The Secrets Duet

by Brownell, Rachael

  Are you in trouble?

  I guess you could say that.

  Can I help?

  No.

  Is there any way you can stay?

  No.

  Does this have to do with Greg?

  Yes and no.

  Who is he and why is he here?

  I knew the time would come that I would have to answer that question. I’m not sure how much I can tell him without getting in trouble. Really, who would know anyway? It’s not like there are cameras in the house. Are there?

  He was my dad’s best friend.

  And…

  My dad was killed six months ago.

  And… I know there is something you are not telling me.

  He worked for the FBI

  So…

  He was killed in a car “accident” by someone he was investigating… my brother was in the car.

  I’m so sorry.

  Me too.

  What does that have to do with you?

  The people who killed him are really bad people. Greg was his partner and when my dad died he figured they were probably going to go after all of us.

  So that’s why he’s here?

  Sort of. Greg tried to make it look like mom and I died. They found a bomb in our basement so they let the house blow.

  He doesn’t try to take the pen from me. I’ve scared the shit out of him. What do you really say to that anyway?

  We’re in witness protection.

  Cam

  Everything makes a little bit more sense now. Kat trying to be invisible. Not attempting to make any friends. Pushing me away when I could tell she wanted to be close to me. Always looking over her shoulder wherever she went. This is why she got so upset when she found out my last name. She couldn’t be linked to me because if anyone took our picture she might be recognized.

  I have no idea what to say to her. I know she’s not supposed to tell me this information. She’s not supposed to tell anyone. It’s risky, too risky. What if she accidentally told the wrong person and these people found her?

  I grab the pen, not knowing what I want to write. I know I need to say something. I can see that she’s scared. Hell, I’m scared now. For her, not for me.

  You’re secret is safe with me and so are you.

  I didn’t mean it to come off sounding so cheesy. She needed to know I wouldn’t tell anyone, but she also needed to know that I won’t let anyone hurt her. I will protect her at all costs.

  I know but after tonight it won’t matter.

  Shit! That’s right. Greg is going to make her leave.

  What can I do? I don’t want you to go.

  Nothing.

  There has to be something.

  Nope. The FBI is in charge. If they think we’re in danger then we have to go.

  Where?

  I don’t know and I won’t until we get there.

  Will you tell me?

  I can’t. I don’t want you to be involved. I don’t want you to get hurt.

  I am hurt.

  And I’m sorry.

  Will I ever see you again?

  I don’t know. Maybe when all of this is over if it ever ends…

  Can I say it now?

  Say what?

  That I love you.

  Yes.

  I put the pen down and close the notebook. I take her hand and kiss it softly knowing once I say it that it will be that much harder to walk away from her. Once I tell her how I feel I will never be able to forget her. It’s only been a month, but it’s been the best month of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

  “I love you, Kat.”

  I look up to see she’s smiling at me through tears streaming down her face. “I love you too, Cam. I always will.”

  I kiss her softly, letting my love for her pour out of my body and into her. Giving her all my strength, hoping it will help keep her safe. When I pull away I feel completely empty. I know that I will never see her again once I walk out the door and the thought makes me feel helpless.

  I stand, bringing her with me and we walk to the living room. I pull her in tight for a hug, kissing her neck and breathing in her scent. I want to remember everything about this girl for the rest of my life. I want to remember this moment, her in my arms, forever.

  “I love you,” I whisper in her ear. “More than you will ever know.”

  “I love you too.”

  “We’ll find each other again someday. You’re my destiny and I’m yours.”

  She pulls back and smiles before kissing me softly. “I hope so.”

  I drive home in a daze. Can this all really be happening? I’m finally in love, real love, for the first time in my life and she’s leaving me. I realize, as I pull in my driveway, I probably don’t even know her real name. I don’t know where she’s from and I don’t know where she’s going.

  All that information is irrelevant right now. Right now all that matters is my heart is broken. It will never be the same. The one person I’m meant to be with is about to disappear and I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to find her. And I will. I will find her.

  9.

  Stacy

  One year later…

  I’ve zoned out again, thinking about him. Wondering where he is right now, what he’s doing. I should be paying attention. After all, college is important and being that it’s my first class on my first day, I really need to know what’s going on.

  It’s been almost a year since he walked out of my front door and out of my life. I thought about running after him. I chewed it over while I watched my mom and Greg pack up anything important and load it up into the U-Haul. We didn’t take much, only the things which could identify us if someone were to come looking. The house was cleaned and move-in-ready before we were even across the state line.

  I still think about that day a lot. It was the best day of my life and ultimately the worst as well. I felt love for the first time and lost it all in the same moment. I shouldn’t spend so much time dreaming of the past, but I can’t help myself. I see him everywhere I turn.

  I don’t have to look over my shoulder as much these days, but I find I still do. Old habits are hard to kick. Sometimes I’m looking for the men who were after us but mostly I’m looking for him. Hoping one day I will turn around and he will be there. He told me we were destined to be together, that we would find each other again someday. I’m not sure if that’s even possible, but I can’t help but hold out hope.

  I pull myself back into the present, hoping to catch the end of the lecture. There’s a student passing around the syllabus and I can’t help but watch her. She reminds me of who I once tried to be. It makes me wonder if she’s hiding from someone or if that is really who she is. Her bracelets catch my eye and make me smile. Either way, this girl is like looking in the mirror last fall. She even has a streak of color in her hair; blue.

  I’m able to keep my focus for the rest of class. I follow the crowd out into the hallway and head back to my dorm. I try and take in as much of the campus as I can on my walk over. I didn’t really have a choice when it came to college, but I am grateful the government chose such a beautiful campus for me.

  When we left Colorado we weren’t sure where we were headed. We knew that we couldn’t go west. We needed to get farther away from California, farther away from the danger. We drove for a few days, stopping to sightsee like we were on vacation. It didn’t feel like much of a vacation to me.

  I knew the real reason behind the trip and the fact that I was once again being uprooted really pissed me off. Not to mention the fact that I was still heartbroken. My emotions were running the gamut all day every day for the first few weeks. With every mile we put between us and Colorado I felt my heart break a little bit more.

  When mom finally decided New York was a big enough area, that we could get lost amongst the crowd, I felt safe for the first time in a while. She didn’t want to live in the city so we decided to put down roots in Ithaca. I thank my mother every d
ay for her decision. When it came time to decide where I wanted to go to college my choices were Syracuse or Cornell. I couldn’t have gotten any luckier.

  I reach my dorm pretty quickly. I need to drop off my stuff and head over to my mom’s house for dinner. Last night was the first night I hadn’t slept in the house with her and I wanted to see how she was faring. We went from a lively household to just the two of us quickly. Now she’s on her own, mostly, and I’m not really sure how she is handling it. It’s been us against the world for a while and I want to make sure she knows that it still is, even though I chose to live on campus.

  I’m crossing the parking lot to my car, not paying attention to what’s going on around me, when I hear a horn. I look up to see a vintage red Mustang parked out in front of my dorm, honking impatiently. I watch as a guy from down my hall rushes out to the car and jumps in before they speed away.

  I stare at the car as it drives away. My heart is beating fast and the hair on the back of my neck is standing up. This happens every time I see a car which looks like his. I should be used to this reaction, but I’m not. Sometimes the cars don’t even look like his and I feel the pressure in my chest building.

  After having a tense dinner with my mom and Greg, I head back to the dorm feeling a little defeated. My mom seemed happy at dinner. Over the past year, a lot has changed and she’s found a way to move on from everything but this is supposed to be an emotional time for her. Her only remaining child is going off to college. She should be sad, even if I live only ten miles away.

  For as much as I despise Greg, he has been a huge part of her happiness this past year. They are not dating, as far as I know, but they have gotten close. She relies on him for a lot of things. He went undercover with us when we moved here. He’s only here about thirty percent of the time, using his work as an excuse with the neighbors for why he’s not around more.

  Having him here, though, provided us with a better environment. Instead of being part of the lower middle class we were once again a wealthy family. My mom got her identity back in a way and her spirits improved greatly. I’m not sure why everyone says money can make you happy but I do know losing your money can make you sad.

  I made a promise to my mom once we were settled that I’m still trying to keep. I promised her I would try and become the person I once was. I always thought Witness Protection allowed me to become whoever I wanted to be and it did, for a short time. More than anything though, it was like I was running from the old me. I thought if I was still that person they would find me.

  Changing my hair and dressing differently didn’t hide who I was. He is the only one who saw through it, besides my mother, but the point is he saw me. He saw who I was underneath the front I was trying to put up and he accepted me. That’s why I made the promise to my mom. I wanted to be me again and in the back of my mind, I wanted him to find me.

  I bound up the three flights of stairs to my room. I met my roommate yesterday and even though she was a little overwhelming at first, I think we are going to be good friends. She told me we’re going out tonight. She didn’t ask if I wanted to. She said it like it was a fact and I had no choice in the matter. Honestly, I’m fine with that. I haven’t been out with a group of friends in a long time and I would have gone anyway if she had asked.

  I open our door to find her in a compromising position with a guy I don’t recognize. She said she had a boyfriend so I really hope this is him. It’s not exactly the way I planned on meeting him, but it will have to do.

  I clear my throat, but they continue their exploration of each other’s bodies like they didn’t hear me enter. I try again, but nothing happens. I need to get changed but in order to do that I have to walk past them to my closet. I open the door and slam it shut hoping they will hear that.

  Nothing. Really?

  “Um, Bethany,” I say, trying to sound unaffected by the show I’m receiving.

  She breaks contact with the guy for only a second to look over at me, smile and wave before allowing him to devour her mouth again.

  “Okay, well I guess I will go hang out in the library tonight. You guys have fun.”

  That got her attention. She pushed him off of her and sat up. His ass makes a loud thump as he lands on the floor next to her bed, but he doesn’t say a word.

  “No. We are leaving in like thirty minutes to meet up with everyone else. You need to change.” She sounds upset.

  “I know, but I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  “We were done for now anyway,” she replies with a naughty smile.

  “Okay, well let’s get ready to head out then.”

  The guy pushes off the floor and walks towards me. I step to the side, assuming he’s leaving when he reaches out his hand. “I’m Cam,” he says.

  I hear the words leaving his mouth, but I don’t remember what happened next. I must have fainted because when I come around, Bethany is in my face looking pale as a ghost. Shit!

  “Hey. What happened?” I ask.

  “You passed out. You’re lucky Brett was holding your hand or else you would have cracked your skull on the floor.”

  “Brett?”

  “Yeah, my boyfriend.”

  I look past her to see Brett sitting on the bed, staring at me. You can see he looks as confused and worried as Bethany. I could have sworn he said his name was Cam.

  “Hey, sorry about that,” I say looking at Brett. “I’m not sure what happened. Too much sugar today maybe.”

  He shrugs his shoulders and lays back on Bethany’s bed. She helps me stand and once she’s sure I’m not going to fall over, let’s go of my arms. I take a seat on my bed and steady myself before I say anything else. When I look up I’m met with Bethany’s worried eyes.

  “I’m fine. I swear,” I say, trying to reassure her.

  “Maybe we should stay in tonight?” It’s a question, not a statement. She wants me to make the decision. I’m not going to ruin her night by taking her hostage.

  “No. You go. I’m going to get some rest, but you should go.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind hanging out and watching a movie or something.”

  “No. You and Brett go and have fun. I’ll tag along next time.”

  After about ten minutes, I finally convince Bethany I will be fine alone. She makes me program her number in my phone on speed dial. I promise to call her if I need her, but I still have to literally push her out the door. The fact she cares this much tells me we are already friends and it feels good to have a friend. I need someone to confide in from time to time and as much as I love my mother, there are certain things I don’t feel comfortable talking about with her. My love life, or lack thereof, for starters.

  The rest of the week goes by pretty quickly. College is so much different from high school but a little bit the same. You see groups of people conversing around campus. Instead of the cliques you would see in high school they are much more diverse. People don’t take an interest in you unless they need to in college. I am taking five classes this semester and I have seen a lot of the same people in those classes, but no one has even said hello to me.

  I’m not bothered by this. I’m used to keeping to myself. What surprises me is in high school everyone wants to know everything about everyone. In college, it seems like no one cares about anyone else’s business. It’s almost refreshing in a way. The drama level is low, at least for now.

  Bethany seems to think we need to get more involved with “campus activities.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about, but I agree with her while trying to study for my first quiz. She’s rattling on and on about how we are going to do all of this stuff together and how it’s going to be so much fun. I’m sitting there, reading from the biology book in my lap, nodding my head when it feels appropriate, until she clears her throat and I look up. She realized I wasn’t listening to a word she said and she looks pissed.

  “I’m sorry. I was trying to study. What’s up?” I ask, closing my book to let her know that she now ha
s my full attention.

  “I said… you need to change and fix your hair or we are going to be late.” You can hear the irritation in her voice loud and clear. Note to self: do not ignore roommate when she’s talking.

  “Where are we going again?” I ask cautiously, knowing she may very well throw something at me.

  “I guess you’ll just have to find out. That’s what you get for not listening to me. Now, go put on something dressy.” Man, she’s bossy when she’s pissed.

  I don’t want to upset her more since I have to live with her for the next nine months or so. I get up quickly and start getting ready. I spend a good ten minutes looking in the mirror, trying to decide what to do with myself. I have to get moving or Bethany might come storming in and pop my head off. I decide to leave my long, blonde hair flowing down my back and fix my makeup first.

  Once I look good from the neck up I start to rummage through my clothes. I didn’t bring anything really dressy to the dorms with me since my mom’s house is only a short distance away. I figured I would have advance notice and could pop over and grab something.

  I do the best I can with what I’ve got. I pull out the sweater I bought in Colorado and wore on my first date with him. I thought about leaving it behind when we left but when I picked it up, it smelled faintly of him. It’s been washed since then, but I still feel his arms around me when I wear it. I feel safe.

  Ten minutes later we are out the door and on our way to wherever we’re headed. Bethany still won’t tell me what our plans are. I get a good idea when we pull up in front of a fraternity house and she cuts the engine.