One of the Guys

by Dawn Doyle

  Would he have kept anything himself?

  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I got changed into my stretchy workout gear and practiced some flexibility moves in the middle of my room. It was a way to get rid of the tension. However, it was building up faster than I could get rid of it lately.

  *****

  The next morning, Logan picked me up for school and I could tell he was wary of me when I met him at the door.

  “How are you feeling?” He asked, unable to keep eye contact with me.

  “Better.” I said, with a smile, and I was.

  Through the night, I’d decided that I couldn’t let my feelings come to the surface too much. If anything, I would have to try to bury them.

  Good luck with that!

  The guys met us at school, and the conversation turned to the tests we’d done, before the game. The pressure of the game, on top of finals, caused the guys to get a little stressed.

  “You’re lucky you don’t play.” Lex said, surprising the hell out of me.

  “Why?” I asked, confused.

  “Because it’s stressful; especially now. We had finals last week and all of the studying and practice to do was a lot.” He said.

  “Yeah. We don’t get much time to do anything else.” Pike added.

  “I don’t even want to see another math problem.” Said Stu, his head in his hands.

  “I may not play baseball, but I do other things besides study, you know.” I said.

  I heard Carl snort a laugh, which Logan answered with a glare.

  “Your days are so cushy. Studying and school. Oh, and that old lady you shop for.” Added Lex.

  “Actually, I still train.”

  “Train what?” Asked Stu.

  “Gymnastics?” I said, more like a question. They knew I went, but they’d never seen me ‘perform’.

  “I didn’t know you still did that.”

  “I never stopped.” I said.

  We never talked about it, I guess, so they had no reason to think I did.

  “Show us something.” Said Lex, with a smile and I saw his eyes glance over my body again.

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s not the time, or the place.” I said, as if it were a ridiculous thing to suggest. Yeah, like I was about to do a row of back handsprings down the hallway. I’d take a lot of students out by doing that.

  “Another time, then.” He said, still smiling at me.

  I glanced to Logan, and I saw that he wasn’t happy with Lex, at all.

  “We should get going.” He said, and he put his hand around my shoulders, steering me down the hallway. Not as he’d done the last time, but around me nonetheless.

  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was being territorial over me. The way Lex had spoken, and looked at me, Logan hadn’t liked it. Maybe there was something else in Lex’s actions that I’d missed that Logan had picked up on.

  No. You’re not going to think like that. Just savor the moment that Logan is touching you. Don’t think; just feel.

  That I did. I felt his warm hand on my shoulder, lightly gripping as we walked down the hallway to my homeroom.

  “I’ll see you in class.” He said, steering me through the door, out of the reach of Lex.

  Before I walked even a couple of paces, I heard the rumble of Logan’s voice saying something and Lex’s laughter, followed by the others. I let it go and sat at my table, waiting for the bell to sound for the first period.

  Walking into Chem class, I saw Logan in his seat, next to Carl. Carl was saying something to him, and Logan looked pissed. Like really pissed.

  “Hey.” I said, sitting down in my usual spot on the other side of Logan.

  “Hey.” He said, his expression changing immediately.

  He smiled at me and there was no trace of the scowl he’d been shooting at Carl.

  “Is everything ok?” I asked, glancing to Carl who was looking down at his desk.

  “Yeah. Everything’s fine.” He said as he shifted in his seat. “Lex was just kidding, you know.”

  I was taken aback by Logan’s comment. I hadn’t thought about Lex at all, and he must’ve thought I had.

  “Oh, Um… ok.” I said, a bit unsure of what else to say. “I never even gave that a thought.”

  Logan’s eyes snapped to mine, and his cheeks turned pink, ever so slightly.

  “Oh, I thought you would’ve been angry with him.”

  “No. He was kidding, and I don’t have to prove myself to him anyway.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  I saw the faintest frown on his face before he turned away when the teacher walked into the room.

  Logan sure was acting strange this morning.

  During Chem class, I was well aware of Logan’s constant fidgeting in his seat. Carl was chuckling under his breath, and I really wanted to throw my book at his head. Something was going on with Logan, and Carl was finding it funny. I wasn’t. I wanted to know exactly what Carl’s problem was.

  “Carl, shut up. Instead of cackling like a witch, try paying attention. Maybe you’ll get a decent score this time.”

  I was fully aware that he hadn’t gotten anything higher than a ‘B-minus’ for chemistry all through the year. I’d never mentioned anything, until now. Now, he was getting on my nerves by laughing at Logan.

  “Yeah? You don’t do much better, and you need Logan to help you.” He said, snarling at me.

  “Is that so?” I asked with a smile.

  Yes, Logan helped me with chemistry, but I wasn’t as bad as Carl thought. To be perfectly honest, I was just as good as Logan. I just wanted him to think he was helping me so I could pay close attention to him without him realizing what I was doing.

  “Yeah. We all know Logan helps you.”

  “Carl!” Logan whisper shouted; a threat in his tone.

  “God knows you help him with his Math. Why else do you think he keeps you around?” Carl smiled slyly at me.

  “Carl, that’s enough!” Logan said, getting angrier. “That’s bullshit and you know it.” He turned to me, panic in his eyes. “Chase, don’t believe him, he’s being an ass as usual.” He said, clenching his fists on the table.

  I knew Logan wouldn’t do that to me. After all, we’d been friends for almost three years.

  As I thought about it, I realized that the majority of our time alone was spent studying. The subject was mainly math, too. Had Logan been using me all this time?

  “Chase.” I heard him call from next to me.

  “What?” I asked, looking into his eyes. Eyes that seemed to be afraid that I believed Carl over him, or possibly worried that I’d been told the truth?

  “Don’t listen to him, he’s talking crap. I wouldn’t do that; you’re my friend.”

  I shouldn’t listen to Carl. After all, he’s always trying to make me feel like I don’t belong, but something about this stung. I couldn’t help thinking that Logan’s panicked expression might have been because Carl’s comment held some truth to it.

  I didn’t say anything else. I just nodded and got on with my work. Logan wasn’t happy, and Carl looked like a smug little bastard. If Logan didn’t punch him, then I had a feeling I’d be stepping up to take a swing.

  Chapter 7

  I managed to get through the rest of the day, without another comment from Carl, and I’m pretty sure that Logan had said something to him. I felt a little awkward getting into Logan’s car after school. He’d been passing sly glances to Carl during lunch, and Carl looked as if he were enjoying it.

  I was so confused.

  Lex had been looking over to me a few times and I wondered what was going on with him. Normally, he wouldn’t look twice but now he was freaking me out. I had to check myself to see whether I had something on my clothes or my face. I didn’t understand what his deal was. He’d pushed his brown hair out of his eyes, and let his eyes look me up and down. It made me uncomfortable.

  “Did you say anythi
ng to Carl?” I asked when Logan pulled out of the parking lot.

  Logan took a deep breath, and his hands gripped the steering wheel.

  “Yeah. I told him to quit being an asshole to you.”

  “Oh. What did he say?”

  I hate to admit that I was a little disappointed that was all he’d said. If it were the other way round, I would’ve grabbed Carl and smacked him in the mouth.

  “He said he was just fucking around, and also getting you back for what you said to him.” He replied.

  “What? He was laughing at you! The fucking dumb-ass should quit making fun of people and just concentrate on his schoolwork. If he did, maybe he wouldn’t be such a fuck-up.” I spat.

  Carl wasn’t a complete fuck-up. He got mostly B’s and the occasional C, but he was still far from an ideal student.

  “Why was he laughing at you? What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Nothing.” Logan shrugged.

  “Don’t lie to me Logan. You looked uncomfortable, and Carl was laughing about something that he obviously knows about. What is it?”

  Logan sighed and ran a hand through his hair in irritation. He could make out as though he didn’t want to tell me, but I wasn’t going to budge this time. I continued to stare at him, which I was glad to do, letting him know that I was waiting for an answer.

  “It’s nothing, Chase. Just leave it.” He said, finally.

  “Leave it? What do you mean, leave it? Would you let me leave it if it were the other way around?” I knew the answer to that immediately. “Oh yeah, you did. When you thought I was mad, you let it go for two weeks before you asked me what was up.” I said, reminding him of the fact.

  “That was different, Chase. I thought you were mad at me for something. Not mad at somebody else.”

  “I don’t see how that’s different. If you’re mad, you’re mad. It doesn’t matter at whom or why. You just are. As a ‘friend’ you would want to know regardless.”

  Logan glanced to me when I emphasized ‘friend’. I saw his jaw clench and then loosen. He licked his lips before he spoke again.

  “I’m not mad with anyone, or I wasn’t until what Carl said to you. I’m um… just worried about Friday’s game. It’s the last one of the school year, and I want it to go well. With Carl’s attitude lately, I’ll be swinging the bat at him instead of the ball.”

  “So why was he laughing at you?” I asked. Even though what he said made sense, he hadn’t answered my question of why Carl was laughing.

  “Because, he thinks it’s funny that I’m worried.”

  I knew Logan was keeping something from me, and I had a feeling it had something to do with sparing my feelings. Possibly from something Carl had said, or maybe even the others, and he didn’t want me to get hurt. I suppose I’d do the same for him.

  “Oh, so are any of the others worried?”

  “Not really. They’re more worried about their finals results.”

  Our results were due on Friday, right before the big game. We’d been studying so hard for them, and we were all glad to be finally getting a break.

  “I guess that’s understandable.” I said.

  I wasn’t buying it. I knew something else was the reason for his behavior. The gut feeling, the bad feeling, was telling me that I would find out real soon.

  “Well, we don’t have studying to do, so do you want to do something else?” Logan asked when we pulled up outside my house.

  The past couple of days, he’d had to go to practice and I’d been to gym club.

  “What do you have in mind?” I asked, and I saw a flicker of something in his eyes before he looked down to his hands.

  “We could watch a movie or go somewhere. The guys will call later when they want to meet up.”

  Great, more Carl! Fantastic.

  To be completely honest, I was getting tired of watching movies. We were just sitting there, practically doing nothing. It was nice to be alone with Logan, but the tension I felt was by no means comfortable. I wanted to cuddle into him, for him to put his arm around me and hold each other whilst we watched. Like couples do.

  Only we’re not a couple.

  “We could watch a couple of episodes of Sons Of Anarchy.” I finally suggested. “We have a few on catchup.”

  “Yeah, great.” He said, with a big smile.

  Going into my house, I grabbed some chips, popcorn and sodas, and took them up to my room. Logan sat on the bed, plus my pillow, stroking Ruffles who seemed content curled up next to his legs purring loudly.

  I rolled my eyes at her and Logan laughed.

  “What can I say? She loves me.” He grinned.

  So do I.

  I shook my head and opened the bags; I passed Logan his soda. I switched on the TV and placed the snacks on the table at the end. I unzipped my hoodie and shook it down my arms, throwing it on my computer chair. Turning back to the bed, I saw that Logan was looking away, as if he were embarrassed.

  Then, it dawned on me.

  I had shaken the jacket off. My boobs were probably bouncing about and he saw.

  Oh my God! Did he look at my boobs?

  My T-shirt wasn’t tight but shaking off the jacket, he would’ve seen… The time on the stairs, when I jogged down to meet him…

  I almost burst out laughing. Logan was embarrassed because he’d looked at my jiggling bad girls. It was good that he didn’t want to be caught looking, but it wasn’t good because it could mean that he felt guilty for looking. I didn’t mind it at all.

  I smiled as I sat down, rolling onto my stomach at the end of the bed. Logan shifted his position and lay next to me. Ruffles, the ever interfering feline, got up and lay between us.

  “You’re smiling.” Logan said, placing his bottle on the table.

  He was smiling too, and I knew he had no idea what I’d seen. I placed my bottle down and pressed play to start the first episode we were going to watch.

  “I’m just happy that there’s no more stress from Finals.” I lied, smiling even bigger.

  “Yeah, me too.” He replied. “It’s just the game to worry about now. You’re still coming, right?”

  “Of course.” I said, as if it were insane to think otherwise.

  “Well then, I’ve nothing more to worry about.” He flashed his white teeth, and we turned our attention to the TV.

  *****

  We stayed lying on our stomach’s whilst we were watching TV; occasionally reaching for snacks and our drinks. Ruffles was still purring away, happily, between us and wasn’t looking to move anytime soon.

  Logan moved his arm back, to stroke her head, and his fingertips brushed my arm as he did. Goosebumps broke out immediately and I felt the tingles through my body as he continued. I could feel my nipples hardening and he’d only touched my arm. I couldn’t imagine what would happen if he touched me in different places, on purpose.

  Ruffles continued to purr loudly at the attention she was receiving, and I thought I could feel Logan’s touch aimed more in my direction than my cat’s. It might’ve been wishful thinking on my part, but it was as if his fingers were brushing my arm deliberately.

  I should move. I should let him think that I’m trying to move out of his way. No that might make him think that I don’t want him to. God! I’m so confused right now! I thought to myself.

  My body won over my brain, and I stayed put.

  Logan continued to stroke Ruffles, and my arm, as we continued to watch Sons. Halfway through the next episode, Ruffles got up and left the room. There was no reason for Logan to touch me anymore, and I was pissed at my cat for leaving.

  “I guess she had enough.” Logan chuckled.

  “She’ll be back. You know she loves you.” I said, nudging him with my elbow, making Logan laugh.

  “Nah, she just uses me for her own selfish needs. I should have a talk to her; the relationship is all one-sided.” He said, deadly serious; a smile pulling at the corners of his luscious lips.

  I wanted to kiss them so bad,
and I had to stop myself from staring at his mouth.

  “I don’t think she’ll have much to say.” I said. “You know, as well as I that she’s not fond of conversation.”

  “Well, it can’t go on like this any longer. She’s breaking my heart.” He said, with mock hurt.

  “Good luck.” I said, pointing to the doorway as Ruffles walked back in and proceeded to resume her position between us.

  “Hey, Ruffles. We need to talk.” Logan said, stroking the top of her head.

  Ruffles answered with a meow.

  “I’m feeling unloved in this relationship. The least you could do is return some of the affection I give to you.” He said, and Ruffles answered with another meow, turning her head away, closing her eyes as Logan continued stroking.

  “I told you.” I said to him. “She won’t listen to anybody.”

  “Ruffles, you could at least pet me back. Look, I’m sorry, but it’s over. You’ve had your chances, and I’m thinking that you’re just not right for me.”

  I laughed at his conversation with my cat.

  “Aww, does Logan need a head rub?” I asked, and I reached over and stroked his head.

  He pretended to purr, and I watched him as he closed his eyes as my fingers moved across his soft hair. I’d wanted to run my fingers through his hair for so long, and now, with just the slight touch, I was getting a tiny glimpse into what it would feel like to do just that.

  I let my hand stroke over his head again, and Logan opened his eyes, looking right at me. I dropped my hand back to the bed.