Forsaken

by Bec Botefuhr

“His…dad is in hospital.”

  What? I haven’t heard or seen Joshua since our encounter at the ranch, but I know Ryder would want to know if his Father was hurt or sick.

  “Is the ok?”

  “I don’t know…is he at work?”

  “Yes, I will come with you.”

  We pick Ryder up from work, and he says nothing as we drive over to the hospital. I would kill to know what he was thinking; kill to know what was going through that mind of his. I know he and his Father aren’t close, but I know he wishes they were. I know he wishes he had a family like Nate’s.

  When we arrive at the hospital, I take Ryder’s hand as we walk inside. We head down the bland halls, and it feels like we were only here just yesterday. Nate cringes, but Ryder doesn’t notice. His face is blank and he is just staring ahead, like he has no feelings at all. I wonder if his Mother is here? I have never met her, even though I would love to.

  When we reach the nurses’ station, Ryder asks for his Father in a monotone voice. The nurse leads us into a room in the ICU. It’s then I know it isn’t good. When we get inside the room, a woman is standing beside the bed staring down at Joshua who is pale and asleep. At least, I think he’s asleep. The woman looks up and gasps. I stare at her, in awe.

  Ryder’s Mother is beautiful. Truly beautiful. She has the same dark hair as Ryder, and the same beautiful eyes. She is only tiny and petite, and she radiates a gentle energy. I can see how fragile she is, it shows in her face. Ryder stares at her, and then steps forward and she rushes into his arms. I smile, I can’t help it.

  “Ryder, my boy…”

  “Mother,” he mutters.

  Mother? Why is he so bitter towards her?

  “I’m so glad you came, it has been so long, let me look at you.”

  She pulls him back and her eye scan over him.

  “You could have come and visit,” he snaps.

  “You know…”

  “Yes, he wouldn’t let you and you refuse to stand up for yourself,” Ryder snaps, cutting her off.

  Her head drops and I feel bad for her, Nate grips my hand and I squeeze his tightly.

  “Mother, this is my fiancé,’ Maya,”

  The woman looks up at me, and her lip trembles. Does she hate me? Has Joshua bad mouthed me?

  “Maya, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

  I reach out my hand and take hers, giving her my best smile. “Thank you, it is wonderful to meet you too.”

  “I’m sorry we haven’t had the chance to meet, I…have been…”

  Ryder snorts. “We know exactly what you’ve been doing. Looking after him when he doesn’t deserve it,”

  “Ryder!” I snap, I am fed up with his attitude. I don’t really know the history between him and his parents but now isn’t the time to hash it out.

  “Nate, how nice to see you,” his Mother says, ignoring Ryder’s outburst.

  “You too Jenny,” Nate smiles, kissing her cheeks.

  “You look wonderful.”

  Suddenly shrill alarms are going off; my head whips around to see Joshua turning an ugly shade of blue. Jenny screams and Ryder quickly presses the nurse buttons. Suddenly we are being pushed out of the room as they work on him. I feel my heart hammering; none of us know what is happening.

  “Oh…oh…”

  No one is comforting Jenny, not Ryder or Nate. I am ashamed of them both. I walk over and put a useless hand on her shoulder as she trembles and shakes. Ryder gives me a truly fowl look, but I don’t acknowledge it. Right now, his Mother is hurting and the past shouldn’t be affecting how he supports her.

  “I don’t….k-k-know what’s happening.”

  “It’s going to be fine,” I soothe, rubbing her back, “Just fine.”

  Why are Ryder and Nate giving me that look? It’s like they are banding together against me because I am helping out a woman in her time of need. I would do it for anyone, that is just my personality. The doctors and nurses rush a bed out of the room with a still blue Joshua on it, I feel awful for Jenny, having to see that.

  “What is happening?” she screams, gripping a nurse’s shirt.

  “I am sorry, we don’t know. We are rushing him to surgery now; he has had another heart attack.”

  Heart attack? That’s what happened? He’s not that old.

  “No, please…” she sobs.

  “Jenny, why don’t we go outside for a breath of fresh air? There’s nothing we can do in here?”

  “Maya, can we have a word?” Ryder snaps.

  He grips my arm and hurls me towards him and Nate and I watch as Jenny sinks into a chair with her head in her hands.

  “What is wrong with you two?” I cry.

  “You have no idea what my life was like with them?” Ryder snaps.

  “Jesus Maya, why don’t you kick him in the nuts?” Nate growls.

  I spit it, “You two are pathetic! Are you seriously going to do this now? She’s desperate, she is hurting…”

  “So she should!” Ryder snarls, “She let him hurt me and never stepped in.”

  “I know,” I hiss, “but she is your Mother and the only family you have left. It shouldn’t matter what happened in the past, she is weak, fragile and has no one else. You two sit here and act like petty, spoilt fucking children but I am going to help a woman in need, because right now that’s all she is. I am ashamed of both of you!”

  I spin on my heels and walk over to Jenny. I help her up and take her outside, we find a nice seat under a tree and sit down. I hold Jenny’s hand as she cries; I don’t know what to say to her.

  “I know why he hates me,” she croaks, “I wasn’t there for him when I should’ve been. I was afraid, Joshua terrified me and I had nothing…I have no backbone. I know that, God, I know that. Ryder hates me, and he has every right to, but Joshua is still my husband. No one understands what it’s like being in an abusive relationship. I tried to protect Ryder, but I just…I was afraid.”

  “I understand,” I soothe, “He will come around.”

  “I hope so…”

  I sit with her for an hour, just helping her deal with her emotions. When Ryder walks outside, and tears are streaming down his beautiful face, I know the worst has happened.

  “I’m sorry…he’s gone.”

  I hear Jenny scream and I close my eyes as a silent tear stumbles down my cheeks.

  CHAPTER 17

  RYDER

  I can’t believe he’s dead. After all the years of pain and heartache, of hate and pure disgust, he is just dead. I never even got to tell him what I thought; I never got the chance to stand up for myself. I hate him for that. I hate myself even more. I hold my Mother, realizing Maya was right, she is all I have left now and she is as fragile as fine china.

  Maya is sitting quietly beside Nate, all of us are numb. She gives me a pained look every now and then, I know she feels guilty for blasting me earlier but I needed it. She always knows what I need, always. I hold onto my Mother tighter, knowing she needs some comfort right now. She has no one else, she can’t afford to live on her own, I know I will have to help her out.

  “I will organize everything,” I say quietly, “you can stay with us until we sort out a place for you.”

  “I’m sorry…”

  She has been whispering that for over an hour now, I don’t know if it’s for me or him. Either way, I forgive her. I don’t forgive him, I will never, ever think about him and not hate him but her…she is weak. Some people are just weak and don’t have the fight in them to deal with hard situations, sadly my Mother is one of those people. Even though I know she loves me, she never dared to fight against him. I have no doubt he beat her too.

  “Come on, let me take you home. Lucy is there, we have called her and she is expecting you.”

  This seems to ease some of the tension in her body. She nods, but doesn’t say anything. We all drive home in silence, Maya and Nate sit in the back of the car clutching each other’s hands and giving me pained, delicate looks. They th
ink I am going to break, what they don’t understand is I don’t care. I have prayed for this moment my entire life, I hated Joshua and that will never change.

  When we arrive home, Lucy comes rushing out and takes my Mother inside. She will know how to deal with her. I don’t. I just don’t. Maya gets out and walks around the car to take my hand; she squeezes it tightly and looks up at me. I smile down at her, and she narrows her eyes. I know, it isn’t a great smile but it’s the best I’ve got. She reaches up and strokes my cheek.

  “Walk?”

  I nod, I need that. Nate pats my back and I take Maya’s hand and we walk off into the gardens.

  “Are you ok?” she asks.

  “I’m not sad to see him go, if that’s what you’re asking?”

  “Ryder, he was your dad.”

  “Who used to beat me, and abuse me. Maya, you don’t understand, I am relieved…”

  “It doesn’t even hurt a little?” she whispers, shocked.

  “Of course it hurts, it hurts because I never got to tell him how much I hated him, it hurts because I never got to fight back.”

  “That makes you a better person, I know you can’t see it but it does.”

  “I am as weak as her.” I snap.

  “No,” she says, taking my hand, “You’re wrong. You are so much stronger, you are a rock Ryder, and I am proud of you.”

  I look down at her, and sweep my lips across her forehead. “Thank you, for being here.”

  “I’ll always be here, you know that.”

  “Well, time to go and face the music.”

  She squeezes my hand, “We will do it together.”

  “Together.”

  ~*~*~*~*

  NATE

  Helping someone organize a funeral is gut wrenching, especially when that someone is your best friend and you know how much he hated his Father. In the week of Joshua’s funeral, we had to find his Mother a place, organize to sell hers and organize a funeral. I was by his side every minute, and so was Maya. He needed us, even though he didn’t want to admit it. Part of Ryder, somewhere deep down inside, is hurting over this. I actually thought he was dealing with it well, until I found him beating up a tree after the wake.

  I gripped him, and he crumbled. The thing about Ryder is he doesn’t crumble; he is always so strong and determined. He is always the rock. Today, he finally let it go. He gripped my shoulders after trying to beat me four hundred times, and we slid down onto the ground together and he cried furiously. Ryder doesn’t cry, it just isn’t something he does.

  I don’t say anything, what can I say? He is crying for so many different reasons, even he can’t make sense of them. So, I just hold onto him and let him abuse me and cry until there is nothing left. I know he doesn’t want Maya to see him this way; he thinks it makes him look weak. He is wrong of course, Ryder is anything but.

  “I fuckin’ hate him,” he rasps, “I fuckin’ hate him, so why does it hurt?”

  “Coz’ he was your dad.”

  “It isn’t that simple, he was a pig.”

  “It can be that simple, part of you; the part deep down still sees him as just that. Let that part mourn and move on. Don’t let this make you bitter, don’t let it ruin you.”

  “I don’t deserve her…”

  “Who?”

  “Maya,”

  “Shut the fuck up you idiot, don’t start this now. You do fucking deserve her, and you know it, so do I and so does she.”

  “I don’t want to be like him.”

  I stop and swallow, that’s what this is about. He is scared he will be like Joshua and hurt his child.

  “You will never be like that, and you know it.”

  “What if I can’t do it?”

  “You can do it; you’re made to do it.”

  He nods weakly, and we both stand. He looks awful; his eyes are bloodshot and streaky.

  “Go, clean yourself up and then come back, I will keep Maya distracted.”

  He puts a hand on my shoulder; he doesn’t say anything but the gesture is enough. I nod and turn, walking off. Maya comes rushing over, followed by Janelle and Jasmine. I love my daughter, I hate her Mother.

  “Where’s he gone?” Maya asks.

  “He’s ok bubba, give him a minute.”

  “Should I go after him?” Janelle asks, pouting.

  I don’t think she will ever get over Ryder, part of her will always want what she can’t have but after her efforts with the child pulling stunt, he will never be the same with her. He hardly gives her the time of day, and slowly, she has come to realize she will never mean anything to him again. I don’t doubt that she will still annoy the crap out of he and Maya for the rest of their lives.

  “Daddy?”

  I look down to see my beautiful daughter smiling up at me; I scoop her up into my arms and kiss her little cheeks.

  “Hi baby.”

  “Why is everyone crying?”

  “They are just sad, it will be ok.”

  “I should get her home.” Janelle says, her eyes still searching for Ryder.

  “Don’t go near him Janelle; he doesn’t want to see you.”

  Maya looks over at Janelle with a glare, and I take her hand.

  “I knew a lot about his family…”

  “He doesn’t need you, understand it and move on.” I say, in a hard but gentle voice.

  She nods, biting her lip. “I do have to go.”

  “Can she stay tonight?” I ask.

  She thinks a moment, and then nods. “Ok, I have an appointment first thing so it will be good.”

  “Yay!” Jasmine cries.

  “Hey Jazzy,” Maya forces a smile, “Why don’t you come and help me prepare some food?”

  “Can I daddy?”

  “Go for it.”

  I put her down and she kisses her Mother goodbye, before leaving. Janelle turns to me and smiles.

  “She likes her.”

  “So do I,”

  She narrows her eyes, “Nate, I only want to help him.”

  “He doesn’t need your help; he has a fiancé for that.”

  “I was his fiancé once.”

  “We aren’t going over the past Janelle, it’s over. Ryder doesn’t love you and you are only hurting yourself waiting for him to change his mind. Move on.”

  She frowns. “I have!”

  “Well why are you here then?”

  “For respect, I knew Jenny.”

  “You have paid your respects, it’s time to go.”

  “Careful Nate, you are playing with fire.”

  I give her one hell of a look. “Don’t threaten me; you know you won’t come out the other side.”

  She straightens, but doesn’t continue. Every now and then she tries it on with me, threatening to take Jasmine, but she never does. She knows it wouldn’t be worth her time and effort. When she’s in her car and driving away, I finally turn to head back inside. I scan the trees once more, and I hope to hell he is ok. He deserves happiness.

  CHAPTER 18

  MAYA

  “Oh…God,” I whimper, doubling over.

  I have been getting pains now for over twenty four hours, and they are increasing. We have rung the hospital, who continually tell me they are just preparation cramps, but suddenly it doesn’t feel like it. Ryder settles me down onto the couch, while he rings the hospital again. I don’t feel right, it hurts. I am only eight months pregnant, so it isn’t time yet.

  “Ryder, it’s getting worse!” I cry, gripping my stomach.

  “Come on, we will go.”

  I stand, and water pours everywhere and I am hit with the biggest pain I have ever felt in my life. I crumble and drop to my knees. My screams fill the apartment. Nate comes rushing out of his room, his hair disheveled.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I think the baby is coming!” I scream.

  My body heaves and the pressure between my legs is massive.

  “Call the ambulance, Nate, now!” Ryder orders.

&n
bsp; He drops to his knees beside me, and goes to lift me but I scream again. Something is happening, I can feel it.

  “Yes, we need an ambulance, she is in labor and I think she is having the baby.” I hear Nate shout.

  “Shhh, we will get you to the hospital.”

  “It’s too early!” I scream.

  “Ryder, you need to check…”

  Ryder’s head snaps up, and his eyes widen. “What?”

  “Check, if the baby is coming…”

  He carries me to the lounge quickly and uses a sheet to cover my body. I scream again as the pressure becomes so intense I can’t focus. Ryder removes my shorts quickly and gasps.

  “Holy fuck, I can see a head.”

  “He can see a head!” Nate cries.

  “What do we do?”

  “Oh God!” I scream, my body lurches forward and I am forced to push.

  “You need towels, you need something clean to cut the cord…they are on their way but they might not make it.” Nate calls, his voice panicked.

  “Go and get that stuff for me, I can’t leave her.”

  Nate runs out, still talking on the phone. He is back a moment later, and he hands Ryder some towels. He sits beside me and puts my head on his lap, and strokes my hair.

  “How far out is the head?” Nate asks.

  “It…I can see hair, heaps of it.”

  “Please!” I wail, pushing harder, “Please.”

  “It just came half way out, fuck, Nate…”

  “It’s halfway out,” Nate cries down the phone.

  “Ryder, you have to deliver,” he calls a minute later, “they are nearly here but they might not make it.”

  “I can’t!!”

  “You have to!”

  I scream again and push, my body is panting and heaving. It hurts, oh God it hurts.

  “Fuck…I don’t…”

  “When she pushes, take hold of the head and ease it out. Don’t pull, just guide,” Nate instructs, he is repeating what the phone operator is telling him.

  “But…”

  “Ryder you have no choice, just do it.”

  Nate strokes my hair, and soothes me while I scream and pant. Soon, I know I am ready and I crunch over once more. Ryder is there, his hands easing our baby out. When I hear the tiny crackle of a cry, I slump back into Nate’s lap. Ryder wraps the tiny baby in a towel, and tears thunder down his cheeks.