Wait (Bleeding Stars #4)

by A. L. Jackson

  What glared and glowed within me.

  I was in love with Austin Stone.

  And the boy was in love with me.

  Now it was on us to figure out the rest.

  He nodded slow. “Baz dropped Austin here last night. And you came.”

  Another nod.

  He pushed out a sigh, winding himself up, finding the strength to say the things that needed to be said. “You were pregnant.”

  “Yes.” The admission caught in my throat like spiky barbs.

  God. It hurt so bad to admit it aloud. Especially after I’d protected it for so long, the most priceless, perilous secret.

  “Paul.” He spit it.

  My mouth trembled, but I didn’t need to respond.

  Looking at his bare feet, he shook his head, trying to figure it out. “When…how?”

  “You took me to a party…right before we moved to Ohio.”

  His hands shot up to cover his face as if he’d been punched. Then he dropped them like they were bricks. “What?” He blinked as the memories assaulted him. “I took you to a party.”

  He said it like he just realized the fact.

  “I begged you to.”

  Disgusted, he shook his head. “I took my fourteen-year-old kid sister to a party…and I…I left you alone.”

  He began to pace. “I took a little girl to a party like that? Left her alone with the vultures so I could get an easy piece of ass?” He sucked for air. “Shit. All of it…it’s on me.”

  He gripped his hair at the sides of his head, guilt pouring free.

  My mouth trembled. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  He scoffed. “I’ve always treated life as nothin’ but fun and games.” Bitter laughter seeped free. “I didn’t even give it all that much thought when you asked me to tag along. I had not one fuckin’ clue what went down that night. I promise, Edie, I didn’t know.”

  “Of course you didn’t. I never blamed you, because it wasn’t your fault.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me? Kills me that all this time…all this time I never knew.”

  Everything I’d repressed for so long broke free. “I…I was terrified Ash. I had no idea what to do. I went to Paul for help…he…he gave me money…three hundred dollars.”

  A gasp punched from him. “Motherfucker—”

  I kept on, needing to get it out before I lost my nerve, my words a ramble of regret. “And I just ran. I hid and pretended. Because that seemed so much easier than facing it.”

  Emotion pressed down on my chest. “Mom finally figured it out when I was about five months pregnant. She convinced me to find an adoptive family. To keep it a secret. Not tell anyone so I could move on with my life afterward. She promised me over and over it was for the best…and somewhere inside…I knew it was. I knew it was. But that didn’t change what I felt inside, Ash. It didn’t stop the devastation. I loved her so much.”

  My big brother looked to the ceiling, trying to rein in his emotion. Sorrow. Grief for me. “I don’t…kills me, Edie. Fucking kills me. I didn’t even know. How the hell can that happen? Right under my nose? I’m over here thinking all is good…and you’re hurting in the worst way. Alone.”

  My mouth trembled. “But he found me, Ash. He found me in the middle of it. And for the first time…for the first time I thought maybe it would be okay. Austin and I…we’re probably all wrong for each other because we’re so right.”

  He was my weakness and my greatest strength.

  My turmoil and my greatest peace.

  Peace.

  I wanted it.

  I wanted it so desperately, to sink into his warmth.

  Forever.

  “I spent so much time blaming myself. Taking all the responsibility. But I’m ready to let it go, Ash. Please understand that. I know it’s new for you, but this is something I’ve been dealing with for a long, long time. And the time’s come for me to finally truly deal with it. Face it. Accept it. And that means if I’m going to stay here, I need you to accept it, too.”

  “And I’m guessin’ that staying here involves staying with him?”

  I raked my teeth on my bottom lip, gave a slight nod. Nervous but hopeful.

  Ash stalled, before he finally cracked one of those too-wide grins, but there was something sincere behind it. “So you’re telling me I don’t get to kick Austin’s ass?”

  Soggy laughter slipped free. “No…you don’t get to kick his ass.” I sobered. “I love him, Ash. I love him so much it hurts. But it’s the good kind of hurt. I don’t ever want that to go away.”

  Ash set his mug on the counter. “Come here, baby sister.”

  He pulled me against him, his chin on top of my head, his arms banded around my waist. “Don’t ever take off again. You don’t have to hide anything from me. Not now. Not ever. You understand me?”

  Out of the blue, he chuckled. “And if you’re ever in need of some ass kickin’? First order of business is to let me know. You do realize that’s what big ass, awesome big brothers are for?”

  I laughed. “I don’t doubt that.”

  I stepped back, looked up at him in all seriousness. “I really missed you.”

  He hooked his knuckle under my chin. “I missed you, too.”

  We both looked to the side when the door swung open.

  Austin stood there, shirtless, his hair an utter, perfect mess from my hands tugging at it all night.

  Desire.

  Devotion.

  Love.

  Hope.

  They were all there.

  Reflected back in his smile.

  “Hey,” he said, voice rough with sleep.

  “Hi.”

  Ash sighed dramatically. “Ahhh…I do believe that would be my cue. A guy knows when he’s no longer wanted.” Shooting me a wink, he grabbed his mug, sauntered toward Austin. He stuck out his fist as he passed. “Take care of my sister, man, though it sounds to me like you’ve been doing a damned good job of it all along.”

  Austin bumped it. “Always.”

  Ash kept moving, heading through the double doors, before he paused half way out and peeked his head back in. “Oh…and just so we’re clear…I’m official ass-kicker. Baby girl has an issue with you? You’ve got an issue with me. Got it?”

  It was all a tease falling from a cocky smirk.

  “Not gonna be necessary,” Austin said, glancing at him and slanting me a smile.

  Ash cracked a grin. “Young love. Suckers. Whole lot of you.” The door swung shut behind him, and his voice echoed back through the walls. “Everyone around here has lost their ever-lovin’ minds. First my beautiful Shea then my Tam Tam.” His volume rose, crestfallen and fake, before the words began to fade as he walked away. “Then my baby sister. Heart. Broken.”

  And Austin stood there, staring at me, before he was moving. Winding me in his arms. Relief in his kiss. A promise in his hold.

  No more shame.

  No more hiding.

  Just the future waiting out ahead of us.

  Water lapped at the shore, a soft tumble reaching out as it staked its claim up the beach.

  As if fingers were stretching out.

  Calling to me.

  That presence never far.

  A haunting voice.

  A distant memory.

  My chest tightened in sync with the tightening of her hand where it burned against mine.

  “Are you ready?” she asked, her own voice a tremble.

  I squeezed her back. “Yeah.”

  Crazy that she was the one hauling me along, my girl dipping her toes in the cold waters that lined my old neighborhood. The place we used to play. And I could almost see him where he splashed and laughed, a strike of white hair against the sun, smile so bright.

  So much life.

  A tangle of remorse twisted in my heart and tugged at my spirit. The same spirit that was somehow propelling me forward.

  A wave eased up around Edie’s ankles, our hands entwined. She turned back to look at me.
She watched me with all that encouragement and understanding

  Filling me up the way only she could.

  I sucked in a breath. I fucking froze when I dipped in a toe.

  I tried to swallow, to keep in the emotion that ran amok, a wild stir of old hurt and sorrow, the guilt I’d born for so damned long tumbling through my insides.

  “I’ve got you,” she said, and fuck, if I didn’t want to weep, this girl standing at my side. Just like I was never gonna stop standing at hers.

  Winter wind gusted, blowing in low, a groan that howled as it beat against my chilled flesh.

  I took another step deeper.

  Drawn.

  Trembles rolled, and I was at her side as the cold water consumed us to our waists.

  We stood there.

  Together.

  Waves rushed around us, our hands entwined, the sun glinting at the horizon as it slowly told the day goodbye.

  Edie glanced at me with those aqua eyes that blazed their warmth. Then she released my hand and turned to look out over what seemed an endless expanse of water, the ocean deep.

  She lifted the dream catcher to her chest, tightly held it there as her words flew from her in a whisper.

  In a confession.

  In a prayer.

  “I will always love you and my heart will always hold you. There will always be a place for you waiting within my soul. But I’m letting you go. I’m letting you live this beautiful life knowing you’re loved. That you’re cared for. That you’re adored. If you ever decide to come back to me, to find me, I’ll be waiting.”

  She pressed the hoop to her lips, a frenzied, hallowed kiss, before she squeezed her eyes and threw it with all the strength she had, releasing it into the embrace of the waves.

  It landed, not far from where we stood.

  It bobbed gently, twisting and turning as it floated. Before it tipped and was swallowed by the waves.

  Taken to the depths.

  Nerves shivered through me. Grief and guilt and my own belief.

  Belief built by the strength of this girl.

  Belief somehow found in his presence.

  I clutched the tattered, grungy monkey to my chest. The one he’d taken with him everywhere he went. The one he’d slept with all his days.

  His comfort.

  His safety blanket.

  I held it to my lips where my words fell on a whisper.

  My confession.

  My prayer.

  “I love you, Julian. My brother. My twin. The other half of my soul. Please forgive me for stealing all your tomorrows. For robbing you of the chance to live out the days you should have lived. I didn’t mean to. God, please, believe me. I didn’t mean to.”

  I choked on the sorrow clotting my throat and forced myself to continue. “Now I’ve got to let you go. You can’t stay here and I can’t go on trying to keep you here. I won’t ever forget you. Please don’t forget me.” I squeezed my eyes closed, the words a tight rasp. “I’ll see you on the other side. I know you’ll be waiting for me.”

  I fisted the monkey.

  Held on tight.

  Before I let it go.

  It landed just where Edie’s hoop had gone.

  It floated. Waved its green, furry arm just above the waves, bobbed up and down. It grew heavier with the weight of the water.

  Consumed.

  Taken under.

  Edie threaded her fingers through mine.

  A new web woven.

  Love. Peace. Life.

  Hope set right in the middle of it.

  Shining bright.

  Firelight.

  Someday

  Edie wailed and her head pressed back into the pillow. Her face lifted toward the ceiling as she released a cry.

  Her husband squeezed her hand almost as fiercely as she squeezed back.

  “You’ve got it, Edie. You’ve got it. One more push. One more push and you’re all done.”

  Emotion gripped her everywhere.

  Her instincts alive.

  Sweat beaded on her brow, and she bore down, her teeth gritted.

  She pushed.

  And everything went silent.

  Her heart stopped.

  A tiny shattered cry.

  A tiny perfect body.

  Her heart took off at a sprint.

  Love.

  Love.

  Love.

  And she pushed up to sitting, hands reaching, fumbling for the child. “Please,” she whimpered. And she was there, placed in her arms, swaddled in a small white blanket, a blue and pink cap on her head.

  Lips red.

  Eyes swollen.

  She blinked a stony gray.

  He looked down at them. Tears soaking his face.

  Awe and love.

  Endless adoration.

  A big hand cupped Edie’s cheek, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead, his lips whispering his belief at her skin. “You did it, baby. You did it.”

  And their hearts. They tumbled and spun. Swelled and grew.

  Overflowed.

  Two empty lives that had been so hollow.

  Two lives that now brimmed so full.

  the end

  Read on to get your exclusive of STAY, the super-hot, fun, flirty, emotional tale of Ash Evans!

  Thank you so much for reading Austin & Edie’s story. I knew this one would be a little sad and intense, and it felt amazing to bring some healing to these two! If you enjoyed their story, please consider leaving a review!

  I’ve been itching to write Ash Evans’ story for quite some time now. You know, he’s the over-the-top, fun, live life to the fullest kind of guy without a whole lot of baggage to hold him down. I knew it was going to be all kinds of fun to bring his story to life. Click on the link for a special peek!

  STAY – COMING SOON!

  Coming soon from NYT & USA Today bestselling author, A.L. Jackson…

  The first time he saw her on TV? He wanted her. Bad.

  The first time she saw him in the tabloids? She knew this bad boy was nothing but trouble.

  Hot, hot trouble. There’s no way she’ll allow a playboy rock star to have his way with her.

  But Ash Evans always gets what he wants.

  And what he wants is Willow Langston.

  Your special STAY early look!

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  More from A.L. Jackson

  Bleeding Stars

  A Stone in the Sea

  Drowning to Breathe

  Drowning to Breathe (audible)

  Where Lightning Strikes

  Wait

  The Regret Series

  Lost to You

  Take This Regret

  If Forever Comes

  The Closer to You Series

  Come to Me Quietly

  Come to Me Softly

  Come to Me Recklessly

  Stand-Alone Novels

  Pulled

  When We Collide

  More Bleeding Stars Novels Coming Soon

  Stay

  Stand

  Also Coming Soon from A.L. Jackson

  Confessions of the Heart ~ sweet, sexy contemporary romance from A.L. Jackson

  Hollywood Chronicles, a collaboration with USA Today Bestselling Author, Rebecca Shea

  A.L. Jackson is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of contemporary and new adult romance.

  She first found a love for writing during her days as a young mother and college student. She filled the journals she carried with short stories and poems used as an emotional outlet for the difficulties and joys she found in day-to-day life.

  Years later, she shar
ed a short story she’d been working on with her two closest friends and, with their encouragement, this story became her first full length novel. A.L. now spends her days writing in Southern Arizona where she lives with her husband and three children.

  Connect with A.L. Jackson online:

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