Chance Encounters
Page 59
He looked at them. No, Laura would not, and what he had seen of Jane, she would not. His mother? He did not wish to think about. Kathleen. No, not that look. He had never seen that expression on her face. Maybe that was the problem, he simply wished for the intense love that Darcy had. Sighing, he walked out of the room, ignoring the other men. Passing the door to the sitting room, he paused for a moment, hearing Darcy’s soft moans. He closed his eyes and sped past on his way upstairs to change from his perspiration-soaked clothes. He did not notice his father following him.
He was in his dressing room rubbing a wet washcloth over himself when his father walked in and closed the door. He took a seat in the barbering chair and watched his son silently dry then dress.
“It seems all those years in the army served you well, Son. You have no need for a valet.”
“I still have not learned to tie a cravat well.”
Lord Matlock stood and walked over to his son, standing before him and tying the neck cloth, adjusting the knot carefully, and then smoothing it down. When finished he looked into his eyes. “Something is eating at you Richard, and has been for some time. What is it?”
It was useless to deny it; his father was as tenacious as a bulldog and would not be easily put off. Richard leaned against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him, and Lord Matlock returned to the chair. “I do not know what is wrong; I feel . . . overwhelmed, lost, I cannot put it into words.” He sighed and began pacing. “I am wholly unprepared to be Master of Rosings. I was not raised as Mark was, to take over Matlock. I feel so useless.” He closed his eyes. “I had to beg for Darcy’s help to save me from the disaster I created when my steward died. If it was not for him and Barnes, God knows what misery my tenants would be suffering, and my income would be nonexistent. If it were not for them, my taxes would not have been paid . . . I am useless!” Lord Matlock said nothing, sensing there was more to come. “Then I am haunted by dreams of death and violence. I try to sleep but wake screaming in terror. Poor Kathleen must suffer through the ranting of a weak man every night. A weak failure is what she has married.” He paused. “I love her Father, I do, but I cannot seem to give her . . .” He looked up. “Do you see the way Darcy and Elizabeth are? Do you feel the strength of their bond? Did you see the way she looked at him in the fencing room? Have you ever witnessed such behaviour with any other couple? Is my marriage normal or is theirs? I do not have that intensity that they do. God knows I am trying, but it is not there, and all I can think about is what would have happened if Elizabeth had looked at me that night in the theatre instead of Darcy. Would I be the one she would look at with such love?” He wiped his hands over his face.
Lord Matlock watched the emotion in his son, and spoke quietly. “Are you in love with Elizabeth?”
“No! No, of course not, she is my cousin’s wife!” He turned away, closing his eyes and resting his hands on a table for support.
“Before she was his wife, you knew her. What did you feel then?”
Richard looked back at his father, his eyes begging him not to force him to say it. His father’s relentless gaze made him face his truth. “I loved her. I fell in love with her the night that she came to dinner at Darcy House.” He hung his head; he had finally said the words out loud.
Lord Matlock nodded; he and his wife had suspected this for some time. “How do you feel about her now?”
Richard looked up and said bitterly, “I am endeavouring to feel nothing.”
“Perhaps that is your mistake.” Richard stared at him. “Has Darcy addressed this with you? Surely he is not blind to your feelings.”
Richard nodded. “Yes, he has told me I may love her as my cousin and his wife, but not to dare attempt anything more, not that I would.”
“For such a possessive and insecure man as Darcy, that is an extraordinary position for him to take on the subject.”
“Darcy? Insecure?” He was incredulous.
Lord Matlock laughed. “He is the most insecure man I know, even more so than you.” Richard remained confused. “He lost his mother, he never had his father, he was given the burden of Pemberley when he was still a boy, tried to be a father to Georgiana, failed her in his mind with Wickham, finds Elizabeth, fears losing her to her father’s plans, almost loses her to Wickham, finally does lose her for weeks due to his fear of speaking to her, because he feared he would lose her if he did! No wonder he clings to her like she is his only surety in life and is ready to defend and protect her at the slightest provocation. If he is truly aware of your infatuation, it is a wonder that you ever considered fencing with him today. It is fortunate his foil was not in his hand when he saw you staring at her.”
“ALL of us were staring at her!” Richard cried, overwhelmed by his father’s description of his best friend. “Do not tell me you were not drawn to her!”
His father nodded, admitting his own attraction. “Yes, but you are the only one he sees as a threat. Why do you think he puts up with you, knowing all that he does?”
Richard sank against the table. “I do not know.”
“First, because he loves you. Second, because he is sure, without any doubt, that Elizabeth loves him, without any hesitation, and will not be tempted away by you or any other man. Third, he sees what all of us see. Kathleen is a very good woman and loves you, and you Son, DO love her. You both have a great deal of learning and growing to do. No, you were not raised to be Master of an estate, that was my error, but even Darcy, who was, struggled for years after his father died. It will come. I will help, your new steward will help, and your brother and Darcy will help. You are not alone. Kathleen is just as lost as you. Support each other. This is your opportunity to learn and grow together. Through this experience you will find the deep love that I know you wish for, and envy of your cousin. They seem to have found it instantly, perhaps they were both ready for it when it came, but I have watched, and through each of their trials they have grown stronger. You and Kathleen have had only one trial as yet. You are taking the slower path as I did with your mother. If you give it your full attention, you will be rewarded in the end.”
Richard had listened closely, and then said softly. “Then what is my mistake with Elizabeth?”
“If you truly did fall in love with her, not lust, not infatuation, that feeling will never leave you. Darcy has given you his extraordinary permission to love her, not as a husband, but as a friend. I think that your struggle to deny all feeling for her is what is behind your inability to suppress the memory of the violence you have witnessed in the past. I am willing to wager that when you stop denying that you have any feeling at all for her, you will be able to let her go to reside in a part of your heart where you may freely, and without guilt, care for her. Then you will be able to be the husband you truly wish to be for the woman you truly do love. I have a feeling that those conflicted dreams will fade as your marriage strengthens. Kathleen deserves no less from you.”
“That is easier said than done, Father.”
“No it is not, you simply have to decide to do it.” He rose and clasped his shoulder. “You can and will succeed.”
Richard drew a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you, Father; I needed to talk about this.”
“Anytime, Son.” The men embraced, both close to tears. “Ahem, well, it should be about time for some sort of a meal, I think, let us return to our wives before they start fretting over their frocks for tonight.”
ELIZABETH STOOD holding William’s hand and touched the spectacular diamond necklace he presented to her that afternoon, and then straightened, watching the door for their first guests to enter their home. She peeked up at him. His face was relaxed, but his eyes were watching every move of the bustling servants. She felt him squeeze her hand and saw his eyes turn to her and smile. “Are you ready?”
She took a breath and smiled back. “I think so.” He kissed her hand and returned to his vigilant watch over his staff.
Elizabeth thought back to earlier that afternoon when Wil
liam swept into the ballroom, took her hand, excused her from Mrs. Reynolds and pulled her up to their bedchamber where he insisted that she eat and rest. She smiled remembering his Master of Pemberley voice and face as he informed her that his wife and child would not be permitted to attend the ball without full bellies or without a nap. After eating he led her to the enormous upholstered honeymoon chair in their bedroom and taking a blanket, settled in next to her, wrapped her in his embrace, and to her great surprise, coaxed her to sleep, not waking until his soft kisses roused her with plenty of time to bathe and dress. It was exactly the calm she needed before the stress of her first ball.
The residents of Pemberley made their way down the stairs, everyone exclaiming over the ladies’ lovely gowns and their handsome escorts. Soon their neighbours arrived, twenty carriages bringing almost one hundred guests. When the last were greeted and welcomed, Elizabeth, her confidence now fully restored, looked up to her now retreating husband and gave his arm a hug. It was her turn now to relax him.
“I believe, Mr. Darcy, it is time for us to begin the dance.”
He groaned. “You know I am doing this solely for the privilege of dancing with you, do you not?”
“I do, but you know you cannot monopolize me as you did at the harvest dance?”
His face fell. “No?” She shook her head. “Which may I have?”
She kissed his cheek. “Definitely the first, supper and last.” She smiled at his pout.
“That is all?”
She caressed his hand and laughed. “Come, my love.”
Darcy endeavoured to ignore the crowd and instead concentrated on his wife whose face was glowing, taking in the atmosphere. She nudged him and laughed, pointing out Mrs. Drake and her mother having already found their other half in the milling guests. With a subtle wave from Darcy, the musicians began and the couples moved to the centre of the room to take their places for the first dance.
The ball progressed. Elizabeth was very pleased to see William ask Mary and Kitty to dance, as well as Georgiana and each of the other wives of their party. Her mother declined his request, blushing crimson and claiming she was too old. Darcy was inwardly relieved. He kept a close watch on Elizabeth’s partners, and her reaction to them. When he saw her on the arm of Hitchins, he had to stop himself from snatching her away from his leering smile. He oddly felt relief when Richard bowed formally to her and led her back to the floor, but the momentary relief ended and he watched the pair very intently.
Richard knew Darcy was watching. He asked Elizabeth to dance on purpose, to see if he could touch her without feeling desire. Elizabeth smiled and took his hand. “I was hoping you would ask me to dance, Richard.”
Startled he looked at her. “You were?”
“Yes, we have not had much opportunity to talk since you came. I was beginning to feel as if you were avoiding me.”
He forced a laugh. “That is ridiculous, why would I wish to avoid you?”
Elizabeth tilted her head at him. “I wish that I knew.” His eyes were drawn to hers, and they went through the next movements without speaking.
Darcy was more disturbed by his cousin’s staring than his speaking, and feeling a deep need to assert his territory, began to step towards them when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Let it go, Darcy.”
He turned to see his uncle. “I have let it go, time and again. I have spoken to him twice. I will tolerate no more.”
“Do you trust Elizabeth so little?”
He returned to his uncle and stared. “How can you say such a thing?”
He shrugged. “I wished to gain your attention and keep you from making a spectacle of yourself.” Darcy searched his face in disbelief. “She is in no danger, not from Richard. We had a very good talk today. Give him a chance, give him time.”
“Time for what?”
“To let her go.”
“He never had her!” He whispered furiously
“That is what he must let go.” Lord Matlock said firmly.
Darcy sighed. “And I am to just stand by and let him stare at her like this?”
“No, I suggest that you ask Kathleen to dance.” He smiled.
Darcy shook his head. “I cannot pretend infatuation with her. I will not upset Elizabeth.
“Of course not. I do not suggest that you do. Perhaps though, he should see his wife dancing with the man who inspires such open affection in Elizabeth. Make him jealous for a change.” He raised his brows. “Hmmm?”
Darcy sighed and nodded. At the beginning of the next dance he offered his hand to Kathleen and led her to the floor. Elizabeth’s eye caught his. To anyone else he wore his usual sombre expression. To her, she saw how unhappy he was and sent him a gentle smile. She knew his upset was with Richard. His eyes brightened with her look, and he was able to give his attention to Kathleen. Richard saw his wife dancing and smiling up at Darcy, and Elizabeth felt his grip tighten on her hand. She smiled and considered reassuring him that Kathleen was quite safe from William, but decided it would do Richard good to feel some jealousy. Instead she began talking about Rosings and enjoyed listening to him trying to pay attention to the conversation as his head continually swivelled to watch his wife. When the dance ended, he bowed and took Elizabeth directly to the spot where Darcy brought Kathleen, and quickly reclaimed her hand.
“I believe the next set is ours, my love.” He smiled and kissed her hand.
“And I do believe; I finally have the next with you, Elizabeth.” Darcy took her hand and raised it to his lips.
“Yes, you do indeed, William.” She touched his face, ignoring the whispers of the people standing nearby, and took her place at her husband’s side.
MR. BENNET SPENT THE BALL observing the people around him; he stood to the side, a drink in his hand, first taking in the excited faces of Kitty and Mary, and their new friend Georgiana. Each of the girls had been asked to dance by the men of the family party, but now several young men of the neighbourhood were bowing and asking for their hands. Naturally, most of the attention was given to Georgiana, and she, under the eagle gaze of her family, was forced to refuse their offers as she was not yet out. Mr. Bennet felt sorry for her disappointment, but admired the family protecting her so well.
His gaze turned to Jane and Bingley. They both seemed happier here at Pemberley. He laughed to himself, wondering how they could possibly appear happier, as he had yet to witness anything resembling a frown on either one’s face. Even so, Jane’s serenity and Bingley’s perpetual grin seemed somehow less strained.
He noticed the odd behaviour of Darcy’s cousins. Both seemed to stare at Elizabeth quite frequently, in fact, all of the men seemed to be watching her, especially when she interacted with Darcy. Richard watched her closely, and Mr. Bennet noticed Darcy in turn watched Richard. Something was happening that he did not like, and if he was on better terms with his son-in-law, he would have approached him, but as it was, he could do nothing but observe.
As the strains of the final dance died away, Elizabeth leaned into William’s solid form and she felt his supportive arms wrap around her. “You are exhausted, Elizabeth.”
She nodded and forced herself to stand upright again before they started tongues wagging. “Yes, but thankfully it is over, at least it will be when everyone leaves.”
“I will be happy to farewell our guests alone, my love. You go ahead upstairs.” Darcy’s concerned eyes held hers, and he brushed a fallen curl from her forehead.
“Now you know I would never do that to you William. I will be fine. Come, let us go stand by the door and give them a subtle hint to leave.” She smiled and he shook his head.
UPSTAIRS, Pemberley’s residents retired to their rooms. “I feel that it was a great success, Henry. What do you think?” Lady Matlock wandered into her husband’s dressing room, brushing her hair as she spoke.
“I agree. We have attended the various dinners and balls that Darcy forced himself to host over the years, and while pleasant and elegant, none could c
ompare to the atmosphere that we felt tonight. It is extraordinary what being in the presence of two such committed people can do to raise the enjoyment of the party.”
Lady Matlock smiled. “They do seem to have a glow about them, do they not?”
He laughed. “It is more like the sun shining, I believe.”
She sighed. “I hope someday our sons will feel something similar.”
“I heard whispers of Elizabeth's kidnapping. No details, nothing of what happened to her, other than the search and the arrest of Wickham. I heard nothing of Darcy beating him, at least his people kept that quiet. But Darcy should be prepared to face questions when we return to London.”
“Perhaps you should speak to him about it before we leave. We will return before them, and can begin to put out the preferred story then.”
“Yes, and we should include Mark and Richard as well.”
Further down the hall, Mark had retired to his separate bedchamber as he had every night of his marriage. Laura had never asked for him to remain with her. She firmly followed society’s dictates that they maintain their own apartments, and after fulfilling their duties, retired elsewhere. Mark lay with his hands behind his head, first remembering Elizabeth’s expression when gazing at Darcy that morning, then the sound of his cousin’s voice in the sitting room, then all of the subtle and not so subtle displays of affection he witnessed during the ball and indeed throughout his stay. His final image was turning at the top of the stairs when the last guest left to see Elizabeth enfolded in Darcy’s arms, her head on his chest, his resting on her hair, both with their eyes closed and swaying gently, oblivious to all. Mark’s marriage was definitely one of convenience, and he never thought anything was wrong with that. Now, after watching his cousin, he wondered if he could have more with his wife.