April Queen, May Fool

by Jon Jacks

  The fool seemed about to protest, but Crystine wasn’t going to give him the opportunity.

  ‘You know, have you just considered the possibility that there might be some completely innocent explanation? Just how much credence do you give your “love” anyway? Why haven’t you considered that your queen might have put one over on the elves? Have you thought about that? No matter what bargain she had to make with these elves, it doesn’t mean she ended up…you know, going along with it!’

  ‘Honouring, it, you mean?’ the fool said wryly. ‘Or maybe people aren’t expected to honour the agreements they’ve made in your world?’

  ‘Well, of course they–’

  ‘And if she didn’t honour any agreement she made, then how could she henceforth be trusted in her role as queen? It’s a matter of principle, isn’t it, for a ruler to stick to the rules? Otherwise, why should anybody else bother adhering to them?’

  ‘But if the elves have asked for something completely unreasonable–’

  ‘So you’re saying we should behave as badly as they do? In our world, we tend to believe that there are reasons for rules, for behaviour; yes, not everyone will keep to those rules, but if everyone abandoned them, well – then we’d be living in chaos!’

  ‘Okay, okay,’ Crystine said, raising her hands to show that she yielded to some of his points, but adding quickly, ‘but personally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to look for some way out of a deal you’ve been tricked into!’

  ‘Ah, but a deal you’ve been tricked into is a completely different thing!’ the fool replied, not unreasonably. ‘But we don’t know that my lov– that the queen was tricked into any deal! And therefore, as a matter of principle, she would have to honour it; even at the loss of her honour, if that was the ridiculous agreement she’d made!’

  He chewed his lip bitterly.

  ‘But then, why should I care; she’s no longer my love, after all!’

  ‘Well I think you’re being unfair on her, until you know for certain what she had agreed to!’ Crystine retorted. ‘My mum used to tell me tale, a tale she said she could never remember actually reading, yet she knew it by heart: and that, aptly enough, was called The Principle of Princes.’

  *

  Chapter 26

  The Principle of Princes

  If you were asked to imagine a beautiful princess, do you think she would look like someone else’s idea of a beautiful princess?

  Some, obviously, would more or less agree with you.

  But, equally obviously, many wouldn’t.

  ‘Beauty’ means so many different things to so many different people.

  So, to make sure we can all imagine a princess whom we can all agree is indeed beautiful, let’s make things a little easier.

  Imagine, instead, her heart.

  And so now, if you’re a realist – one of those who flatters themselves that they know the way of world, complete with all its grim qualities – then you will quite rightly be thinking of a muscle of blood and flesh.

  If, however, you are more romantically inclined, then you have doubtlessly visualised a heart as it has been portrayed by both artists and poets throughout the centuries: that is, in the familiar flawless heart shape, it’s red more that of a sweet cherry, rather than of blood.

  Well, as ridiculous as it might sound (for both realists and romantics alike, if we’re being honest, as we must), this is the most perfect description of this particular princess’s heart.

  Impossible?

  How could anyone live with such a preposterously unreal heart?

  (And yes, we all know even the romantics amongst you are thinking this too!)

  Well, let me explain a little more; and then you can decide for yourself if such a thing is really so impossible.

  For unlike any normal child, Princess Cherish had actually grown around her heart: and her heart had grown from a cherry seed.

  And by revealing this, I hope I am not giving away too much too early.

  *

  As we find in many stories, ours actually begins with a couple who had everything they could want for – bar a desperately wished for child.

  Now when I say they wanted for nothing, apart from this child, I do not mean that they are by any means wealthy in the usual sense of the word; the truth was that they were poor in terms of material wealth, their life being rather hard compared to many, if not one of excessive toil and starvation.

  And yet some people can quite happily accept such a life; indeed, they can regard themselves as being luckier than most. And so their life is one of happiness, full of wonder of the glories of the world around them. And therefore they enjoy sharing a love of all things and each other.

  If only they had a child, this particular couple thought, their life would be perfect in every way.

  Naturally, they had heard of the remarkable powers of the Hazel Witch.

  She could, with the incantation of a spell, the administration of certain potions and fluids, bring the glory of new life into the most barren. She was frequently called upon by the highest courts, by kings and queens, even emperors and empresses, all of whom were willing to pay the earth to ensure the production of a heir.

  For of course, the Hazel Witch always expected due recompense for the administering of her arts. She wasn’t, indeed, renowned for doing all this purely out of the goodness of her heart.

  And so, unfortunately, all her skills at producing children might as well have been on the other side of the moon as far as the impoverished couple were concerned.

  Even so, it seemed as if fortune had smiled on the couple after all.

  For the Hazel Witch had heard of both their inherent goodness and their plight.

  And she wished to show that she wasn’t in anyway as hard-hearted as she had been painted.

  *

  The Hazel Witch called when she knew the husband would be out, reasoning that this was a matter best discussed purely between women.

  ‘I’ve heard of your wish for a child,’ she coolly informed the poor, startled woman, ‘for I’ve also heard that you and your husband are loving and kind: and I wish to help you, for the child I have in mind will cost me little, and therefore will cost you hardly anything too.’

  The woman was torn: it was indeed, of course, her dearest wish to have a child.

  But what would the price be?

  ‘Hardly anything’ means so many different things to so many different people.

  ‘I’m not sure we can afford–’

  With a raised hand, and a smile, the Hazel Witch stopped the poor woman’s embarrassed protestations from continuing any further.

  ‘I believe you can’t afford not to,’ she said. ‘Naturally, my guiding principle is that I should receive a honourable payment for the great joy I bring to people’s lives. Yet my real fee for this gift to you, if you must know, is that when it’s heard how I helped such a graciously good couple as yourselves, it will also become known that I am not this grasping, tetchy hag that I have been falsely taken to be. All I ask of you, by way of a fair recompense, is that you promise me nothing more than a single apple; one of my choosing, on the day of my choosing, when I most sorely need it.’

  How could the poor woman fail to agree to such a remarkably generous offer?

  And yet her joy instantly turned to dismay when the Hazel Witch produced from beneath her dark cloak not the cherished babe but, rather, nothing more than a minute cherry seed.

  ‘Please don’t be disappointed, my dear,’ the Hazel Witch said concernedly as soon as she saw the poor woman’s consternation.

  ‘Trust me on this,’ she pleaded, taking care to hold the woman’s hands gently as she handed her the seed, ‘plant this on a night when the moon has waxed to her fullest, watering it with your own most special blood: and as well as regular watering, repeat this each month. In this way, I promise you, you shall have a child beautiful beyond all imagination!’

  *

  Well as you know, this is exactly w
hat happened.

  Naturally, the child was called Cherish.

  Naturally too, the husband couldn’t fail to see that magic had been involved in the birth of his beautiful daughter. And that could only mean the magic of the Hazel Witch.

  But he didn’t wish to challenge his wife to find out what deal she had made with the witch; rather, he preferred to remain ignorant. He reasoned that no good could come of accusing his poor wife of foolhardiness, especially when her agreement had brought such immense happiness into their lives: happiness beyond all previous imaginings.

  For Cherish was a delight in every way.

  Which really shouldn’t be such a surprise, for she had the most natural heart of anyone born.

  The kindest of hearts.

  The purest of hearts.

  The beauty and tenderness of this remarkable child of nature soon became famed throughout the nearest villages, the nearest towns, the nearest cities.

  Soon, these tales reached the ears of the rich and powerful. She was discussed at the tables of wealthy men, as if she were no more than one of the trifles they devoured hungrily, spitting the seeds away. She was talked of in the terms of being a desirable possession, one that could be bought, used and traded, perhaps with only the very slightest loss in value. Though, of course, as she aged…

  She was the possession of a poor couple, they had heard. And therefore she would have to understand that she could be bought, provided the price was right.

  And some of these wealthy men, of course, couldn’t quite see why any price at all should be involved, when they could quite rightly take what they believed should be theirs.

  The poor couple first heard inklings of these discussions of the wealthy when they noticed the growing number of well-dressed men either riding past their land, calling in on their house with some odd excuse, or even simply turning up and demanding that their horses were watered. Now although these men appeared fabulously garbed to the naive couple, they were in fact little more than servants to the truly wealthy men they served, sent out by their masters to check that the tales of this beauty were entirely true.

  The rich and powerful were gradually circling, the only thing holding them back from striking and taking control of this valuable artefact being their uncertainty as to who else might have already laid claim to her: for the guiding principle amongst the rich and powerful was that you didn’t anger anyone with greater riches and power than yourself.

  The rich and powerful, naturally, had rules to abide by. And one of the most important of these was that you didn’t steal anything from those in higher positions than yourself.

  In fear for their daughter’s honour, the couple fled their home with her.

  They would seek the help of their prince, a prince who would soon be king, a man reputed to hold the very highest of principles.

  *

  ‘Principles’ means so many different things to so many different people.

  And so the couple’s idea of principles unfortunately differed so much from the Principle of Princes.

  For naturally, the guiding principle of princes is to ensure a smooth running of their principality

  And who amongst their people could help them achieve this?

  Why, the rich and powerful, naturally! The wealthy, who owned and controlled their own large areas of land.

  And in this great scheme of things, the worries and cares of people like our couple are obviously regarded as being of no importance whatsoever.

  As for the beautiful daughters of peasants, well, shouldn’t they be grateful for the attentions of men who would otherwise fail to give them a second glance? They should make the best of their beauty while it lasted, and be grateful for what they had been granted.

  And yet, and yet…hadn't we already all agreed that the beauty of Cherish was a beauty on a whole other level?

  So when her parents innocently appeared before the clerk of the official who served a lower magistrate, they were not immediately dismissed as nothing more than foolish time wasters.

  The clerk showed them through to the official.

  The official showed them through to the lower magistrate.

  The lower magistrate paused, taking in Cherish’s remarkable beauty, wondering if he were powerful enough to keep her for himself.

  He showed the family through to a higher magistrate.

  The higher magistrate showed them through to a clerk of the court.

  The clerk showed them through to an official, one serving a rich and powerful courtier.

  And this, usually, was as far as (and the only way) even the most beautiful of girls could expect to rise through the ranks of officialdom. If she were lucky, she might be spotted by the king, becoming his plaything for a while, at least until he became bored with her.

  Yes, it was a harsh world. But if you’re willing to play by the rules set by the rulers, what better can you expect?

  Fortunately, the beauty of Cherish, as we have seen, was one from a whole other world.

  *

  ‘Beauty’ means so many different things to so many different people. But in Cherish’s case, everyone had to agree: this is what all ideals of beauty must now be measured by.

  Everywhere she went, she caused a stir, a fluctuation of the gossip, the whisperings, that always circulate around a royal court. By the time word of her beauty reached the prince, the ripples she had caused so far off had become a storm of praise, of wonder.

  Naturally, the prince laughed at these tales: he had heard so many stories of marvellously beautiful girls, only to be profoundly disappointed when he finally caught sight of this ‘wonder of nature’.

  Of course, he arranged for the family to be directed to the garden lying beyond his chambers. Here he would be able to see for himself this girl, this ‘very finest creation of Nature herself’.

  And as soon as he saw her, his amused smile immediately vanished from his face: for in his heart, he realised he suddenly had no real power at all.

  She was the one who held all the power – the power to make him the happiest man in the world, or the most miserable.

  *

  By rights, the prince could insist that this girl must do as he commanded.

  If she refused, he could take her by force. Even have her killed, if she continued to displease him.

  But in what way would any of those courses bring the anguish in his heart to an end?

  Each action, in its way, would only inflame that anguish, tearing him apart from inside.

  The way she smiled, the way she talked, the grace of her movement, her kindness, the nature of her laugh: how could forcing her to do anything against her will ever hope to preserve rather than completely destroy these qualities?

  He wanted her to love him the way that he saw she loved life, to cherish him the way she cherished the flowers, the trees, the birds and the animals.

  He wanted her sparkling eyes to light up as he entered the room, not to narrow with loathing.

  He wanted her lips to respond to his with softness, not resistance, anger and detestation.

  And, most of all, he wanted her heart to pulse with joy whenever she even heard his name, not pound with a furious hatred at his mere mention.

  And he wanted this because that was how his own heart reacted whenever anyone now spoke of Cherish.

  *

  To ensure the poor girl’s safety, the prince declared, she and her family would be housed within a cottage on his own private estate.

  Here he could visit the family a number of times a day, asking after their wellbeing, or if their needs were being adequately attended to.

  He was soon to be king, and yet whenever he appeared before Cherish he could have been nothing but the most foolish of young boys.

  He never dared reveal his true feelings for her, fearing that he would be rejected, his whole world collapsing immediately about him.

  And so he kept up the pretence of being only interested in ensuring the family was kept safe from
the rich and powerful men who would wish to make Cherish theirs.

  ‘Love’ means so many different things to so many different people.

  And some can take a curiously resigned pleasure even in the intensely sharp pain of unrequited love.

  *

  A king, of course, cannot forever remain within the power of another.

  That is the very first Principle of Kings.

  And so immediately after his coronation, the new king sought out a witch infamous for the success of her concoctions, including – naturally – the most effective of love potions.

  He presumed the price for such a wondrous potion might be high, but he was willing to pay almost anything to win the love of Cherish.

  Yet the Hazel Witch only laughed when the king mentioned the price. For she had heard of this lovesick loon’s dotting over this Cherish, a girl who could be said to be one of her own children, a beauty who was undoubtedly her finest creation.

  How much more would her fame increase when people heard how a child she had gifted to the poorest of peasants had ensnared a king and his kingdom?

  Naturally, she didn’t reveal her real reasoning when she informed the startled king that she expected little in way of payment from him.

  ‘I’ve heard of your wish to win someone’s love,’ she coolly said, ‘for I’ve also heard of your anxiety that she will see you only as heartless if you attempt any form of enforcement. I wish to help you, for the potion I have in mind will cost me hardly anything, and therefore will cost you precious little too.’

  ‘Precious little’ means so many different things to so many different people; especially where desperate kings and cunning witches are involved.

  ‘I can afford anythin–’

  With a raised hand, and a smile, the Hazel Witch stopped the king from continuing any further.

  ‘I believe you can afford almost anything I ask,’ she said. ‘Naturally, my guiding principle is that I should receive a honourable payment for the great joy I bring to people’s lives. Yet my real fee for this gift to you, if you must know, is that you, our king, will know that I am not the heartless woman I am so unfairly painted to be. All I ask of you, by way of a fair recompense, is that you promise me nothing more than a single apple; one of my choosing, on the day of my choosing, when I most sorely need it.’