Wait (Bleeding Stars #4)

by A. L. Jackson

  His body a straight shot of devastation.

  All my defenses were obliterated.

  He was lost to the vibe and the sound and the call of the fans.

  Emotion swam through me.

  It dragged me into waves of murky, impenetrable waters.

  So deep and dark.

  I floated through them.

  Drowned in his comfort.

  This boy my perfect air.

  My breath.

  My lungs burned with the weight of him.

  So full.

  Brimming with hope.

  With belief.

  Love.

  I wanted to lose myself in it forever.

  That darkness fluttered and flashed. But this time it was different.

  Vicious.

  Vile.

  The air locked in my lungs.

  I froze.

  Awareness pricked at my consciousness, and the tiny hairs lifted at the nape of my neck.

  Chills skated my skin as dread crawled across the surface.

  Darts of fear pierced me everywhere.

  Stabbing.

  Torturing.

  Tears threatened, and I tried so hard to keep them back. To keep from showing him I was weak and vulnerable. Refusing to allow him to ever hurt me again.

  But the reaction was already there, and Paul laughed low and menacing at my ear.

  I’d known I’d have to face him. Someday. And soon.

  But not here.

  Not like this.

  Hot breaths panted against my cheek.

  Memories spun.

  His corrupt body against mine. His vulgar breaths in my face.

  Bile climbed up my throat. Sickness clawed like the sharp bite of nails.

  A sob.

  I tried to hold it in. But it erupted.

  Tight and shrill.

  As if my coat of protection had been ripped away to reveal the sickening shame.

  The morbid loss of being used up.

  Panic took center stage.

  Clotting off all other feeling.

  Fight or flight.

  And God. I wanted to fight.

  But I didn’t have the strength.

  I pressed my hand to my face and turned to run.

  I rushed to get around him. To find a safe place to hide. I shrieked at the repulsive grip that clamped down on my forearm. He forced me back. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  I attempted to yank my arm away. “Stay away from me.”

  He jerked me up against him. “Want to talk to you…maybe get a little bit of what you owe. Seems like a good enough night to start. What do you think?”

  I pulled back and he yanked me toward him. Hard. I stumbled forward. He turned me so my back was against his chest, his arms banded around me like chains.

  No.

  I thrashed and kicked my feet.

  My screams were buried in the music.

  He tightened his hold.

  We were in the shadows.

  Hidden.

  Every inch of me rejected the idea of ever being touched by him again.

  The heavy curtains surrounding the stage disguised us, the darkened wings keeping us obscured.

  He dragged me back until we hit a door. He opened it and hauled me inside.

  The small space was dark as pitch.

  The second we were inside, he spun me and tossed me out of his hold.

  I gasped and reeled back. I barely caught myself when I tripped over something on the ground.

  He fumbled with a switch.

  An overhead lamp blinked to life, and I registered we were in an old dressing room that was being used as storage, the messy space stuffed full of boxes and equipment.

  An unorganized path cut down the middle.

  Paul stared across at me, a sneer written on his face as he reached back and locked the door.

  Revulsion curled my stomach.

  “What do you want?” I demanded. I hoped it sounded strong, but it came off weak.

  Enclosing, he inched closer. I took a fumbled step back. “Stay away from me.”

  Outside the walls, I heard Austin shout into the mic, “Goodnight!”

  “Austin.” His name came out without my permission.

  Disdain filled Paul’s dark eyes. “You always did like him better than me, didn’t you?”

  Fear came alive. Churning in my gut and stampeding through my spirit. Not the fear of the crushing emotional impact he had cast on me.

  But true, gutting fear.

  The kind that screamed of self-preservation.

  Of the fight for life.

  “Been telling you, you owe. Of course I had a whole different idea about how tonight was gonna go down…but hey…when opportunity strikes.”

  My head shook, the words sticking to my dry tongue as I took another step back. “I don’t know what you want. I don’t have anything to say.”

  He laughed, this maniacal, malicious sound that cut through me with sharp barbs of hatred. “You don’t have anything to say? I’ve been rottin’ in a cell for the last four years, and you don’t have anything to say?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shook my head in confusion, my voice clogged with fear. “You…you…got caught with drugs.”

  Austin had told me he’d been arrested the night after I left. After he found out. He’d been pulled over for driving without a license plate, drugs in his car, possession, repeat offenses.

  He cracked a smile that cut through me like a rusted knife.

  He ambled forward. Almost casually.

  But there was no missing the threat behind it.

  He encroached.

  I moved backward, just as slowly as he stalked forward.

  Nowhere left to go, I knocked into a big box behind me.

  “Austin.” His name was a trembled yell. The sum of it a plea. Knowing it wasn’t loud enough.

  He didn’t even know I was here.

  “Keep yelling, baby. No one’s gonna hear.”

  Paul raked a nail down my cheek.

  Vomit churned in my gut.

  “But before we get to the fun part, let’s say you and I have a little chat about this.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, unwrapped it, and shoved it in my face.

  I flinched, but I forced myself to focus, to make out what it said.

  To comprehend what it meant.

  My wild eyes took in the words written on the tattered note.

  Three hundred dollars. Three hundred dollars more than you’re worth. But hey, sometimes you have to pay the bitch.

  And sometimes payback is the bitch.

  My head spun and I struggled to process it. Those vicious words roared back as if I were hearing them for the first time.

  The memories I’d wanted to suppress.

  Standing there begging for help and receiving nothing less than a slap to the face.

  The fear.

  The sorrow.

  The grief.

  The empty place inside me throbbed, and I squeezed my eyes closed while the words that had been added at the bottom prodded at my awareness.

  Doubt and disorder.

  My mouth dropped open, my tongue tied in knots. Just as tight as the knots tied in my stomach.

  Paul crumbled the note back in his fist. “Funny, you know, gettin’ pulled over in your own damned car.” His tone was hard, laced with sarcasm as he spit the words. “License plate that had been there that morning gone. Five baggies of coke under your seat that you sure as fuck didn’t put there.”

  Oh God.

  Oh God.

  My eyes squeezed tighter. Fighting the awareness.

  No.

  He wouldn’t.

  Paul edged me farther against the box. Rancid breath choked me as he spewed his rage all over my face. He leaned in close to my ear, the oppressive weight of his forearm pressing against my chest.

  Bitter laughter bled. “Sat there for four fucking years wondering who
was out to get me…thinking there was no chance a stupid little slut like you would have the balls to pull off something like that.”

  Slut.

  The word cut and sliced and slayed.

  Harshly, he shook his head. Struggling for his own control. And then he was giving in to it, and his forearm slipped up and under my chin.

  I wanted to scream.

  To beg him to stop.

  To tell him I wasn’t responsible.

  Instead it was a mumbled cry. “Please…don’t. I didn’t…”

  The pressure increased on my throat. Paul’s arm pushed in deeper, cutting off my flow of oxygen, forcing up my chin. The heavy box creaked beneath me.

  A whimper escaped, and I clawed uselessly at his arm.

  Weak.

  Please, God, don’t let me be.

  I wanted to be strong.

  To find the courage that Austin saw in me.

  All the while trying to make sense of what he’d done. Why he’d done it.

  My mind didn’t want to wrap around the fact he was responsible. The fact Paul had been texting me all this time and he’d never confessed.

  I don’t understand.

  Austin promised I was the only one who did.

  Paul laughed again. Eyes wild. Raging with the thirst of revenge. “Such a stupid, stupid girl. They let me out early on account that I was such a good little boy on the inside. Of course they gave me back my things they’d confiscated. My clothes and my cell phone. And there it was, right in my wallet, evidence it was you all along. But that’s what you wanted, right? For me to know. What did you think it would accomplish?”

  Fear shivered and raced, and I blinked through the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.

  Once again, I was the fool, subject to the cruelty of Paul’s depraved, wicked hands.

  “What’d you think, Edie? When I got out…what exactly did you think was going to happen? Did you think I was just gonna let this go? Because you’re going to pay like the dirty slut you are.”

  A ragged cry ripped up my throat.

  “No. Please. No.”

  He leaned in, his breath lifting the vomit to my mouth, his murmur a blade in my ear. “Yes.”

  Age Eighteen

  Music blared from the speakers. The house in the Hills was packed.

  Overflowing with bodies just wanting to be seen.

  Sunder had played tonight.

  For the first time ever, it was to a sold out stadium.

  Seemed overnight, droves of people were salivating at the mouth, dying to get a taste of what the boys in the band had to offer.

  Wanting to bite off a chunk for themselves.

  Fucking vultures.

  It made me itchy.

  Ill at ease.

  I drifted around the outskirts of the mayhem, the way I always did, keeping to myself.

  The two things that used to draw me down to the unending parties? They no longer seemed a temptation. Not the lines cut on the table in the den or the half-dressed women hanging on whichever guy they could sink their claws into.

  Didn’t want any of that anymore.

  I’d made Edie a promise.

  I’d promised her I’d keep my nose and my body clean, because the thought of me slipping back into that mess was more than she could bear.

  You’re too good for that, she’d begged me in the night. Washing me in a well of that sweet, sweet confidence and steadfast belief when I’d confided in her some of the shit I’d gotten myself into. The chaos and turmoil. My quick stumble right down the rabbit hole. So fucking young, I’d followed that dark, dark path with the rest of the guys.

  For a lot of years, it seemed the only direction any of us could go.

  You’d think that once everyone had kicked, this shit wouldn’t be going down right out in the open in the Sunder house. But there it was, that temptation right under our noses, the seedy glitz that seemed to go hand and hand with this lifestyle spread out like a buffet.

  Any of us could just reach out and gorge ourselves on it.

  Feeling suddenly swept along the floor.

  Fueling and feeding.

  Coming faster and faster.

  Drawn, I looked up. My gaze snagged on the only one I wanted to see.

  My favorite secret.

  From across the room, Edie cast me a shy, sly smile. She dropped her head just as fast as she’d glanced, turned back to whatever her crazy-ass brother was spouting to her.

  The guy was larger than life.

  Loved living big.

  Out loud.

  One tattooed arm was slung around some chick, the other gesturing wild as he told a story that was probably nothing more than a tall tale.

  Damn, did I ever want to be close enough to hear.

  Okay. So that was an outright lie.

  I wanted to be by her.

  I wanted to be by the girl I was having a damned hard time not reaching out and touching. But that would be exposing us. And since the whole us thing was already such a muddled, complicated mess, I knew that wouldn’t be the best thing.

  Best thing?

  It was that this girl was out of her room.

  Smiling.

  Showing her face when before she’d always tried to hide.

  What the hell could it hurt to say hi?

  Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I strolled her direction, as casual as could be while some kind of frenzy sparked inside of me.

  She cut her gaze to the floor, so sweet and shy, chewed at her lip as I approached.

  Even then, there was no missing the way her body twitched the closer I came.

  Needing me the way I needed her.

  And that need?

  It just kept growing and growing.

  Strong and overpowering.

  Life and light.

  Gripping me everywhere.

  Ash grinned like a fool. “Well, well, well. Looks like we have another Stone who wants to come out and play.”

  He smirked at me, tightened the arm he had looped around the back of the chick’s neck. “Darlin’, why don’t you go grab a friend or two? Introduce them to my boy Austin here.”

  He jutted his chin my direction, all smiles and tease. “Dude looks like he could use a little company.”

  Edie flinched.

  I was sure no one else noticed.

  But I sure as fuck did.

  Without removing my hands from my front pockets, I lifted my elbows out. “Just fine, man. Don’t need you trying to hook me up. Pretty sure I do fine by myself.”

  Blue eyes danced. “Ah. That you do. And tonight there are lovely ladies for miles, and all of them are beggin’ for a little fun. I’m all too glad to provide it, but I’m not sure I can handle them all.”

  I raised a brow. “Pretty sure you’d make a good go of it.”

  He laughed. Loud. “Guess I just might.”

  His gaze slanted toward his sister. “Since you’re down here, why don’t you keep an eye on Edie-girl for me?” His smirk twisted into an affectionate smile when he looked at her. “Prettiest girl in the whole house.”

  Edie blushed the way she did.

  Angel.

  He turned his attention back to me, emphasizing the fact with a cock of his head. “Don’t need any of these fuckers trying to make a move on my baby sister. You know that shit’s not gonna fly.”

  Damn right, it wouldn’t.

  “Sure thing.” I said it like it didn’t matter. If he only knew his baby sister was the only reason I was down here.

  I looked at her, into that ocean blue, feeling it swallow me whole. Taking me under.

  “You want to go somewhere where it’s quiet?”

  “Please.”

  I started to walk backward, inclining my head back. “Let’s go out to the courtyard. It’s nice out there tonight.”

  “I’d love that.”

  We walked side by side into the kitchen, which was packed wall to wall. “I’ll grab us a couple waters. I’ll meet you out there.”
<
br />   “Okay,” she said thankfully, because I knew she didn’t want to be stuffed in there with a shitton of people she didn’t know. She squeezed through the crush, white hair swishing around her as she made her way to the other side, quick to slink out the back door.

  I said a couple of hellos, dug around in the fridge for waters, which was about the last thing most anyone wanted around here, before I was moving the direction Edie had gone.

  I stepped out into the night. Huge trees grew tall and proud at the side of the massive house, stretching out to offer protection and shade, the party a raucous echo I was all too happy to leave behind.

  I walked down the path to the small courtyard made up of hedged bushes and trimmed flowers secluded at the side of the house. Rays of moonlight slanted down to illuminate the space.

  The air punched from my lungs when I saw Edie in the middle of it.

  Chills skated my spine.

  Licks of ice-cold flames.

  My hand clenched down and the plastic bottles creaked, razors raking my throat when I attempted to swallow.

  Paul towered over her, his head dipped down as he tried to get in her face, no doubt saying something vulgar.

  Depraved.

  Edie’s head was tipped down, turned away. Like she was trying to shrink into nothing.

  The girl a prisoner to the undeserved shame.

  Possessiveness surged and fire flamed through my veins.

  Red blotted out my sight, and I dropped the bottles, hands fisted when I rushed toward her.

  I felt myself coming unhinged when I finally got close enough to hear what he said.

  “…only fair we go another round. You owe me, baby, don’t you think?”

  His voice was saccharin sweet. Wicked and base.

  Rage blistered and boiled. And I was there. Chin lifted as I tried to contain it all.

  My favorite secret.

  He glanced at me, dismissed me just as fast. “Kinda clear I’m busy here, don’t you think?”

  I just stood there.

  While it built and built.

  The hatred for what he’d done.

  For her anguish and sorrow.

  For her loss I tried to hold every night.

  The fact this bastard was the one who stood in our way.

  He was the barrier to the happiness teasing us. So close, but so fucking far out of reach.

  “Said fuck off, asshole.” With that, his voice came a little harder, and I stepped closer.

  Just as he cinched a brutal hand around Edie’s wrist.