by Lois Richer
“That’s a good idea.” Maddie pressed her back into the seat and cleared her throat. Jesse had a hunch she was in tears over Noah’s crankiness, but he couldn’t tell because of her sunglasses. “It was nice of you to have Emma’s housekeeper come in to tidy up, Jesse, and I know she’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness with the ramps. She’ll certainly feel more secure with you there to call on if she has trouble.”
“Well, I won’t move in with her permanently, but I do want to make sure she’s safe and capable of managing in her own home before I move back into my tent.” He winked at her, just to watch the way she ducked her head in shy response. “And I’m doubly grateful you and Noah helped me get the last of the puppies to their new homes yesterday. The house seems empty without them, but we know they’ll be well taken care of.”
“It was hard to give them away. They were so cute.” A smile of tenderness played across Maddie’s pink lips. She was so lovely.
“We should have made sure the owners will take good care of them.” Noah wore his usual frown.
“How?” Maddie asked. Jesse guessed from her tone that she’d already had this discussion with her son.
“You should have given them my rule list,” Noah snapped.
“That wouldn’t be right,” Jesse said quickly, before Maddie could reply. “The dogs have new owners who will each make their own rules. We’ve done our part.” Then, because Noah still looked worried, he added, “But maybe we could phone them in a week or so and ask how the puppies are doing.”
“And if they’re not good?” Noah’s question made it clear that he expected problems.
“Well, of course we can offer to help, but I’m sure they’ll be fine.” The boy’s increasing worries and insistence on his rules were getting to Jesse. By now he’d hoped to alleviate at least some of Noah’s concerns. Instead they seemed to be growing. “Is this a good place to have lunch?” He pulled into the parking lot of a national restaurant chain.
“Do they make good food?” The boy’s wrinkled nose gave his opinion without saying a word. “Dad’s rule was to eat at home.”
“I’m sure it’s very good food, Noah,” Maddie chided. “Jesse wouldn’t have brought us here otherwise.”
“I’ll wash my hands really good. Do you know that if everyone washed their hands it would eliminate about a million deaths a year? Dad’s rules—”
Jesse didn’t hear the rest of it because he jumped out of the car, scooted around it, pulled open Maddie’s door and held out his hand. “They have all-day breakfasts. I want waffles.”
“With strawberries.” She accepted his helping hand and didn’t let go. “Thanks for driving. I know my car’s a lot smaller than your truck, but I thought Emma might have trouble getting up on that high step.”
“Studies show large trucks are the safest vehicles in an accident—”
“No talk about accidents today, okay, Noah? Let’s talk about something pleasant. We don’t want to spoil Emma’s homecoming.” Jesse grinned, but in his heart he was praying the kid would let go of his negativity and not spoil his time with Maddie. He looped her arm through his, laid his palm on Noah’s back and ushered them both toward the restaurant. “I’m starving.”
Once Noah returned from his hand-washing, the meal was a success. But that was only because Jesse refused to allow Noah’s negativity to spoil it. When Maddie left for the ladies’ room before their food was served, he asked Noah to stop nattering at her about his rules.
“Your mother loves you very much, Noah, but if I were her, I’d be getting pretty fed up with the way you’re acting,” Jesse told him in a no-nonsense voice.
“Me? Why?” Noah tried for an innocent look, but ducked his head when Jesse pinned him with a severe glance.
“You’re deliberately being mean to her and I don’t like it. I don’t think your father would like it, either, if he were here,” he said in a firm tone.
“He was mean to her all the time.” Noah shredded part of his napkin.
“Does that make it right?” Jesse watched the kid struggle with the question. “I don’t think so. It isn’t the way God tells us to treat people we should love.”
“He had to be mean ’cause she wouldn’t follow his rules.” Noah’s tone was defiant. “It’s important to follow Dad’s rules.”
“It’s more important to follow God’s rules and you’re not doing that when you talk back to your mom and say mean things.” Jesse didn’t like to see Noah hurt, but how else to point out his mistake? And he was determined to do that. He would not sit back and watch Noah cause Maddie more distress. He couldn’t stand to see her green eyes shadowed with heartache.
“I always follow Dad’s rules.” Noah’s glare dared him to challenge that.
“Do you? Even if they’re wrong?” There, he’d said it. “Anyway, I don’t think you can follow any rules all the time. Sometimes I think you use your rules against other people to get your own way.” Jesse felt like he was skating on thin ice, but he continued on. “I think you use your rules to force other people to do what you want. Your mom, me, even Kendal.”
“How could I do that?” Noah scoffed.
“You didn’t like it when I gave Kendal a solo for our Easter concert, did you? That’s why you coax him to act out at band practice. You think that will make me angry and I’ll take his solo part away.” Jesse leaned forward. “Friends don’t do that to friends, Noah. Because it’s not keeping the rules that’s most important. It’s what’s in your heart.”
“My dad said keeping the rules is necessary.” Noah’s stubborn jaw lifted.
“How is that working for you, Noah? Are you able to keep all of them? Are you happy?” Jesse broke his stare only to smile at Maddie when she returned and sat down beside him. “Okay?”
“Perfect.” Her eyes narrowed as she glanced from him to Noah. “What were you guys talking about?”
“Friends and how we treat them. Ah, here’s our food.” Jesse focused on helping Maddie enjoy their time together, surprised by how much her pleasure mattered to him.
He loved hearing her unbridled laughter, loved seeing the way she dabbed at her lips, trying to get all the maple syrup off. Loved the rub of her shoulder against his and the way she worked so hard to engage a recalcitrant Noah.
Jesse wanted to protect her, cherish her, erase the memories of the past and the harsh things Noah had hinted at. He wanted to spend hours with her discussing all the dreams she kept hidden inside. He wanted to know her secret hopes and fears. He wanted to help her teach Noah to embrace life and let go of his fear.
Jesse wanted a future with Maddie McGregor. But that was exactly what he didn’t have to offer.
“Have all those carbs put you to sleep, Jesse?” she teased, nudging his side with her elbow.
“Nearly. I might have a sleep on the way home,” he joked.
“While you’re driving?” Noah looked and sounded aghast. “The rules—”
“Don’t allow it. I know.” Jesse winked at Maddie. “I was thinking your mom could drive.”
She nodded. “I could. Let’s go get Emma.”
It was exactly what Jesse wanted to hear and he drove to the care center with a song in his heart, delighted to embrace his precious grandmother once more.
“I’ve missed you,” Emma whispered in his ear as her arms tightened around him. It was the homecoming he’d longed for and Jesse reveled in it. She said the same to Maddie, hugging her tightly before commending her for the wonderful job she’d done at Quilt Essentials. “You’re a great businesswoman, Madelyn McGregor. My bookkeeper says we’ve done better with you in charge than I ever managed.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Maddie demurred. Though the sound of her formal name surprised him, it was easy for Jesse to see she was well pleased with the praise. “I hope everything is in order.”
“I’m not worried in the least.” Emma studied Noah for a moment before squeezing him close. “Noah, you’ve grown about two inches. How are you?”
“Good.” He didn’t exactly return her embrace, but he didn’t wiggle away as Jesse had feared he would. “I’m sorry you got hurt,” he said in his solemn voice.
“I’m much better now, thank you.” Emma stood with the help of her walker and let her gaze roam over all three of them. “What are we waiting for? God’s answered my prayers. Let’s go home.”
* * *
Maddie insisted on sitting in the backseat to give Emma room in the front, but trying to ensure she was comfortable wasn’t easy, especially during Noah’s steady stream of musical numbers. Her son didn’t even pause in his guitar playing and ignored her soft-voiced requests for a break, but eventually fell into sullen silence when Jesse broke in to say he wanted to talk to Emma.
Mortified, Maddie shrank into her corner. What kind of a mother was she that she couldn’t control her eight-year-old son? And why was Noah deliberately disobeying?
Eventually Emma fell asleep. Maddie was glad, even though it meant they didn’t speak for the rest of the journey. Sometimes silence was better than trying to combat Noah’s dark moods. Besides, she could spend the time admiring Jesse’s good looks and the tender way he periodically glanced at his grandmother. She admired him so much.
Admired?
Who was she kidding? She loved him. Maddie squeezed her eyes closed and prayed desperately that God would make him love her, then returned to her senses and realized that was a foolish prayer. It would be absolutely right if He didn’t answer that prayer, because Jesse was a pastor.
Oh, maybe not at this moment, but the way he worked with the kids at Wranglers Ranch told her he had a pastor’s heart and sooner or later he would return to the work he’d been called to, work he loved. Work she couldn’t share.
Hadn’t Liam told her how useless she was in that regard? Hadn’t she failed to be the leader the church ladies were supposed to find in their pastor’s wife? Maddie had stopped going to their Bible studies because she’d never be able to offer insight on the Scriptures they studied, never felt she had anything to offer a hurting heart. She’d never given a talk on her faith or shared the sweet sorrows of other women or made a close friend of any of them. She certainly couldn’t be the kind of helpmate that Jesse would need.
But she wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to be the woman who supported him through good times and bad. If only she could finally put her complete trust in God and truly believe that whatever path He led her on would be where He wanted her. If only God would let her be the one Jesse turned to.
It was a good thing Emma was back, Maddie thought as they pulled into her driveway. Once her friend was settled, maybe she’d help Maddie understand how to accomplish the hardest part of the Bible study by finally letting go of the fear of love that her marriage to Liam had caused. Maybe then she could let herself be vulnerable to live and finally trust in God’s love for her future.
If only Jesse could be part of that future.
Chapter Eleven
On Tuesday afternoon Maddie was up to her ears in Quilt Essentials’ annual fabric sale when her phone rang.
“Could you go to Emma’s? Now?”
She froze at the starkness of Jesse’s voice. “Why?”
“Emma texted the word help. Something’s wrong. I’ll meet you there.” There was a moment of silence, then he added, “And Maddie?”
“Yes?”
“Pray.”
During the drive to Emma’s Maddie begged God to remember that she wasn’t asking help for herself, but for Emma, sweet wonderful Emma, and for Noah, who’d grown increasingly troubled and was spending more and more time with her. Maddie pulled up to the house a second before Jesse jumped out of his truck. He grabbed her hand and offered her a smile that calmed her. Jesse was here. They would handle this together.
Inside, they found Emma, her face contorted in a grimace, sprawled on the floor, with Noah kneeling beside her, his skin drained and sallow. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he muttered over and over, “It’s my fault. You can’t break the rules. That’s why bad things happen.”
Fear grabbed Maddie’s heart. What had he done?
“Gran?” The tenderness in Jesse’s voice and the way he carefully touched his grandmother’s cheek made Maddie’s heart swell. What a wonderful man he was.
“I’m fine, but I’ve twisted my ankle. Help me up, would you, please?”
With careful manipulation Jesse eased her upright, then lifted her in his arms and set her in her favorite armchair. Once seated, Emma turned to Noah.
“Honey, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
“No.” Noah’s appearance echoed his ragged voice. “I broke the rule.”
“What happened?” Jesse glanced from her to Noah and back.
“I didn’t use my cane like I’m supposed to.” Emma made a face. “So there was nothing to balance on when I tripped on the edge of the carpet. It’s my own fault.”
“Noah, you promised that if you could stay with Emma after school you’d help her.” Maddie knew something was wrong because he wouldn’t look at her. “Why didn’t you bring her the cane?”
“I wasn’t paying attention. I was playing my new song.” The words emerged muffled because his chin was pressed against his chest. “I’m sorry, Emma.” Noah hesitantly touched her hand, then backed up. “I wasn’t playing a hymn. Dad said when you break the rules God makes bad things happen. He was right. Emma got hurt.” He picked up his guitar and held it out. “I can’t play this anymore.”
Maddie lifted her head and stared straight at Jesse, hoping he had an answer. It was clear from his frowning face that he was as confused as she was.
“Playing songs that aren’t hymns isn’t breaking God’s rules, Noah.” Jesse’s stare moved from the outstretched guitar to the boy’s face. “Did you push Gran so she fell?”
Noah’s head jerked and his eyes widened. “No!”
“Then how could it be your fault that she fell? She tripped. But she’s all right now, aren’t you, Gran?” Jesse smiled at her forceful nod.
“Yes. I thought I’d progressed past the wobbly stage, so I didn’t use the cane. I broke the rule, Noah. Not you,” she insisted.
Noah didn’t look convinced as he returned the guitar to its case. He took a seat far away from it but his longing gaze kept returning to the instrument.
Maddie squelched a rush of frustration. Why couldn’t she understand what was at the bottom of Noah’s issues? Then Emma’s pale face drew her attention.
“Would you like some tea?” Maddie hurriedly offered.
“I would love a strong cup of coffee,” her boss said emphatically. “Would you make some, dear?”
“Of course.” Maddie went to the kitchen and prepared a pot of coffee, her mind still on Noah. She smiled when Jesse appeared and sat at the breakfast bar.
“Any idea why he keeps on about breaking the rules?” he asked.
“No, but I’m beginning to believe he’ll never get past that,” she admitted, feeling she was failing her child. “I had reservations when Emma insisted he come here again today. Noah’s been—I don’t know. Not exactly acting out, but pushing against every restriction I make. His behaviour is getting stranger and I still feel that his coming here so often overtaxes your grandmother. She hasn’t fully recovered.”
“Emma’s fine.” Jesse frowned and scratched his chin. “Noah’s issue is these rules your husband instilled in him. I think we need to stress that God wouldn’t hurt Emma just because Noah broke a rule.”
“It’s kind of you, Jesse. I appreciate you taking an interest.” She certainly did. “I have talked to him about the rules, but he doesn’t seem to hear me. He’s so ang
ry at me and he won’t say what it is that I’ve done wrong. He just keeps talking about the rules.” Tears welled and there was no way she could stop them.
Suddenly Jesse’s arms were around her. He gathered her against his chest, smoothing his hand down her back as he crooned words of comfort.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Maddie. No way. This is some crazy idea his father put in his head, or something Noah’s twisted to understand.” She felt Jesse’s lips brush against her hair as he held her in the shelter of his embrace. “You’ve been sweet and loving to Noah, a truly caring mother. This isn’t your fault.”
Maddie stood silently absorbing the comfort as he stroked her back, encouraging her confidence.
“Dry your eyes and put on a happy face now,” Jesse chided a few moments later. He held her at arm’s length and smiled. “Or else Gran will know something is wrong and bawl me out for upsetting you.”
Maddie sniffed and tried to nod. Then Jesse’s hands cupped her face. She couldn’t speak when he peered into her eyes. His own swirled with things she couldn’t understand, while his thumbs grazed the skin of her cheeks, so lightly, so tenderly. She had a feeling he was struggling to decide something. Finally, he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers in a brief touch that lit a fire in her heart and made it sing.
“You’re so beautiful, Maddie. Such a precious heart you carry inside despite what you’ve been through. I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone with a heart like yours.” Then he kissed her again, and this time it was no mere brush of the lips. This time Jesse kissed her as if she was the person he prized most in the world.
Maddie gave herself to that kiss, trying to show him without words what he meant to her. She loved this man, loved him with all her heart. He was kissing her, so did that mean—
