Preaching to the Choir

by Kitty Parker

  Slowly, he began to lean in. I allowed my eyes to flutter shut and waited for the contact. Ever so gently, his lips brushed against mine. The kiss was tentative, sweet, and even somewhat bashful. To say that I didn't appreciate it would be a blatant lie. However, I knew that it would never be enough. There was simply no spark.

  "Goodnight, Andreas," I whispered when we finally broke apart. Giving him one last smile and wave, I pushed the hotel door open and disappeared into the lobby.

  As I waited for the elevator to arrive, I ran my fingers over my lips and furrowed my brow in thought.

  It had been a nice kiss, yes, but it had lacked the passion and romance that I longed for. It just wasn't…

  It wasn't…

  It wasn't…Kurt.

  Ding!

  I jumped as the elevator doors slid open. Stepping in and pressing the button for my floor, I mentally backtracked to process the thought that my brain had just come up with.

  It wasn't Kurt.

  One of the few things that I could remember clearly about the night that I got drunk was how amazing it had felt to kiss Kurt Matthews. It had been passionate, romantic, and sensual. Little sparks of electricity had danced through my nerves and stimulated all of my senses. There had been chemistry.

  Alright, so maybe what Matt had said back in Madrid had merit. Not that I'd ever tell him that, of course.

  As I recalled that night in Berlin, a vivid picture formed in my mind of a topless Kurt. I melted a little inside. I had always known that he was one of the most gorgeous male specimens around, but my hatred of his personality had always counterbalanced that knowledge. I didn't hate his personality anymore, though. Over the course of the trip, I'd actually come to like it. I wasn't sure whether it had been a change in him, or a change in me, but something was definitely different.

  The doors of the elevator slid open as it reached my floor, and I began my trek down the long hallway. I slowed down slightly as I passed Kurt's room, 508, and listened for signs of his presence.

  I could make out Matt's voice, but I had no idea what he was saying.

  An Adam-like voice replied. The only word I could comprehend was "beer."

  Suddenly, I heard what I had been waiting for. "I dunno, but your mother's a whore!" shouted Kurt, his words horribly slurred. He then began to laugh maniacally.

  My heart began to beat faster and I could feel my stomach flopping around inside of me again.

  Kurt's drunken rambling was giving me butterflies.

  Kurt…oh, Kurt…

  …oh, SHIT.

  The signs were all there. The butterflies were a dead giveaway.

  I had somehow inadvertently developed a crush on Kurt Matthews.

  Scheiße.

  Chapter 18: Three Coins in the Fountain

  An indescribable amount of joy bubbled up inside of me when I heard the knock on my hotel room door. Leaping up from my bed, I practically flew across the room to answer it. Eagerly, I turned the knob.

  Excited beyond all reason, I threw the door open, revealing a young man of twenty, standing at 5'11", with dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes that matched mine perfectly. An enormous grin spread across his handsome face.

  "Hans!" I exclaimed, leaping into his arms.

  Ecstatic, he spun me around a few times before setting me back on my feet and engulfing me in an enormous bear-hug. "Lotte!"

  I gave him a light punch on the arm. "Do you have any idea how much I've missed you, you dork?"

  "Love you, too, Sis," he chuckled.

  "Guys, Hans is here!" I announced as I dragged my brother into the room.

  Jane rolled her eyes affectionately. "Yeah, we sort of noticed that." She made her way over to Hans and wrapped him up in a friendly hug. "It's great to see you again, Hans."

  "Likewise, Jane," he replied. He had always gotten along well with my friends, even during the brief few weeks when he was twelve and I was ten that Eden had developed a slight crush on him. Then again, I wasn't sure if he had even known about it at the time.

  "Hey, Hans!" Eden chirped, hopping off of her bed. "It's been forever and a day!"

  Embracing her, Hans gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "It has, hasn't it?"

  I noticed that Brigid had put her book down and was gazing at the four of us curiously. I motioned for her to come over to where we were standing.

  "Hans, this is my friend Brigid," I informed him. "She just finished her freshman year."

  He politely shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

  "Ditto," she replied.

  I poked Hans in the ribs. "So, Bro, are you ready to head out?"

  He pouted. "But I just got here!"

  "So?" I replied indignantly. "We're supposed to go out for lunch, and it's already noon."

  He sighed. "Can I at least talk to Kurt first? I haven't seen him in ages."

  The slashing motion that Jane made across her throat and Eden's emphatic head-shaking did not escape my notice.

  My incredibly dense brother scrunched his face up in confusion. "What's wrong with you two?"

  I rolled my eyes. "They're trying to subtly tell you not to talk to Kurt and hoping that I won't notice. For the record, guys," I added, turning to face my friends. "I noticed. The two of you are about as subtle as Rosie O'Donnell with a megaphone."

  "Why shouldn't I talk to Kurt?" asked Hans.

  "He's in a funk," I answered, feelings of guilt twisting my stomach into knots.

  "Understatement of the year," Jane muttered.

  "Why, what happened?" He fixed his gaze on me. "What did you do to him, Lotte?"

  Ok, why was it that whenever Kurt was acting moody, everyone assumed that I'd had something to do with it? Yes, it happened to be true in this particular instance, but that was hardly the point.

  "What makes you think that I did something to him?" I protested.

  "Because you're about the only person in the world who can actually make that poor kid miserable."

  Oh, that stung.

  I simply stood there, mouth opening and closing without any sound issuing from it.

  Ah, phooey. He'd hit the nail right on the head.

  "Um…" Eden began awkwardly. "Maybe we should just let you two talk…"

  Turning to her, I plastered a smile on my face. "Don't worry about it. We should head out, anyway. Come on, brother dearest." I grabbed Hans's hand and dragged him into the hallway. He followed without protest. We walked in silence to the elevator, but as soon as the doors clanked shut, our conversation resumed in the weird mix of German and English that had become our unique method of communication.

  "That hurt, you know."

  "But it's true," he deadpanned.

  I winced. "Ich weiß(I know). That's why it bothers me."

  He looked at me strangely. "It bothers you that you have the ability to upset Kurt Matthews? I thought you'd be delighted. Du hasst ihn (You hate him)."

  "I do not!" I immediately protested.

  "Since when?"

  "Since…uh…" I trailed off, unable to come up with a definite time that my feelings had changed. "Ich weiß nicht! (I don't know!) It was a gradual thing."

  "Gradual, eh?

  "Yeah, gradual."

  The elevator doors slid open at the ground floor, and we walked across the lobby to the front door. All the while, I was contemplating the various ways in which I might inform Hans of my new-found feelings without invoking a flurry of I-told-you-sos, it's-about-times, and maybe even a Kurt-and-Lotte-sitting-in-a-tree or two.

  I decided to go with the pseudo-hypothetical situation method.

  "Hans," I began as he held the glass door of the hotel open for me and we stepped out onto the sidewalk. "Hypothetically, if I were to tell you that I had a problem, was würdest du sagen (what would you say)?"

  He raised an eyebrow at me. "I'd ask you, hypothetically, what that problem was."

  "And what if I told you - hypothetically, that is - that it had to do with a boy?"

  "Then
I'd tell you, hypothetically, to knock it off with the hypothetical Quatsch (bullshit) and just tell me what's bugging you."

  I glared at him. "You're hypothetically ruining my hypothetical situation!"

  He rolled his eyes as we turned into the little al fresco dining area of a café on the corner of the street. "What sort of boy problems hast du (are you having)?"

  I said nothing as we sat down at a small wrought-iron table for two.

  "Do you need me to beat a guy up for you?" he asked, his goofy grin making it clear that he was in no way serious. "You know, I could always hire a guy from the Russian mafia to break his knees."

  I had to chuckle at that. "Seit wann (since when) do you have mob connections?"

  His eyes widened. "Didn't you know that old Mr. Jenkins next door used to be in the KGB? His name's really Sergei Vorodenkov."

  "Echt (seriously)!?" I gasped.

  Hans nodded solemnly.

  "Mein Gott…" I murmured.

  There was a moment of silence before my brother burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

  I stared at him as though he were insane. "…the hell?"

  "You're pathetic, Lotte," he hooted. "I swear, you've got to be the most gullible person in the world. You seriously believed that Mr. Jenkins was a Russian spy? Oh, man!"

  "Du Wichser (You wanker)!" I shouted, giving him a swift kick in the shin under the table. He winced slightly, but kept right on howling with laughter.

  In the meantime, a busboy came by to set out napkins and silverware in front of us. He seemed to think that Hans was drunk, high, and/or mentally disturbed, if his nervous glances and avoidance of my stupid brother's end of the table were anything to go by. He made a point of leaving as quickly as possible.

  "Hans, you're freaking out the waiters," I hissed.

  He took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down and then grinned at me. "Sorry, Sis. I've just missed doing that to you so much."

  "I'm not sure whether I should be peeved or flattered," I replied.

  "Be flattered," he advised. "I say it with love."

  I rolled my eyes. My brother could be so idiotic sometimes.

  He cleared his throat. "Seriously, though, what's this boy problem about? You know that I don't believe for one second that you were actually being hypothetical."

  "Um, it's…nichts (nothing)…" I trailed off, losing my nerve.

  "It's not nichts (nothing)," he insisted. "And I'm going to sit here and stare at you until you tell me what it is."

  One unique talent that my dearest brother happened to possess was an uncanny ability to creep me out with his icy blue stare. I'd withstand it as long as I could, but I'd always crack in the end. This time proved to be no exception. He stared at me silently for a full three minutes, during which the waiter came to take our orders. Hans placed his without ever looking away from me.

  As the waiter bustled off to the door leading to the indoor portion of the café, I finally caved. "I hate your stupid stare," I announced, glowering. "Fine. I have a boy problem."

  Hans merely raised his eyebrow expectantly.

  I took a deep breath. "You see…it's like this: I sort of…had the wrong idea about someone…and some things changed…and, well…"

  "Spuck's aus (spit it out)!" he interrupted.

  "IthinkIsortofhaveathingforKurt," I gushed.

  He blinked a few times. "Um, what?"

  I sighed. "I think I have a thing for Kurt."

  There was an extended period of silence before Hans finally spoke again.

  "Would it embarrass you if I shouted and danced around a bit?"

  "Are you high or something?" I questioned incredulously. "I just told you that I have a crush on Kurt Matthews, and you ask me if I'd be embarrassed if you started dancing?"

  He chuckled, his face lighting up with a grin. "Sorry, Sis. I just figured that the moment of your confession merited some sort of celebration. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this…"

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Du und Kurt!" he exclaimed, gesturing wildly at nothing in particular. "I've been waiting for the two of you to get together since you hit puberty."

  "But we couldn't stand each other!" I protested.

  "Nein (no)," he corrected. "You couldn't stand him. There's a huge difference."

  I simply stared at him, at a loss for words.

  "Lotte, you can't tell me that you've never heard the theory that little boys only tease girls that they like. I'm honestly surprised that you never managed to put two and two together."

  I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you trying to say that-"

  "Yes," he confirmed. "I'm saying that the only reason Kurt picked on you so much was because he had a thing for you. It was kind of obvious, Lotte."

  "No it wasn't!" I objected.

  "Mein Gott, bist du total blind (My God, are you totally blind)?" he groaned. "That kid was fucking crazy about you! Why do you think he'd go out of his way to bug you? Why do you think he'd snoop around in deinem Zimmer (your room) when you weren't around? Why do you think that he was never able to keep a girlfriend for more than two weeks? Why do you think he hated Sky so much? Please don't tell me that you thought it was some sort of sports rivalry thing."

  I was silent, having thought just that.

  "Why do you think that Mutti loves him so much? Gott, even she figured it out before you did!" he continued to rant. "Didn't you ever notice that his eyes seemed to be magnetically drawn to you whenever the two of you were in the same room? Or that he decided to join the Chor (choir) exactly two days after you did?"

  "I thought that was just a coincidence…" I mumbled.

  Hans shook his head at me. "You know, for someone who's going to Harvard in the fall, you're awfully dense, Lotte. If I didn't love you so much, I would have to smack you around a bit for your incredible stupidity."

  As I mulled all of this information over, it actually began to make sense. The many pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that was Kurt Matthews were finally starting to come together in my mind.

  "Did he ever tell you that he liked me?" I asked.

  "He didn't need to," Hans replied. "I figured it out on my own. I'd suspected it since I first became friends with him when I was fourteen and you guys were twelve. When you got together with Sky, though, I knew for certain dass ich Recht hatte (that I was right)."

  I gazed at him quizzically. "Wieso (How so)?"

  "Don't you remember that he didn't come round our place for two weeks?"

  I did remember that, in fact. I'd been quite happy about it at the time.

  "I kept inviting him over, but he always came up with these completely bogus excuses, like he had to go erg or something. When he said that he had to go rake leaves, I knew that something was up, since the leaves hadn't even started to change colors yet."

  I had to chuckle at that. It was such a Kurt thing to do.

  "Oh yeah, you laugh now, Sis," Hans chided me. "But you wouldn't have if you'd seen him beating the crap out of a punching bag in his room while blasting Dashboard Confessional like I did when I went to go ask him what was wrong with him."

  That shut me up.

  "It took a while, but I finally made him admit that he was upset that you were dating Sky. You're lucky that he's such a strong person, Lotte," my brother pointed out. "Cause you seriously hurt him there."

  I opened my mouth to protest.

  "I know," he cut me off. "You didn't know, and you're free to date who you want. Whatever, it's in the past."

  We sat in silence as the waiter returned and placed our food in front of us.

  "Hans," I began timidly. "Do you think I'm a horrible person?"

  He seemed surprised by my question. "What? No! Of course not! You're my sister, and I love you. Besides," he added. "If you were a horrible person, then I'd be a horrible person by blood-relation."

  I smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. "I love you, too, Bro."

  We stood up at the same ti
me and embraced each other. He made a point of rubbing his hand up and down my back in the familiar, soothing way that he knew I liked.

  When we sat down again, I began to eat my pasta. He, on the other hand, wasted no time in questioning me about the comment that had begun the whole Kurt discussion in the first place.

  "So what did you mean that Kurt was 'in a funk'?"

  I swallowed the food that had been in my mouth. It went down in a huge lump, reflecting the discomfort of the situation. "Um…well, he is."

  He raised an eyebrow at me. "I know that look on your face, Lotte Leisch. You're feeling guilty about something. Heraus damit (Out with it)!"

  "It's sort of my fault," I admitted.

  He waited for me to elaborate.

  "I, um…" I hesitated. "You see, I…er…I kind of went on a date with this Italian waiter, and Kurt sort of found out about it."

  Agitated, Hans ran a hand through his hair. "Mein Gott, no wonder he's in such a bad mood. How long ago was this?"

  "Two nights ago," I answered.

  "Have you talked to him since then?"

  I shook my head. "No. I'm too nervous. I only just figured out that I…well, you know."

  Hans grinned. "No, I don't know. You're going to have to say it for me, Lotte."

  I glowered at him. "I like Kurt, you asswipe!"

  He put his hands up in front of him. "Hey, no need to get snippy, sister dearest. So what did Kurt do when he found out about you and the waiter?"

  I winced, remembering. "He yelled at me for a while, then got all self-loathing when I started to cry."

  "Did he tell you why he was upset?" he asked.

  Oh boy, here was the part where the ugly truth about what had happened in Berlin came out. "Well…it's sort of…kompliziert (complicated)."

  Hans sighed. "Lotte, will you please stop being afraid to tell me stuff? I'm your brother, um Gottes willen (for God's sake)! I'm not going to judge you."

  "Fine," I conceded. "I'll just give it to you straight, then. Bear with me, okay?"

  He nodded, and I launched into a condensed explanation of the whole sordid affair, beginning with Onkel Alfons's grave and ending with Kurt finding out about Andreas. All the while, I observed my brother's facial expressions, registering the shifts in his emotions. Sympathy, amusement, exasperation, frustration… all were expressed through the subtle movements of his mouth and the gleam in his eyes. He had pretty much covered the entire spectrum of human feelings by the time I had finished.