No Heaven, No Hell

by J. T. Brindle

  The memories filled Lianne with bittersweet emotions. ‘All you ever wanted was the biggest parcel, and the prettiest things,’ she remembered aloud. ‘You laughed at me when I said I wanted grandparents.’

  ‘That’s because I knew we would never have them. Anyway, they would only have come between us, just like our parents do.’

  In her pain Lianne lashed out. ‘You were wrong! We did have a grandmother, and now we haven’t.’

  ‘We don’t need her. We don’t need anyone.’ Her eyes were smiling, but her heart was bitter. She was glad Katherine Louis was dead. It wasn’t only the will, or the money that she hoped would come to her. It went deeper than that, though she herself could not understand it. From the moment she set eyes on Katherine, and for no apparent reason, she hated her. Now that the old lady was dead, she felt as though a debt was paid. As though she herself was released. It was an odd feeling. A strange, exhilarating feeling she could not explain. ‘You’re right. She’s gone. But it wasn’t me,’ she reasoned. ‘You saw what happened. I never touched the old biddy.’

  There was hatred in Lianne too; in her trembling body and accusing eyes. ‘You frightened her to death.’

  ‘I never touched her.’ Yet she had. Not with her hands, but with her soul.

  Lianne lapsed into silence, reliving the awful scene in that hospital room. Ginny was right. The old lady had taken her own life. Why? The question rose to her lips. ‘Why would she do that?’

  Jack leaned over to touch her on the shoulder. It was just as well he couldn’t hear the conversation. ‘If you can’t stop chattering, perhaps you’d better wait outside.’ He was restless. He hadn’t wanted to attend, but Liz insisted. ‘I shouldn’t be here,’ he told her now. ‘She meant nothing to me, and I have work to do.’ Oh, but there was a time, a lifetime ago. When he was a boy, he had loved her more than anything else in the world.

  Awed by her surroundings, Liz had remained quiet and thoughtful, unable to understand the vehemence that Jack held for his own mother. Now, when Jack spoke, she was made to answer. ‘We’re here to find out what happened,’ she said. ‘It’s your place to be here, Jack. She was your mother.’

  ‘I should be at work.’

  ‘No, Jack. What happened between you and your mother all those years ago doesn’t matter any more. Surely you can see that?’

  ‘You’re wrong, Liz,’ he answered softly. ‘It will always matter.’ To the end of time, it would matter. Long after he was gone and they were all rotting in the ground, it would matter.

  ‘I never knew you were such an unforgiving bastard.’ She loved this man so much it hurt. But lately, since Katherine Louis had stepped over their doorstep, their lives had changed. He had changed. They hadn’t made love since that night, and she wasn’t sure she even wanted to. When they went to bed, he would turn his back on her and she hardly dared touch him. He never held her in the way he used to. Sometimes he would wake up, sobbing like a child, eyes tightly shut as though if he opened them he might come face to face with the Devil. During the day he was oddly distant. Jumpy. Unable to look her in the eye. But then he had cause, she remembered with bitterness. He lied to her. Lied to his daughters.

  Jack had kept too many secrets.

  A tall balding man in a grey suit opened the door to address them. ‘We’re ready for you now,’ he said. Standing aside he held open the door. ‘If you’ll sit there please.’ He gestured to the front row.

  Cyrus was the first to rise, then Maureen, leaning heavily on his arm as they went side by side down the aisle and into the row, where they seated themselves, solemn faced and apprehensive. ‘Don’t worry,’ Cyrus comforted her. ‘It will soon be over.’

  Jack and Liz were next. Jack would have left a number of empty seats between himself and the other two, but Liz nudged him on. Reluctantly he seated himself beside Cyrus. They exchanged nods.

  ‘I’d like to talk with you before we leave,’ Cyrus whispered.

  Jack gave a half-smile, but said nothing.

  Lianne held back, remaining in her seat and visibly trembling. There were other people going in now. She recognised the nurse who escorted them to Katherine’s room. ‘I don’t want to go in there,’ she told Ginny. ‘Why can’t I stay out here?’

  ‘Because you may be called on to say what happened.’

  ‘I won’t lie.’

  Lianne’s forthright statement shook Ginny to her roots. Thinking quickly, she knew bullying would not help. Not this time. Placing her hand over Lianne’s she asked, ‘What will you tell them?’

  Lianne couldn’t look at her. Keeping her eyes fixed on the stairway she answered in a whisper, ‘I’ll tell them how you frightened her. I’ll tell them you threatened her, and that she said you were evil. She knew you meant to kill her. That’s why she knocked the tubes out.’ Recalling her grandmother’s words, she recounted them to Ginny now. ‘She said I wasn’t to let you destroy me. She said I mustn’t suffer because of you.’ Suddenly it was all very clear. ‘That’s why she killed herself. Because she knew you would do it if she didn’t, and that I would be blamed as well.’

  ‘Do you really mean to tell?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’ve never told before.’

  ‘You killed our grandmother.’

  ‘She was a stranger.’

  ‘I hate you.’

  ‘If you say all those things… in there –’ she nodded towards the door – ‘they might take me away.’

  ‘Good.’

  Ginny was beginning to panic. She had never known Lianne be like this. Her calm voice belied the rage inside. ‘You know I’m innocent. I did not kill that old lady. If you say all those things, and they think I was responsible, you may never see me again.’

  Lianne hadn’t thought that far. She was made to reflect on it now. Never see Ginny again? That would be like having her heart torn out.

  Sensing the trauma going on in Lianne’s head, Ginny appealed to her. ‘You wouldn’t let them take me away, would you? Especially when I’m innocent.’ Caressing Lianne’s fingers in her own, she infused her voice with emotion. ‘Please, Lianne. I couldn’t bear it if I never saw you again.’

  ‘You were cruel to her.’

  ‘I admit I shouldn’t have said the things I did,’ she schemed.

  ‘If I do as you ask… if I say she knocked the tubes out herself, how do I know you won’t be bad again?’

  Ginny managed to squeeze out a tear. ‘Because I’ll make you a promise. I’ll try my hardest never to be bad again.’ It was only a half-lie. She never wanted to be bad. It just came to her. Now, she didn’t want to be good. ‘Good’ was Lianne. And her mother. Not her father. He had badness in him too.

  Still uncertain, Lianne looked into her sister’s dark eyes. As always she saw only what she wanted to see, and what she saw was remorse.

  ‘I couldn’t bear it if they took you away,’ Lianne murmured.

  Leaning forward, Ginny kissed her. ‘Tell them she was asleep. She had a kind of fit. That was when she knocked out the tubes and you ran for help. It was an accident.’

  ‘An accident. Yes.’

  ‘Good girl!’

  ‘Ginny?’

  ‘What?’ A careless hint of impatience. Quickly suppressed. ‘I’m sorry. It will be all right in there. I won’t let any harm come to you.’

  ‘You do love me, then?’

  ‘You know I do.’ She hugged her and loathed doing so. ‘You and me, sis. Looking after each other. Just like always.’

  Jack appeared at the door. ‘You two.’ Thumbing towards the room where the others were seated, he ordered sharply, ‘Inside if you please.’

  As they passed him, Ginny gave Lianne a sideways glance. It said, ‘My life is in your hands. Don’t let them send me away.’

  Lianne merely nodded. It was enough.

  The inquest lasted three quarters of an hour. The doctor explained how the old lady was in a critical condition following a massive seizure. He said it was not unknown for a se
dated patient to half-wake in a panic, sometimes violent… enough perhaps to dislodge the instruments that kept them alive. Everything humanly possible had been done to save Katherine Louis but it was too late. As it was, she would not have lasted more than a few days, if that.

  The nurse corroborated his story. Ginny said it was exactly as the doctor had described: their grandmother woke in a start, thrashed about and caught the tubes. ‘My sister ran for help, while I stayed with our grandmother.’ She sobbed a little, and the coroner took pity on her. ‘Sit down, my dear,’ he said gently. ‘We’ve heard enough.’

  He saw how Lianne was perched nervously on the edge of her seat, wide eyed and anxious while she waited for her turn. ‘It’s all right,’ he assured her, ‘there won’t be any need for you to give evidence.’

  He didn’t realise how near she was to admitting the truth. How her sister had threatened to kill their grandmother, and how, to save an innocent from being implicated, the old lady had taken her own life.

  After certain deliberation, the verdict was given that Katherine Louis died because of an unfortunate accident. ‘Misadventure.’ Everyone agreed. Except Liz, whose curious gaze was drawn to Ginny.

  Others held their own opinions, but remained silent. Cyrus believed that Jack, by one means or another, may have speeded his mother’s exit from this world.

  Maureen believed the same. She and Cyrus had cause to suspect Jack. But there was nothing to be gained from opening old wounds. Katherine was gone. Jack would be left in peace. Maybe it was all for the best.

  Everyone stood for the coroner to leave. Afterwards, they filed out of the room. Jack would have hurried away, but Cyrus cornered him. ‘I never wanted her to trace you in the first place,’ he confessed, ‘but you know your mother. You know how she is.’ He was shocked to find himself referring to Katherine as though she was still with them. ‘Was,’ he corrected, ‘you know how she was.’

  Half-expecting Katherine to suddenly appear through one of the doors, Jack glanced round the room. Satisfied that she was safely out of the way, hopefully for ever, he returned his attention to the other man. ‘She’s dead now,’ he said in a strange flat voice. ‘That’s how it should be.’

  Maureen could not let that go without comment. ‘Shame on ye,’ she reprimanded. ‘Ye’re a bitter, unforgiving man.’

  Liz drew her aside. ‘What happened between Jack and his mother?’ she asked. ‘I need to know.’

  Glancing furtively to where the two men were still talking, Maureen answered, ‘Sure, it’s Jack’s place to tell ye.’

  ‘He’s told me they had a fierce argument… that she wanted him to join the family firm and tried to run his life. He’s told me all that.’

  Maureen gave a sigh of relief. ‘Well, then?’

  ‘I think he’s holding something back.’

  ‘I don’t know what ye mean.’

  ‘Neither do I,’ Liz reluctantly admitted. ‘It’s just that he told so many lies. I don’t know if he’s telling the truth now. I don’t know if I can trust him any more.’

  Katherine was strong in Maureen’s mind just then. Her heart was saying, ‘Oh, Katherine! Katherine! Ye have a great deal to answer for.’ Her voice was issuing reassurances: ‘Ye must believe Jack,’ she begged, telling her only what she wanted to hear. ‘Everything he’s told ye is the truth. Even to the very end, Katherine Louis was a strong-minded woman. But in her younger days she was a formidable creature. Jack is much like her. They were always pulling two ways. I believe there was a little jealousy there too. Though Jack was always at odds with his mother, he adored his grandmother.’ Here she paused, her mind reliving the crippling memories. Her heart turning with horror. ‘That’s possibly why he named yer firstborn after her.’

  ‘Was that for love of his grandmother, or to spite his own mother?’

  Maureen laughed softly. It was a mirthless sound. ‘A man has many reasons for doing what he does,’ she said vaguely. A woman too, she thought. There was no more complex and terrifying mind than that of a woman.

  Liz recalled the things Jack had told her. ‘He spoke of his grandmother. I believe she was very beautiful?’

  ‘Virginia was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Intelligent too.’ And dangerously impulsive, she thought, her pretty eyes hardening with a kind of rage. ‘She was also her own worst enemy.’ Visions of twisted and tortured bodies came to mind. She shuddered. It was all too late now. For the victims. For the murderer. There was no denying it. Katherine’s late mother must have been deranged to do what she did.

  Aware that Liz was scrutinising her, she went on in a brighter voice, ‘It grieved me to see how mother and son drifted apart. I loved Katherine like she was my own family. But she was not the easiest person to live with.’ She chuckled. ‘She could start an argument from nothing, make ye feel thoroughly miserable, and it would be you that ended up apologising.’ Thoughts of their last row rippled through her mind.

  ‘You’ll miss her.’

  ‘Like ye’ll never know,’ Maureen answered. Yes, she would miss her. But, unlike Katherine, she refused to dwell in the past. Now, to save Jack more heartache, she had to tell half-truths. Not the whole truth, for that would never do. ‘I’ve never met such a stubborn woman,’ she said. ‘Katherine was determined Jack would go into the family business. He, on the other hand, was just as determined she would not rule his life. They clashed badly. In the bitter feud that followed, Katherine publicly disowned him.’

  Liz was astounded. ‘That’s a terrible thing for a mother to do to her own son.’ Now she was beginning to understand. Still, there was a little nagging doubt.

  Maureen went on, eager to mend a rift that was already appearing between Jack and his wife. Fear was a terrible thing. And hatred. And love. Maureen had seen it all before, and she knew, better than most. If history was to repeat itself, it would be a tragic thing.

  ‘I believed the bad feelings between Jack and his mother could never be healed,’ Maureen explained, ‘but old age has a way of mellowing things, so it has. Well now, it was only a matter of time before Katherine relented. When she said she meant to find Jack, I told her then it was wrong. I warned her that Jack may not have forgiven her.’ Her eyes closed with sorrow. ‘I was right, wasn’t I?’

  Liz bowed her head. ‘He didn’t even want to attend the inquest.’

  ‘Then I don’t suppose he’ll travel an ocean to attend the funeral.’

  ‘Of course. You’ll want to take her home to be buried.’

  ‘Her brother would want that.’ She glanced towards Cyrus. ‘I think we should say our goodbyes now,’ she suggested.

  As they rejoined Jack and his uncle, Jack’s voice rang out: ‘It doesn’t matter to me whether she’s changed her will or not. I wanted nothing from her twenty years ago, and I want nothing now!’

  In an effort to calm him down, Liz threaded her arm through his. ‘Lower your voice, sweetheart. The girls are listening.’ Lianne was seated on a nearby bench. Ginny was pacing the floor, head down, seeming not to be listening, while all the time her avaricious soul swallowed every precious word.

  Comforted by the touch of Liz’s hand, Jack turned to gaze on his wife. His features softened at her encouraging smile. She had called him ‘sweetheart’ for the first time since his mother knocked on their door. ‘Let’s go home,’ he suggested. ‘We don’t belong here.’

  Cyrus put out his hand. ‘Can’t we at least part friends?’

  For a moment Jack was unsure. Though Maureen and Cyrus were no more responsible for the atrocities than he was, he did hold them responsible for invading his life. ‘You knew I needed to escape,’ he accused in a low harsh voice. ‘All I ever wanted was a life of my own. Yet you allowed her to find me.’ His eyes conveyed a message only they could understand. ‘Now you see what’s happened?’ What had happened was that the killing had started all over again. What had happened was his mother was dead. And he did not believe it was an accident.

  It was Maureen who spoke
then. ‘Jack. Calm yourself.’ Addressing a half-smile to Liz, who was feeling out of her depth, she told them both, ‘Cyrus and I have to make arrangements to take Katherine home. If ye feel able, we would dearly love to see ye before we return.’

  Jack was astonished by her intervention. Maureen seemed suddenly to be taking charge. Cyrus was the master, Maureen the servant. Yet it was she who spoke with greater authority. ‘Are you speaking for my uncle?’ he asked coolly. When he was small he had loved Maureen. Now he was afraid to trust any of them.

  ‘Sure, I’m getting above myself.’ With the flicker of a smile she stepped back a pace, giving Cyrus leeway.

  ‘Maureen only says what we both feel,’ Cyrus confirmed. ‘This family has suffered enough. It’s time to build bridges, don’t you think? Your mother wanted that, and so do I.’

  ‘Then you’ll be disappointed.’ His manner was threatening. ‘You know why I ran, and you know why I can’t go back.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to go back. All I’m asking is that we stop being strangers.’

  Jack would have liked that too. He would have liked for them to be a family. In all the years he had felt only half a man, as though something very precious was missing from his life. Now he just wanted to forget. If only he had not been born. Never known his grandmother. Never seen what he had seen. Never been the son of Katherine Louis. ‘Go home,’ he murmured bitterly. ‘Take your sister with you, and don’t come back.’ He was happy she was dead. Sad too. It was a lonely feeling. ‘As long as I live, I never want to see you again.’ His green eyes bored into Cyrus’ face. Then he looked at Maureen, and saw that she knew he would never forgive. ‘Either of you,’ he said. These were the last words he would ever speak to them.

  Cyrus appeared hurt by Jack’s hostility. ‘I warned your mother, but, as always, she wouldn’t listen. But now that you’re found, I don’t want you to cut us out of your life again, Jack.’ His gaze wandered to where Ginny and Lianne were waiting. ‘You have a delightful family, and with your blessing I’d like to get to know them.’