Wait (Bleeding Stars #4)

by A. L. Jackson

  On a sigh, my mouth parted.

  The quietest plea for more.

  “Gorgeous,” he murmured. He brushed his fingers higher, shivers racing as he traced the line of my jaw. “So damned gorgeous. Can’t see straight when I look at you. Or maybe I’m finally seeing everything right.”

  A tiny moan slipped free when he patted his fingertips across my lips.

  Testing, his attention flicked between my eyes and my mouth, the action measured as he dipped them just inside.

  My tongue licked out for the barest taste.

  This boy was breaking me piece by piece.

  His head tilted as he peered down at me. “Do you have any idea how good it feels to wake up next to you?”

  Awe filled my tone. “It couldn’t have possibly felt as good as it felt waking up next to you.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Edie, because there’s no place in the world I’d rather be than right here with you. So I’d say that ranks it up there somewhere in the range of magical and miraculous.”

  My throat swelled with affection.

  “What’s above miraculous?” I questioned, eyes flitting, searching that striking face.

  Slowly, he shook his head. “There’s no such thing.”

  Oh God.

  That potent stare flashed with something significant.

  Bold and strong.

  Everything rushed and surged.

  Anticipation.

  Need.

  Hope.

  There was zero hesitation when he pressed his lips against mine.

  This…

  This was a caress I felt right at the center of my soul.

  He lingered there, before he delved deeper, the sweet kiss taking on an edge of hunger as he moved against my mouth.

  With me.

  For me.

  His tongue was wet. Both hot and sweet.

  Quick, firm lashes.

  Slow, soft strokes.

  Possessive and claiming.

  Hypnotizing.

  The world spun, and I felt lightheaded.

  Elevated from the agony of the girl I didn’t want to be.

  Lifted to the plane where I was the woman I wanted to be for him.

  For me.

  My palms pressed flat against his heart. Just needing to feel the thundering pound, pound, pound. The strong beat that pumped life back into the diamond at the center.

  Austin was one-hundred percent right.

  Waking up next to him verged somewhere between magical and miraculous.

  Impossible and perfect.

  He made a growly sound against my mouth, both frustrated and playful, before he forced himself back onto the weight of his hands. “For the record, can we let it be known I can’t believe you’re here. In my bed. Never would have dared to imagine it a week ago. And let the record also know I like it. A lot.”

  I reached up, shaky fingers stroking the contours of his bold, striking face. “I’m not sure I’d ever choose to leave.”

  His red lips wound up at the side as if he wanted to play, a smirk taking hold. “Then don’t.”

  Don’t.

  My own smile flirted at my mouth. “I do believe that might be the proper use of that word.”

  He nipped at my fingers as I brushed them across his perfect pout. “I do believe you’re onto something, Edie Evans.”

  Another giggle escaped, before my grin slid into the softest smile, affection pulling far and wide. “You don’t know how amazing that sounds. But I have to go. I have work.”

  His brow pulled with a frown. “When will I see you again?”

  “When do you want to see me?”

  He chuckled, light and carefree while he mindlessly played with a strand of my hair. “Well…considering I don’t want to stop seeing you, I would say as soon as humanly possible. What do you say you come down to The Lighthouse tonight? Watch me play?”

  Something about his expression turned hopeful. As if he couldn’t stop his own vulnerabilities from weaving through. It seemed a stark reminder of the broken boy I used to know.

  My gaze caressed the uncertain hope in his expression.

  The man was so very different yet so much the same.

  I hesitated, searching for the right words. “Are… we…”

  He took my hand and threaded his big fingers through mine, held them against the dream catcher etched on his chest.

  A permanent mark that had somehow marked me.

  “Are we an us, Edie? Is that what you’re trying to ask?”

  Shyness seeped in, carrying all the promises I’d made myself to remain alone.

  But I didn’t want to be.

  Not when what I wanted was right in front of me.

  Uncertain and somehow brave, I chewed at my lip. “Are we…?”

  Gravity stole his expression. It was something so genuine and sincere. Unrelentingly fierce. “We’ve always been an us, Edie. Now we’ve just gotta figure out how to keep that us together.”

  “Together?”

  “Yeah. What do you say?”

  Maybe I should be ridden with old fear. Clinging to the past that would never let me go.

  Instead, I was washed in faith.

  Faith in him.

  He understood me. The lines and the boundaries and the fears.

  Respected me.

  I swallowed hard. “Just…be careful with me.”

  I yelped in surprise when he quickly flipped us, the action so fast I couldn’t make sense of it until I was suddenly straddling his waist.

  Then I was gazing down on the breathtaking boy who held my heart.

  He smiled, so beautiful and bold.

  Shivers rushed, lifting a rash of goosebumps on my skin.

  I placed my hands on his strong, strong chest. Trying to keep myself steady.

  On uneven ground when I knew without the shadow of a doubt there was really no ground beneath.

  I’d fallen.

  Now I was swimming through waves of the blackest black.

  The darkness waiting below had taken me whole.

  It should be cold.

  Terrifying.

  Instead I felt safe in the security of his arms. In the surety of his heart and his intentions.

  My hair flowed down around my shoulders. He lifted both hands, sifting his fingers through the long strands. He spread them out, cradled my head. “I think it’s you who’s going to have to be careful with me.”

  I gripped his wrists. Feeling so free.

  Free in his touch.

  Free in his belief.

  “Austin.”

  Eyes roamed, making me feel adored as he stared up at me.

  “Edie.”

  His expression shifted into something playful. Joyful. Slanting a little on the frisky side. He tugged me closer and whispered close to my mouth. “Kiss me before you go.”

  “That’s funny…because I was just hoping you’d kiss me.”

  He smiled, and my tongue darted out, wetting my lips. I dipped down, eager for his kiss.

  He wound his arms around my head. Enclosing me. Making me feel safe.

  Adored.

  His kiss was long and slow and rimmed with the sharp edge of desperation.

  It was the same as I always felt when I was with him.

  What I felt for him.

  Desperate.

  It’d almost killed me when I’d let it go.

  When I’d let him go.

  Another piece torn away.

  A tiny shiver of fear rolled through me. The thought of losing him again was almost too much to bear.

  I wasn’t such a fool that I didn’t realize the two of us were messed up. Nothing but a mess of shattered, broken pieces that had been scattered and mixed together.

  I could only pray together, somehow, this time, we could make them fit.

  Reluctantly, I pulled away. My lips had to be swollen and red, my hair a mess from his fingers.

  I didn’t care.

  I felt no shame or remorse for w
hat I was giving this boy.

  This part of myself that had always belonged to him.

  “I really need to go.”

  His nod was reluctant. “Okay.”

  I eased out from beneath him.

  After last night, it seemed silly I had the urge to tug the hem of his shirt down over my thighs when I stood, to cover myself in modesty.

  Apparently, old habits really do die young, because I did, and I peeked over at him, feeling the rush of redness as he grinned my way. His mind so clearly set on rewind, to those moments we’d shared so early this morning.

  I hurried to the bathroom, my body still flushed as I was taken back to what had incited the fire that’d roared between us last night.

  Quickly, I freshened up and headed back out, flashed him a shy, knowing smile as I glanced at him where he grinned at me where he lay on his back in the middle of his bed with the sheet pushed aside.

  His beautiful body on display.

  Too beautiful.

  I was doing my best not to stare.

  Goodness, he had me spun up.

  Twisted and tied.

  I pulled on my jeans that were a little stiff where they’d dried in a pile on the floor. “I’m totally keeping this shirt, by the way,” I told him as I slipped into my shoes.

  He chuckled slow and climbed out. He was wearing just his boxer briefs, and I was doing my best not to look when he just looked so ridiculously good.

  One hand attempted to tame his hair. “Believe me, Edie, that shirt belongs on you.”

  Another flush of redness crawled hot, and I dipped my head and tucked my hair behind my ears, finding my keys where they’d been discarded on the floor.

  Austin followed me down the hall and out through the living area and kitchen.

  He kissed me one more time at the door. “I’ll see you tonight, beautiful.”

  And I knew I was in so much trouble.

  Because I couldn’t wait.

  Age Eighteen

  Soft fingers brushed the length of my spine.

  Flinching, I curled into a tighter ball and kept rocking.

  I needed to block it out.

  To make the excruciating hurt go away.

  Stop it.

  Fuck, I needed something. A hit. A line or a pill. Just about any fucking thing would do.

  “Austin…what’s happening?” Her voice was so tentative. Unsure. Scared.

  I yanked fistfuls of my hair, rocking more as I buried my head between my knees. “Go away, Edie.”

  How the fuck did she even know I was here? Hidden on the rooftop, only illuminated by the faint crescent moon. My body was angled toward the sea that I could almost hear, could almost taste, even though it was fifteen miles away.

  “Austin…please. Let me in.”

  It seemed so messed up. Upside down. The way I’d burrowed into her. Into her heart and her mind and her secrets.

  And I didn’t know how to let her into mine. They were too intense. Too private. Too fucked up.

  I was too fucked up.

  That was the problem.

  I couldn’t stand for her to see the depravity.

  “Please,” she said again.

  Tried to fight it, but I gave. Just a little. “It’s his birthday.”

  My birthday.

  Only we didn’t celebrate it, me and Sebastian. The day was too fucking brutal for either of us to acknowledge.

  And here I’d gone and done it.

  Said it aloud.

  Because this girl…this girl. She kept getting closer. Digging deeper.

  I was supposed to be there for her.

  Not the other way around. And here she was, looking back at me. My mirror. Making me face all things I didn’t want to see.

  “Oh.” Understanding filtered out on her breath. She pressed her sweet, sweet face into the back of my neck, wrapping me in those tender arms from behind.

  “Tell me what I can do. Anything.” The girl was all too eager to offer me the comfort I didn’t deserve.

  Only she didn’t really understand. Didn’t really know.

  She wouldn’t be here if she did.

  If she knew just how disgusting I was.

  You’d think I’d have learned by now. Figured out how to stop being a selfish asshole.

  But here I was, taking a little more of what I had no right to take.

  “Just…please. Don’t leave me.” I gritted over the words. Over the need. Over the desperation.

  Don’t leave.

  Not ever.

  Because it was in her that I found all my strength.

  I watched her drive away.

  Grinning like a damned fool.

  Heart pressing full and pulse pumping wild.

  When she disappeared from sight, I roughed a hand down my face like it could rid me of the haze of lust and need, that sweet, sweet spell she had me under, and pulled the door shut behind me as I turned back into the house.

  Shock punched the air from my lungs, and I froze, before I was harshly shaking my head.

  “Goddamn it, Deak. What the hell is wrong with you? Always slinking around like you’re some kind of peeping Tom. Scared the shit outta me.”

  He was sitting at the small round table just on the other side of the bar that separated the living area from the kitchen, his ankle crossed over his knee, rocking back in the chair with a cup of coffee lifted halfway to his mouth. Chest bare and the mess of his wavy, dark blond hair ratted on his head.

  “What? A man’s not allowed to enjoy his coffee early in the morning? In his own damned house?”

  He said it like he was doing nothing more than flitting the morning away. Relaxing. But the way he was eyeing me was far from casual. The jolt he’d given me quickly morphed into a rustle of disquiet.

  One brow quirked just as he cocked his head. “Though seems to me you were enjoying a sample from a different kind of menu this morning.”

  Yeah.

  Guess I should have expected that. Didn’t mean it didn’t piss me right the fuck off.

  “Not any of your business, man.”

  “No? Because I could have sworn you and I had a conversation right in this very room just a few nights ago. Seem to recall somethin’ about you promising you had no intention of hurtin’ that girl.”

  “That’s exactly what I said and that’s exactly what I meant.”

  “So what’s she doin’ sneaking out the door with the sun just coming up?”

  I exhaled, hoping it might quell some of the annoyance churning in my gut.

  Deak didn’t have the first clue about my intentions. As far as he saw, she was just another chick skating out at dawn, never thought of again.

  I raked a hand over my head, moved across the floor toward the kitchen. “I also told you there was all kinds of history between us that you don’t know about.”

  “Yeah, mate? And what kind of history is that?”

  Felt like a lifetime of history.

  Forever.

  I grabbed a mug from the cabinet, poured a cup of coffee, hiked a shoulder in a nonchalant shrug. “She’s my girl.”

  Simple as that.

  And so fucking complicated it made my head spin.

  He needn’t know any of that.

  A disbelieving chuckle fell from him and he sat forward. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah, man, that’s so.”

  Damian was suddenly lumbering down the hall, scrubbing a hand over his face, looking about as irritated as I felt. “What the hell, assholes? Anyone ever heard of a little thing called ‘respect your roommate’? Because there I was, having about the best damned dream I think I’ve ever head, and all of a sudden we’re interrupted by two voices that did nothing but kill the mood. So not cool. Not cool at all.”

  I stirred a shot of creamer into my coffee, smirked his direction. “Glad you’re at least getting some in your dreams, my friend.”

  “Hey…I’ll take what I can get. And believe me, this was a lot.”

  He held both
hands up, palms out and stretched like they were mitts.

  Dirty paws, no doubt.

  Taking a sip, I stifled a laugh. “You’re hopeless, Dam.”

  “Nah, man. This boy here doesn’t have anything if he doesn’t have hope. I’m just practicing.”

  You’d think he was twelve and not twenty-four. But there wasn’t an ounce of disgrace in his admission, his grin all kinds of wide. Just as fast as it’d come, that grumbling displeasure had vanished, and he was pouring his own coffee and clapping me on the back. “What’s on the agenda today?”

  Deak pointed at me. “Our boy here was just telling me about his girl, weren’t you, Austin?”

  Damian frowned, slanting me an eye. “Which girl?”

  Asshole so knew which girl.

  The one that made me crazy with want. The one who’d had me so tightly wound I couldn’t see straight. Last night she’d finally let me spin.

  “Edie.”

  “So the girl.”

  See, Damian had it right.

  Deak?

  Not so much.

  Because he was looking at me like he was imagining the two of us in a ring, going a few rounds.

  “Worked with her for the last couple years, mate,” he said. “Told you before, she’s a good girl. Doesn’t need you mucking her up the way you like to do. And I’m pretty sure Jed-boy called dibs a long time ago. He’s been waiting for her for a long damned time.”

  Well, I’d been waiting longer.

  Deak continued, “From where I’m sittin’, seems to me you’re asking for trouble.”

  Trouble.

  Yeah.

  That girl was disorder and the perfect kind of chaos.

  Sweet as sin.

  Soft as snow.

  Firelight.

  Sighing, I forced myself to keep my cool and not let loose on my friend. “Pretty sure dibs weren’t Jed’s to call. She’s a woman, not a fuckin’ toy.”

  Deak cracked a smile. “Well, well, well…someone’s getting all riled up over a girl. Never thought the sun would rise on this kind of day.” He sat back like it was settled. “Get you, man. Better on you than me. Just watch your back, because I consider her a friend, and I won’t hesitate to kick your arse if you do her wrong. Bettin’ Jed won’t for that matter, either.”

  “Won’t be necessary.”

  That was a promise I’d damned well keep.