“God only knows. They assigned me to a desk yesterday, which could mean anything. Six months, six weeks, six days. The orders come from Washington, and we just have to sit here and wait.”
“You could do worse, young man. It's a pleasant town.”
“Better than that.” He smiled at his host, and then glanced casually at Liane. They had heard nothing from the girls since they'd opened their gifts. They were entranced with them, and he only wished that Johnny could be here too. The butler announced dinner then, and they went into the enormous dining room. As they walked, George told Nick the history of various portraits on the walls.
“Liane lived here as a girl, you know. It was her father's house then.” And as George said the words, Nick remembered one of the first times they'd talked on the Normandie, when she had told him about her father, and Armand, and Odile, and even about her uncle George.
“It's a lovely house.”
“I like to watch my ships pass by.” He looked at the bay and then at Nick, with an embarrassed smile. “I suppose I'm old enough to admit that now. In my younger days, I might have pretended not to be proud of who I was.” He looked pointedly at Nick, and then turned their talk to steel. He knew a great deal about what Nick did and he was impressed at his having taken on the business so young, and from what he knew, Nick had done a fine job. “Who have you left in charge while you're gone?”
“Brett Williams. He was one of my father's men, and he ran things for me in the States while I was in France.” He thought for a moment and then shook his head. “Lord, that seems a hundred years ago. Who would have thought we'd be in the war by now?”
“I always did. Roosevelt did too. He's been getting us ready for years, not that he'd admit it publicly.” Liane and Nick exchanged a smile, remembering their crossing on the Normandie, when so many had insisted that there wouldn't be a war.
“I'm afraid I wasn't as prescient as you. I think I refused to see the handwriting on the wall.”
“Most people did, you weren't alone. But I have to say that I didn't expect the Japanese to come right down our throats.” Already watch points had been set up all along the coast, there were blackouts at night, and California waited to see if they would strike again. “You're lucky to be young enough to fight. I was too old for the first one too. But you'll set things to right again.”
“I hope so, sir.” The two men exchanged a smile and Liane looked away. Her uncle never softened that way toward Armand, but then again he thought that Armand was in collaboration with the Germans. It hurt her not to be able to defend him, and Nick still didn't know about his liaison with Pétain. Somehow that bit of ugly news had never reached him. She dreaded the day that he would hear, and wondered if he ever would. Perhaps it would be after the war and then it wouldn't matter anymore.
The meal was a very pleasant one, and Nick left them early to go back to his hotel. George was an elderly man, no matter how spry he was, and Nick didn't want to overstay. He thought that Liane looked tired too when he left. She thanked him for the bracelet and the girls kissed him before he left, in thanks for the gifts. As he stood up he looked into Liane's eyes.
“I hope it's a better Christmas for all of us next year.”
“I hope so too. And … thank you, Nick.”
“Take care of yourself. I'll give you a call, and maybe we can have lunch sometime.”
“That would be nice.” But she didn't sound overly enthused and after he left, she put the girls to bed and came down for a few more minutes with Uncle George. He was extremely impressed by Nick, and curious as to why she'd never mentioned him before.
“I don't know him that well. We've only met once or twice, on the ships, and at a couple of parties in France.”
“Does he know Armand?”
“Of course. He was traveling with his wife when we met too.”
“But he's divorced now, isn't he?” And then suddenly he remembered the scandal in the newspapers all year. He rarely read that kind of thing, but that had caught even his eye. “I know, it was some land of a shocking thing. She ran off with someone and they fought over the child.” He frowned. “Where's the boy now?”
“His mother won custody of him last month. I suspect that may be why he enlisted again.”
Her uncle nodded and lit a cigar. “Good man.”
And then she bid him good night, and left her uncle there with his own thoughts, and returned to her room with her own. She carefully took off the bracelet that he'd given her, and looked at it for a long time, and then she put it down resolutely and tried to forget it. But even as she lay in the dark, she knew where it was and knew what was written inside. Deauville. The single word that cast a thousand forbidden images into her mind.
ick called to thank her the next day, and to wish a Merry Christmas to all of them. Liane was determined to keep the conversation formal and brief, but she felt a tug at her heart when she heard his voice. She suspected that he was desperately lonely without his son, and spending Christmas so far from home. And she couldn't resist saying something more to him.
“Did you call Johnny today, Nick?”
“I did.” But his voice sagged on the words. Her guess had been correct. It was a rough day for him. “He cried like a little kid. It broke my heart. And his mother is leaving tomorrow for two weeks in Palm Beach without him.” He sighed. “Nothing has changed. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it now.”
“Maybe when you go back …” She echoed his own thoughts.
“I'll do something about it then. My lawyer said I'd have to wait a while anyway for an appeal. And at least I know he's safe with them. Markham is a complete fool, but all he's interested in is the good life. He won't do the boy any harm.” It wasn't what he had said before, but he had no choice now. He knew Hillary wouldn't shower love on him, but she would keep an eye on him. It was like leaving him with strangers for the duration of the war. “Brett Williams is going to keep an eye on things for me too. And if things get totally out of hand, he'll take control. That was about the best I could do before I left.”
She listened, aching for him, she knew how much he loved the child. It was half of why she had let him go. “Is that why you signed up, Nick?”
“More or less. I needed to get out. And there was a war to fight. It's almost a relief after the last year.”
“Well, don't get crazy when they ship you out.” She almost thought he should have stayed home to watch over John himself, and at times he thought so too, but he was glad he'd signed up, especially since he had found her.
“I'm not gone yet.” He smiled as he stood in the hall of his hotel, leaning against the wall. And then he decided to take a step. “I don't suppose I could see you today, Liane?”
There was a moment's pause. “I really ought to be here with the girls and …” Her voice drifted oft”. She didn't know what to say to him. She wanted him to know that for her nothing had changed in the last year and a half. Her feelings were the same. Both for him, and Armand. And her decision to end the affair hadn't altered.
“I understand.” But again she heard the loneliness in his voice and she felt torn. A warning bell went off somewhere in her head, but she didn't heed it this time. What harm could it do? It was Christmas, after all.
“Maybe if you'd like to come by this afternoon …” The girls would be there, and her uncle.
“I'd like that very much.”
“Around four?”
He held the phone tight. “Thanks, Liane. I appreciate it.”
“Don't say that. You're an old friend.”
There was a silence and then at last he spoke. “Is that what I am?”
“Yes.” Her voice was soft, but firm.
“That's good to know.”
He arrived promptly at four, and the girls were happy to see him when he arrived, and George was surprised.
“I didn't know we'd meet again so soon.”
“I think your niece felt sorry for me, a poor sailor in a strange tow
n.” Uncle George guffawed and Nick sat down and played with the girls, and after a while Liane suggested that they go for a walk in the Presidio. George said that he'd stay home and wait for them, he wanted to read his new book. He smiled at Nick. And the others got their coats and went out as the girls pranced ahead, Marie-Ange on suddenly long, coltish legs, and Elisabeth charging along behind.
“They're growing up to be beautiful girls. How old are they now?”
“Elisabeth is nine, and Marie-Ange is eleven. And John is what? Almost eleven now?”
Nick nodded. “Time moves too fast, doesn't it?”
“Sometimes.” But she was thinking of Armand, and Nick realized it at once and turned to her.
“How is he? Still in France?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“I thought he'd be in North Africa by now.”
And then she looked at Nick and stopped their walk. There was no point pretending to him. She really couldn't bear it anymore. “Armand is with Pétain.” Nick looked at her, but he did not seem stunned.
“You know, I got that feeling when we were on the ship. I don't know why, but I did. How does that affect you, Liane?” He knew it didn't affect her feelings, or she would have said so before.
“It's difficult to explain. But it's been hard on the girls.” She told him about Washington then and the swastikas, and he winced.
“How awful for them … and you….”He searched her eyes and found a new sadness there.
“That's why we came west. It's been easier, thanks to Uncle George.”
“Does he know about Armand?”
“He knew before we came out.” She sighed softly and they walked on, to keep up with the girls. It had been a relief to tell Nick, they had always been able to speak to each other openly before, and there was no reason for that to change now. After all, they were still friends. “He doesn't approve, of course, and he thinks I'm mad.” And then she told him about his matchmaking during her first weeks in town, and they both laughed. “He's a dear old man. I never used to like him much, but he's mellowed a lot.”
Nick laughed. “Haven't we all.”
“He's been awfully good to us.”
“I'm glad. I worried about you a lot. Somehow I always assumed that you were in Washington. When did you leave?”
“Right after Thanksgiving last year.”
He nodded and then he looked at her. “There's more to it, isn't there?”
“To what?” She didn't quite follow his train of thought.
“To Armand being with Pétain.”
She stopped walking again and looked at him with surprised eyes. How did he know? Was it something she said? But she nodded. She trusted him. It was the first time she had admitted that to anyone. To do so would have been to jeopardize Armand, yet she knew that the secret was safe with Nick. “Yes.”
“That must make it even worse for you. Do you get news of him?”
“As often as he can. He runs a great risk if he says too much. I get most of his letters through the underground.”
“They've been damn good in France.” She nodded, and they walked on in silence for a while. It brought her closer to him to be able to be honest about Armand. He was truly her friend, and she looked at him after a time with a grateful smile. “Thank you for letting me tell you that. There are times when I thought I'd go mad. Everyone thinks—or they did in Washington. …”
“He's not that kind of man.” He could never imagine Armand working sincerely for Pétain, even as little as he knew the man, he knew that. He just hoped that the Germans weren't as smart.
She felt as though she owed him a further explanation now. He'd been decent to her, and she'd never told him then. “That was why—I couldn't, Nick. Not with what he's doing there. He doesn't deserve that.”
“I know. I understood.” His eyes were gentle on hers. “It's all right, Liane. You did the right thing. And I know how hard it was.”
“No, you don't.” She shook her head, and he saw that she was wearing the bracelet he'd given her the night before. It pleased him to see it there, the gold glinting in the winter sunlight.
“It was just as hard for me. I must have picked up the phone to call you a hundred times.”
“So did I.” She smiled and looked at her daughters in the distance. “It seems a long time ago, doesn't it?” Her eyes drifted back to his then and he shook his head.
“No. It seems like yesterday.”
And in a way it did to her too. He hadn't changed, and neither had she, although the world around them had. Almost too much so.
And then he played tag with the girls, and she joined them as they laughed and ran, and at last they went back to the house with pink cheeks and sparkling eyes, and George was pleased to see them, filling the old house with life. It truly felt like Christmas to him now, and to the others too. They invited Nick to stay for Christmas dinner with them, and when he left that night, they were all old friends, and Liane saw him to the door. He stood there for a moment and smiled at her.
“Maybe you're right. Maybe it is different now. I like you even better than I did before. We've both grown up a lot.”
She laughed. “Maybe you have, Nick. I think I've just grown old.”
“Tell that to someone else.” He laughed and waved as he went out to the waiting cab. “Good night, and thanks. Merry Christmas!” he called back as the cab drove off, and Liane went back inside with a happy smile. Too happy, she decided, as she looked in the mirror. But she couldn't change the sparkle in her eyes, from the relief she felt when she went to bed. It had been good to unburden herself to him.
ick turned up in Liane's office at the Red Cross a few days after Christmas. He had had some errands to do around town, and he had the afternoon off. He strode into the office and half a dozen women stopped their work to stare. In his uniform, he was more handsome than ever. Liane laughed.
“You're going to start a riot in here if you don't watch out.”
“It's good PR for you. How about lunch? And don't tell me you can't, or you have to do errands for your poor old uncle George, because I won't believe a word of it. How about the Mark Hopkins for lunch, old friend?” She hesitated, but he grabbed her coat and hat and handed them to her. “Come on.” He was impossible to resist.
“Don't you have anything else to do, like fight a war?”
“Not yet. There's still time for lunch, thank God, and George says you never go out. It won't hurt your reputation to eat lunch in broad daylight. We can sit at separate tables if you want.”
“All right, all right. I'm convinced.” She was in a lighthearted mood and so was he; it was almost like the old days on the Normandie, when they'd had their tennis match. They sat at a good table and enjoyed the view. Nick told her funny stories about the men on the base and in his hotel, and for the first time in years she felt alive again. He was easy to be with, funny and smart, and he took her totally by surprise when he asked her what she was doing on New Year's Eve.
“Wait. Don't tell me. Let me guess. You're staying home with Uncle George and the girls.”
“Right!” She grinned. “First prize goes to you.”
“Well, you get the booby prize. Why not let me take you out? I'm safe. And if I misbehave, you can call the MPs and have me removed.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“You mean I have a chance?”
“Not a bit. I just want to know what I'm going to miss.”
“Oh, for chrissake.” He grinned at her. “Come on, Liane. It would do you good. You can't lock yourself up in that house all the time.”
“Yes, I can. And I'm happy there.”
“It's not good for you. How old are you now?” He tried to count back. “Thirty-three?”
“I'm thirty-four.”
“Oh, in that case … I had no idea you were so old. Well, I'm forty now. And I'm old enough to know what's good for you. And I think you should go out.”
“You sound just like Uncle George.” She
was unconvinced but amused.
“Now, wait a minute. Forty is one thing, but I'm not that old!”
“Neither is he, in his heart. You know he used to be quite a rake in his day.”
Nick smiled. “I can still see it in his eyes. Now, don't change the subject on me. What about New Year's Eve?”
“First it's lunch, and then it's New Year's Eve. You know, you could be quite a rake too, if you tried. Maybe even if you didn't.”
“It's not my style.” He looked at her seriously. “I meant a quiet evening between two old friends who've had a tough time and understand the rules. We deserve that much. Otherwise, what do I do? Sit in my lousy hotel, and you stay home? We could go to the Fairmont for dinner or something like that.”
“I suppose we could.” She looked at him, but she still wasn't sure. “Would I be safe?” It was a straight question and he looked her in the eye.
“As safe as you want to be. I'll be honest with you, I still love you, I always have since the first time we met, and I probably always will. But I'll never do anything to hurt you. I understand how you feel about Armand, and I respect that. I know what the boundaries are. This isn't the Deauville, or even the Normandie. This is real life.”
She spoke softly as she looked at him. “That was real too.”
He took her hand gently in his. “I know it was. But I always knew what you wanted to do after that, and I respected that. I'm free now, Liane, but you're not, and that's all right. I just enjoy being with you. There was more to us than just—” He didn't know how to say the words and she understood.
“I know that.” She sighed and sat back in her chair with a smile. “It's funny that our paths should cross again, isn't it?”
“I guess you could call it that. I'm glad they did. I never really thought I'd see you again, except if I went to Washington sometime and ran into you on the street. Or maybe in Paris ten years from now, with Armand. …” And then he regretted saying his name, she looked pained again. “Liane, he made a choice, a difficult one, and you've stood by. You can't do more than that. Staying home, holding your breath, killing yourself, won't make it any easier for him. You have to go on with your life.”
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