Truly, Madly, Deeply

by Karen Kingsbury

  Where they were standing couldn’t be seen from the house. They hadn’t kissed since the time they walked the canal. There had never been a good moment, what with her being so sick and tired.

  But here… with the late November cold on their faces and hope flooding their hearts, Tommy couldn’t take another breath until they did. He stepped closer and took her face in his hands. “Can I kiss you, Annalee?”

  She answered him by touching her lips to his, by kissing him in a way that took his breath. “Didn’t you know, Tommy?” Her words were breathy, little more than a whisper.

  “Know what?” He kissed her again and another time.

  “This…” She kissed him once more and the moment lasted longer than before. When it ended, her smile took up her whole face. “This… is why I agreed to come today.”

  “Oh, it is?” He kissed her a final time and then brought her back to his side, his arm around her. There were lines they didn’t want to cross, which meant it was time for a break. He caught his breath. “Wow. I guess I know what I’m thankful for.”

  “Tommy!” She giggled. “You wouldn’t dare say that in front of our families!”

  “No.” He laughed and ran his hand along her arm. “But I am thankful.”

  They were quiet for a while, until Annalee broke the silence. “What else? What are you thankful for, Tommy?”

  “For today.” He turned to her and took both her hands in his. “Thankful you’re standing here and looking like a vision of health. I thought God wasn’t hearing my prayers. But that wasn’t true.” He sighed. “So I’m thankful for everything He is doing. In your life and mine. And in my parents’ lives. And I’m thankful for you, love. Every minute with you.”

  Tommy couldn’t help himself. He kissed her once more and then he took her hand. “Dinner’s probably ready.”

  “Oh, that.” She laughed again and the sound stayed with him. “I almost forgot.”

  For now Tommy respected her wishes and didn’t ask how she was feeling or if the cold was getting to her. He didn’t talk about any of it. Not the remaining treatments or the fact that she would return to the hospital again in four days. He didn’t mention that he was praying hourly that the chemo and every other drug would actually work. That the cancer would be gone.

  Instead he had simply made a date with her. A walk to the stream. In the spring.

  For now, that said it all.

  * * *

  NEARLY EVERYONE HAD gone home now, including the Millers. It was just Reagan and Ashley finishing the last of the pans. Their kids were outside with their grandpa John and grandma Elaine, and Luke and Landon were watching football in the family room.

  Everyone had helped with the clean up, but Reagan wanted to handle the last of the dishes alone. With Ashley. They hadn’t talked in person since before 9/11. Before Annalee’s cancer treatment began, and before Tommy’s decision to be a police officer.

  “She looks wonderful.” Ashley was at the sink washing.

  “Yes.” Reagan stood next to her, towel in hand. “So pretty.” She thought about the day, how Annalee had held up through dinner and during the conversation and dessert that followed. “It was like God gave her a day’s break. A respite from all she’s been through.”

  Ashley scrubbed a pie dish. “Life is hard… but days like today, when we’re all together… laughing, sharing a meal. Being thankful. The good times are so much brighter.”

  No one understood better than this family the meaning of hard times. Reagan took the clean dish from Ashley and dried it. “I look at Amy, growing up. All these years since losing her family.” Reagan smiled. “Watching her tonight, it was like she’d never been through any of that.”

  “Thank you.” Ashley wiped her wrist across her forehead. “Just hearing that brings me so much joy, Reagan.”

  For a minute, neither of them spoke. After the accident, after Ashley and Landon took Amy in, there had been seasons of sorrow. But Amy had adjusted, and new life had blossomed for all of them. The same had been true after Ashley’s mother died of cancer not long after Ashley and Landon married, and when Ashley gave birth to a baby girl who barely lived long enough to be held by her family.

  Every season, every tragedy God had brought them through. “God never stops loving us. I’m seeing that more and more.” Reagan dried another pan and set it on the counter.

  “Definitely.” Ashley finished washing the last serving platter and turned to Reagan. “How are you doing? With the whole police thing?”

  “I still don’t like it. If I’m honest.” The fear that had plagued Reagan was easing. In the daytime, at least. “But I understand his decision better. Getting to see Officer Raul with his family and friends after he came home was important. It changed things for me.” She dried the platter and the two poured coffees and took them to the kitchen table.

  “You texted me that Officer Raul told you something that night?” Ashley leaned back and sighed. “You never said what it was.”

  “He reminded me of a truth I’d forgotten. He told me God has the number of our days.” She uttered a sad laugh. “Worry won’t help. Being terrified about a decision Tommy might make or… something any of our kids might do—there’s no point in that.”

  “I remember finding peace with that truth.” Ashley leaned forward. “After Cole had that choking incident. Remember?”

  Reagan nodded. “Of course.” The tension that night had been terrible. Ashley was still figuring out life as a single mother to baby Cole, and she and Luke had been fighting. “Luke left a bottle cap on Cole’s high chair tray, right?”

  “That’s it.” Ashley tilted her head and looked up at the ceiling for a minute. “So terrifying.” She looked at Reagan again. “If Landon hadn’t been here to do the Heimlich on him, I’m pretty sure… I don’t know.”

  Reagan set her coffee down. “You dealt with your fear of being a mom after that?”

  Ashley laughed. “Not like it was one-and-done. Not hardly.” She hesitated. “But I remember thinking a few things. First… I had to be more careful.”

  “Don’t we all.” Reagan remembered the way she’d come unglued that first night when Tommy told them he wanted to be a cop.

  “But also, there’s only so much we can do.” Ashley blew on her coffee and took a sip. “The only day ever promised to any of us is… well, today.”

  It was the exact lesson Reagan had been learning. “I have a story I want to tell Tommy, something my mom shared with me on the anniversary of 9/11. About my dad’s death.” Reagan folded her hands in her lap. “But I’m holding back.”

  “How come?”

  Suddenly from the other room, Luke and Landon each let out a loud cheer. “That’s my Lions!” They heard Landon clap a few times. “Gotta love Thanksgiving Day football!”

  Reagan and Ashley laughed. “See?” Ashley shook her head. “We have no idea what tomorrow brings. Not for Annalee or Tommy… or any of us. But today?” She pointed toward the family room. “Today we laugh and clap and cheer. We celebrate because this day—this one special day—will never come again.” Ashley’s eyes lit up. “Same with that special day coming up a few weeks from now! Sounds like everyone’s joining in on the surprise.”

  “I can’t wait.” Reagan smiled. But for now they had this day. This single moment.

  Again they were quiet for a long minute, catching their breath from the day. Ashley set her coffee cup down. “Why are you holding back? About the latest details of your dad’s death?”

  “I guess… I’m afraid they’ll make Tommy even more sure about being a cop.”

  Ashley raised one eyebrow. “From the sounds of what he said at dinner, I’d say he’s already pretty sure.”

  “I know.” Reagan was still wrestling with this part, when to tell Tommy. “He deserves to know.”

  For the next ten minutes Reagan told Ashley what she had learned that day and how it had changed everything about the way she viewed her father’s final hour. In the years since the t
errorist attacks, Reagan had often wished she’d known how little time she had left with her dad. Had she known, she would’ve taken the semester off school so they could’ve made a thousand memories together.

  But now—in light of what God was doing in her heart and in view of her conversations with Raul and Ashley—Reagan wasn’t as sure. If she had known, she would’ve spent her final time with her father worrying. Terrified about what was going to happen. And she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant with Tommy, so she wouldn’t be married to Luke. At least it seemed that way. All of which lent credence to the truth Raul had shared with her.

  God knew the number of their days.

  Because Tommy was almost certain to be a police officer one day soon, the quicker Reagan could live within Raul’s truth, the better. Worry was a thief and fear was a robber. Better not to know what was coming tomorrow. Far better to spend her time on the gift in front of her. Time with her family and laughter with the ones she loved. Hours enjoying the present she was most grateful for this Thanksgiving.

  The gift of today.

  22

  With Annalee’s next round of chemo slated for Monday, Tommy had made a plan for the Friday after Thanksgiving. He had talked to Annalee’s parents and they had cleared the outing with her doctor.

  Even after the full day in Bloomington, Annalee was feeling more energy than since treatment began. She had called first thing that morning and told him she was still on. “I could barely sleep, thinking about our date.”

  Tommy picked her up just before lunch. Her dad pulled him aside before they left.

  “If she starts to look tired… if she seems like she’s slowing down…” Mr. Miller rarely showed any concern when Tommy took Annalee out. But here Tommy got a glimpse of how the man clearly felt. This was his little girl, and she needed all the recovery time she could get.

  “Yes, sir.” Tommy didn’t hesitate. “If anything changes, I’ll bring her straight home.”

  The man raked his hand over his head. “Wisdom tells me she shouldn’t go out today.” He stared at Tommy. “But then I see how she is when she’s with you.” He gave Tommy a hug. “Take care of her.”

  “I will.” Tommy couldn’t keep from smiling. Annalee’s dad had noticed the same thing Tommy had seen. She was better when she was with him. When she had even a few hours to feel like a high school senior again. “Thank you. For letting us do this.”

  Mr. Miller nodded. “I trust you. Just as much as she does.”

  Tommy put her wheelchair in the back of his Jeep and they were off. Annalee had a bag of medications she needed to take throughout the day, but as long as she felt well, the fresh air might do her good. That’s what her doctor had said.

  The afternoon was unseasonably warm. Nearly sixty degrees. Another reason the date seemed like a good idea. Tommy held her door open and caught himself grinning as he slid behind the wheel. “Do you know how good it feels to take you out?”

  “I can’t believe I’m free of that hospital bed.” She rolled the passenger window down and breathed deep. “Thank You, God! Thank You.”

  Annalee wore a white sweater, dark jeans and white tennis shoes. Her wig this time was a blond ponytail. No one would’ve known it wasn’t her real hair. Never mind that in three days she’d be back in the hospital having more chemotherapy, more radiation. For now they both had the privilege of celebrating.

  Tommy had the day all planned. They were meeting his cousin Maddie West and her boyfriend, Dawson Gage, at the Indianapolis Zoo. First stop was the zoo diner—Café on the Commons. Though the date with Annalee had been approved last week, the specifics hadn’t come together till yesterday over Thanksgiving dessert. That’s when Dawson had texted about a zoo day.

  Funny, Tommy thought as he headed for the zoo. He and Maddie had been too many years apart in age to be very close when they were growing up. She was out of high school before he even started. But now that many of the Baxter cousins were young adults, age didn’t seem to matter.

  Maddie and Dawson had only been dating a few months, but already they seemed very serious. Their story was the wildest thing Tommy had ever heard. They parked close to the café and Tommy looked at Annalee. “Wheelchair?”

  “No.” She angled her head. “I know I’m supposed to… but for this part, can I just walk?”

  Tommy didn’t think it could hurt. He helped her from the car and inside they met up with Maddie and Dawson. Maddie had long blond hair, like Annalee used to have. But with Annalee’s wig the two could’ve been sisters. Dawson was tall with dark hair and an outdoorsy feel about him. He had just moved to Indiana from Oregon.

  They ordered crispy chicken and fries and bottled water and found a table near the window. Annalee didn’t want to look frail, she had already told Tommy that. But he slid into the booth first and situated himself so she could lean on him.

  Which she did.

  Maddie had met Annalee before at a few of the big gatherings at the Baxter house. But they’d never talked much until yesterday. Maddie took a sip of water and started the conversation. “Tommy says you’re nearly done with treatment.” She hesitated. “Is it okay? If I ask that?”

  A wave of frustration came over Tommy. He had forgotten to tell Maddie not to talk about Annalee’s cancer.

  But Annalee only smiled. Life radiated from her eyes. “Yes, just a few more rounds.” She shrugged. “You can ask. It feels good to be almost done, that’s for sure.”

  The conversation shifted to Maddie and Dawson. Tommy was sitting across from the guy, and he still had questions about how the two of them had started dating. “So… you two.” Tommy looked from his cousin to her boyfriend. “I know some of the details. But… maybe you could tell us.”

  A sadness seemed to flash in Dawson’s eyes. He folded his hands on the table and exhaled. “It’s a story only God could’ve written.” He smiled at Maddie and then turned back to Tommy and Annalee. “But it started with tragedy. The greatest tragedy in all my life.” He took a breath. “My best friend—London… that day she and I spent the afternoon hiking.”

  Dawson talked about how he’d been in love with London for years but things were never right between the two of them. “We went for ice cream after the hike, and as London got out of the car, she was hit by a truck.”

  Tommy had never heard any of this before. Beneath the table he took Annalee’s hand and kept listening. Dawson went on to say that London eventually died from her injuries. But not before her mother mentioned something about frozen embryos. Babies that could’ve been London’s siblings.

  “I set out to find those siblings.” Dawson looked at Maddie. “And that’s how we met.”

  Never had Tommy heard anything like their story. And after lunch, when they got Annalee’s wheelchair from the car and started walking around the zoo, Tommy was struck by the bond his cousin and this man shared. It was like Maddie and Dawson had been made for each other.

  The way Tommy felt about Annalee.

  Since Maddie worked at the zoo, she had access to all the behind-the-scenes places. With the sunshine on their shoulders, they went behind doors marked PRIVATE and got to watch trainers feed the lions. A man and a woman would put buckets of raw meat into an area covered in hay. When the trainers were safe, two lions charged into the area and immediately found their individual feeding troughs.

  “You can’t be too careful with lions.” The woman wiped her hands on her khaki pants. “No room for error with these beautiful boys.”

  As they returned to the main walkway, Annalee looked up at Tommy. “I always wondered how that worked.” Her eyes shone. “I like what she said. You can’t be too careful.”

  It was that way with cancer, too, Tommy wanted to say. But he refused to bring up her sickness. Instead he kept a watchful eye on her, making sure she wasn’t yawning or leaning on her chair’s armrest. Any sign that she was getting tired, and he would take her home.

  The moment came sooner than either of them had hoped.

  They
were backstage at the leopard exhibit, and Annalee was petting the zoo’s newborn cub, when Tommy noticed her face getting pale. He skipped his turn to hold the animal, and instead hurried the group back out to the main path. As he did, he felt Annalee’s forehead. It was burning up. “Hey. We need to get going.” He shook Dawson’s hand and hugged Maddie. “I loved this.”

  “Me, too.” Dawson nodded. “I want to hear about those ride-alongs. Maddie says you’re thinking about being a police officer.”

  “I am.” Tommy turned Annalee’s wheelchair toward the exit. “Let’s get lunch sometime. On a weekend, maybe.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Dawson waved.

  Maddie did the same. “Glad you’re feeling better, Annalee. Nice spending the day together.”

  “Definitely.” Annalee’s teeth were starting to chatter. No one else noticed, but Tommy could tell.

  His heart began to race. He had to get her home. Now.

  Annalee didn’t complain once about Tommy’s sudden change of plans. Not when they were saying their goodbyes and not as he practically ran her back to his Jeep. When they were in the car she turned to him. “I… don’t feel good.”

  “I know.” He started the engine. “You have a fever.”

  “How can you tell?” She lifted her hand to her forehead. Her shivering was worse. “I feel cold.”

  “You’re burning up.” He focused on the road ahead of them. He needed to get her home, but he had to be safe, too.

  Annalee closed her eyes and leaned her head back. She was asleep by the time they pulled into her family’s driveway. Tommy threw the Jeep into park, cut the engine and ran up to the front door. What is this, God? Why now? Are You turning Your back on her again? He stopped himself. Help her, Father. I trust You, please help her.

  Her dad was immediately at the door, as if he’d been waiting.

  “She’s sick. She has a fever.” Tommy was breathless as he raced back to the car with Annalee’s dad beside him.

  “I was taking a nap, watching the Pacers. Something woke me up.” Her dad sounded as frightened as Tommy. “I knew it was Annalee.”