The Cowboy's Easter Family Wish

by Lois Richer

  “And so Maddie McGregor, being the softie she is, came up with a plan.” He chuckled at her glare. “You’re just like Gran, you know. She told me you’ve taken over most of her charity projects, improved on a lot of them, especially the community garden for inner city kids.” His eyes gleamed with unspoken support. “Gutsy move, lady, and very generous.”

  “My grandmother and I used to work in her garden together. It’s no big deal,” she demurred.

  “It’s a big deal for someone who used to be afraid of her own shadow,” he teased. “Your confidence is growing and it’s wonderful to see. Now tell me your plan and how I can help.”

  She loved his immediate offer of help without all the ‘have you thought of this’ and ‘what about that’ questions with which Liam had always squelched her ideas. Jesse trusted her knowledge and gave her credit for being able to think through her plan. Just another thing to admire about Jesse Parker.

  “The goal is to get those ladies quilting. I can put together a quilt top for them to sew, but I’d need to get a frame to the home and set it up with the top, bottom and batting. Doable. But the biggest thing is, one of our staff would have to be present, at least for the first few meetings.” She waited, and when he didn’t speak, added, “That’s going to increase the payroll.”

  “Well, yes, but it’s also going to provide some good publicity while benefiting some lonely ladies. I say go for it.”

  Jesse’s support was a boost to her confidence, but still Maddie hesitated. “It could turn out to be a flop,” she warned. “And to do it without consulting Emma—”

  “But Gran told me that as far as operations go, she wants you to go with your hunches, so she can concentrate on her recovery.” Jesse’s words made Maddie wonder how much he’d discussed her with Emma.

  “Yes, but this isn’t the same as her other projects.”

  “Of course it is.” Jesse sounded impatient. “By now you know of the many things Emma does for the community, so you know they’re not all done for profit. My grandmother genuinely cares about people.” He brushed her cheek with his knuckles. “You have the same heart for people that she does, Maddie. So go with what your heart is telling you.” His blue eyes softened and his voice dropped as he said, “Forget the past, forget Liam and his rules. Listen to the faith that tells you God is there, ready and waiting to guide and help you.”

  “I never thought of God waiting to help me personally. I guess I don’t have the same faith that you do,” she admitted in a low voice, so Noah wouldn’t hear.

  “Are you kidding me?” Jesse gaped. “You had the faith to start the Easter quilt and believe your students would finish on time. You had the faith to start new projects, renovate the store, take cooking lessons and keep raising your son while filling in at Gran’s community projects. Are you telling me you’re not trusting God to help you with each of those things?”

  “I guess,” she said, slightly shocked to realize it was true. “I have been praying about a way to help those friends of Emma’s.”

  “Now you’ve got your answer.” God answering prayer was so ordinary to Jesse, but Maddie couldn’t quite believe He’d do that for her.

  “Can I ask you something?” She deliberately stopped a short distance from the house. Noah was sitting on the deck, playing with Cocoa for a change.

  Jesse had helped them in so many ways. Could he help her with this?

  “Ask anything.” He studied her face as he waited.

  “How do you know if you’re good enough for God?” Seeing his confusion, she reworded it. “How can you tell if you qualify for God’s love?”

  “Everybody qualifies.” He tilted his head to one side. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “Well...” Maddie felt foolish, and yet she needed to know. “I wasn’t a very good wife.” Jesse’s frown only added to her discomfort so she finally blurted, “I don’t think I loved Liam the way I was supposed to. I don’t think I’m a very good mother, either, because it seems like Noah hates me. So how can God love me?”

  “God’s love doesn’t depend on what you do or feel.” Jesse studied her with an intensity that made her shift nervously. “God loves you, Maddie McGregor, because God is love. He created every single thing about you, from your gorgeous hair to your beautiful eyes to your wonderfully talented hands. So He doesn’t think Oh, this child of mine is worth loving, but this one is too bad or too silly or too dumb. He knows exactly who and what we are and He loves us anyway.”

  “I don’t understand that,” she admitted sadly.

  “Sure you do.” He jerked a thumb over one shoulder. “When Noah was born did you think How can I love this wrinkled, red-faced, squalling kid that smells?” He laughed at her frown. “Of course you didn’t. You didn’t ask how or why you loved him or how he was going to earn your love. You looked at him and thought, This is my precious boy and I love him. Am I right?”

  “Yes.” She glanced at Noah and felt the same rush of love she’d felt the day he was born.

  “So if you can feel that way about your child, don’t you think the God of the universe who created us can feel the same love for us, only infinitely stronger?” His smile, calm, certain and so kind, reassured her. “See, Maddie, it’s not about who we are. It’s about who He is. And He is love.”

  “So it doesn’t matter what I do?” she asked, still confused.

  “Of course it matters. But what you do won’t change whether or not He loves you. Malachi 3:6 says, ‘I the Lord do not change.’ James 1:17 says, ‘Every good and perfect gift coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows.’ And of course you know John 3:16. ‘For God so loved the world,’” Jesse began, then paused, one eyebrow arched, waiting for her to finish quoting the verse.

  When she’d said the rest, Maddie began slowly walking again, her brain busy with all she’d heard.

  “The best way to show our love for God is to trust that because He loves us, He will always do His best for us. Ask God for help when you need it, Maddie, and then believe He’s there with you, leading you through the hard parts.” Jesse’s voice lowered as they neared Noah. “Remember, God is love. It has nothing to do with rules or payback or anything else.”

  “Thank you.” Feeling as though a huge weight had slid off her shoulders, Maddie was able to smile at Noah even though he was glaring at her. “Something wrong, son?”

  “What were you whispering about?” he demanded, his tone argumentative.

  “God,” Jesse said, before she could respond. “And His love for us.”

  “Dad said people talk about love too much. He said they should talk less and do more.” Noah’s chin thrust up as he stared down the youth pastor with a hint of belligerence.

  Maddie bit her bottom lip at the jaded comment, but Jesse was nodding.

  “That may be true, Noah. Many people do talk about love more than they actually love.” He smiled, then shrugged. “But the thing is, if you don’t tell someone you love them, how would they know? And if you don’t keep saying it, they might believe you stopped. So it’s good to talk about love and to be loving, too. Don’t you think so?”

  Noah frowned, obviously thinking about it. “I guess,” he muttered.

  “I’d better get home. Puppy time.” Jesse made a face.

  “Haven’t you been able to cut down on their feedings?” Maddie asked curiously.

  “Oh, yeah, but I’ve also learned that if I give them a good solid feed right before bedtime, they almost make it through the night and I get a longer sleep.” Jesse’s smug grin made her laugh.

  “So no guitar tonight?” Noah sounded disappointed.

  “Some other time maybe.” Jesse smiled at him. “You should get your own guitar. Then you could play whenever you want. Thanks for dinner. Bye.” He left a few minutes later.

&nbs
p; After Noah was in bed, his face turned to the wall when she tried to kiss him good-night, Maddie found her favorite spot on her porch and fought to quell the hurt that burned inside while wondering what she’d done wrong. Jesse had said God knew her. But did she know Him?

  As she watched the stars twinkle in the night sky, her mind tried to fathom God. He knew the solar system. He knew every single star, even the ones scientists were still discovering. He knew what was wrong with Noah. He knew her.

  Which meant He also knew about the fondness growing in her heart for the only man she’d ever called friend. He knew how much she appreciated Jesse’s encouragement, his support, his steady assurance that she could be and do the things she’d dreamed of. God knew how she spent her day dreaming about when she’d see Jesse again and share her day with him, how she valued the way he built her up instead of crushing her hopes.

  So God must know Maddie no longer thought of the future without Jesse in it. He must know she was falling in love with this wonderful man. He certainly knew that Jesse was a man worth loving.

  But God also knew she was afraid to be vulnerable to love again. She’d raced into marriage with Liam to escape her father, had trusted too easily and gullibly believed that because Liam was a minister he would be a good husband. She’d been so wrong, made so many mistakes, chief among them that she hadn’t loved her husband as she should have.

  Jesse was nothing like Liam, of course, but she didn’t know him that well, either. She didn’t know his plans for the future or how he thought of her beyond friendship. She sure didn’t know whether he shared this breathless feeling whenever they were together. She couldn’t tell if he wanted to hold her hand as much as she loved him holding it, or whether he wanted to deepen their friendship as much as she did.

  Once, Maddie had made a horrible mistake about love. She was not going to make it again.

  “Show me how to be content with the precious time we spend together,” she murmured. “I’ve made so many mistakes, done so many dumb things. I don’t deserve to be loved either by You or someone as kind as Jesse. I know that. So help me be his very best friend. Help me help him find what You need him to see so he can be the pastor you want.”

  She sat long into the darkness, trying to think of a way she could help, but couldn’t come up with a thing. But she wasn’t going to give up. Somehow she would help him though because Jesse was worth caring about.

  Chapter Nine

  “You’re not really into this, are you?” Kendal met Jesse’s blink of surprise with a smirk. “I mean, helping us poor unfortunate dummies who don’t know how to ride a horse—it’s not really your favorite job.”

  “Why do you say that?” Stunned by the confrontation, Jesse swallowed, then did his job by pointing to the reins the boy had let dangle.

  “Doesn’t seem like you’re here with us.” Kendal picked up the reins. “You recite directions in a computer-type voice, like you don’t care about us. You’re just doing what they told you to do. We don’t really matter to you.”

  Jesse opened his mouth to deny the accusation, but then he saw Noah watching and couldn’t do it. Hadn’t Tanner been working overtime to teach these kids truth? How could he slough off Kendal’s indictment when it was the truth? He’d refused to allow himself to be engaged on a personal level so he was a fake, and kids could spot fakes a mile out, especially a whip-smart kid like Kendal.

  What kind of emissary for God are you? Shame filled Jesse.

  “You’re right, Kendal. I wasn’t here. I was thinking about something else. I’m sorry, guys. You now have my full attention. Let’s get ready for your lesson.” Jesse waited for the boys’ nods. At his behest, Kendal finished checking that his saddle was secure on his horse. “Good work. Now can you get up on your own?”

  “Sure.” Kendal vaulted onto the horse, settled into the saddle, then peered down at him. “What were you thinking about?”

  About to make some bland comment, Jesse caught the way Kendal glanced at Noah, as if to say, Wait for it. He’ll make something up.

  Jesse inhaled. “I’ve been thinking about starting a band, only I can’t decide if anybody’d be interested.” Let’s see what the kid made of that honest response.

  Kendal’s usually bored stare snapped to life. “What kind of a band?”

  “A kids’ band. A Wranglers Ranch band.” He glanced at Noah, who was making no effort to get on his horse. “Noah’s interested in the guitar, I think, but I don’t know if any other kids who come here can play an instrument. Maybe nobody wants to. Anyway, sorry. I should have been paying more attention to you guys.”

  “You didn’t tell me you play the guitar.” Kendal studied Noah with awe in his eyes.

  “I’m just learning.” Noah sounded panicked.

  “He’s good.” Jesse kept talking as he maneuvered Amos so the stirrup was right in front of Noah. “He picks up a tune like nobody’s business and he’s hardly ever touched a guitar before.” He kept heaping on praise as he lifted an unsuspecting Noah into the saddle.

  “Jesse, I, uh, I don’t like this.” Noah sat stiffly, worriedly scanning the ground below.

  “Hey, Noah? Can you show me how to play sometime?” Kendal nudged his horse to fall into the line of horses slowly plodding along.

  “I dunno.” Noah bobbled wildly on Amos, who knew exactly what was expected of him and followed the others around the ring.

  He didn’t say no.

  “Anybody can learn an instrument.” Jesse was secretly delighted that Noah didn’t try to slide off the horse. Not that the boy was exactly participating. He sat stiffly, face frozen. “The thing is, it couldn’t be a once-in-a-while thing. If you’re in a band you have to be there for every practice and you have to work together. Bands take teamwork.”

  Tanner led the group through a walk and into a trot. Noah bounced wildly, clinging in terror to Amos’s mane. When the horse moved into a slow canter, Noah rocked so violently Jesse grew concerned he would topple off so he jogged alongside.

  “Don’t pull on the reins like that,” he said, and adjusted them. “You have to sit in the saddle, not on it. Keep your back straight. That’s better. Relax, buddy. Amos knows what he’s doing.” He ran beside Amos, giving directions to both boys. Kendal quickly caught on, but Noah clung to his fear.

  “I can’t do it,” he gasped, when they slowed to a walk.

  “You can’t if you keep being afraid.” Jesse stopped him long enough to adjust his stirrups. “You have to think of Amos as part of you. You move with him by letting your hips shift, not by yanking on the reins or grabbing the saddle horn or bouncing around like a sack of potatoes. Ready to try again?”

  “It’s scary, Jesse.” Noah’s face lost all color as he gulped.

  “It’s only scary because you’re not moving with your horse.” He waited for a smile, but none was forthcoming. A flicker of inspiration flared. “There aren’t always rules to guide you through the hard parts in life, Noah. Sometimes you just have to trust.”

  Two more rounds in the ring and Jesse was ready to give up, as feelings of failure engulfed him. Why couldn’t he help Noah let go of his anxiety?

  And then Kendal yelled, “If you can play a guitar you can ride that old horse, Noah.”

  Noah’s smile barely flickered, but it was the signal Jesse needed.

  “Close your eyes.”

  “Wh-what?” Noah looked at him as if he was crazy.

  “Close your eyes and feel Amos moving, just like you felt the guitar music. Close them. Now!”

  Noah glared at him, but finally squeezed his eyes shut, though his whole body was rigid with fear. With a touch, Jesse nudged Amos forward, holding his breath as the horse began to canter.

  “Feel what Amos is doing,” he ordered, but Noah seemed frozen. “Feel it.” He waited, whispering a prayer.
>
  And then something wondrous happened. Noah began to move with the horse, using his back and legs to control his movements instead of his hands. It took only a few minutes before he and Amos were smoothly circling the ring, horse and rider as one.

  “Yes!” Jesse whispered, and fist-pumped to celebrate. He caught Tanner’s grin and returned it.

  “Way to go, Noah,” Kendal cheered.

  Noah opened his eyes, looking dazed but supremely happy. “I did it,” he said with wonder as he reined in the horse.

  “You sure did. That was perfect.”

  Jesse stood ready lest Noah freeze up again. Instead the boy nudged Amos’s sides and directed him toward his spot at the rail.

  “Very good work, guys. Both of you deserve those cookies today.”

  “And Amos?” Noah dismounted and stood studying the big animal. Then without warning he reached out and placed his hand flat against the horse’s flank. “Will he get his treat?”

  “Check my back pocket. I’ve got two sugar lumps there. You and Kendal each take one. Put it in your palm and hold it out. Your horses will take it from you.” Seeing those dark eyes cloud again, Jesse touched the boy’s shoulder. “Trust, Noah.”

  With a nod Noah looked at Kendal and together they held out their sugar lumps. Their horses delicately swooped up the treats, and then Amos nudged his head against Noah’s, making the boy’s dark eyes widen.

  “That’s how he says thank-you,” Jesse explained with a chuckle.

  “Oh.” Noah nodded. “You’re welcome, Amos. Thanks, Jesse.” With a grin tossed over one shoulder, Noah headed toward the patio with Kendal, the two chatting like magpies.

  “I don’t know how you did that.” Maddie stood under a palo verde tree, tears streaming down her cheeks. “But thank you, Jesse. Thank you so much.”