Daddy Lessons

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “Because sometimes you need to go back before you can go ahead,” Shannon said.

  Her words struck a chord deep within Hailey’s heart. She knew her sister was right. “But things are going so well.” Hailey turned to her sister, feeling as if she had to explain. “I never cared for someone the way I care for Dan,” she said. “You know that. I tried dating other guys, but it was never the same. Now, being with him, I feel like I’m whole again.”

  “And what about his daughter?”

  “I think she really cares for me too.”

  Shannon’s doubtful expression didn’t shift one centimeter.

  “I’m happy now,” Hailey said, willing her sister to understand. It was as if she needed Shannon’s blessing to eradicate the concerns roaming the deepest recesses of her mind. “Happier than I’ve been in a long time. Surely that has to mean something?”

  “I think it does,” Shannon finally said, reaching over and covering Hailey’s hand, granting her a bit of reassurance. “But I’m just telling you to be careful. You really don’t know why he left, or why he felt he had to leave. I think you need to find out more about what happened before you move on. Besides, you have Natasha to think about. If this doesn’t work out, it could be devastating for her.”

  Hailey nodded, knowing her sister was right.

  Then Shannon squeezed her hand. “I’ll be praying for you.”

  Hailey eked out a smile. “Thanks for that.”

  “I’ll stop by tomorrow morning. You can bring me to work and then the car is yours the rest of the day.”

  “Thanks, sis.” Then Hailey stepped out of the car, the chilly air cooling the heat of her cheeks. She fumbled in her purse for her keys, and when she had them in her grasp she turned and waved at her sister.

  Shannon waved back, tooted the horn and drove away.

  But as Hailey walked up the flight of stairs to her apartment, Shannon’s words resounded in time to each footfall echoing in the stairwell.

  Be careful. Be careful.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “You got everything you’ll need?” Dan asked, handing Hailey an extra pair of bright red mittens with white maple leaves on them. “Snacks? Extra socks?”

  Hailey nodded as she stuffed the mittens into the backpack sitting on the floor of the apartment’s front entrance. “I think we’re well provided.” As their eyes met he caught an excited sparkle in her gaze.

  He and Natasha had slept in this morning and missed church. As a result he’d been dogged with guilt all morning. But underneath his guilt crept an uneasiness that had nothing to do with missing church and everything to do with Natasha going on the ski hill with Hailey. But he had to let her go. He didn’t want Hailey to think he didn’t trust her with his daughter. Especially not after allowing her to go with the class.

  That was different. That was an organized trip.

  Dan shoved his hand through his hair, then grabbed the back of his neck. “Okay, then. I guess you should get going.”

  “Not yet,” Natasha called out, lurching to her feet, her movements hampered by her snow pants and coat. “I have to get my wings.”

  “You won’t need them, honey,” Dan said, shooting Hailey a pleading look to help him out.

  “But they’ll help me ski better,” Natasha complained, already heading off to her bedroom.

  “One of these days she’s got to stop wearing those silly things,” Dan muttered as she left.

  “I’ll let her wear them for a couple of runs, then convince her she can ski without them,” Hailey assured him. “She doesn’t wear them to school, so that’s a good thing.”

  “I suppose I should be thankful for small blessings,” Dan said.

  Hailey zipped up the backpack and stood. “So, I’m ready to go.”

  Dan nodded, his previous misgivings returning. “So you’ll be careful, right?” The question burst out before he could think about it.

  Hailey’s light frown bothered him, but he couldn’t help himself.

  “Of course I will.”

  Still he hesitated.

  “She’ll be okay,” Hailey said. “Please don’t worry about her. I’ll take care of her like she was my own.”

  Dan experienced a precarious happiness and, at the same time, a thrum of concern. He and Hailey. Was he making a mistake?

  But as his eyes held hers, he felt that what was happening between him and Hailey was right and true.

  He also knew that since he’d kissed Hailey, the restlessness that had been his constant companion since he’d left Hartley Creek had settled.

  Hailey glanced past him, then her expression grew even more serious. “Has she said anything more about…about what she saw?”

  “You mean us kissing?”

  “Yeah. That.”

  “No. And I haven’t had a chance to talk to her about it.” He heard Natasha rattling around in her drawers and decided to let her root around on her own for a few more moments. He turned back to Hailey, trying to figure out the best way to express what he wanted to say.

  And at that moment her cell phone rang.

  Hailey drew it out of her pocket, glanced at it, then turned away from Dan to answer it.

  “Yes. This is Hailey Deacon.... Oh, hello. No, it’s fine to call me now. I realize you’re probably busy during the week.” She shot Dan a look of concern, then took a few steps farther into the house, going around a corner.

  To give her some privacy he went back to Natasha’s room to help her out. The room was an explosion of clothing and toys. “What happened here?” he asked Natasha, who was on her knees, head in her closet, as she tossed clothes and shoes over her shoulder.

  “I can’t find them,” her muffled voice called out, close to panic. “They were from my mommy and I can’t find them.”

  Dan walked over to the closet and pulled Natasha to her feet with a swish of her snow pants. Her face was beet-red and her hair a damp tangle. Poor kid was cooking-hot, wearing her ski clothes in the house.

  “I think you left them in the bathroom the last time you wore them,” he said. “In the cupboard where the towels are.”

  Natasha sniffed and when she grinned Dan knew she remembered too. “Thanks, Daddy. I don’t want to lose them. They came from my mommy and they are special.”

  Her comment about Lydia brought up his misgivings. He felt as if he and Hailey hovered on the cusp of something that would change everything for his daughter. He needed to know where Natasha was emotionally before he and Hailey made any kind of commitment.

  The word resounded in his mind as he knelt down, looking directly into his daughter’s eyes.

  Commitment. Was he ready? Were he and Hailey really heading in that direction? He tested the thought as he brushed a few strands of hair back from his daughter’s red face.

  “Honey, remember you said that you saw me and Miss Deacon kissing?”

  Her expression shifted and she gave him what could only be described as a flirty grin. “Yes. I did,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her and twisting back and forth.

  “How did you feel about that?”

  Natasha lifted her shoulders and giggled. “I felt happy.” Then she leaned closer, whispering. “Are you and Miss Deacon in love?”

  How did she know this stuff?

  “We like each other” was all he could say for now. He didn’t know if he dared mention love yet. Not in front of his daughter and not even to himself.

  As for Hailey, there were moments he was sure she sensed his misgivings. At times he felt as if his life was complicated and tangled and he wasn’t sure how to find the ends and make them whole. He often felt much of his uncertainty hearkened to the past, but what good would going back do? He had already told
Hailey about Lydia. Austin’s death was far in the past and had no bearing on his and Hailey’s relationship.

  “Now can we go get my wings my mommy gave me?” Natasha said, tugging on his hand, pulling him into the present.

  Dan pushed himself to his feet and went to the bathroom to find his daughter’s precious wings.

  Interesting that Natasha had no trouble melding her past and present—Lydia and Hailey. As he pulled the glittery wings out of the laundry basket he wished it were as easy for him.

  When they got back, Hailey held her phone, frowning at it as if it had just given her bad news.

  “Is everything okay?” Dan asked, hurrying to her side. “Is it your grandmother?”

  Hailey shook her head, looking up at him. “No. It was the school that offered me that fall job. They want me to come earlier.”

  She looked as if she expected something from him, but he wasn’t sure what to say. Did he dare encourage her to reconsider taking the job?

  Were they even at that point?

  Your daughter saw you kissing Hailey. You know you care about her and she cares for you.

  Once again it was as if they stood across from each other with a space between them that he had to figure out how to cross.

  “Can we go?” Natasha called out, rescuing them both from the uncertainty of the moment.

  “Yeah. Sure,” Dan said, turning to her. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. “You be careful and listen to Miss Deacon, okay?”

  “I will,” she assured him. She gave him a quick hug, then with a rustle of snow pants and jacket, walked over to Hailey, tugging on her hand. “Let’s go,” she said.

  Without another look at Dan, Hailey pocketed her phone, grabbed the knapsack and headed toward the door.

  “You forgot to say goodbye to my daddy,” Natasha said. “You can kiss him too if you want.”

  Dan groaned inwardly, but Hailey didn’t seem flustered by his daughter’s comment.

  “See you later, Dan,” she said, her smile flickering at the corner of her mouth.

  “Have fun, you two,” was all he said.

  And as the door closed behind them, he realized they hadn’t finalized their plans for tonight.

  With a swish of her skis and a spray of snow, Natasha came to a halt in front of Hailey, executing a picture-perfect parallel stop.

  “That was excellent,” Hailey said, clapping her hands. “Very good.”

  Natasha beamed up at Hailey. “I’m a really good skier.”

  “You are.”

  “When can I use a snowboard like you do?” she asked, pointing her skis downhill for her next turn, arms up, knees bent, showing perfect form.

  “When you know everything there is to know about skiing,” Hailey said, following Natasha, the sun sparkling off the snow on the hill. “That’s how I started.”

  They had moved from the learning hill to the bunny hill. Natasha had easily mastered the T-bar and was quickly gaining confidence going down the longer hill.

  “But I know a lot,” Natasha said, flashing Hailey a grin over her shoulder. “And I bet I can go on the big hill.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Hailey said. Though she was sure Natasha could easily navigate the most basic green run, she was hesitant to follow through.

  Especially with Dan’s warnings to be careful ringing in her ears.

  “Deanna went on the big hill,” Natasha announced as they quickly came to the bottom of the bunny hill. “I saw her going up with her mom and dad. And she doesn’t ski as good as me.”

  Trouble was, that wasn’t an idle boast. Natasha had more control and could stop much more quickly than Deanna could, but Deanna was with her parents, who were responsible for her.

  Natasha was with Hailey, who was no relative.

  But you kissed her father.

  Though Hailey suppressed that thought, embarrassment still heated her face.

  “I know, but I promised your dad I would take care of you.”

  “Natasha. Natasha.”

  A little girl’s voice rang out and Hailey turned to see a lime green dynamo come barreling toward them. Deanna.

  She snowplowed to a stop in front of them, her hands flailing as she tried to catch her balance. She grinned at them, pushing her helmet back on her head. “That was fun,” she announced, then turned to Natasha. “Are you going on the chairlift too?”

  Natasha made a face of disgust. “No. I’m ’posed to stay on the bunny hill.”

  “You can come with me,” Deanna announced, turning and skating with her skis toward the chairlift.

  “Hey, hold up, Deanna,” Hailey called out. “Where’s your mom and dad?”

  “They were with my brother. They know I’m here. I told them on the radio.” Deanna held up her handheld radio to show Hailey, then shoved it back into her pocket and got in the lift line.

  “Honey, you can’t go on the lift by yourself,” Hailey said, trying to stop her. “Come back here.”

  “I been already. I know how to ski.” Deanna got in line, working her way to the front.

  Deanna was not competent enough to go on the hill by herself and Hailey doubted the liftees would stop her. Hailey couldn’t believe her parents let her get ahead of them like that. She looked from Natasha to Deanna and made a sudden decision.

  “Deanna, wait,” Hailey called out. “We’ll go with you.”

  “Yay,” Natasha yelled, already heading toward the lift.

  Thankfully, Deanna stepped out of the line and let Hailey and Natasha catch up to her. Deanna was even more headstrong than Natasha. If Hailey went along, hopefully she could control Deanna and prevent potential injury.

  As they moved to the head of the line, Hailey laid down the law with Natasha’s friend. “Deanna, you have to listen to me. If you don’t, I’ll take away your lift ticket and you won’t be able to ski anymore,” she warned, using her sternest voice.

  Deanna glowered at her, but thankfully, from previous run-ins with Hailey in the classroom, she knew Hailey meant business and would follow through.

  “Okay,” she said.

  When they got to the front of the line Hailey maneuvered the girls, pulling them along with her hands, and got them in place. The cables of the lift creaked, the wheels hummed, then the chair came around. Thankfully the liftee slowed the approach of the chair even more and helped Deanna on while Hailey tended to Natasha.

  Then, with a whoosh, the chair swung away and off the ground. Hailey settled the girls in and lowered the metal bar with a clunk. Okay. This was it. They were committed now.

  “I’d like you to call your parents on your radio,” Hailey said to Deanna, once they were underway. “Tell them where we are.”

  Deanna nodded, pulled the radio out of her pocket and pushed the call button. “I’m on the Crow’s Nest chairlift with Miss Deacon,” she said into the radio. She released the button and a female voice squawked back. “Okay, honey. Make sure you’re back at the chalet at three.”

  And that, it seemed, was that.

  “Look behind us,” Deanna said as she shoved the radio back in her pocket. “We can see Hartley Creek.”

  Natasha looked around and gasped. “Look how high we are, Hailey.” Below them lay the town, the buildings small squares along the grid of the streets, the river bisecting the town in a snow-covered ribbon of white.

  “I can see my daddy’s store.” Natasha pointed, her movements making the chair swing.

  She turned to Hailey, a huge grin on her face. “Thanks for taking me up here. I’m so excited.”

  Hailey smiled back and though she was glad Natasha didn’t seem frightened, she sent up a prayer for safety for all of the girls.

  They hung suspended in spac
e; the only sound was the creak and hum of the motors pulling the chairs along. As their chair headed toward the top of the hill, the usual sense of anticipation gripped Hailey.

  As long as she could remember she’d spent every winter weekend on this hill, either boarding or helping with the lifts to pay for her boarding. It was like her second home and it was where she and Dan had first declared they were a couple.

  Her heart shifted at the thought of him and she wondered if he would ever come on the hill again. He used to have the same passion she did, the same sense of adventure. She couldn’t imagine living in town and not ever going on the hill.

  She wondered if he would ever get over Austin’s death and, once again, wondered why it had put so much distance between them. But he never mentioned Austin’s name and never talked about his brother, and she guessed that part of Dan’s reluctance to let Natasha on the hill was rooted in Austin’s death. Yes, Austin was his brother, but surely he would have gotten through the worst part of his grief after seven years?

  When they got to the top of the hill, the dismount went smoothly and Hailey took a moment to set the girls straight as she strapped her other foot into her binding.

  “Okay, girls. You have to listen to me, right?” Hailey said, putting on her sternest voice. “We are taking the easiest run, but you have to make sure you go all the way back and forth across the hill so you don’t end up going too fast.”

  Natasha nodded and Deanna just shrugged.

  “Remember what I said about your ticket?” Hailey warned Deanna.

  “Yeah. I’ll listen.”

  “Good. Now, this isn’t hard, Natasha. It’s like the bunny hill, only longer, so you have to stop once in a while for a rest. I’ll go first and you follow me and do exactly what I say, okay?”

  They both nodded and with another prayer to settle her own concerns, Hailey headed out. She looked back and first Natasha and then Deanna followed her.

  After the fifth turn, Hailey allowed herself to relax. Both girls listened and did what she told them and took their time going down the large hill. By the time they got to the bottom Natasha was so excited she wanted to go immediately again.