Every Tongue Got to Confess

by Zora Neale Hurston

  “Block eye chip, block eye chip.”

  The dogs was tied at home. They heard his voice and wanted to come, but they were tied. The grandmother was asleep. She was very tired from her journey. She wondered where her grandchildren were. She did not hear the dogs whining to go to the aid of the boy. But a black fast-running snake heard the boy and ran to the house and struck the grandmother across the face with his tail and woke her, and she loosed the dogs.

  “I’m a little fellow here by myself for an hour.”

  “Block eye, chip! Block eye, chip!”

  “Hail Counter, hail Jack!”

  “O-oooo! Whyncher, whyncher!”

  By that time here come the dogs. The tree was falling. The boy and girl was so glad to see the dogs. He told one dog: “Kill ’em!” He told another one, “Suck their blood!” He told the last one, “Eat the bones!”

  By that time I left. (Favorite way of ending a story.)

  —HATTIE REEVES, born on Island of

  Grand Command.

  The old fortune-teller woman, you know. Dis old man and woman had been married for fifty years. And they lived a long ways from town and dis old fortune teller woman she lived on de road to town.

  De old folks raised rice and hawgs and lived pretty good all they life.

  Dis old fortune-teller woman she got out of produce so she figgered uh way to cut dis old man off on his way to town and git something off him to go upon.

  She sees him comin down de road wid his team uh oxen so she got herself out where she could stop ’im. So she says to ’im:

  “Brothah Ishum, I been dreamin bout you every night and de Lawd done tole me to tell you to watch yo wife. Cause she’s gointer cut yo’ th’oat when you git back—thinkin youse wid other wimmen when youse in town. Whilst youse in town doin yo’ shoppin think of me. When you start back home think of me.”

  Soon’s he drives on off she gits her basket and sack and lights out to his house to see his old lady. She gits down to his Hannah’s house and sets down and talks wid her and asts her why she don’t never go to town wid her husband no time.

  She tole her: “Lawd, chile, I ain’t been to town in twenty year and I ain’t feel like takin dat ride. I stay heah and take keer everything and have him a hot supper ready when he git back.”

  De old fortune-teller woman she say: “Lawd, Sister Hannah, you don’t know Brer Ishum. He got a gal uptown. Thass how come it take him so long to go and come, and it wouldn’t be me, Lawd, puttin up wid such.”

  So she gathered up her things and went on over to de fortune teller’s house. She ast her: “Whut you do to yo’ husband?”

  Dat put de fortune teller in uh strain so she took her and carried her over to a neighbor’s house.

  Brer Ishum had done got lonesome for de old lady so when de witch woman got back home he wuz dere. He ast her: “Is you seen my old ’oman?”

  She tole him: “No, I ain’t seen ’em.”

  —A.D. FRAZIER.

  A man sold hisself to de high chief devil. He give ’im his whole soul and body to do as he please wid it. He went out in dis drift of woods and lied down flat of his back beyond all dese skull heads and bloody bones and said: “Go way, Lawd, and come heah Devil, and do as you please wid me, cause I wanta do everything in de world dat’s wrong and never do nothin right.”

  And he dried up and died away on doin wrong. His meat all left his bones and de bones all wuz separated. And at dat time High Walker walked upon his skull head and kicked de old skull-head and kicked and kicked it on ahead of him a many and many times and said to it: “Rise up and shake yo’self. High Walker is here.”

  Old skull head wouldn’t say nothin. He looked back over his shoulder, cause he heard a noise behind and said: “Bloody Bones, you won’t say nothin yet.”

  Den de skull-head said: “My mouth brought me here, and if you don’t mind, yours will bring you here.”

  High Walker and Bloody Bones went on back to his white folks and told de white man dat a dry skull-head wuz talkin in de drift today. White man say he didn’t believe it.

  So: “Well, if you don’t believe it, come go with me and I’ll prove it. And if hit don’t speak you kin chop my head off right where hit at.”

  So de white man and High Walker went back in de drift to find dis old skull-head. So when he walked up to it, he begin to kick and kick de ole skull-head and it wouldn’t say nothin. High Walker looked at de white man and de white man cut his head off. And de old dry skull-head said: “See dat now—I told you dat mouf brought me here and if you didn’t mind it’d bring you heah.”

  So de Bloody Bones riz up and shook they selves and de white man said: “Whut you mean by dis?”

  Bloody Bones say: “We got High Walker and we all bloody bones now in de drift together.”

  —A.D. FRAZIER.

  High Walker and Bloody Bones†

  This was a man. His name was High Walker. He walked into a boneyard with skull-heads and other bones. So he would call them: “Rise up, bloody bones and shake yo’self.”

  And they would rise up and come together and shake their selves and part and lay back down. Then he would say to hisself: “High Walker” and de bones would say: “Be walkin.”

  When he’d get off a little way he’d look back over his shoulder and shake hisself, say: “High Walker and bloody bones.” And de bones would shake their selves. He knowed he had power.

  —A. D. FRAZIER.

  * “Hant” means “haunt” or “ghost.”

  * “walked,” probably derived from militant marches.

  Heaven Tales

  The First Colored Man in Heben†

  The first colored man that went to heben was John. So John goes up there walking. So he knocked. They ast him who he was. He said, “John.”

  “From where?”

  “Alabama.”

  “Riding or walking?”

  “Walking.”

  “Don’t allow any walkers here.”

  So on his way back to Alabama he met a white man walking. He said, “Cap, where you going—to heben?”

  He said yes.

  “They don’t allow no walkers there, so you ride me up there and we both will get in.” So he rode John on up to heben and knocked.

  “Who’s that?”

  “White man.”

  “From where?”

  “Mississippi.”

  “Riding or walking?”

  “Riding.”

  “Hitch your horse and come in.”

  Left John still out. Says the Good Book in heben no filth is found. So there was some old sacks outside of heben where they had been scrubbing the streets and the floors. So John began to study. So he taken one of the sacks and throwed it just as far in heben as he could. So the angels called him in to get that sack out of heben. So he goes in like he was going to get the sack (gesture of swift flight). And down Hallelujah Street! So down Amen Street picking them up and laying them down! So he come to Jerusalem Street and down the street! Throwing them in and curving round! So at the foot of Jerusalem Street was the Sea of Glass. Out on the Sea of Glass John went—breaking glass. The Lord was out there skating and asked, “What’s the matter? What’s the matter?”

  They said, “This nigger throwed a sack in here and we was after him to make him take it out again.”

  The Lord said, “Never mind ’bout the sack. Just leave that nigger alone before he tear up heben.”

  —JOE WILEY.

  De Flying Negro†

  One time five niggers went tuh heben at one time, which is something don’t happen often. Soon’s dey got dere Gabull (Gabriel) fixed ’em all up wid robes an’ wings an’ everything, an’ set ’em down in some golden cheers.

  Four of ’em set dere; but one nigger tole ’em: “Shucks, Ah got tuh git up an’ try out dese wings.”

  De others tole ’im, “You betta set down lak Gabull tole us. He’ll tell us whut tuh do nex’.”

  “He don’t need tuh tell me whut tuh do. He done gi
mme de wings, ain’t he? They mine now, an’Ah’m gointer use ’em. Watch me skim roun’ dat tree uh life thout tetchin’ uh leaf.”

  He got up an’ he flew thisa way an’ thata way. They had a whole heap uh lights an’ big vases settin’ roun’ an’ de other niggers says tuh him, “You betta be keerful, cause you liable tuh knock down some uh dem hangin’ lamps uh knock over some uh dem fine vases!”

  “Oh naw, I won’t neither.” He flew round an’ round. He’d go way up, den fold his wings lak uh buzzard an’ drop straight down; he’d dart under dem hangin’ lights an’ round dem vases. After while he says, “Watch me skim right cross de Sea uh Glass an’ round de throne an’ right cross God’s nose thout tetchin’ it. Jus’ watch me.”

  He zipped off an’ knocked down two or three lights an’ fell intuh uh row uh dem vases an’ knocked ’em all down an’ skidded right upon de throne befo’ he could git straight. God didn’t say nothin’. He just looked at him. But Gabull knowed what to do. He come over tuh ’im an’ snatched off his wings an’ set ’im down so hard till it almost bust his robe, an’ tole ’im: “Now, you set dere till I tell yuh to move, an’ you ain’t gointuh git no mo’ wings neither.”

  His friends say, “Unhunh! We tole you you wuz gointuh keep on till you break somethin’. Now look at yuh. Ain’t got no wings. Everybody got wings but you.”

  “Oh, I don’t keer,” he says, “but I sho wuz uh flyin’ fool when I had ’em.”

  —CLIFFERT ULMER.

  When all the prophets died and all of them went to heaven and they all got wings, one day one of the angels opened the door and let Simon Peter and all the rest out and told them to be back at two o’clock. All of the rest of the prophets came back at two o’clock except Simon Peter. At three o’clock Simon Peter came back and knocked at the door of heaven. The doorkeeper asked who it was. Simon Peter said, “Simon Peter.” The doorkeeper told him that he couldn’t come in and asked him where had he been. Simon Peter told him that he had been flying around. The doorkeeper asked him then why didn’t he come back with the others and told him that he had come too late and couldn’t get in.

  Simon Peter said, “I forgot what time to come back and I don’t care if you don’t let me in for I was a flying fool when I was in there.”

  —ED MORRIS.

  Once a stingy man died and went up to heaven. When he got to the gates Peter ast him whut good had he ever done. He thought awhile then he says: “One time I saw a little girl crying and I ast her whut’s de matter, and she says I lost my neckel, so I give her three cents and went on.”

  Peter says, “John, look on de books and see if that’s on dere.”

  John looked and says, “Yes, he done it.”

  Peter says, “Is dat all de good ye ever done?”

  Says, “No, another time I seen a little boy crying and I ast him whut wuz de matter, and he said I lost my nickel, so I give him two cents and went on.”

  “John, see if that’s dere.” So it was.

  “So dat all you ever done good?” So he said yes.

  John says, “Is you goin’ let him in, Peter?”

  Peter thought a while, “No, give him his damn nickel back and let him gwan to hell.”

  —CHRISTOPHER JENKINS.

  Said there wuz a white man had a girl and she died, but he told her he would meet her in heaven. So after a while he went on up, but he couldn’t git in.

  Said there was a nigger up there flying around outside of heaven trying out his wings. So he met the white fellow. Tole the nigger boy, says, “Here’s some dice. Let’s shoot some for a dollar.”

  So the boy says he didn’t have no dollar. White man says he’ll shoot each wing for fifty cents. So he won the first fifty cents; so he decided to shoot again, so he lost that one, too. So he says, “Guess I’ll try my wings again,” so he throwed twelve. So he says, “Didn’t I win?” and the white fellow says, “No, you know damn well you crapped.” So de poor boy lost—that’s all of that.

  —CHRISTOPHER JENKINS.

  You know, when folks die an’ go up tuh heben, they has tuh keer long uh piece uh crayon an’ God got uh great big blackboard an’ He makes you go tuh de blackboard while John reads off yo’ sins out de Big Book, an’ you has tuh write ’em down. Den God looks over ’em an’ if they ain’t many an’ ain’t too bad, He lets yuh stay in heben. If not, you get sent on tuh hell.

  Well, my uncle died ’bout twenty years ago an’ went on up. He wuz uh big preacher an’ everybody said he sho wuz gointer git uh good seat on de right hand side, right up tuh de throne. But last week somebody died an’ went up an’ met my uncle on de way back to de earth tuh git some more chalk.

  —LARKINS WHITE.

  There was a man went to heaven and a man told him if he start to stealing he would go to hell. And he said, “Each person in the world has a lamp, and if your lamp is low you are going to hell.”

  The man seen that his lamp was low, and he went to stealing oil out of the people’s lamps, puttin it in to his—and he went to hell.

  —DAVIS LEVERETT.

  One time a man died and had uh brother, and his brother loved him uh whole lots.

  So after he wuz dead, his brother called up heaven on the telephone and ast tuh speak tuh his brother. Peter tole him tuh wait uh minute cause he didn’t remember nobody of dat description, so he tole him tuh hold de line uh minute.

  He tole John tuh look on de book an’ see if dat nigger wuz dere. John looked but he said he couldn’t find no trace uv him.

  So he tole him he had better call up hell and see ef he wuz dere. So he called up hell and ast if his brother wuz dere, and de devil tole him, yes, he wuz dere, and had done got tuh be de head fireman.

  —CLIFFORD ULMER.

  Uh nigger died and went tuh heben de same day dat President Harding died. He walked up to heben and knocked on de door. Ole Peter says, “Who comes?”

  An’ he tole him, “One.”

  An Peter ast him, “Walking or riding?”

  An’ he said, “Walking.”

  They tole him, “We can’t take nobody in here walking, you hafter come ridin’.” So de nigger turnt round and went back.

  Soon after dat he met President Harding going up tuh heben. So he tole him, “You can’t get in dere walking, so you might just as well turn back an’ git something tuh ride.”

  Harding stopped a minute, den he said tuh de nigger, “I got uh good scheme, you let me ride you on up tuh heben, and when dey ask me if I’m ridin’ or walkin’, and I tell ’em I’m ridin’, and they’ll tell me to come on in, an’ I’ll ride you on in an’ we both will be there.”

  So he rode de nigger on up dere, and de Lord ast him, “Ridin’ or walkin?”

  An’ he tole him, “Ridin’.”

  So God said, “Hitch your horse on de outside an’ come on in.”

  —CLIFFORD ULMER.

  John and

  Massa Tales*

  During slavery time Ole Massa had uh nigger name John an’ he wuz uh faithful nigger an’ Ole Massa lakked ’im, too.

  Somebody got tuh stealin’ Ole Massa’s corn, so he sent John tuh ketch’im. John saw de somethin’ in dere breakin’ off de years uh corn an’ kep’ droppin’ ’em on de groun’. It wuz uh bear, an’ yuh know uh bear can’t hold but three years at de time. If he break any mo’ he’ll drop all over three. John saw ’im keep breakin’ corn an’ droppin’ one, so he walked up an’ picked up one uh de years an’ says: “Jus’ you break another one now and see whut I’ll do tuh yuh!”

  He thought it wuz uh man all dis time. De bear thowed down de corn an’ grabbed John, an’ him an’ dat bear! John finally got ’im by de tail an’ de bear wuz tryin’ tuh git tuh ’im, so dey walked roun’ in uh ring all night long. He wuz skeered tuh turn de bear loose cause if he did, de bear would git ’im. He wuz holding de bear’s tail an’ de bear’s nose jus’ almost tuh tetch ’im in de back.

  Daybreak Ole Massa come out tuh see ’bout John an’ he seen de bear an’ John walkin’
roun’ in de ring so tired dey wuz jus’ creepin’. He run up an’ says: “Lemme take holt of ’im, John, whilst you run git help.”

  John wuz so tired, he says: “Come here, Massa, now you run in quick an’ grab ’im jus’ so.”

  Ole Massa took holt uh de bear’s tail an’ tole John tuh hurry. John staggered off an’ set down on de grass an’ fanned hisself wid his hat. He wuzn’t studyin’ ’bout goin’ fur no help. He wuz too tired.

  Ole Massa looked over dere at John on de grass an’ he hollered: “John, you better gwan git help or I’m gwinter turn ’im loose.”

  “Turn ’im loose, den. Dat’s whut I tried tuh do all night long, but I couldn’t.”

  —JAMES PRESLEY.

  Once in olden times Ole Marster had two niggers, one named John and the other one, Bill. John was his favorite nigger. He was worth twice as much as Bill.

  One day Bill ast his Marster for five dollars and Marster told him he ought not to did dat—he ought to ast for two dollars and a half, because he had to give John ten.

  Then Bill ast Ole Marster for a suit of clothes and he said: “Bill, you ought not to ast for a suit of clothes—you ought to ast for a pair of pants or a coat, because now I have to give my favorite, John, two suits.”

  Bill went out into the crib and went to shelling corn and said: “Lord, tell me something to git away wid Ole Marster.” He prayed a whole hour, but de Lord didn’t tell him a thing. He went off and he said: “I know what I’m going to do. I’m going down amongst the cattle.” And he said, “O devil, tell me something to git away wid Ole Marster.”

  De devil popped up right away and said, “Oh, hell! Tell Ole Marster to knock out one uh yo’ eyes, and you know damn well he’ll hafter knock out both uh John’s.”

  —JOE WILEY (variant of tale from Chaucer).

  In slavery time Ole Massa had uh nigger an’ his name wuz John. He uster go stan’ in de chimbley (chimney) corner of nights an’ listen tuh whut Ole Massa say, den he’d go nex’ day an’ tell de other niggers whut tuh do. Ole Massa had done made ’im his foreman anyhow.