5 Years Later_a second chance romance novel

by London Casey

  PRESENT DAY

  (LILY)

  Dale dropped his half-smoked cigarette into a tin bucket that was half-full with a citronella candle and the rest filled with rain water. The cigarette sizzled as it died. He waved his hand as he blew out smoke and then cracked his neck.

  “I gotta get back in there,” he said in his rough voice.

  “Dale,” I said, playing with the straps of my apron. “Can I ask you something personal?”

  “Shoot away, babe.”

  “You were… I mean, you did drugs, right?”

  “A junkie? Yeah. I was pretty down in it, too.”

  “You got out.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You stayed out… do you believe that people can stay out?”

  “I wash dishes for a living, Lily,” he said. “I can’t trust myself with anything more than that. Let me put it this way, if I was a mechanic, right? I would steal parts. I would steal shit from cars. I would do anything to get my next high. But here? This diner? It doesn’t make money. I don’t even know how the doors are still open. And I took a job that keeps me far from the register. Because if I ever had a chance to grab a couple twenties… I’d go right back to it.”

  Dale went back inside.

  I felt numb.

  I couldn’t taste Aiden on my lips, but in my memory, he was still there. I wasn’t sure what the deal was now. He was bringing Felix to the diner around five, when my shift was over. I was supposed to try and help him. But in the background of that, what were the repercussions? Was I carrying the weight of Aiden’s sobriety? That was a burden I wasn’t sure I was prepared for.

  Mary threw open the back door to the diner. She was a thick woman with tight blonde curls and big glasses. She was a former accountant who sued the old owner of the diner and ended up winning it in court. She was fierce, and while a guy like Dale didn’t think the diner made money, it did. Mary was just tight-lipped and so organized down to the penny, it was scary.

  “You have tables,” she said to me. Her voice was soothing and grandmotherly, but her eyes were like a snake.

  You didn’t mess with Mary.

  “On my way,” I said.

  I went back inside. It was Christy, Laurie, and me. I covered the morning until Christy came in around ten. Laurie was in at three. I would get off at five. The rotation was tight and sometimes annoying. But Mary knew how to handle it. How many waitresses were needed and who needed what hours and when. Most of us carried baggage and Mary was willing to deal with it. There were times when Laurie would come in for just two hours because that’s all she had to get away from her kids when their father didn’t show up or she got screwed over by a babysitter.

  The last hour and a half flew by.

  I took care of my last two tables and then took my turn to refill the ketchup bottles, salt and pepper shakers, stack the coffee mugs, set the coffee for later, and scrub the counter. I did more than I had to because my mind was racing.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Aiden and what he’d said.

  He wasn’t sure that Felix was his? What the hell did that exactly mean?

  After dropping that on me at my apartment, he left. He spoke the truth again, saying that if he stayed he was going to take me to bed. Not that I would ever resist. But it was smart to keep away. To force distance between us. We were explosive together and we always ended up hurt.

  Shortly after five, the bell on the diner door dinged and I looked up to see Aiden coming through with Felix at his side.

  Laurie went over to them and Aiden pointed to me.

  I hurried from around the counter, taking off my apron.

  “Hey,” I said. “Uh, Laurie, we’ll grab a booth in the corner.”

  “Are you eating?” she asked.

  I opened my mouth.

  “Yes,” Aiden said. “We’re starving. Right, buddy?”

  Felix nodded.

  His eyes were big and blue. Not the color of Aiden’s eyes. I forced myself to look away, not wanting to compare every feature of this innocent boy to Aiden’s features.

  We took a seat and Laurie took our drink orders. I watched as Aiden asked Felix what he wanted.

  Apple juice. No.

  Fruit punch. No.

  Chocolate milk. Yes!

  The boy was nodding or shaking his head.

  “That’s how he talks,” Aiden said. “You have to ask him something so he can respond yes or no.”

  I looked at Felix. “Hey, Felix. My name is Lily. Like the flower. Do you like flowers?”

  Felix shook his head.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  Felix stared, blinking.

  You have to ask him something so he can respond yes or no.

  “You don’t like flowers… because they smell bad?”

  Felix shook his head, smiling.

  A cute little smile. Little dimples in his cheeks. Just like Aiden.

  I shook the thought away.

  “You don’t like flowers… because they are for girls?”

  Felix nodded quickly.

  I laughed. “That works. But what if I told you there was a flower that ate other animals.”

  Felix’s eyes went wide.

  “I’m serious,” I said. “I’ll make you a deal. You eat your dinner and you let me talk to you about some stuff and then I’ll show you a video on my phone of a flower that eats animals. Deal?”

  Felix nodded.

  I stuck my hand across the table.

  Felix looked at Aiden for approval.

  “Go ahead, buddy,” Aiden whispered.

  Felix offered his hand to me. We shook on the deal. I caught Aiden smiling from the corner of my eye.

  Father or not to Felix by blood, he was definitely taking care of the kid.

  And the things that did to my heart…

  I was instantly falling right back in love.

  I ended up next to Felix. He ate his grilled cheese but not the crust. The chocolate milk was empty. I picked at a turkey club and then went to get my sign language books from my car.

  I gave Felix a pen and flipped over the paper placemat filled with ads from local businesses.

  “Can you write your name?” I asked.

  Felix did so.

  “Wow, that’s really good. Now, I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret. Can you tell me why you don’t talk?”

  “Jesus, Lily,” Aiden said.

  I glanced at him.

  Aiden backed down.

  Felix looked at the paper. I knew he was only four. Not many four-year-olds could come up with a well-written sentence. But Felix stuck his tongue out, biting at it, the pen going to the paper.

  This was what he wrote: cus i stopit

  I read it a few times and was really impressed he wrote it. But then I got it.

  Aiden leaned over. “Because I stop it?”

  Felix shook his head.

  I looked at Aiden. “Stupid. The word is stupid.”

  Aiden looked down at him. “You think you’re stupid?”

  He nodded.

  “Oh, Felix, buddy, you’re not stupid. You’re so far from it. No…”

  I reached for Aiden’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s okay, Felix. It’s okay to feel how you want. Now can I tell you my secret?”

  Felix nodded.

  I crouched in the booth so I was eye-level with him. “I feel the same way. I was born like you, Felix. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t learn anything. I got picked on a lot, too. But you know what? You’re already a lot smarter than me. And I know you’re smarter than your… than Aiden. Because he’s just a goof.”

  Felix giggled.

  “Can I show you a trick to talk a little?”

  Felix shrugged his shoulders.

  “It’s really cool. You talk with your hands…”

  I introduced him to sign language. But I did it my way. We started with words he would use a lot. I made him a deal that if he could sign for chocolate milk, he’d get another o
ne. That was a good incentive.

  I went and got Laurie. I told her that Felix was going to sign for chocolate milk. The look on Felix’s face was heartwarming when he not only signed for it but when Laurie understood. He looked right at Aiden, proud of himself.

  We stayed at the diner until almost eight, going over everything I could think of. Felix was smart. He was dangerously smart and I knew he’d be talking in no time. Face it, his entire life had been a challenge and people just kept pressuring him. So, he clammed up a little. I couldn’t blame him for that.

  Aiden paid the check, refusing to let me pay for my own food.

  I walked them outside.

  Felix stood at the car and looked at me.

  “You did good,” I said. “Should we do it again?”

  He nodded.

  I turned to face Aiden but felt a tug at my shirt.

  It was Felix.

  “Hey, get in the car, buddy,” Aiden said.

  Felix shook his head.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Felix signed the word eat.

  “Eat,” I said. “You’re hungry?”

  He shook his head. Then he made a scary face and chomped his teeth. Then pointed at me.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  He signed the word eat again. Then chomped his teeth. Then pointed at me.

  “Eat… monster… me?” I asked. Then it hit me. “Oh, that’s right! The flower that eats animals!”

  Felix’s eyes went wide and he nodded fast.

  As I promised, I crouched down and took out my phone. “This is called a venus flytrap…”

  I showed video after video to Felix of the different kinds of venus flytraps and how they waited and attacked their prey. Felix was loving every second of it. His eyes wide, smiling, then in awe. He let out little noises of surprise, just proving to me even more that he could talk.

  I had spent a few hours with him and I was invested. I was hooked. The little kid had his fingers wrapped around my heart.

  My battery finally flashed that it was under twenty percent.

  “Well, we killed my battery, Felix,” I said. “We’ll look at more next time, okay?”

  Felix nodded.

  I stood and turned to face Aiden and once again I felt Felix tug at my shirt.

  I looked down at him. “Yeah?”

  Felix signed thank you to me. Then he got into the car.

  I was touched.

  “You did amazing,” Aiden whispered, his hot breath tickling my ear.

  I jumped and felt a hot shiver run between my thighs.

  “He’s smart,” I said.

  “Hey, can I come over when I get him home?”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to get him home and in bed. His mother is there. I’m not leaving him home alone, Lily. But I was wondering if I could come over. To… talk…”

  “To talk,” I said, already nodding. “Yeah. Sure. To talk.”

  “You’ll be awake? It might be a couple hours.”

  “Sure. Right.”

  Aiden kissed my cheek and got into the car. I watched him drive away.

  Aiden was coming over. To talk.

  Just to talk.

  I grinned and bit my lip.

  There was never ‘just talking’ when it came to Aiden…

  Chapter 18

  (Addicted for Life)

  PRESENT DAY

  (AIDEN)

  I kissed Felix’s head one more time. I made the sign for thank you and then smiled. I pictured the look on his face as Lily showed him the videos of the venus flytraps. That was what Felix needed. Normalcy. I would never say a bad thing about Alice, but she was forever worried and forever guilty. I couldn’t blame her on either front and I also couldn’t help her at all.

  Things in life got out of control and once the toothpaste was out of the tube you couldn't put it back in. Not that I would compare Felix’s life to toothpaste, but you get the picture.

  I snuck out of the room and went downstairs.

  Alice was at the dining room table, flipping through some bills, a pen in her mouth, her checkbook out with written checks spread across the table like index cards.

  “Hey, a little late for that, no?”

  “Bills need to get paid,” Alice said.

  “You should find a better time to do that. Money before bed causes stress.”

  “Nothing to stress about,” Alice said. “No money means nothing gets paid.”

  “Alice…”

  “See, I’m trying to figure out which check to send first. How long it will take to get there. What are my chances of the check bouncing.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose.

  Alice had been lucky enough to get the house from her aunt. All she needed to do was cover the taxes. After that, it was utilities, food, and everything else that came with raising a four-year-old.

  “I feel like I’m drowning,” Alice said. “And the insurance is a joke. Everything for Felix is a joke. Everything is a fight.”

  I reached into my back pocket and took out all the cash I had. Hardly enough to raise a kid but enough that Alice could get some sleep.

  “What is this?”

  “Money.”

  “Pity,” she snapped.

  “My offering.”

  “You don’t even live here,” she said.

  I put a hand to her shoulder. “We’re a team, Alice. It doesn’t matter where I live. Okay? Now take the money. Send your checks. And get some rest tonight.”

  I leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

  Whatever happened between us really meant nothing. All that mattered was Felix. It was up to us to make sure he had a good life. The best we could offer.

  “You’re leaving?” Alice asked.

  She reached for my hand.

  It wasn’t all that long ago that Alice grabbing my hand was an invitation to stay the night. I walked away from her, knowing there was no words to properly let her down.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I have something to take care of.”

  “Aiden. I don’t want this cash.”

  “I know you don’t want it. You need it. It’s yours now.”

  I left the house, hoping Alice would actually use the cash for bills.

  It wasn’t my problem anymore, though.

  My sights were set on something worth worrying about.

  I was going to Lily’s place for the night.

  “How much do I owe you?”

  Lily had the beer bottle to her lips. She skipped taking a drink. “What?”

  “For what you did for Felix. You know how much we’ve shelled out in therapy and got nothing? You had him signing in just hours. You had him smiling, laughing, happy.”

  “Aiden, he’s a boy. I showed him videos of gross stuff. That’s what boys like. Right?”

  I laughed. “I don’t know, Lily. But let me pay you for your time.”

  “No. I don’t mind helping.”

  I moved my beer bottle out of the way and leaned forward. “This wasn’t a one-time thing. At least, I hope. He needs you. I need you. Shit, Lily, I really need you.”

  I saw the way she swallowed hard. “Aiden… you don’t know anything about my life.”

  “You work as a waitress at a diner,” I said. “You live alone. You get by. You leave your heart wherever you go. Nobody could imagine functioning without you.”

  “Don’t sweet talk me,” she said, fighting a little smile.

  “I’m just telling the truth,” I said.

  I started to reach across the table and Lily stood up. She walked to the kitchen, her back to me.

  Leaning back against my chair, I said, “Give it to me straight then, Lily.”

  “Give what?”

  “Whatever you’re thinking about me. I can sense it.”

  Lily glanced at me. “What do I know about you?”

  “What do you think you know?”

  “Last time I saw you… you and your brothe
r…”

  “Right,” I said, nodding. “And there’s nothing I can do to take that back. There’s only planning for tomorrow. And tomorrow I plan on being clean.”

  “But it doesn’t take much for you to slip, does it?”

  Now I stood up. “Where is this coming from?”

  “You showed up looking for my help. And if I don’t help you, then what? Are you going to slip? If I can’t make Felix talk…”

  I felt someone had socked me in the gut. I had no breath for a few seconds.

  I approached Lily with caution.

  “Shit, sweetheart,” I whispered. “That’s what you think?”

  “I don’t know what to think, Aiden. Five years.”

  “Five years,” I said. “And there’s good reason. It’s been hard. I couldn’t step into your life a year ago. Or the previous year. After what happened, I was lucky I made it out of it all alive. And each time we would end up apart, I hoped so badly that you would find someone to take care of you. But then there was always a part of me that didn’t want that. I wanted to be the one to sweep in and save you. Instead, I bring a kid that needs help. Because I’m desperate. I don’t want him to be labeled and just shoved along through school. I know how smart he is. And I know how strong you are. So, I thought…”

  “What about yourself,” Lily said. “If you slip and it’s my fault…”

  “Never,” I said. I was behind her now. My hands slowly went to her hips. “Lily, never. I’m not going to slip.”

  “But when you’re addicted…”

  “You’re addicted for life,” I whispered. “I heard it all. I still go to meetings. I will keep going to meetings.”

  “I can’t promise anything with Felix,” she said. “That’s a lot for me to take on.”

  “I know it is. I put it on your shoulders. I’m sorry. I should have asked first.”

  I brushed my nose into her hair, letting the smell of her shampoo wash over me. The smell ran through me like an uncontrollable fire. My hands tightened their grip on her hips. I pulled her against me. Her hands shot back and touched my legs. Her fingers curling, not pushing my away.

  Gently, her head fell back to my chest. She turned her head to the right, exposing her neck. My lips wanted her. I was hungry, thirsty, my craving being her.

  “Aiden, promise me,” she whispered as her eyes started to shut a little.