked back into the kitchen to prepare the coffee. While the coffee was brewing, he busied himself by dumping out ashtrays and tossing beer cans into the trash.

  Shari walked into the kitchen and she sat down at the counter. She was seven months pregnant and her robe barely covered her belly. She gave Tom a sad smile. “Let me guess,” she said. “Clyde Bauer was here?”

  “He’s still here,” said Tom. “I wish they wouldn’t smoke in the house. I keep trying to tell them that it’s bad for our baby.”

  “Please, not today, okay? Let’s just be thankful we have a roof over our heads. I don’t like living here anymore than you do.”

  Tom nodded. “What time do you have to be to work?”

  “Not until nine. Did I tell you that John is letting me work the drive up until I have the baby? I thought that was nice of him. I hated making fries.”

  “Hey, that’s great. You’re moving up in the world.”

  Shari laughed at that. “I’m just lucky to have a job. How did your night go?”

  “I worked until midnight. Two trucks came in at the same time and the drivers got into an argument over who got there, first. I settled the argument.”

  Shari watched as Tom poured them both a cup of coffee. “Really, how did you do that?”

  “I unloaded them both at the same time,” said Tom, stirring sugar into his coffee. “They both had on lumber, so it was no big deal.”

  “Well, that was very nice of you.”

  “I do what I can.”

  Tom had dropped sixty pounds since the fire had destroyed their lives. Adding insult to injury, the EPA had arrived on the scene the following morning. Once the unlicensed laboratory was discovered, the Agency took a vacuum cleaner to what little remained of Shari’s bank accounts. The press had a field day with the story. Feeding on their own, they painted Shari as a lunatic. They were ruined, both publicly and financially. After the bankruptcy, they had no choice but to move in with Tom’s mother.

  Shopping at Goodwill and Salvation Army, they furnished the unfinished basement the best they could. They lived frugally, paycheck to paycheck; saving as much as they could in hopes of renting an apartment after the baby was born. Ironically, and strictly under the table, Doris and Marie had split a hundred thousand dollar reward for their part in rescue. The women seemed determined to spend it as quickly as possible, but refused to share their money with anyone.

  The telephone rang and Tom and Shari stared at each other. “Who would call at this hour?” asked Shari.

  Tom read Unknown as it crawled across the caller ID. “Probably another bill collector,” he said.

  “The lawyer said to tell them we filed for bankruptcy. They’re not supposed to call and harass us. Answer the damn thing, Tom.”

  Reluctantly, Tom picked up the cordless telephone. “Hello?”

  “Tom, is that you?” asked a familiar voice.

  “Senator Levitz?”

  “That’s President Elect Senator Levitz. Man, I love the sound of that. Didn’t you see my speech?”

  “No, I had to work. Congratulations on your win.”

  “Thank you, Tom. I never could have done it without you. Look, I suppose you know why I’m calling.”

  “Is it about that thing you told me never to talk about?”

  “That’s good, Tom. That’s very good. Yes, it’s about that thing we discussed. Do you still have it?”

  “Yes, but you don’t think I would keep it here, do you?”

  “No, of course not, I know you’re not a fool. Listen, I was thinking that I’d drop by and pick it up. I could really use that… thing. Would that be copasetic with you?”

  “No, that would not be copasetic with me. That thing is all that Shari has left of her father’s. We’re not giving it up. How many times do I have to explain that to you?”

  “Tom, try to be reasonable.”

  Tom reasoned that the conversation was over and he hung up the phone. “I thought he had given up,” he mumbled.

  Shari shook her head. “He’s never going to give up. How many times do I have to tell you that? Just give him the damned thing. Hasn’t it cost us enough?”

  Tom was about to reply when once again, the phone rang. “Leave us alone,” spat Tom, but the caller ID told him that this time it wasn’t Levitz calling. The call came up as Sam Chona Calizzi. “Oh crap, it’s Sam, what do they want?”

  “We’re not accepting their charity,” said Shari. “Answer the phone and tell them that.”

  Sam and Chona had offered to help the struggling couple on countless occasions. While Tom had waffled, Shari remained staunchly opposed to accepting help of any kind. Tom felt as if he were stuck between a rock and a hard place. He picked up the telephone. “Hello?”

  “Fat Tommy, is that you?” asked Sam.

  “I’ve lost sixty pounds,” said Tom, “I’m thin Tommy, now.”

  “Hey, that’s a good one, but you can’t change a family nickname. That’s like changin’ the name of a boat. So, what are you doin’?”

  “I’m sitting here with Shari, drinking coffee.”

  “Did you see that Levitz won the election?”

  “Oh yeah, we saw it.”

  “I hope he’s up to the job. He’s really inheriting a mess. I wouldn’t want to be him.”

  “Sam, it’s early and we just got out of bed. What’s on your mind?”

  “Oh, sorry about that, I didn’t see the time. Well, you and Shari had better get dressed. Me and Chona are on our way over. I’ve got somethin’ for ya.”

  “No, Shari has to get ready for work. Sam, how many times do I have to tell you? We’re not accepting any charity. Thank you, but no thanks.”

  “This ain’t charity.”

  “Our answer is no.”

  “Listen Tommy, the way I look at things, Shari still owes me for accusing me of pinching her gun. I’m coming over to settle that score.”

  “Can’t we do this another time? I already told you that Shari has to get ready for work.”

  Shari leaned over to Tom. “Don’t come over here!”

  Sam laughed. “You tell Shari to call in sick. Better yet, you tell her to quit that stupid job. She don’t need it.”

  “Sam, Shari’s stupid job is what pays our bills.”

  “Did he just call my job stupid?” asked Shari.

  Tom covered the receiver. “I’ve got this, okay? I can’t carry on two conversations
at the same time.”

  “We’ll be there in fifteen minutes. I’ll see ya, then.”

  Tom growled as he set down the cordless phone. “They’ll be here in fifteen minutes. I’m sorry, he wouldn’t listen to me.”

  Shari pounded her fist on the countertop. “We’re not taking one dime from them. Damn it, Tom, you have to tell them to stop this. All I have left is my pride.”

  “What about me? What about our baby?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. You know what I was trying to say!”

  Tom wrapped his arms around Shari and she wept into his chest. “Come on, pull yourself together, sweetie. We have to get dressed. Sam promised me that they’re not coming over here to give us anything.”

  “They had better not try. Can’t they see that we’re doing the best we can? I don’t want their help. I don’t want anyone’s help.”

  Tom let go of her and walked toward the basement stairs. “Are you coming?” he asked.

  “I’m not getting dressed before I take a shower. It’s six in the morning, Tom. If they want to come over at this time, they can see us in all of our glory.”

  Tom thought about that and he nodded his head. He then refilled his cup and sat back down at the counter.

  Twenty minutes later, Tom watched Chona’s Ford as it pulled to the curb. A black Chevrolet Suburban with heavily tinted windows pulled behind it. Tom ran his fingers through his thinning hair. “Oh shit,” he whispered.

  Shari walked up behind him. “That has to be Levitz,” she hissed. “Damn it, we should have expected this. Levitz hired Sam to do his dirty-work for him.”

  They watched as Sam and Chona climbed out of the pickup truck. They were both dressed as if they were on their way to a wedding. Sam wore a black suit with a red shirt and tie, while Chona sported a little black dress over a pair of spiked heels. Chona opened the back door of the Ford and she pulled out a large suitcase. Sam walked to the back of the truck and grabbed a plastic bag. “What the hell is that?” he asked.