Wait (Bleeding Stars #4)

by A. L. Jackson

  Know you’re not a little kid anymore. Shit…I haven’t seen you in three years. I probably wouldn’t even recognize you. But I know you, Austin.

  And I know you’re out there beating yourself up, holding yourself responsible when the fault is mine. It’s always been mine. Have you figured that out yet? Because I need you to.

  This is important to me, Austin. Come home. Back to L.A. Where you belong.

  But that’s what my older brother could never understand.

  It was my fault.

  Baz hadn’t snuffed out his last breath.

  That unbearable weight came crashing down. The weight I’d so foolishly thought putting space between the guys, my brother, and me would somehow erase.

  Like the distance could fill the chasm.

  But I should have known that abyss was bottomless.

  I wavered on what to say. Because I wanted to give a solid answer. To stop being a pussy and own up.

  As usual, I took the coward’s way out. I tapped out a reply.

  Trying to figure stuff out. I am, Baz. I promise, I am.

  Funny, because things seemed more complicated now than they’d ever been.

  I went to slip my phone back in my pocket, when it buzzed again.

  I figured it was my brother with a response.

  But no.

  My heart skidded.

  Nerves pricked at my flesh.

  Ash.

  Sunder’s bassist.

  Edie’s older brother.

  Guilt tried to weigh me down.

  Always did when I thought of him.

  Knowing the secrets I’d kept.

  The fact I was responsible for Edie taking off the way she had.

  Lying through my damned teeth when he’d demanded information, the guy quick to the hunch that I’d been involved more than I’d let on.

  Did he know she was here? Did he wonder and worry? Toss and turn at night, not knowing if she was okay?

  Band’s suffering, man. Your brother needs you. Think it’s about time you return the favor, don’t you?

  Blinding guilt.

  I sucked in a breath.

  “Who’s that?” Damian asked.

  “No one,” I said, quick to stuff the phone in my pocket. It was best for now not to go down that road with Ash. I wasn’t sure how to deal with him right now.

  Not with Edie here, invading every thought in my mind.

  For a fleeting second Damian frowned, before he shrugged, dropped the issue, and gave in to the light mood drifting in the cool air.

  “So how’s it feel to be climbing that hill? Gonna be hitting the top pretty damned soon.” Damian smirked, taunting Deak from across the fire.

  Rubbing it in just a little bit deeper.

  Like the dude turning twenty-seven today made him old.

  “Aye, mate,” Deak said with the thick Australian accent he never could shake, which apparently was nothing less than bait. Anywhere we went, the second he opened his mouth, women flocked.

  The brunette hanging on his side who he’d met five minutes before seemed proof enough.

  He shoved the shaggy locks of his sandy-blond hair he wore to his shoulders behind his ears. The guy was surfer through and through, his body lean from the time spent in the waves, skin dark from the sun. He wore a short-sleeved button-up shirt, board shorts, and bare feet.

  Deak smirked at Damian from over the top of his beer. “You should know better than that by now. This boy here just gets better ‘n’ better and the ladies love him more and more. Some things just get better with age.”

  I sat on another large piece of driftwood that had been hauled up to this section of the secluded beach that few houses overlooked, including Deak’s. The brunette’s friend had taken a spot next to me.

  She slanted me a timid smile.

  A month ago, I’d have been game.

  But not now.

  Not with Edie.

  Even if I couldn’t have her, that devotion ran deep.

  I was getting ready to figure out a way to blow the girl off when I froze.

  Tension surged.

  Swift and thick and suffocating.

  Like a direct kick to the gut.

  A gust of wind whipped through.

  Stoking the flames. Heat pulsed. Fire against my skin.

  I pulled in a deep breath in an attempt to steady myself. Seeking control when she’d always made me want to lose it.

  Slowly, I turned to look over my shoulder, already knowing who I’d find.

  “Ah…you made it, mate.” Deak’s voice barely penetrated in my periphery.

  “Yeah, man. You should’ve known I wouldn’t miss it.”

  Deak’s friend Clay kicked up sand, quick to make his way toward us, grinning like a fool who had no idea he was ushering in my complete and utter demise.

  He hooked his thumb to the side. “Figured I’d grab some more friends to come out and play. It is your birthday, after all.”

  Striding along right beside Clay was the girl I’d learned was Blaire.

  The asshole’s sister.

  And the asshole was trailing right behind the two of them.

  But it was the one at his side who locked the breath in my too-tight lungs.

  All that hair flew around her like white flames.

  Light. Light. Light.

  Did she know?

  Did she have the first clue what she did to me?

  How she rushed in like swelling waves. Sucking me under. Dragging me to the darkest depths that were lit up with her presence.

  Like rays of sunlight that pierced the abyss.

  Where she comforted and crucified.

  The girl was my own perfect torment.

  Shadows danced and played across her face that was both slender and soft. High, defined cheekbones tapered down, giving way to her sweet, pouty mouth.

  That sweet, sweet mouth I wanted nothing more than to devour.

  My dick twitched and my hands fisted.

  Every rational part of me flailed around to find some sort of restraint when every other part just wanted to go for her.

  To drive my hands into lush, soft hair.

  Kiss her mad.

  Take back what always should have been mine.

  Fuck. She made me insane. Crazy with lust and delirious with devotion.

  So damned beautiful.

  But what cut me all up inside was the bottled terror she tried to contain in her expression.

  Like maybe she’d forced herself to come along to celebrate Deak’s birthday, doing her best to convince herself she had nothing and everything to prove.

  A million different emotions glinted in her eyes. Old, old wounds ripped open and raw, and soft, soft affection she’d give anything not to feel.

  Like shards of broken glass lighting up in the flames of the fire.

  Diamonds.

  Transparent.

  Through them? I swore I could see directly into her soul.

  It seemed that hungry gaze had no place else to settle because she couldn’t look away.

  Just like me.

  Because God. This girl was the only thing I could see.

  Jed set his hand on the small of her back.

  Possessively.

  Aggression curled through my body. It took about all I had to coerce myself to sit still. To not fly to my feet and stalk across the space so I could rip it from her body. All those irrational, foolish places were demanding to be heard.

  Maybe it was wrong. But I couldn’t help the flicker of satisfaction I felt in the fact she cringed away.

  It was barely noticeable.

  But believe me.

  I fucking noticed.

  I was betting Jed noticed, too.

  Jealousy was an ugly, nasty beast.

  And that monster was rising up, gripping my insides. Spurring me forward.

  My knee bounced like a motherfucker as they approached. Jed shook Deak’s hand and wished him a happy birthday.

  Clay and Blaire bot
h did the same.

  Then Edie stepped forward and embraced Deak, her voice both the worst and the best thing I’d ever heard. It was a soft melody that touched me in all the places that it both soothed and hurt for her to touch. That voice so kind. Gentle and good.

  It prodded and nudged at all the places that’d gone dim when she’d walked out of my life.

  The places only she had lit.

  It was kind of sick how bad I wanted that voice whispering in my ear.

  How bad I wanted it screaming my name.

  Damian nudged me, gave me a knowing eye, a silent warning as he passed me a fresh beer.

  Keep your cool.

  I twisted the cap and took a deep pull. Cold liquid sloshed down my throat and pooled in my gut, a clashing contradiction to the fire burning inside.

  Just as hot as the fire that licked and danced and sparked in front of us.

  Edie sat down as far away as she could. Directly on the opposite side of the roaring flames.

  Did she really think she could hide?

  I studied her through them. The way they glowed and flickered against her snowy flesh.

  Hell.

  That’s exactly where I had to be.

  Not being able to touch her.

  The forced silence.

  Knowing she hated me and had every right to.

  Knowing she wanted me just the same.

  It was fucking excruciating.

  As if she were my long lost friend, Blaire plopped down beside me, on the opposite side of the blonde chick who I’d never gotten around to catching her name.

  Blaire’s smile flashed bright. Her brown eyes danced as she looked me up and down.

  No doubt, she had gotten some kind of dish on Edie’s and my past and was ready to dig in.

  I would have thought she’d hate me for it, too, especially considering she was Jed’s sister.

  “So you must be the infamous Austin Stone.”

  Leaning my forearms on my knees, I clasped my hands and dipped my head, inclining it her direction. “Infamous, huh?”

  “I might have heard a few stories about you.”

  “All bad, I presume.”

  Her head cocked in question. Like she was seeking an answer in my expression. “I’m not so sure about that.”

  Conspiratorially, she leaned in with a whisper. “I have to say, it’s very nice to meet you. Any friend of Deak’s is a friend of mine. He’s kinda great, right?”

  Confusion left me on a shot of puzzled laughter. This girl was kind of crazy. Because she was clearly not really talking about Deak, and I was honestly kind of surprised she didn’t give me a wayward wink.

  I shook my head, doing my best to play along. “Our boy here is pretty nice to have around. You know…offering up his house that overlooks the ocean and all.”

  “Only in Santa Cruz,” she said. “You must be happy you came.” Sarcasm widened her eyes. “It’s just full of all kinds of great surprises, right?”

  I chuckled. “Tons of surprises. Really unexpected, amazing surprises.”

  My attention darted to Edie, then right back to her friend, letting free a telling smile.

  Making my intentions clear.

  I had every intention of taking back my girl.

  I sucked in a breath when that intensity suddenly surged.

  The feeling welled firm.

  Alive.

  It ricocheted between us. A no holds barred ping pong match.

  Volleying that need back and forth.

  Determined to fight it.

  Desperate to cave to it.

  Drawn and repelled.

  And I was totally giving into the drawn side.

  Canting my head, my attention latched right back onto Edie.

  Just as quick as I’d looked, she dropped her potent gaze, quickly lumbered onto unsteady feet. Like she was weighed down.

  Her words were a mumble under her breath, uttered to Deak like they were some kind of dark, dirty secret.

  “I need to use the restroom.”

  Running.

  Because that’s what my girl did.

  Deak pointed toward our house tucked on top of the hill where it was situated right behind me. “It’s all yours, gorgeous. Back door is unlocked. Make yourself at home,” he told her.

  Home.

  The word struck me.

  That’s precisely the way she’d felt.

  Like home.

  Looking up at her from where he sat, Jed touched her forearm. “Do you want me to come with you?”

  She shook her head. Almost emphatic. “No, I’m fine. I’ll be right back.”

  She wove around the fire. I knew with every single step she took she was battling not to meet my gaze.

  I felt it.

  The turmoil.

  The push and the pull.

  Drawn and repelled.

  Both of us so damned scared of what we might fall into.

  It’d always been this way.

  I couldn’t find it in myself to care how blatantly obvious it was to everyone that I was staring as she went. Didn’t even try to hide the way I turned to look behind me, eyes intent on that sweet body that slugged through the sand, while every inch of mine hardened and coiled with need. My muscles flexed and twitched, like they already knew we were giving into what I was craving and were urging me along, my gaze hungry as it trailed her hitting the worn path that led to the back of the house.

  Fuck.

  I wanted to touch.

  To taste every inch. To explore every curve. To dip into the ecstasy I knew without a shadow of a doubt lurked beneath distrust and fear.

  She wore dark skinny jeans that came to her ankles, accentuating long, defined legs, hugging the flare of her hips and ass, a flowy white shirt that was meant to be modest yet still clung to those perfect round tits.

  There’d always been something about her that seemed both stoically elegant and impenetrably vulnerable.

  A fragile fortress.

  But it was greater now.

  Age had shaved off some of her vulnerability.

  Exposing an underlying strength invisible before.

  Like she couldn’t help herself, she looked back.

  Back at me.

  Into me.

  It felt like with just that look she could reach in and touch all the places that had only ever belonged to her.

  Hers.

  I’d been hers for so fucking long.

  Did she get it yet? Did she know she was always going to belong to me?

  And I was damned sure going to use everything in my power to make her remember it.

  Rapidly she blinked, the girl doing her best to block me out. She fumbled over an exposed root. Shocked out of her trance, she quickly jerked away and moved faster. She fled up the hill.

  She slid open the patio door, her body just a silhouette in the distance before it shut behind her.

  Chatter rose up around the bonfire. Voices lifted and totally at ease. Celebrating Deak’s day.

  An upheaval rose around me. Strong and fierce and unrelenting.

  A building storm.

  Minutes moved like a punishment.

  Jed met my eye. His chin lifted. Challenging. Brimming with a warning.

  Fuck it.

  I was on my feet.

  Going after what I never should have let go in the first place.

  I moved through the darkness.

  Called toward the light.

  One target on my mind.

  One outcome in my heart.

  I had no idea if Jed would follow me or not.

  If he was wise?

  He would.

  Or maybe he’d already accepted this inevitability.

  I hiked up the worn path and stepped into the quiet of the house. A bright light glowed in the kitchen, making the rest of the house appear dark and dim. Turning to the right, I edged down the dusky hall that led to the bedrooms, passed by mine that sat on the right as I headed for my destination.

 
On the left side was the guest bathroom. The door was closed. A thin wedge of light bled out from the bottom.

  My heart beat out of control. A million miles ahead. Desperate for a chance to make it right.

  To take away the pain I’d so carelessly inflicted.

  To go back to the way it’d been.

  When it’d been so easy yet so fucking complicated.

  Both of us had been broken.

  Pieces scattered.

  But it was our shaky bond that had somehow held those pieces together.

  I paced the hall outside the door.

  Waiting.

  Metal screeched as the lock turned.

  That was right about the time my heart caught in my throat.

  The memory of just how fucking hung-up I’d been on this girl.

  A love-sick kid with butterflies in his stomach and hope in his heart for the first time in his life since the day he’d destroyed it.

  Seventeen.

  By then, I’d already racked up a whole lifetime of mistakes. All the while being painfully aware I still had the rest of my life to live through the guilt of them.

  Yet somehow…somehow Edie had managed to ease them.

  Just the same way as she’d let me ease hers.

  The door slowly opened. A yelp flew from her when she found me there in the shadows. She reared back in surprise. Just as quick, she tried to duck out and away.

  Escape.

  Too scared to face what was right in front of us.

  “Edie, wait.” My voice was raw. Low and desperate.

  She choked on a strangled sound, hesitating for a flash, before she surged forward.

  I reached out and grabbed her by the wrist.

  With just that touch, fire spread up my arm, jolting me all the way through.

  God damn.

  I’d almost forgotten. Had almost forgotten she had the power to make me feel this way. Like when we connected, those dead parts of my spirit sparked to life.

  She gasped and fumbled to a stop. Her body was still turned the opposite direction, her head angled toward the ground. Her back lifted and expanded with each heaved breath.

  No question, she wasn’t immune.

  “Wait,” I said again, this time softer.

  I gave a gentle squeeze to her wrist.

  Wait.

  I could feel her surrender. Her tense body gave, and relief came bounding in when she warily turned to look at me. As she did, our hands slipped together for the briefest second, that connection lost when she took a staggered step back.