The Magical Book of Wands

by Raven M. Williams

  In your cage, you were little more than an exotic pet to me. I could only lament at the unfairness of not being able to pet you.

  Once more, I hadn’t realized what my body was up to until your eyes ignited the feeling of my hand tracing the full outer curve of my breast. I dropped my own hand away, feeling breathless.

  “What are you doing to me?” I asked, accusing you this time.

  “I don’t know,” you murmured in mockery of my own simple words, those arresting cobalt eyes scrutinizing me.

  Whatever it was, it came dangerously close to getting me caught and I barely had time to escape when I heard footsteps approaching.

  The descent had been single-minded, every remaining effort going towards the return to my chambers. I would have fallen into bed immediately, but it would be anticlimactic to have made it that far only to have Orphes wake to find me suspiciously filthy. I dared a bit of magic to cleanse myself before crawling into bed with the body I intended to use while thinking of my human mage.

  If only he knew I was thinking of you when I had reached for the soft extension of his manhood to rouse him. He had shown no small surprise at the vigor of my need that morning. I was only glad I had never learned your name or I might have screamed it.

  I had collapsed into a deep sleep after that, not even caring that it was plenty suspicious to need so much sleep after having supposedly slept. The bastards had done well to slowly drain me in my confinement in Saranel, waiting until the last possible tormenting moment to let me recharge, so I could excuse it as recuperative.

  I thought of little else but what I could do next. Despite the urge to make good on my promise to free you, I knew that I had to be more cautious than ever if I had any hope of doing so.

  It would not be easy figuring out where your wand was hidden, but I would have to do that first. I clearly did not have the power to free you, not when the ascent alone had left me so weak, or I would have then. As Moonglow Tower was the night we met, the other tower would be guarded, the auras of its guardians ablaze, different magical wards to consider. It still left me with no other choice but to figure out how to get your wand to you. My escort would never let me achieve full power before hauling me back to Saranel and nothing shy of that would allow me to free you.

  There was only so much skulking around I could do and there was no one I could trust. If I had had any friends in Asphodel before my marriage, that trust had been destroyed simply due to the months I had spent under the taint of Saranel. Straddling Light and Dark had made me grey, outcast to everyone.

  Even though there were Grey in the Dark Courts, not even the Dark Fae wanted them near. Nasty creatures, those.

  Despite your distrust, Vincent, it wasn’t the same as the distrust my own kind showed me. I might have been lost in the eyes of the Fae, but you represented yet another hope that I could be redeemed to someone.

  Even my own father looked at me differently, but then he had carried his own guilt for trapping me in a political marriage where he had to witness my marital rape. Even if it was Fae tradition, my husband’s cruelty was not. Humans might attribute it as continued ‘trauma’ but there was no trauma there. It might not have been ideal to be taken under those conditions, but I can’t say it surprised me that much. Besides, I had already forgiven my father. I understood the hard decisions he made for the sake of his people and my struggles were my own, but it also made us strangers. We were cordial, but little else. He could not help me and I would not ask him to, which left us with little else to talk about beyond small talk and fae absolutely hate small talk.

  All the same, I had continued my appearances in his Court, moved through all of it mechanically, glad only for the distance of duty that freed my thoughts to my single-minded mission.

  If nothing else, I had learned the value of compartmentalizing what I showed of myself. In the back of my mind, there would come a day where I could be ‘myself’ again so I could justify the masks I would have to wear. I didn’t realize some masks just wore out and could never be worn again, but it wasn’t a hard lesson. You might lose the original face, but you could always make better masks and I did that very well.

  Yes, even with you, Vincent, and I am so sorry, yet I would not have done things differently even now.

  Sorry, not sorry, as the humans would say. If it makes you feel any better, I have never been so close to my true self as I was with you.

  Ah, there is just so much to say that I’m wandering off track too much.

  Looking for your wand proved discouraging and the inevitability of your execution weighed more heavily on my course of action. Without anyone to trust, I could only act on the few hours where Orphes was sleeping. Even then, it was only a matter of time before he became suspicious or worse, caught onto what I was up to.

  In desperation for answers, I turned to the Palace libraries and had locked onto an old magic, one that was whispered with reservation even among the Dark Fae.

  Homunculus.

  If I could make the abomination into some sort of doppelgänger of myself, it could stand in for me while I had more freedom to move around...

  Making the creature had proven to be the easy part however. Making it a substitute for me mentally was another story. Fae always had a full retinue of glamor magic at their disposal, but there was no magic for intelligence and the homunculus was, let’s face it, stupid as fuck.

  I only needed it for one purpose—to stand in for me during the day and distract my escort enough to slip in. The perception of my despondency up to that point could be used to my advantage. Even though I would have to be sparing with its use as well, I could get by with making it appear to be sad, make it pretend to read a lot of books and if asked a question, it would shake its head and cry. Basically, anything to keep the damned thing from talking, even if it did make me look weak and defeated. My ego would survive the bruises the homunculus would make. Although if it spoke, my ego might not survive that.

  Seriously, it was the dopiest, most embarrassing cacophony of noise I’d ever heard.

  In the same way that I couldn’t just break you out with my magic, my glamor magic would do little good using it on myself. The drain to my aura was already taxed to its limit through each piece of my efforts. I had never once thought of my power as a finite thing, but I had never tested it this much. It was a drain on my physical and mental energy as it was. It only remained for me to use a more human method of prosthetics and costume to disguise my own appearance.

  Of course, no amount of disguising myself would fool the mages and I had no doubt that no matter where his wand was stored, there would be more mages guarding it. Nevertheless, until I could locate where it was, it did me little good to look that far ahead just yet.

  It seemed that luck was on my side for a change and I was able to overhear the mages let slip their guard change at SeaStar Tower. I had nearly spilled the tea I was serving while pretending to be a maid in my excitement at such a breakthrough. If not for the already great effort to rein in my aura, I might have slipped. Experience had sobered me to the reality that it also could be no accident, so there was a healthy amount of skepticism that nagged not to be so sure it was a boon.

  It still didn’t change the fact that I had no more knowledge of how I would get any closer to the Tower, let alone your wand. It was far easier to ward objects than people and I didn’t have to reach out with my magic to feel that the whole damned tower was warded.

  Regardless of motive, I had been away from you too long and I was glad for the chance to see you again. I was stumped, but if there was any chance you had an answer, all the better for us both.

  Even with plenty of time to dress after seducing Orphes once more, I once more opted for nothing more than a silk robe. I might have gone to you stark-naked, but it would do very little for helping you stay focused on our plans.

  I knew when I had snuck in to see you that night that you hadn’t expected to see me back at all and you even seemed to distrust me more for my
absence, as if I had only now come back to drag you to the chopping block myself. I suppressed the wounded feeling; how could you know that I had spent every waking moment trying to keep my promise to you? Had literally gotten my hands dirty to dig up an ancient, disgusting magic to aid me...

  Once again, I knelt on the floor, silently begging you to forgive me.

  “You came back,” you said when words clearly failed me.

  I nodded because even that prompt had not afforded me confidence that you would not reject me.

  I hated that it mattered so much what you thought, but even though I was cruel enough to tell you I had entertained that idea of having you as a slave, in truth, I have always been in danger of being yours. Stop looking so surprised, Vince. You humans are the ones with the silly ideas for the power dynamics of love, not the fae.

  Even now, you’re taking over my story, so quit distracting me.

  Anyways, I was vulnerable and it took all my strength to admit to you what I said next.

  “I’m not sure how I can get to your wand without being discovered,” I blurted out, and it was clear you weren’t expecting that either.

  It was odd how quickly the tension dissolved in your posture when you leaned back against the wall, considering me.

  “Tell me what you’ve done so far,” you demanded.

  There was nothing like purpose for opening the floodgates with me and I did so, telling you all about the homunculus and the tower and the problem with my magic.

  You listened and nodded as I rambled on and I was relieved to see that you didn’t have the same stumped frown that I did; indeed, you looked almost exuberant with possibility.

  “Use the homunculus. You’ll need to take the glamor magic off and give it basic directives. Even if it is discovered, without your magic on it, they won’t trace it back to you,” you told me. It was true enough; homunculus were driven on grave magic, not my own innate Fae gifts.

  I bit my lip though, immediately seeing the problem there. Unglamorized homunculi looked like little more than grotesque skin suits vaguely shaped into something humanoid, so not only did they stand out, but...

  “If they do find it, you would be the one they would suspect,” I told him, genuine in my fear for what would surely expedite his execution.

  I saw your expression soften again and felt the blood rush to every erogenous zone. My eyes fell to your hands, my body screaming the injustice of that touch denied. When I met your eyes again, I was nearly incinerated by the heat of your own desire there.

  “That there is any chance at all is one worth taking,” you murmured and I knew those words held a deeper meaning for you as well. Despite the lust, it was the trust in those words that slammed through me. It took away whatever reservations, whatever risk of failure existed and restored something I thought had been in danger of blinking out: hope. In your eyes, I saw not only hope for yourself, or even me, but for us and I dared to believe in it, even without any possible rational course to take.

  I sucked the side of my bottom lip in to quell the tidal wave threatening to overwhelm me and simply nodded in agreement. Even then I struggled to rein in that Pandora’s Box of trouble. I rose to stand, but my legs had grown too weak and without thinking I grabbed the bars to catch myself.

  The surge exploded through me, but once the initial blow had passed, I could tolerate it, even if my robe had not survived it. It was a barrier I didn’t want between us anyway. I had long trained to withstand pain in the twisted trysts of my own marriage and this was child’s play in comparison. I did not need to fake the pleasure I felt at the languid sweep of your eyes over my naked form.

  Beyond the pain, I felt your hands cover mine, heard you cry out in anguish. Like me, you endured the pain for the pleasure of my flesh beneath it.

  “Get out of here...” you told me, grimacing yet reluctant to let go.

  The mages would have known that the barrier had been tested so thoroughly and would be coming along to check. I nodded and hurried away, once more looking forward to the day my steps would be carrying me towards you again. I laughed at the taste of freedom and the feel of the wind passing over my exposed skin, not even caring how temporary this victory was.

  As you had suggested, I had gone to great lengths to research the directives I would give to the homunculus. The simple arrangement of words proved more difficult to narrow down than it would be to fill a tome. It would have to account for the empty mind that would have no instincts to act outside of its commands.

  I imprinted the creature and draped it in the most inconspicuous but concealing cloak I could manage before sending it off. My ears never burned so much after that, waiting to hear some report that the disgusting thing had been found or that its failure was blamed on the prisoner and all hope of possible escape would die with you on the chopping block.

  Figuratively of course because Fae didn’t go to such crude measures. It would be much more practical to sap away your aura. It would be a waste not to take advantage of all of that power, human or not.

  I couldn’t believe my fortune when a couple days later, that sad sack of skin was placing your wand in my hand.

  It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, something I never would have expected coming from any human, yet here it was. I was almost reluctant to return it and I almost blushed as I stroked the surface, thinking of it as yet another extension of you.

  First things first, I glamoured the homunculus once more. Its present state very nearly spoiled the beauty of your wand in my hand. It had done what I told it to do, so I very nearly loved the terrible thing right then. Not enough to glamor it to look like you and really love it. I didn’t judge the ones possessing that fetish, but no amount of glamor could fool me into denying what was really beneath it.

  However, Gods love the ones who did because they brought me yet another gift I never could have suspected the value of then.

  Ahem, first things first.

  Once more, I had planned to wait a few days, but your sentence had been passed and I had nearly crumpled at the news that you were to be executed in the morning.

  It was only by the virtue of hope that I had bothered to reprogram the homunculus, not only to look like me and continue on with the simple theatrics, but I gave it a great deal of my own power and a secret objective that it might never need. I dressed in a gown this time, whether it was to say goodbye or another purpose altogether I didn’t know. My rational brain told me I could never walk away from my people, but the little devil on my shoulder told me that technically I wasn’t going to. Regardless, I apologized to a sleeping Orphes before I went, cringing as the homunculus crawled into bed with him.

  It didn’t bear to think of my poor lover mistaking it for me, but I also hoped for just that. Call it payback for all of the times he had paralyzed me in Saranel.

  Once more, I climbed Moonglow Tower in a last-ditch effort to free you.

  As terrified as I was, I found my first great victory in watching whatever barriers you still felt towards me crumble away when I pulled the wand out of my dress pocket. I reached out my hand to poke it through, but you threw up your hands in warning.

  “No,” you ordered harshly. “Not yet. The minute it passes through, we will only have an instant to react.”

  I blushed at my own carelessness but nodded. They would have made it so that the wand joining its owner would spirit them there in an instant and I cursed myself for overlooking that. Just when I was praising myself for my ingenuity with the homunculus, I was damn near botching the whole thing in one careless moment. It sobered me enough to realize I might have hoped for too much. I had to let him go.

  “I... should leave it close enough for you to reach and go then,” I said, hating not the cowardice in those words, but the sadness behind them.

  What would my life be without this adventure? No, what would it be without you? I couldn’t afford to hesitate here, but I was stuck unless I knew for sure.

  In those moments, I
could see the soft lilac glow on my skin. I cursed the timing. It wasn’t up to me, stupid heart! It couldn’t be right; you weren’t Fae, didn’t even know that glow meant you were my soulmate. I held my tongue against the pain of that secret, prepared to lose you forever as long as you were safe. I knew then that if I went with you, you never would be. I was prepared to endure the pain alone until—

  “Come with me,” you said, and I knew you meant it. I had been drawn to you even when you hated me, but the change I saw there now undid me.

  Still, I shook my head, trying to make you see reason even as I was losing my battle with it so completely.

  “They’ll never stop looking for me. As long as you don’t return, they’ll leave you alone,” I told you, my voice cracking as I said it.

  No, the truth is, I was being a coward. I already made sure they couldn’t find me. I was afraid you would change your mind and I would have given up all I was for a man that didn’t love me. You could never glow to reassure me...

  Your eyes searched mine, but your smile was what told me you had already made up your mind.

  “It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” you assured and defeated me in one fell stroke.

  So much had happened in the moment the wand touched your hand that even in hindsight still passes in a blur. I barely caught a glimpse of the mages appearing as I felt you pull me against you and spirit us away from there.

  It wasn’t courage even then. I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you when I had made up my mind to go with you. My nights had so long been filled with the fear that you would want to send me back or feel the guilt or be disgusted by what I am.

  No, I’m rushing too far ahead again, but the fact that I am telling you this now only makes the old wounds fresh. Now I open myself to a rejection all the more painful for the life we shared as humans. It is only my selfishness that begs you to hear me to the bitter end. I have one last weapon to wield in my defense.