by Maggie Cole
Simon peers at me. “Funny.”
“Simon, he doesn’t know who you are,” Chase says with blood all over his face.
Simon looks over at Chase, then me, then back at Chase.
“It’s true. Xander has amnesia from a car accident he was in a month ago.”
Simon’s head jerks to me. “Xander, man, I’m sorry to hear that. You doing okay?”
I stare at him, feeling like a pathetic loser once again. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know you.”
Pity crosses his face. It’s an expression I’ve gotten to see on too many people’s faces the last month. He pats me on the back. If my hands weren’t cuffed behind me, I would punch him in the face.
Jamison and Crandle return just as Noah comes outside with another man I don’t know.
“I won’t press charges,” the man says. “We’ve handled the matter privately. Please have them leave through the alley though. I don’t need my customers thinking people can get away with that kind of behavior.”
“I’m sorry,” I say to him right away, feeling guilty I created a mess in his place of business.
He gives me a sympathetic expression. “You’re forgiven, Xander. I hope your memory comes back quickly, man.”
Once again, another person knows me, and I have no clue who they are.
The cops finally unfasten our handcuffs. Sobered up by now, I turn to Chase. “I’m sorry.”
He nods. “Already forgiven, but next time, can you not hit my face? I think I’m going to need a nose job.”
The four of us laugh, and I’m reminded that, as depressing as it’s been, I still have things in my life to be grateful for, like these guys. Maybe I shouldn’t kill myself after all.
6
Xander
Present Day
Noah and I have a few beers and dinner together. He said Piper is out with the girls, and I almost ask him where. The thought crosses my mind to go there and make Charlotte talk to me, but I don’t ask.
It’s after eight when I get to the hotel. My thoughts aren’t any less messy than before, except now I’m confused about my feelings for Billie and what I felt with Charlotte earlier.
If only I could remember. How many times have I said that over the last six months? Why can’t I remember?
I pull at my hair as I step inside my hotel room. After a quick shower, I lie in bed and replay the day and my conversation with Noah.
Then it hits me. Noah told me he thought Charlotte and I texted a lot.
I pull out my phone and type the name Charlotte in. Hundreds of messages pop up. I scroll, and, after fifteen minutes, I get to the very top of our text conversations. For the next few hours, I read through everything, with various emotions popping up.
A few texts make me laugh. Some make me sad. Most make me feel wanted.
She’s sweet.
She’s funny.
She’s raw and honest.
Over the next few hours, I learn a lot about Charlotte...and myself.
It’s very clear Charlotte wasn’t pursuing me. I may not remember everything, but reading these messages, I’m 100 percent obsessed with this girl. I initiated most of the conversations. I’ve pursued her. Not a day goes by from the first text message to the day before the accident that I didn’t begin several conversations with her. From the time I got up until I went to bed, she was all I thought about, based on my text messages to her.
“Good morning, gorgeous. Did you sleep well? Sorry I kept you up so late on the phone.” Okay, so we were talking on the phone as well, like Noah said.
“You should have seen the crazy-ass cyst I removed from this guy’s femur today. You would have loved all the extra pus.” She sent me back heart emojis. What other girl could I ever joke around with about this kind of stuff humor? Who enjoyed my warped sense of humor?
Not Billie runs through my mind.
“Send me a picture of you.”
She sent me a picture, blowing me a kiss. She’s so damn gorgeous.
“What are you wearing?”
She sent me a picture of her in her red lace bra, but only the back of it, not the front. Fuck, that’s hot.
“Did you get home safely?” When she wrote back yes, I told her I was FaceTiming her.
“Club D sucked. I kept wishing you were here with me. When I get to Chicago, I’m taking you out.” I was making long-term plans with her.
“Can you send me Vivian’s number so I can view apartments when I’m there? Do you want to come with me, so I don’t end up in a crappy bachelor pad you hate to stay over in?” She teased me about being presumptuous, and I told her all the ways I would make her cum when I saw her next.
“You’re getting extra dessert for paying over three grand for me.” I still can’t believe she paid that much money so another girl didn’t get a date with me. And she did it over the phone.
“You should come to New York and surprise me.” That was the night before she flew out to New York and surprised me.
“I miss you.” I lost track of the number of times I had texted her that. And I had only been with her one night when I started sending her those messages.
There is no way I would have ever sent all these messages unless I was head over heels for this girl. And I understand why from all her messages.
No wonder she’s heartbroken. I destroyed her. I destroyed us.
I save several pictures she sent me to me and realize I already had saved them. I just hadn’t opened the gallery on my phone since the accident.
Staring at her picture, I see the lips and hair that have been in my dreams all these months. It’s complete now. There is no more faceless woman. And damn if she isn’t the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.
Guilt crashes through me as Billie’s image pops up in my mind. I throw my phone on the bed and put my hands over my face, trying to remember anything new, but nothing comes. It’s the same memories as always.
Billie’s face, clear in my mind as she laughs and kisses me.
Noah wouldn’t lie to me, and if he says Billie and I split and weren’t happy, then we must not have been, but I can’t understand or accept it until I remember it.
But now I also have Charlotte’s face popping up. Her tear-filled eyes are ripping my heart out, and the picture she sent smiling and blowing me a kiss is rotating in my mind.
Rationality tells me I shouldn’t feel guilty about thinking about Charlotte instead of Billie, but it’s a tug-of-war in my mind.
Did I really fall out of love with Billie? I still can’t fathom it. But do I love two women, even if I only was with one a very short time.
Is it possible to love two people at once?
It’s past ten now, and I have to be at the hospital at four in the morning for surgery. I should go to sleep. Instead, I pull up Charlotte’s number.
I text her. “Are you awake?”
I wait, about to assume she’s asleep when I finally get a reply. “Yes.”
Without thinking, I hit the FaceTime button.
Xander, what are you doing?
It rings and rings, and I think it is about to stop ringing when she picks up. She is silent
“Hey,” I say.
She slowly waves.
“I just spent the last few hours reading our text messages.”
Her eyes widen. “Okay...”
I take a deep breath. “Look, I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I’m not sure why I can’t remember things. I know what people tell me, and it just doesn’t make sense because I can’t remember any of it.” I pull at my hair in frustration.
“Xander, are you okay?”
Tears well up in my eyes, and I gaze up at the ceiling. “No. I’m not. I just spent the last few hours getting a glimpse into us, and I don’t remember you. Except for my dreams...every single night, you haunt my dreams. But I can’t remember a goddamn thing about you...about us. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve it.”
“It’s okay. I’m not mad at y
ou. You don’t need to feel guilty about anything. It’s my fault this happened, so I should be the one to apologize.”
“Your fault?”
She nods. “If I hadn’t surprised you and let you drive me to the airport, none of this would have happened.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t. It’s no one’s fault. But if you want to blame someone, blame me. Go read the text messages. I told you to come surprise me.”
“I should have just taken a taxi.”
“Stop it. It was an accident. And I’m so sorry I hurt you. It’s tearing me up right now, and I hate myself for it.”
She looks away and then back at me. “Xander, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s okay. Just let it go and don’t think about it anymore. It is what it is.”
“No, Charlotte. You don’t understand what I’m trying to tell you.”
“What are you trying to tell me?”
“Everyone around me can tell me how things were or what I should or shouldn’t feel, but I know myself. I know what I felt when I saw you today. I know what I felt when I read all those messages. I know myself, and I can’t ignore what’s in those messages.”
Charlotte takes a big breath. “What’s that?”
“A man who’s crazy about a woman he only met a few times.”
She blinks back tears and bites her lip. “But you don’t remember me?”
I shake my head. “Only in my dreams.”
“But you still love Billie?”
I rub my hands in my face. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I know what I remember. I hear what Noah, Chase, and Jamison tell me. I’m trying to wrap my head around it but without the memories, it makes it hard for me not to feel for her what I last remember.”
A pained expression crosses Charlotte’s face.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to lie to you.”
“Okay.”
“Charlotte, I know I have feelings for you. I felt them today when I saw you. I didn’t understand though. Then I read our messages.”
She closes her eyes and turns away.
“Charlotte.”
She slowly faces me then opens her eyes. “What do you want from me, Xander?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t have a plan when I asked you if you were awake.”
She laughs softly. “Fair enough.”
“You have a nice laugh and smile,” I blurt out.
She smiles a little bigger then yawns.
“Are you at the hospital tomorrow?”
“I have to be there around four.”
I laugh. “Me, too.”
“I bet money we are in the same surgery.”
“I would be okay with that. Would you?”
She pauses for a moment. “Yeah. I’d be okay with that.”
“Good. I’m going to let you get some sleep now. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
She smiles. “All right. Hey, Xander?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for calling.”
I wink at her. “Thanks for taking my call.”
7
Charlotte
Nine Months Earlier
I’m curled in Xander’s arms when my phone buzzes. I crawl over him to pick my phone up off the table then snuggle back into him.
He wakes up and yawns. “Everything okay?”
I pull open my messages. An unknown number is on the screen. I pop my code into the phone and read the message that also has Vivian and Quinn’s names on it. “It’s Piper. Does one of you have my phone?”
“Vivian has it,” I type just as Quinn and Vivian respond as well.
I show Xander. “I’m assuming this is Noah’s number?”
He glances at it. “Looks like it.”
I save the number under Noah.
Xander snatches my phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Making sure I have your number.” He grins at me, sends himself a text message from my phone, then programs his number in.
“I already told you I’d give it to you.”
He’s about to hand my phone back to me when a YouTube notification comes across it. He swipes the announcement, and a video of a doctor removing a cyst pops up.
“So, you really do love this stuff.” He grins at me.
“Yep. I get sucked into it.”
“You are seriously the hottest girl I’ve ever met, in so many ways.”
My cheeks heat.
We watch a few minutes of the video, commenting on things and laughing until he throws the phone on the bed and turns into me, resting his face on his elbow. “Do you ever go to New York?”
“Only once. I went with the girls to Times Square for New Year’s Eve.”
He rolls his eyes. “That is not the way to experience New York.”
“It was okay. I take it you don’t like drunks throwing up and peeing in the streets?”
“I always hated New Year’s Eve. The ambulance could hardly move.”
“Surgeons go in ambulances? Is that a New York thing?”
He strokes my hip. “No. Noah and I were paramedics. It’s how we paid for school.”
I jerk back in shock. “Really?”
“Yep.”
“Wow. That must have been a crazy schedule.”
He shrugs. “It was worth it.”
“So you were a paramedic and in med school. How is that even possible? Did you ever sleep?”
He grins. “I can run on very little.”
“So, when you leave my place, you won’t go crash at Noah’s?”
“Probably not. Speaking of Noah, what’s up with him and Piper?”
“Honestly, no clue. She said he’s an asshole. Is he?”
Xander shakes his head. “Not that I’m aware of. Noah said she hates him?”
“She didn’t act like she did.”
“Sounds messed up to me,” he comments.
“You said you move in a few months?”
“Probably four. Dr. Richardson hasn’t set his retirement date yet.”
“Dr. Richardson is who you’re taking over for?”
“Yeah, you know him?”
“I do. I assist him in his surgeries.”
Xander’s face brightens. “So, we might get to work together?”
“Probably.”
He licks his lips. “I guess I have even more to look forward to when I move to Chicago.”
I laugh as Xander’s phone buzzes.
He groans. “Ten bucks, that’s Noah.” Reading his phone, he puts his forehead on my chest, groaning again.
I kiss his forehead. “What’s so horrible?”
“Noah wants to meet up for breakfast. Piper slipped out on him. He’s freaking.”
I run my hand through his hair, disappointed he has to leave, but I put a smile on my face. “Sounds like he needs a friend right now.”
Xander picks his head up and kisses me. “He can wait,” he murmurs, and I once again get lost in a perfect storm of Xander and Charlotte.
I get a text from Xander later that day. “Noah’s a right mess.”
“What happened? Piper isn’t answering our calls or text messages.”
“She told Noah she has a hot date tonight and to stop bothering her.”
I roll my eyes and feel bad for Noah. “I am 99 percent sure that Piper does not have a date. Tell Noah to chill. She’s just trying to get under his skin.”
“Mission accomplished,” Xander writes back.
I send some crying emojis.
Xander sends a GIF of a knife stabbing a heart.
I text Piper. “You need to respond to us. What is going on?”
Xander sends me another text. “It appears I’m on friend duty all night. I want to see you before I go back. Can I take you to breakfast, or brunch, or whatever people do in Chicago on a Sunday?”
Excitement shoots through me, and it’s replaced with disappointment when I remember I have to work. “Sorry, I’m in s
urgery all day tomorrow. I won’t finish until two or possibly even four.”
Minutes go by then he responds, “Bummer. My flight leaves at four thirty. What time do you start work?”
“Four.”
“Early day. So what time do you leave your place to get to work by four? Just wondering for future reference.”
“Around three thirty.”
“Good to know. Noah’s freaking out again, so I have to go.”
“Have fun.”
He sends me a kiss emoji.
I send him one back.
I want to see Xander again. It sounds like the only way I’ll get to before he goes is if Piper answers her phone, and we can all somehow meet up. I call Piper again, but it goes to voice mail.
Damn it. I really like this guy, and four months will be a long time to wait.
It’s 3:25 a.m. on Sunday, and my phone rings. Xander’s name pops up on the screen.
Why is he calling me this early?
“Hey, is everything okay?” I answer.
“Your chariot awaits,” he says.
“My chariot?”
He laughs. “When you’re ready, come down. I’m in the black car outside your front door.”
I go to the window and peer down. It’s pitch-black except for the street lights, but I faintly make out a car sitting at the curb.
“You’re waiting for me?”
“Yep. Come down.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes I just need to finish getting ready.”
“No problem. See you soon.”
My heart beats faster, and I look in the mirror. My hair is in a bun for work, and I pull it out and try to make it nicer, securing the hair tie over my wrist for later.
A million thoughts are racing through my mind.
He came to see me again.
Is he seriously in the car?
Is this really happening?
Who is this guy?
Within minutes, I’m outside, and he steps out of the back of the car. He wraps me in his arms and kisses me. “Good morning.”
“Good morning. I didn’t expect to see you again so soon. And especially not this early.”
“I told you I wanted to see you before I left.”
I’m smiling so big my face is hurting. “Well, it’s nice to see you again.”
