Finding Emma

by Steena Holmes

  Hannah squeezed her hand three times, their silent message in their family. I. Love. You. Megan glanced down and smiled. The worried look in Hannah’s eyes was still there.

  “What have we told you girls about stray dogs?” Peter looked over his shoulder at Hannah, a frown on his face.

  Hannah’s head dropped down to her chest and her feet shuffled along the sidewalk.

  “But I thought it was old Mr. Patterson’s dog. Honest. I didn’t go near it,” she whispered. She glanced up at Megan. “Not like last time.”

  Megan rubbed her thumb over the scars on Hannah’s hand as her daughter tightened her grip.

  “I know. We were just worried. Did you thank Mrs. Temple for walking you so far?” Megan made a mental note to write her a thank you note.

  “I did. She said not to worry about it. Today was difficult enough and you didn’t need to be worried about us walking home alone.” Hannah bit her lip and readjusted the backpack slung over her shoulder.

  “That was nice of her,” Megan said as they walked up the driveway. Peter and Alexis had already entered the house, but Hannah continued to drag her feet.

  “What’s up, kiddo?”

  “Nothing.” Hannah stared at the ground as her feet shuffled against the pavement.

  “Are you sure?” Megan placed her arm around her daughter’s slender frame and squeezed. Today was a hard day for everyone all around.

  “Mom, I…” Hannah’s shoulders slumped, “can we talk in private?”

  Megan’s heart sank at the worry in Hannah’s voice. “Sure we can. Let’s go sit on the swing in the back.”

  Alexis stuck her head out the front door and held the cordless phone up high.

  “Grandma’s on the phone.”

  Megan sighed. Talking to her mom wasn’t something she wanted to deal with right now.

  “Tell her I’ll call her back,” she called out.

  Alexis shook her head. “Nope. Grandma says she wants to talk to you. No excuses this time either.”

  Megan’s eyebrow rose as she glared at her daughter. “Excuse me?”

  Alexis shrugged her shoulder and grinned. “That’s what Grandma said to say.”

  Megan closed her eyes and groaned. For a woman who drilled into her children to always respect your elders, she sure did a fine job of teaching her grandkids.

  “We’ll talk after, okay?” Megan leaned down and placed a kiss on top of Hannah’s head.

  She didn’t understand why Hannah rolled her eyes. She pursed her lips to keep from snapping at her. She grabbed the phone out of Alexis’s hand instead and watched Hannah swing her backpack off her shoulder and drag it on the ground.

  Megan waited until the kids were inside the house before she sat down on one of the front porch chairs and raised the phone to her ear.

  “Well it’s about time. How are you holding up, Megan? Your dad and I are thinking of you today.”

  “We’re fine, thanks for asking.” Megan leaned back in the chair.

  “Well, I just didn’t want you to think we forgot Emma's birthday.”

  “I know you wouldn’t have. Why don’t we do lunch this week?” Megan asked. “It’s been a while and I’m in the mood for some good Chinese food.”

  “It’s only been a while because you never call anymore. Nor do you return any of my emails or comment on that new fancy webpage you set up for me on that book thing.”

  “Facebook, Mom. It’s called Facebook.” An intense pounding started in Megan’s head.

  “I'm worried about you. You run yourself ragged trying to do everything. Just don’t fall back into old habits. You know, get depressed and everything again.” Sheila whispered the word depressed as though the word itself was evil.

  Megan wanted to laugh. If only her mother knew.

  “I’m not depressed.”

  “Are you sure? I’m worried,” Sheila said. Again.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” A wave of heaviness settled over Megan’s body as she said goodbye and hung up the phone. Peter opened the front door and stuck his head out.

  “What’d she want?”

  Megan shook her head, stood from the chair. “Nothing important.”

  Of course Emma would come home. That wasn’t even a question. Megan’s whole purpose in life was to make sure their daughter came home. It’s why she organized the assemblies, handed out the fliers and wrote for online media’s about missing children. To bring her daughter home. She knew the statistics, better than she should. Over 800,000 children are reported missing every single year. Megan refused to believe her daughter was a statistic.

  She couldn’t be. Emma was still alive, she knew it. A mother's heart would know if her child was dead or not. There was a special connection, a bond. That bond was still there.

  Megan stood up on shaking legs.

  So why didn’t she feel the connection anymore?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “Hey, Mom.”

  Megan forced a smile as she entered the large, sunny kitchen.

  Hannah and Alexis were perched at the island bar. Alexis sat with her bar stool tipped backwards so her chest met her knees whereas Hannah sat straight as a rod on hers. The two girls were so opposite of each other, in looks and in temperament, yet they were only sixteen months apart. Alexis nibbled on her brown shoulder-length hair, an annoying habit Megan couldn’t stand. She stood behind them and placed her hands on both backs.

  With Alexis, she added a bit of strength, forcing her stool back onto four feet. When Alexis glanced up, Megan quirked her eyebrow and waited for her daughter to sit proper on her stool. Megan wouldn’t even begin to count the number of times Alexis had tipped that stool over because she leaned too far back. One hospital trip and five stitches to the head was enough for one lifetime.

  “So tell me, how was school?” She peeked over their shoulders. Alexis worked on a science assignment, a subject she found difficult, and Hannah doodled on a math worksheet.

  “Boring.” Alexis bit on the end of her pencil while her head was tilted backwards. “Can't wait till it's over.”

  “So who walked the other group of kids home today? Do you know?” The first school to implement Megan’s Walk Home Alone program was the girls. There were five parent volunteers so far to help with the routes.

  “Erica’s mom,” Alexis muttered. Megan knew from the tone that Alexis didn’t like her. For some reason Alexis didn’t get along with Mrs. Johnston. But, the woman had a heart of gold.

  “Nice outfit.” Megan crossed her arms as she took in Alexis’ black skull shirt and short skirt.

  Alexis glanced down at her clothing and red stained her cheeks. What? Did she not think Megan would say anything?

  “I like it,” Alexis mumbled.

  “But it’s not what you had on this morning, is it? Did you think I wouldn’t notice? You kind of stood out in the crowd, Alex, with your bright lime green sweater.”

  Alexis folded her arms across her body and sulked.

  “It’s only clothing, Mom. Besides, Grandma says I’m unique and I need to show the world that I’m an original.”

  “And did Grandma tell you it was okay to disobey your parents, go behind their back and change clothes at school?” If Sheila dearest were here right now, she’d realize her worries about depression were overrated. Anger, now that would be a different story.

  At least her daughter had the decency to lower her head in shame.

  “No.”

  “Didn’t think so,” Megan said. She squeezed Alexis’ shoulder before turning. Hannah's gaze never left her science paper. Megan placed her arms around Hannah's body, and pulled until she rested against her chest. It took a moment, but Hannah relaxed her hard posture and melted against her body.

  Megan placed her cheek against Hannah's hair.

  “Hard day?” said Megan.

  Hannah nodded. Megan glanced up at Peter who stood with his back against the stove. He shrugged his shoulder.

  “I ordered pizza on my way home,”
Peter said. No one answered. Pizza was Emma's favorite meal.

  “Maybe we could go get some ice cream later?” Megan walked over to the sink. Breakfast dishes still sat in the cold, murky water. The mundane task seemed easy to follow, anything to keep her mind off what today signified. She held her cold fingers under the flow of hot water, and listened to the quiet chatter of her daughters as they worked through their homework.

  A hand settled on her shoulder.

  “Want help?” Peter held a tea towel in his hand.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Augh,” Hannah's voice caught her attention.

  Megan turned and faced her daughter. Hannah had pushed her books away and held a pencil in her hand. Her long blond hair framed against her face and her big blue eyes shimmered with tears.

  Hannah's chin wobbled.

  “What's the matter?”

  “Stupid math.” Hannah’s shoulders slumped. Megan crossed the room, grabbed the book and scanned it.

  “It's the same question as the one above it, just worded differently.” She looked into her daughter's eyes and moved to give her a hug.

  Hannah swiveled her stool so she faced outwards and held out her arms. Huge sobs wracked her body as she clung to Megan.

  “Hannah honey, it's okay. Shhh, it’s going to be okay,” said Megan, her voice soft as she held her eldest daughter in her arms.

  The doorbell rang. When Peter left the room, Megan pulled away from her daughter and lifted her chin so she could look in her eyes.

  “What's wrong?”

  Hannah's body jumped as she hiccupped through her tears. Alexis, who still sat on the stool beside Hannah, giggled. Megan gave her a look and nodded her head towards the living room. After Alexis jumped down and ran to the other room, Megan grabbed the stool and pulled it close to her child. Hannah, with a tentative reach, touched Megan's hand and grabbed hold.

  “I miss her.”

  Hannah’s voice was so low Megan almost didn't catch the words. Her heart lurched as she took in her daughter's demeanor. While Megan felt broken, Hannah looked it. Hannah shrunk inside herself, her shoulders hunched forward, her chest slouched and dark circles hung under her eyes.

  “I really miss her, Mom.”

  “So do I honey, so do I,” Megan said. Their whole family hurt. Emma's disappearance created crevices deep within their souls.

  “But it's my fault. Mom, it's my fault Emma’s gone.”

  Megan bit her lip. They’d gone over this time and time again. Hannah refused to accept that it wasn’t her fault. Maybe it was time to take her back to the family counselor.

  *****

  “I knew this was a mistake,” Peter grumbled as they pulled into the crowded parking lot of the local ice cream parlor. Lights blazed through the windows and the tables were filled with others on a quest for the best ice cream in town.

  “So was the pizza. But you didn’t hear anyone complain, did you?” Megan said.

  “Yes! Mackenzie's here.”

  Megan glanced in the back of the Jeep. Alexis bounced in her seat. Megan knew the moment the jeep stopped Alexis would be out the door.

  “Tone it down, chum. She's not going anywhere,” said Peter.

  Megan almost jumped when Peter’s hand touched hers. In the midst of taking her seatbelt off, she glanced up and saw the worry in his eyes.

  “We’re not staying long, right?”

  Megan shook her head.

  “Long enough to enjoy our ice cream, why?”

  Peter grabbed her hand and entwined his fingers with hers.

  “I’m just not in the mood to socialize.”

  Megan furrowed her brows at him. Neither was she, but that's not why they came. She glanced into the parlor and saw couples they were friends with, people they had over for coffee and a barbeque, shared a picnic with during Alexis’ soccer tournaments and Hannah’s swim meets.

  “Then don’t.”

  Megan climbed out of the Jeep and left Peter there, alone.

  Inside the store, Megan stopped at the first booth where an elderly couple known as Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Herb shared a banana split.

  “How are you doing, dearie?” Kathy reached her hand out and patted Megan’s arm.

  The couple was so sweet, sitting in the booth across from each other, making love eyes toward one another.

  “I’m good. Thanks for asking,” Megan beamed a bright smile and hoped Kathy was too high on sugar to notice the false ring to her voice.

  “You know, Herbie and I were just thinking about your family. How hard today must be. But don’t you be giving up hope, you hear? Your sweet baby will come home. I know it in my bones.” Kathy nodded her head while Herb pounded the table in agreement.

  “That’s right. And you know if Kate here feels it in her bones, then God’s speaking to her. Mark her words, that little girl will be home before you know it.” Herb grunted before he spooned a big glob of ice cream into his mouth.

  “Of course she will be,” said Megan. A shiver tiptoed across her back and she shuddered. From their lips to God’s ears, that’s how the saying went, wasn’t it?

  Megan took a few steps before she found herself at the back of the line. She glanced around for her daughters and a momentary flight of panic gripped her heart before she found them seated beside friends in the booth by the corner.

  It was good to see them smile. Both girls had been sullen throughout dinner, but Megan couldn’t blame them. Was celebrating Emma’s birthday this year the right thing to do? Maybe Peter had been right. There wasn’t much to rejoice about. Emma wasn’t here to blow out her candles or even to make a wish. Did she even know it was her birthday today? Was she happy?

  Megan choked back a sob before she remembered where she was. In a crowded store where everyone stared at her, waiting to see if she would break.

  She stiffened her shoulders and straightened her back before she noticed the small tug on her purse. When she glanced down, Johnny, from the assembly this afternoon, stood there with a bright smile on his face.

  “Mrs. Taylor?” His toothless grin beamed up at her. The ice in her heart started to melt. How could it not with a grin like that?

  “Mrs. Taylor, it’s my birthday today, did you know that?”

  Johnny’s words surprised her. She had no idea the boy shared Emma’s birthday.

  She bent down until she was at his height and gave him a gentle hug.

  “Happy birthday, Johnny. May all your wishes come true,” she whispered into his ear.

  Johnny pulled away and his face flushed.

  “They did. Now it’s your turn. My mom said I could give you this.”

  Megan glanced down at the chubby hands covered in chocolate ice cream. Carried in his palm was a white candle.

  He pushed his hand closer towards her face until the candle was right beneath her nose.

  “You gotta wish on it, Mrs. Taylor,” he said with a serious face.

  Megan stared at the tiny white candle. There was nothing special about it. Ten to one his mom bought it at the grocery store. Yet he believed it was a magic candle.

  She glanced over to where Johnny’s family sat in a booth. They all stared at her. The people of Kinrich had such good hearts, she was proud to call this town home.

  “I will. I promise.” She ruffled his shaggy hair before he took off back to his ice cream.

  “Promise what?”

  Peter stood behind her.

  “That I would wish on this magic candle for Emma to come home,” Megan held out the candle for him to see.

  “Like that’s going to work,” Peter’s gaze swept over the innocent candle in her hand before he peered into the floor display filled with tubs of ice cream.

  Megan fisted the candle and placed it in her jean pocket. She should have just brought the girls and left him at home.

  Johnny’s wish came true because his parents were determined to see him happy. Who knows? Maybe Megan’s wish would come true too then. God still answer
ed prayers right?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “What took you so long?” Laurie jogged on the spot at the entrance to the town park situated in the middle of down town where she and Megan met every morning. A strand of loose blond hair fell over her eyes. She blew it away and tapped her wristwatch.

  Megan shrugged her shoulders and passed her friend. Victoria Park was half way between both their houses and right across from the lake. Most mornings she enjoyed the colorful display as the sun rose over the water, the reflection that danced amongst the waves as she ran through the park. Kinrich was known for its gorgeous sunrises. But today all she wanted was a hot cup of coffee. It had taken a couple nudges from Peter before she worked up the energy to get out of bed.

  “Hey, wait up,” Laurie called out.

  Megan shook her head. She needed to run today, to work off the steam that still boiled inside. Last night's emotional roller coaster carried over to today. Peter refused to say one word to her all night after he saw her holding the candle when they’d returned home. Their marriage hadn’t been the same since Emma’s disappearance. The gulf between them continued to spread until Megan didn’t know if there was a bridge long enough to mend the gap.

  Megan glanced to her left. Laurie had caught up. They made it to the other side of the park in silence, but as they waited for the crosswalk light, Laurie passed her and stopped directly in her path. Her eyes shot daggers not even Megan could match on her worst days. A glare from Laurie was never a good thing. For one, it made Laurie's face bunch up into an ugly scowl, and if there were anything Laurie hated the most, it was to look ugly. For another, Laurie was honest to a fault. Sometimes too much. Megan wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear what her best friend was about to say.

  “What's going on?” Megan shook her head and looked to the side.

  “How did last night go?”

  Megan pursed her lips. She wished the light would change so they could continue their run down to the beach. The thought of running on the sand, the exhaustion that would set in her muscles afterwards set her pulse racing. It was either that or the thought of rehashing last night’s events.