Your Life, but Better

by Crystal Velasquez

  To say Jessie’s eyes got as big as flying saucers would be an understatement. “Oh my God! Spill it! Tell us everything!”

  You’re just about to tell them about Elliott when Lizette and Charlie enter the coffee shop. For the first time that day, Lizette looks happy. “Hey, movie star. How’s it going?”

  “You heard about the commercial? Wow, good news travels fast.”

  “Yeah, everybody’s talking about it,” Charlie says. “Well, that and Lena’s tango with the trash can, of course.”

  “Argh … I am gonna kill Amy!” Lena says. “Who does she think she is? The real Gossip Girl?”

  “I think so,” Lizette answers. “She’s even started signing her text messages with ‘XOXO.’ Es loca esta chica. Of course, Gossip Girl has the good sense to remain anonymous. You’ll have your chance to confront Amy at the party. She just won a ticket too. Would you believe she had to look at a list of celebrity headlines and separate them into true and false?”

  Jessie puts down her hot chocolate. “Are you kidding me? Talk about a piece of cake for her. She could have done that in her sleep. That would have been like asking me to accessorize a fall outfit.”

  Everyone nods in agreement.

  “But what inquiring minds really want to know is, which cousin are you taking to the ball, Cinderella? Delia or Celia?” you ask.

  Lizette’s mouth spreads in a wide smile that goes from ear to ear. “Neither. I saw Charlie here crash and burn on Shawna’s Wheel of Doom, so I decided to take him instead. As much as I would have loooved to take one of my annoying cousins, this was really the only fair thing to do.”

  “Cheers to that,” Lena says, unable to hide her happiness at the news that Charlie will be at the party.

  You all raise your cups to join her. “Cheers!”

  Just then you hear a knock on the window where you’re sitting. Everyone looks out to see Elliott, who is waving an envelope at you and motioning for you to come outside.

  “Aaaaah!” both Jessie and Lizette scream at once.

  “Isn’t that the guy who was in the commercial with you? Why does he want to talk to you? No offense …,” Lizette says.

  “None taken,” you reply, trying to seem nonchalant when really you’re doing backflips inside. “We’re … friends.”

  “What?” Jessie shouts. “I received no such text message! Where is Amy Choi when you need her? Is he the guy you were talking about? Oh my God, he is sooo cute!”

  “Shhh …,” you utter, hoping to silence her. “That window is made of glass, not lead. He can hear you, you know.”

  You leave your friends in furious chatter as you make your way into the hall.

  “Hey, Elliott,” you say softly as you step closer to him, subconsciously twirling your hair. You’re not sure why, but suddenly you’re a little nervous—in a good way. “What are you doing here?”

  If he’s nervous, he doesn’t show it at all. He’s just smooth and confident, as if everything he does is on purpose. “Well, you left so quickly after we wrapped that I didn’t get a chance to give you this.” He hands you the envelope. “It couldn’t wait until next week. It’s just a little gift to say that you did a great job today and I can’t wait to work with you again. I don’t know if you’ll be into it, but I thought you might.”

  “For me?” You smile so hard he can probably see every tooth in your mouth. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you,” you gush as you rip open the thin white envelope to reveal … a golden ticket.

  Not just any golden ticket. The golden ticket.

  “No way!” you shout. “But how? This is to Shawna’s birthday party. Do you even know her? Everybody’s been scratching each other’s eyes out for these! How did you get one from her?”

  He shrugs one shoulder and smiles like it was no big deal. “Well, it helps that I’m her big brother.”

  Whoa! You didn’t see that coming. You are stunned into silence, which is not good, because it’s your turn to speak. You just can’t seem to make your mouth work.

  Fortunately, he picks up the verbal slack. “Well, anyway, I guess I’ll see you at the party. Or if not, see you next week when we film the rest of the commercial, okay?”

  You just nod dumbly. And you’re still nodding when he leans in and plants a soft kiss on your cheek and barely grazes your shoulder with his hand before he walks away.

  When you finally break out of your trance enough to move, you look at the window to see Jessie so close that she’s fogging up the glass as she mouths, Oh. My. God! That’s when you finally allow yourself a disbelieving laugh at the strange, strange day you’ve had.

  As much as you hate to admit it, the mall just might be the most exciting place on earth.

  Nervous much? High-stress situations leave you feeling pretty frazzled, and being cool under pressure isn’t exactly your strong suit. You try to avoid being put on the spot when you can, but like zits and bad-hair days, sometimes it is unavoidable. Instead of turning into your usual pile of nerves, take a deep breath! You may not realize it, but everybody gets jitters from time to time. The trick is not to let them get the best of you.

  If Jessie had told you that by the end of the day you would be starring in your own commercial, you would have checked her forehead to see if she had a fever, because clearly she must be delirious. But here you are, standing in front of an army of cameras, getting ready to say your lines. The idea is that you and a cute guy are having a good time in the mall when suddenly you notice that your face has broken out like crazy. (That shouldn’t be too hard for you to act out, since, unfortunately, you’re still a sweaty, nervous wreck and your face bears too close a resemblance to a greasy pizza.) So while he goes to get you both something to eat, you sneak off to the nearby pharmacy, buy a bottle of SmoothSkin, and say your lines about why the product is so great. Then you run into the bathroom to wash your face.

  It all sounded really simple when you were reading the script. And you were pleasantly surprised to find out that Elliott would be the one starring as the guy. But now that the easy, nonspeaking parts have been filmed (mostly Elliott chasing you around the mall or playfully tickling your neck, or just holding your hand as you windowshop), it’s time for the part where you have to speak. And suddenly it is way too warm in here—or is it just you? You have the sneaking suspicion that it’s just you. You’re convinced that whatever pimples you had before are now magnified about a million times. And although there are a small camera crew of six or seven people and only a few SmoothSkin reps, they each have two eyes, and they’re all on you!

  To make matters worse, word seems to have gotten around that they’re shooting a commercial here. There’s a crowd of kids from school forming behind the barricade, all jostling for position to get a better look at your acting debut. Great. You’ll have an audience as you crash and burn. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. In fact, maybe you should get out while you still can. You’re just about to tell Steve that you’re outta there when Janice stomps into your line of vision. Oh, right. You almost forgot about her. Quitting would mean telling Janice you’ve just wasted a huge chunk of her time, and then enduring her wrath. Yeah, that’s so not gonna happen. Since you’re not a glutton for punishment, you decide that your only option is to suck it up and get through the commercial as best you can. But seriously, did someone turn a big heater on or something? Because it is like a thousand degrees in here!

  Suddenly Janice is standing in front of you, making you jump a little.

  “So you see where the cue cards are, right?”

  You look just over her shoulder and see the camera operator moving into position next to a woman dressed all in black, holding up a stack of cards. You nod stiffly.

  “Good. Make sure you face the camera, as if you’re talking to a friend. Stephanie will be holding up the cue cards with your lines on them. We’ll give you a few minutes to read through them and then we’ll get started.”

  You nod again, but inside you’re in fu
ll-on panic mode. Where are Jessie and Lena when you need them? If they were here, Jessie would make goofy faces at you or something to get you to laugh, and Lena would quote some Shakespeare about calming down and rising to the challenge. But for now it looks like you’re on your own. You read through the cue cards once, twice, a third time… .

  The lines seem pretty easy. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

  Janice moves next to the camera and sits in a high canvas chair, as if she is a movie director. “Roll camera,” she says loudly.

  Then another intern runs out in front of you, holding up a black and white clapboard. “SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take one!” You’re on!

  You take a deep breath and give it your best shot. Too bad your best shot sounds a lot like “Uh-uh-uhhh, it j-j-just, um …”

  “Cut!” Janice yells, then looks directly at you. “You want to try that again, without all the stuttering?”

  Well, duh, that’s what you were trying to do. But you just nod again and attempt to shake the nerves out of your body. You can do this, you tell yourself.

  The intern runs out with the clapboard. “SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take two!” Snap!

  “Ugh …,” you begin. “It just figures.” Hey, so far so good! “I’m having a great time with Luke at the mall, but instead of looking my best, my mess is a big ol’ face—”

  “Cut!” Janice is starting to look a bit like that crab from The Little Mermaid. The SmoothSkin reps don’t seem too thrilled either. They are looking at one another with grim faces and shaking their heads a lot. “The line is ‘my face is a big ol’ mess.’ Again!”

  “SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take three!” Snap!

  “Ugh, it just figures. I’m having a great time with Luke at the mall, but instead of looking my best, my face is a big ol’ mess.” You point to your face, which, by the way, is sweating bullets. “The last thing I want is for him to catch me with skin—”

  “Cuuut!”

  The crew is shifting around uncomfortably on their feet, and you can hear the kids by the barricade start to giggle. Even Steve cringed when you flubbed your line again.

  “You don’t want him to catch you with bad skin.” Janice corrects you with a sigh. “I’m pretty sure he knows you have skin.” That starts the kids from school laughing again. Bad idea. Janice whips around to face them and howls, “I demand absolute silence!” Her bark shuts up even Mark Bukowski, who’s usually the biggest smart aleck in the bunch. Janice turns back toward you and starts rubbing her temples as if you are causing her the worst migraine headache in history. “Let’s start again.”

  Once more the intern runs out, and you can tell she’s getting tired of doing this. “SmoothSkin Face Wash commercial, take four,” she says, rolling her eyes, then closing the clapboard with the loudest snap yet.

  But this time you’re so determined to get your lines right that you read straight through them with no emotion in your voice at all. You sound kind of like a robot. “Ugh. It. Just. Figures. I’m. Having. A. Great. Time. With. Luke. At the. Mall. And—”

  “Cuuuut!”

  That’s pretty much how it keeps going over the next hour or so. And after you butcher take fifty-two, Janice leaps out of her canvas chair and declares, “That’s it. You’re fired! Steve, find me someone else … now!”

  Steve glances at you nervously. Seeing your lip start to tremble, he gets a look of determination on his face, rushes over to Janice, and whispers something into her ear. Janice listens, raising one eyebrow. Steve gestures to the cue cards, back at you, then over to Elliott. (Yes, you’ve been embarrassing yourself in front of him too for the past hour.) Janice seems to weigh what Steve is saying; then she looks back in your direction and sighs. “Fine. Make the change. Everybody, take ten. I need some coffee… .” You’ve seen enough behind-the-scenes shows to know that this means “take a ten-minute break to completely freak out.”

  Oh no. You’ve totally blown this. You’re not even sure what they decided to do, exactly. Maybe they’re going to call the police. Can you get arrested for bad acting? If so, they’re going to lock you up and throw away the key and you’ll never see your friends or family again. Just as well. You’ve humiliated yourself in front of what seems like half the sixth-grade class. It’s not like you can show your face at school, anyway.

  You’re waiting for your inevitable doom when you notice Steve whispering something to Elliott, who nods immediately, looks at you, and winks. He smiles and one of his chestnut curls falls over his left eye. He pushes it back with one hand and heads over to you with long, deliberate strides. “Hey,” he says smoothly. “I hear you could use a hand out there.”

  “Just a hand?” you scoff. “What I need is an entire body transplant.”

  “Ah,” he says, lifting your chin with his index finger. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not as easy as it looks, is it?”

  You shrug, waves of shame radiating off you. “I guess not.”

  “Don’t sweat it. Listen, I’m going to switch places with you. You’ll be the one who goes off to buy us some food, and I’ll be the one with the skin problem and all the lines. I have a feeling we’ll be a great team.”

  Your relief is so great you’re practically shaking. “Sooo … I’m not fired?”

  “Not as long as I’m around,” Elliott assures you. “But you are going to have to chill. Janice may sound like a shrew, but she’s really a cute and fuzzy bunny.”

  Ha! You laugh unexpectedly at the image of Janice in a giant pink bunny suit. You know he said it just to loosen you up, and it worked. “Thanks,” you tell him. “I needed that.”

  Before you know it, Elliott has gone through the makeup process to give him some fake zits, and you’ve gone through a quick patch job to cover your real ones. You assume they won’t be showing any close-ups of your face now anyway. Again you film the scene in which the infamous pimples make their appearance. Only this time Elliott is the one who notices the zits and you’re the one who goes to fetch the pizza. Then it’s time for Elliott to say your—er, his—lines.

  “Roll camera,” Janice says, taking her place in the canvas chair.

  And to your amazement, what you were utterly unable to say, Elliott recites as easily as if he were saying his own name. “Ugh … It just figures,” he begins. “I’m having a great time with Lisa at the mall, but instead of looking my best, my face is a big ol’ mess! The last thing I want is for her to catch me with bad skin. Just because I like pizza doesn’t mean I want my face to look like one. That’s why I use SmoothSkin Face Wash.” He holds up the bottle with the little flower on it. “It’s made with extra aloe and vitamin A, which cleans pores and helps fight acne. And the moisturizing solution leaves my skin feeling soft and clean, never dry”

  He looks off camera right in your direction. He turns back and whispers, “Thanks to SmoothSkin, my acne problem will be my little secret.” Then he winks and dashes into the bathroom.

  “Cut!” Janice calls happily, obviously relieved finally to be working with a professional. “Now let’s get set up for the bathroom sequence.”

  Oh, right. The only reason they weren’t going to shoot the rest of the commercial now was your crummy skin condition. But with Elliott, that’s not an issue. That’s probably how Steve sold Janice on the idea. The casting switch means she doesn’t have to come back to this “godforsaken” mall.

  Right on cue, Janice approaches Elliott and air-kisses him on both cheeks. “You’re a lifesaver,” she tells him.

  Elliott just smiles handsomely. “Anything for you, Janice.”

  She returns his smile, looking at him almost sweetly (as sweetly as her face can manage, anyway), and then glances your way. Whatever sweetness there was evaporates into thin air and her mouth forms a hard line. “As for you … Steve, give her the release forms to sign and make sure you return her wardrobe and accessories to our supply trunk before you send her back to the mall.” She walks away without so much as a handshake, an
d certainly no air kisses. Well, you knew that was coming. But it still bites that you blew your chance at actually saying something in the commercial. And those passes to the Bebe LaRue wrap party at the museum? Yeah, you can forget about those too. You feel tears threatening to well up in your eyes.

  “Aw, don’t pay any mind to Janice,” Elliott says, trying to comfort you. “She’s always like that. Her daughter, Mona, is the same way.”

  “Wait, back up. Mona is her daughter?” So that was Mona you spotted at the Bebe LaRue shoot earlier. You thought Monas modeling career was just another one of Amy Choi’s exaggerations. Now it makes sense.

  “Yeah, do you know her?”

  “Unfortunately, yes. She goes to my school. She’ll probably love it that I did such a lousy job today”

  “Come on,” Elliott says, draping one arm around your shoulders. “You weren’t that bad.”

  You raise one skeptical eyebrow at him, like Get real, dude. I was there, remember?

  He laughs a little. “Okay, maybe you were that bad. But it’s just because you were nervous. You’ll do way better next time.”

  The thought of going through this a second time fills you with dread. You shudder. “Thanks, but no thanks. I think my acting days are over. I was terrible.”

  He grins. “Well, you must not have been that terrible. Looks like you’ve got a couple of fans.” You glance at where he’s pointing and see Lena and Jessie pushing their way through the crowd still assembled behind the barricade. When Jessie sees you walking with Elliott’s arm around your shoulders, her eyes practically pop out of her head. And Lena is waving a golden ticket! No way!

  “Elliott, would you mind coming to meet my friends?” you ask.