“I'm trying to. That's why I took the job with the Red Cross.”
“I figured that. But you have to do more than that.”
“I suppose I do.” He made a lot of sense, and if she went out at all, she'd like it to be with him. He understood. And who knew how long he'd be around? He could be shipped out any day now. “All right, my friend, I would be honored to usher in nineteen forty-two with you.”
“Thank you, ma'am.”
He paid the check and took her back to work, and the afternoon seemed to fly by. She was happy to get home to see George and the girls. Her uncle noticed the look on her face and didn't say a word. And that night, she casually mentioned to him that she was going out for dinner with Nick on New Year's Eve.
“That's nice.” He knew her well by now, he dared not say more, but he hoped that there was something afoot with “the Burnham boy.” He buried his nose in his book, and she went upstairs to talk to the girls, and at dinner that night, not another word was said about Nick.
Liane didn't mention him again until she came downstairs on New Year's Eve, in a dress she'd bought four years before in France, but it was still beautiful and so was she. George looked her over with a happy grin as she waited for Nick, and whistled softly though his teeth as she laughed.
“Not bad … not bad at all!”
“Thank you, sir.”
The dress had long sleeves and a high neck, it was black wool and reached to the floor, but it had tiny jet-black bugle beads sewn all over the top and a tiny cap to match, and it sat on her blond hair, swept up in a simple knot, and on her ears she wore tiny diamond clips. The outfit was simple and elegant and ladylike, and perfect for Liane. Nick thought the same when he arrived. He stood in the entrance hall for a moment and stared at her. And then he whistled, echoing George. It was the first time in years that she'd felt like a lady admired by men and it felt good. Nick said hello to George and Liane kissed him good night.
“Don't come back soon, it would be a shame to waste that dress. Go show it off.”
“I'll do my best to keep her out.” Nick winked broadly and all three of them laughed. The girls had already gone to bed. There was a festive feeling to the night as they left the house in the car Nick had borrowed. “I'm afraid I don't look half as elegant as you in my uniform, Liane.”
“Want to trade?”
He laughed at her and they reached the Fairmont in high spirits. Nick had reserved a table in the Venetian Room, and they went inside, where he ordered champagne, and they toasted each other and a better year to come before Nick ordered them steaks, preceded by shrimp and caviar. It was a far cry from the exotic goodies of the Normandie, but it was a fine meal and they were both relaxed. They danced several times after dessert, and Nick felt happier than he had in a long time and so did Liane.
“You're easy to be with, you know. You always were.” It was one of the first things he had noticed about her, in his days of misery with Hillary. He mentioned her now, and Liane smiled.
“You're well out of that, you know.”
“Oh, God, yes! I knew it then. But you know why I stayed.” It was because of John. “Anyway, those are old times, and this is almost a new year.” He glanced at his watch. “Are you making any resolutions this year, Liane?”
“Not a one.” She looked content as she smiled at him. “And you?”
“Yeah, I think I will.”
“What?”
“Not to get killed.” He looked her in the eye and she looked back at him. It brought home the point that at any moment he would be going to war, and that the casual dinners were only for a little while, and it suddenly made her stop and think, about him, about Armand, about the others around them going to war. The room was filled with uniforms. Overnight San Francisco had become a military town.
“Nick …” For an instant she wasn't sure what to say.
“Never mind, it was a dumb thing to say.”
“No, it wasn't. Just see that you live up to it.”
“I will. I still have to get Johnny back.” It was something to look forward to when he got back. “And in the meantime, would you like to dance?”
“Yes, sir.” They circled the floor to the tune of “The Lady's in Love with You,” and it seemed only moments later when the horns sounded and there was confetti everywhere in the air, and suddenly the lights were dim, people kissed, the music played, and they found themselves standing in the middle of the floor, looking at each other, their arms around each other, and he pressed her close just as she turned her face up to his and their lips met, and as they kissed, the rest of the room disappeared and they were on the Deauville again … lost in each other's arms … until at last they came up for air, and Liane didn't pull away.
“Happy New Year, Nick.”
“Happy New Year, Liane.”
And then they kissed again. They hadn't drunk enough champagne to blame it on that, and they stayed on the floor and danced for a long time, until at last he took her home and they stood outside her uncle's house as Nick looked down at her.
“I owe you an apology, Liane. I didn't play by the rules tonight.” But the truth was for the last two years he would have given his right arm to have what he had just had tonight. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean—” But she put up a hand and touched his mouth with her fingertips.
“Nick, don't … it's all right. …” Something he had said had touched a place in her heart, about making a resolution not to be killed. And suddenly she knew that they had to take the moments while they could. They had learned once before that the moments might not come again. And they had been given this second chance as a gift. She couldn't turn it back now. She no longer wanted to. She only wanted him.
He kissed her fingertips and then her eyes, her lips. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” She pulled away and smiled at him. “We don't have a right to waste that now. We did what we had to before, and we will again … but right now—” He pulled her close to him with a fierceness that took her by surprise.
“I'll love you all my life. Do you know that?” She nodded.
“And when you tell me to go away again, I will. I do understand what has to be.”
“I know you do.” She touched his face as he held her close. “Then we don't have to talk about it again.” She pulled gently away from him then and opened the door with her key. He kissed her good night, and she watched him drive away. There was no stopping the tides now, and neither of them wanted to. They had held them back for almost two years, and they couldn't now … couldn't … and she had no regrets. She walked quietly upstairs and took off her dress and went to bed, and tonight there were no dreams of anyone. There was a strange weightless feeling of peace and light and joy as she slept on dreamlessly until morning.
n New Year's Day Nick stopped by the house to see her, and they sat in the library for a long time, chatting by the fire. No mention was made of what had happened the night before. It was as though they had always been together and she had expected to see him. Even the girls didn't look surprised when they came in from the garden and saw him sitting there.
“Hi, Uncle Nick.” Elisabeth threw her arms around his neck and cast her mother a guilty smile. “Do we still have to call him Mr. Burnham?”
“That's not up to me.” She smiled at them both. It was nice seeing him with the girls. It had been so long since they'd had a man around, aside from Uncle George, and she knew that he did them good.
“Well, Uncle Nick?” Elisabeth turned to him now. “Can we?”
“I don't see why not.” He stroked the silky blond hair so much like her mother's. “Actually I'm flattered.” Marie-Ange followed suit and then they ran out into the garden again to play and Uncle George came downstairs.
“I just finished my book. It was excellent.” He smiled at his benefactor. “I'd be happy to lend it to you, if you have time to read.”
“Thanks very much.” As usual, within moments, the men began discussing the war news. The w
orld was still shocked at the Japanese sinking the British battleships the Prince of Wales and the Repulse, off the coast of Malaya four days after Pearl Harbor. The loss of life on both ships had been shocking, and the Prince of Wales had sunk with her admiral. She had been the battleship that Churchill had been on in Argentia Bay, when he met Roosevelt to sign the Atlantic Charter. “I don't suppose you know what ship you'll be assigned to yet?”
“No, sir, but I should know soon.” George nodded and looked at Liane then.
“You looked very pretty last night, my dear. I hope you two had a good time.”
“Very pleasant.” And then they mentioned how many military men they'd seen at the hotel. In three and a half weeks since Pearl Harbor had been hit, it seemed as though the entire country had signed up, and all the young men they knew were being drafted. “Actually, you know, I'm surprised they sent me here. From the gossip, the United States is a lot more interested in wiping out the Germans before they level the Japanese.” In the days immediately after Pearl Harbor, the Germans had launched an enormous submarine offensive in the Atlantic, and ships were being sunk within frightening close range of the eastern seaboard. The main ports of New York, Boston, and Norfolk were now being protected with mines and nets and coastal convoys, and everyone wondered just how close the Germans would dare to come. There were blackouts every night in both the east and west coastal areas.
“It looks like we're getting it from both sides.” George stared into the fire with worried eyes. His homeland had never been threatened directly before and it was a shock to him. He looked at Nick and shook his head. “I just wish I were young enough to join you.”
“I don't.” Liane looked at her uncle. “Someone has to stay here with us, or hadn't you thought of that?” He smiled and patted her hand.
“That, my dear, is my only consolation.” He left them then and went back upstairs to read the afternoon paper in the study next to his room, and Nick and Liane were left alone. He looked at her for a long moment and took her hand in his.
“I had a wonderful time last night, Liane.”
“So did I.” Her eyes met his without wavering. Even in the clear light of day, she had no regrets over kissing him the night before. He had drifted back into her life like a ship on an unknown course, and perhaps for a time they could sail on together. Not for long though, she knew; eventually he would ship out. Perhaps that was their destiny, she had thought to herself that morning, to meet now and then in the course of their lifetimes, and to give each other the strength they needed to go on. He had done that for her now as he had once before. She felt calmer this morning than she had in more than a year, and there seemed to be an aura of peace all about them.
“No regrets?”
She smiled at him. “Not yet.” And then she explained what she had been thinking.
“It's funny but I thought almost the same thing on the way home last night. Maybe this is all we'll ever have, but maybe it's enough.” Their eyes met and held, and then he asked her about an idea he had had that morning. “Do you suppose you could get away for a few days, Liane?”
“What did you have in mind?”
His voice was very gentle. “I was thinking of a few days in Carmel. What do you think?”
She smiled peacefully at him, amazed at her own reaction. But she was taking something for herself that she wanted very badly and had for a long time. She knew deep in her soul that she would never do it again. But just this once … this once more … “I think it would be lovely. Can you get away?” She forced herself not to think of Armand. That would come later.
“As long as I leave the number where I am. I have a three-day leave coming next weekend. Is there any place special you'd like to go?”
“I haven't been to Carmel in years …” She thought about it for a moment. “What about the Pine Inn?”
“Done. Can you leave on Friday morning?” And then he frowned. “What about the girls? Will they be upset?”
She thought about it for a moment and then shook her head. “I'll tell them it's something for the Red Cross.”
He grinned, feeling like a mischievous boy kidnapping a virgin from her parents. “A likely story. Just watch out when they start telling you stories like that a few years from now.”
She smiled happily at Nick. “I'll kill them.” He laughed then, and they chatted on for a while, and then wandered out to the garden to see the girls. He left later, before dinner, despite their invitation; he had to dine with his commanding officer. And then she walked him to the front door and he looked at her as they said good-bye. They were alone in the cavernous marble hall, and he bent to kiss her gently, uttering the words “Don't forget how much I love you.”
During the weekend and for the rest of the week, he had a hard time getting free, but he called on Thursday night to confirm their plans. Uncle George had purposely not asked for him, and Liane hadn't mentioned him once. “Is everything set for tomorrow?”
“It is here. What about you?” She had told them that she was going to a three-day Red Cross seminar in Carmel, and everyone seemed to believe her.
“Everything's fine.” And then he laughed. “You know, I'm as nervous as a kid.”
And suddenly she giggled. “So am I.”
“Maybe we're crazy to do this. Maybe it was just a shipboard romance after all, and we're nuts to try it again.” It was a very honest thing to say, but they had that kind of ease between them, even now, after all this time and only a few kisses to remind them of the past.
“We could flood the room and pretend that we're sinking.”
“I don't think that's very funny.”
“Sorry. Bad joke.” But they both laughed anyway. They laughed a lot together, something he hadn't done in a long time and neither had she, and it did them both a world of good.
She left the house with a light step the next morning and a smile she could barely conceal. She was grateful that the girls had gone back to school three days before and didn't see her leave the house just before noon, and Uncle George was at the office. She took a cab to Nick's hotel, where he was nervously pacing up and down on the street, smoking a cigarette.
“You look like your wife is having a baby.” She grinned as he paid the cab.
“I suddenly got panicked that you wouldn't show.”
“Would you rather I didn't?” But in answer to her question, he took her in his arms and kissed her full on the mouth. They stood there like that for a long time, and two passing marines hooted and whistled.
“What do you think?” She smiled in answer. She was glad she had come. She had felt the same nervousness as he in the cab, and almost turned back once. What if they got in an accident and George and the girls found out? What if … but she had come and she was glad. He put her bag in the trunk of his borrowed car and they took off for Carmel, singing and laughing like two children.
It was a beautiful drive down the coast and the weather was lovely even though it was cool. They stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch, and they reached Carmel at four o'clock, in time for a walk on the beach before it got dark. They left their bags in their room at the Pine Inn, and walked the two short blocks to the beach, stuffing their shoes in the pockets of their coats, and running through the sand, he barefoot, and she in silk stockings. The air felt wonderful on their faces, and at last, when they stopped far down the beach and sat down, they were breathless and happy and laughing. Everything looked so peaceful here, as though all were right with the world and always would be.
“It's hard to believe there's a war going on, isn't it?” Nick sat staring out to sea, thinking of the battleships defending their country halfway around the world. Carmel was totally untouched by the hubbub of uniforms they had seen in San Francisco. It was a sleepy little town, and it slept on, and Liane hoped it would never awaken. And she had a constant sense of gathering moments to remember later.
“It feels good to get away. My work at the Red Cross is beginning to depress me.” She sighed
and looked at him. He was surprised. He thought she liked it.
“How come?”
“I don't feel as though I'm doing enough. Organizing officers’ teas and making lists isn't my style. It's been something to do for the last year. But I'd much rather be doing something useful.” She sighed and he smiled, remembering how hard she had worked to save the men on the Deauville.
“I remember. What do you have in mind?”
“I don't know yet. I've been thinking. Maybe some hospital work.”
He reached for her hand. “Florence Nightingale.” And then he kissed her, and they lay side by side on the beach until it got dark and then they walked slowly back to their hotel. And Liane realized for the first time that they were about to spend a civilized weekend together, like ordinary people. On the ship, they had existed in the stuffy darkness of the first mate's cabin during the nightly blackouts, and suddenly here they were with a pretty little room and a shower, and she felt shy with him as they walked into the room, and they both glanced at the bathroom. It was like being newlyweds and she giggled.
“Do you want to shower first or shall I?”
“After you. You probably take longer than I do anyway.”
She loaded her arms with her toiletries and what she was going to wear, and closed o the door, and half an hour later she emerged fully dressed, with her hair done in a smooth knot, and he whistled. “That's quite a feat in a room that size.” She laughed. She had juggled all her things and her dress had almost fallen in the tub, but one would never have known it to look at her.
“You're next.” And he was right. It took him less time, and when he came out, he was only wearing a towel. He had forgotten to take a fresh uniform in with him.
“There must be an easier way than this.” He grinned, and she laughed.
“It's strange, isn't it? It was much easier on the ship, and God knows why in those conditions.” But they both knew why. It was all familiar then, after the first time, they could have existed in half the space, and now everything was different. He looked at her gently from the bathroom door and he walked slowly toward her.
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