Healing Her Heart

by Audra North

  “Ohhhh,” she groaned. Like this, her weight pushing down on him, she could feel his intrusion everywhere. And the pressure only grew as he continued working himself into her, inch by inch, until he was completely inside of her, wedged so tightly into her throbbing passage that she couldn’t tell where her body ended and his began.

  And then he began to thrust, gently at first, watching her face to gauge her reactions, and when the heat intensified, he grabbed her ass and hauled her up even higher, her back pushed against the door while her ankles locked behind his back. He picked up the pace of his thrusts, making them deeper, harder, faster, and she was at the tipping point within seconds, moaning uncontrollably, practically sobbing every time his body slammed into hers. So close. She was so close.

  “Fuck, baby. I can’t hold on much longer. You’re so tight and hot and—”

  The rough words were too much. She lost control and screamed, her inner muscles convulsing around him as she came so hard that her muscles jerked and trembled uncontrollably, arms flying outward and legs shaking with the pleasure. He thrust one more time, deeper than before, then pushed her against the door with a shout. He came in hard jerks, groaning, pumping his hips as his release spilled out of him.

  …

  That had been amazing.

  Greg’s head buzzed with the soft static of an untuned radio as he leaned against Carrie, trying to catch his breath.

  He’d taken her against the door, not even two steps into her apartment. They were both still wearing their shoes, for God’s sake. He didn’t even realize he was capable of something like that.

  It had been the most explosive, incredible sex of his life.

  “Greg.” Carrie pushed lightly at his shoulder, but he didn’t budge. His limbs felt too heavy.

  “Greg!” She pushed harder this time, and he moved back, blinking. “You’re crushing me,” she added softly.

  “Shit. Sorry,” he managed to mumble.

  He grabbed the condom and pulled out slowly, cringing a bit when she whimpered. She had been so tight, and he’d been unable to hold back—

  Hell, he was getting hard again. He was going to be sore, too, if this kept up. His dick was out of shape after so long without giving it a good workout like that.

  “The bathroom is right off the living room, in that little hall across from the kitchen.” She was busy setting her clothes to rights and kicking off her shoes. “I’ll go see what I’ve got in the way of food.”

  He headed to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and caught a glimpse of himself in the vanity mirror.

  “Well, damn,” he whispered, moving closer to peer at his reflection in surprise.

  He looked different, somehow. Less tired. Younger, even. Was that because of Carrie?

  No. That’s ridiculous. He probably would have felt better even without her or New Beginnings. It was the time off from the hectic pace of the operating room that was working its magic.

  He finished up and walked out to the kitchen, where she was heating up some crescent-shaped dumplings in a pan. “What are you making?”

  “Pierogi. I usually make a batch on the weekend and heat them up whenever I need a quick meal.”

  “They smell great.”

  He could hear a smile in her voice. “This was my great-grandmother’s recipe. We went to her house every Sunday after church for a big family lunch, and she would make them. Until she got too old, that is. And then my grandmother would make them.”

  “We used to do that, too.” He smiled fondly at the memories. “Big family lunches after church that would last six hours, until it was time for dinner, and then everyone would go home and eat again.”

  She laughed. “Sounds exactly right.” She flipped the dumplings over and turned her head to look at him. “Thank you for coming today. You really helped me out with the accounts, and I think the residents enjoyed having a new person to talk to.”

  “The day certainly turned out better than I thought it was going to.” He waggled his brows at her, and she snorted, then turned back to the stove, switching off the burner. She picked up the pan and slid the food onto a waiting plate. They looked delicious.

  “Be serious,” she chided him, but there was no heat behind it.

  He gave her a teasing smile. “I am being serious. It really was better than I expected. Not just because of this.” He gestured between them, loving the way she blushed. “I actually kind of liked spending time at New Beginnings. I’m glad you gave me the chance to do something like this with my time off.”

  She practically beamed. “Well, that’s something. How about your—you know, anxiety?”

  Should he tell her that he’d just been thinking about that, in the bathroom? No. That might be a bit much. Instead, he shrugged and tried for something nonchalant. “I didn’t feel it all day. I guess I needed a little time off work.”

  She frowned a little at that, but she didn’t push him on it. Good. He knew that she thought he needed professional help, but he disagreed, and he was glad that she wasn’t bringing it up again. It was better to keep things light. They’d be out of each other’s lives too soon to take it any deeper than casual conversation.

  He carried the plate of pierogi to the small dinette in her kitchen. Her whole place was decorated in bright, cheery colors, with art deco posters on the wall and funny touches here and there, like the large ceramic rooster perched on the tabletop. He gestured toward it and laughed. “Why the rooster?”

  She paused where she was, with her hand in the silverware drawer, and glanced at him sideways. Still frowning.

  What was that look for?

  He walked over next to her and grabbed two forks from the drawer, pulling her hand from it before closing it. “If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. I didn’t realize it was a touchy subject,” he added with a small smile, trying to tease her.

  But her frown deepened. “That’s not why I hesitated. I—” She cut herself off with a small shake of her head. “Never mind. My grandmother gave it to me. The one who taught me to cook.”

  She didn’t say anything else, though, so he brought the utensils to the table and pulled out one of the chairs for her. “Come on, let’s eat. This looks great.”

  She walked forward, but stopped. “You want some wine or something?”

  He shook his head. “Nah, I need to stay sharp. I haven’t finished with you yet.”

  That finally put a smile on her face. “In that case, eat up. You’ll need your strength for what I have planned.”

  …

  Carrie was enjoying herself.

  There had been that brief exchange, a few minutes ago, when she’d almost said something she shouldn’t have, like What do you care about where I got it? But then she’d reminded herself that just because this was only a fling didn’t mean they shouldn’t talk to each other. It’s not like they could sit there and stare at their food until it was time to do it again. She’d let it go, because it was stupid to balk at basic conversation.

  Besides, she was having fun with Greg.

  When was the last time she had spent a night with a man her own age? Forget sex. Apart from a couple of evenings out with girlfriends, she had withdrawn from almost all socializing since Eddie had sent her his digital Dear Jane letter. She’d been too wary of being used.

  Ironic, that being used is exactly what she was letting Greg do to her right now. But this time, he’d at least been honest with her about it. And it wasn’t an actual relationship.

  “So, you once told me that you started your career as a nurse and that you specialized in geriatric nursing. But I never asked you why.” Greg prompted, taking a bite of his pierogi, then looking up at her in surprise. “Wow, these are really good.”

  She looked blank. “Why what? And thanks.”

  “Why you decided to work with the elderly.”

  “Oh, right.” She set down her fork and looked down at the table, tracing a design on the table. “I’m afraid it’s probably not as exciti
ng as your academic past.” She shrugged. “My family couldn’t afford college, so I went to nursing school part-time while working a couple of jobs. I actually wanted to be a pediatric nurse, but by the time I finished, my grandmother’s health was declining, and both of my parents had to work, so it was hard on them to take care of her. I chose to work in the geriatric ward of the hospital so that I could learn more about what she needed. Somehow, that evolved into a career.”

  He gave her an appreciative look. “They must all be really proud of you, then. It’s pretty impressive to be the director of a place like New Beginnings before you’re even thirty years old.”

  Her finger stopped its tracing on the tabletop. “My parents are, yes. We’re a close family and they’ve always wanted more for me and my brothers than what they had. But…” She hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to share any more with him. The conversation was taking a depressing turn. But in the end, she finished her story. “My grandmother died four years ago.”

  He reached across the table and entwined her fingers in his. “I’m sorry.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. Such a simple gesture, taking someone’s hand, and yet it felt more intimate than him taking her against the door barely ten minutes before.

  It made her want to yank her hand away.

  But why? It wasn’t as though she found his touch unpleasant. Far from it, in fact, as they’d already proven. But there was something too much about the feelings that he was rousing in her. With his palm against her palm. Fingers laced through her fingers.

  It felt like the beginning of something more than a few-nights-stand.

  She shook herself. This was foolish. She was just confused because she’d been out of the dating world for so long. No doubt she was just overreacting because it had been a while since she’d been with a guy. Besides, hadn’t she just been thinking that this wasn’t a relationship?

  “Hey. You okay?” His voice cut into her thoughts, making her jump a bit, and she used the reaction as a cover for removing her hand from his. These feelings she was having were dangerous.

  She smoothed her napkin over her lap. “I’m okay. I was lost in thought.” She gave him a weak smile. “What were we talking about?”

  Greg hesitated for a moment. “Uh—”

  Oh, yes. Babka’s passing. No wonder he was hesitant to remind her.

  She waved a hand at him. “Nevermind, I remember. And don’t worry about upsetting me or anything. Like I said before, death is a part of life. Spending time with her made me value my own life all the more.”

  Except for the months right after Eddie dumped you.

  No. Don’t think about that. Especially not tonight.

  Greg didn’t want to get serious, and he’d been up front about that. She was getting something that she wanted out of it, too. Better to keep it brief, hot, and honest.

  Right.

  She took a deep breath. “So, tell me more about your sisters. You have two, right?”

  He nodded. “Lily and Julie. And a brother, Andrew.”

  “I didn’t realize you had a brother, too. Are they all in New Haven?”

  “No, actually. New York. Lily lives in Brooklyn, but she has a consulting firm so she travels a lot. Julie graduated from Columbia last month and has a place in Chelsea, and Andrew lives with his fiancée, Meredith, on the Upper West Side.”

  “Do you see them often?”

  The look he gave her was both regretful and resigned. “We all work too much to get together frequently. I see Julie the most, probably, even though she’s a decade younger than I am. But she’s single, which is probably the only reason she has any time to see me.”

  He trailed off and shrugged. “I’ll probably be the only holdout in the end.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “As in, never married, single forever. With my schedule, dating isn’t really an option.”

  “With your schedule, you’ve managed to debilitate yourself with anxiety.” Here in the small kitchen, the two of them talking about everyday things, she had started feeling too close to him, like they were more than temporary lovers. She hadn’t thought before she spoke. “Greg. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  He waved a hand in the air. “Hey, don’t worry about it.”

  But his jaw was a bit too tense, his laugh a bit too forced. She was about to apologize again when he asked, “What about you? Have you ever thought about getting married?”

  She jerked her head up and stared at him in surprise. Did he know? Her eyes searched his, but she found only a regular curiosity. Still, she was reluctant to tell him the truth…but why? What did he care? After this week, he’d be gone, anyway.

  She looked away, then, and spoke to a spot over his left shoulder. “Actually, yes. I was engaged, but he left me practically at the altar.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  She looked back at Greg, who was clutching his fork and knife in a death grip. For some reason, it made her smile.

  “Sadly…no. My ex—Eddie—and I knew each other growing up. After I graduated from nursing school and started hanging around my parents’ house more often to help with Babka, I didn’t even question it when we got together. Our parents went to the same church. We both grew up without money. Same schools, same neighborhood. We matched, so I didn’t question it. I thought he loved me, and I thought I loved him, and I fooled myself into ignoring the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.”

  “Oh man.” Greg said it softly, an expression of both understanding and sympathy for what obviously came next.

  “Yup. Exactly. The day before our wedding—not even a full twenty-four hours—Eddie e-mailed me to tell me that he couldn’t go through with it. He’d grown up in the shadow of his more successful older brothers, and he’d started dating me to make his mom and dad proud of him. I’d gone off and made something of myself, and he saw that as an opportunity to get some recognition from his family. He said he hadn’t expected to end up living in my shadow, too. The very reason he’d started dating me in the first place.”

  God. Her voice was breaking. Not because the thought of Eddie still hurt. It was strange, actually, to realize in this moment that she was disappointed in herself, for allowing herself to be used like that even thought she’d known. She’d known…

  She took a deep breath. This was turning serious. Too serious. She needed to wrap it up and forget she’d shared this much. “He said was tired of using me to please his family and that he had finally broken free and was moving away. Not a word about being sorry, or feeling that he couldn’t keep hurting me. Just that he was tired.”

  She looked down at her hands, and her voice got small. “But it felt as though I was the one who had worn out.”

  She heard his chair scrape back, and then his hands closed over hers, squeezing them reassuringly.

  “Hey. You okay?” He tugged, and she stood, too, letting him pull her close.

  “Sorry. I got a little carried away by the past, I guess.” Her words were muffled against his chest, but he heard her.

  “It’s okay. Eddie sounds like an asshole. Sounds like you’ve dealt with it pretty well. Maybe not healed completely, but you’re getting there.”

  There was something in his voice that made her think of his situation, with the healing that he still needed to do. She tipped her head back and looked up at him, but before she could ask about it, he lowered his lips to hers. By the time the kiss ended, she’d forgotten what she’d wanted to ask, and was thinking only of whether they’d actually make it to the bedroom or if they’d end up writhing naked on the kitchen floor this time.

  What she wanted must have been written all over her face, because he took one look at her and leaned over to capture her mouth with his again, kissing her with so much sensuous promise that she nearly came on the spot. “Are you ready to have some more fun?” he asked.

  She looked up at him coyly through her lashes. “What does fun mean to you this time?”

  H
e nibbled at her lips. “A shower,” he told her, then took her hand and led her out of the kitchen.

  Chapter Seven

  Carrie couldn’t stop yawning. Or smiling.

  After they’d ended up in the shower after dinner—which had turned into the longest, hottest shower of her life—she and Greg had settled on the couch to watch a movie before heading back to bed to play under the covers. They hadn’t talked about whether he would sleep over, but she was glad he’d made the decision to stay.

  This morning, he had gotten out of her bed at dawn, looking none the worse for wear. She had marveled aloud at how refreshed he looked, while she felt like a limp rag. He’d shrugged, dropped a kiss on her nose, and immediately looked embarrassed at doing it before explaining, “That’s because I’m usually awake for days at a time, but for much less appealing reasons that what we did last night. I feel more refreshed than I have in years, in fact.”

  She’d yawned and smiled. “Glad I could be of service.”

  By the time she crawled out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen, he had made a pot of coffee and gotten dressed, looking impossibly sexy in the same clothes he’d worn the day before.

  She was wearing a frumpy terry bathrobe, had dark circles under her eyes, and a serious case of bedhead.

  “It’s really not fair that you’re more beautiful than I am.”

  He laughed and kissed her. “Never. You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever known.”

  She blushed. She’d forgotten how good it felt to hear a man say things like that.

  Don’t get too used to it. This is only temporary. A convenient arrangement. He’s using you for sex the way Eddie used you to get his family off his back.

  Except this time, she knew about it. And she was using Greg, too. She was using as well as she was being used.

  Reminding herself of that should have made her feel better, but somehow…it hadn’t. Now that they were both up and another day had begun, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.