by Alexis Gold
At first he didn't know quite what to do; he was taken aback by her suddenness, but then she held on, and on, and on. His worries about what she was doing and why she was doing it, began to drift away and after a while, he was just there in her embrace, and he let himself feel it, let himself be wrapped up in it, and let himself feel the warmth of physical affection from another human.
His arms closed tightly around her and he held her in return. It almost broke his heart.
He realized it had been ages since he had been held and hugged by someone who cared about him. So long since anyone had held him so close. And it had been just as long since he had been able to hold anyone else and share affection. He felt hot tears roll down his cheeks as his body trembled in her arms.
She began to cry silently with him, holding him tightly as he let go of years of pain and loneliness. After a long while, just embracing each other and letting it all out, he loosened his arms from around her just a little, and whispered in her ear, "You don't have to keep holding me if you want to let go."
Cami smiled and whispered back, "My grandma taught me to never be the one to let go first, because you never know how much the other person needs to be hugged."
He held her closer to him and kissed her cheek by her ear. "Thank you," he said softly.
Then he let a little laugh escape him. "You know, if everyone hugged like that, no one would ever let go."
"Wouldn't that be a beautiful world,” she said with a smile, and kissed his cheek in return. Her breath and her lips were warm on his skin and he closed his eyes, feeling all her kindness and comfort, breathing her sweet scent in and finding himself whole in the soft feel of her body against his. He truly could not remember the last time he had felt so close to anyone. He turned his head slightly and pressed his lips softly to her cheek, and in that gentle kiss, he tasted her tears. His breath grew shallow and his heart began to pound in his chest.
"Why are you crying?" he asked quietly, his words touching her skin.
She whispered back to him, her words on his cheek, "My heart hurt at finding someone so lonely." She closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his skin, slowly and softly. "How long has it been since anyone held you? Just... held you?" she whispered, moving her mouth across his jaw, nearer to his mouth.
He closed his eyes. "I can't remember," he answered her, kissing her cheek as their lips neared one another. Just as they were about to taste each other, just as their lips were about to meet, the music stopped, and the sound of the ocean hushed their pounding hearts. The cold wind swirled around them as their warm breath mingled together on each other's lips.
Roman struggled against the current and with tremendous difficulty, he pulled his head away, taking a step back and looking down at her. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered, staring at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
Cami shook her head and lifted the corners of her mouth in a gentle smile for him. "No! Please don't apologize. We haven't done anything at all; we haven't done anything wrong. I just held you, that was all. And you held me back, and that's something that friends do. It's okay; there's no need to apologize. Please don't say you're sorry, unless you really, truly are."
He stared at her, standing there before him, her eyes kind, her heart wide open, loving, forgiving, helping, generous beyond measure, and he knew he didn't regret it at all. He hadn't felt cared for in ages, and he hadn't realized it until she had held him, as though he had been starved for affection for so long he didn't even know it when it was soaked into him, like a monsoon rain on a parched desert. He covered his mouth with his hands and smiled beneath his fingers, then let his fingers fall away from his face.
"I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry one bit." He reached for her and pulled her into another embrace. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you so much." Then he let her go and stepped away from her. She smiled through a tear at him and held his hand.
Roman lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers warmly with firm lips, and then he let her hand go. "I need to get to bed. Have a good night, beautiful Cami, and thank you so much." He shook his head at her. "You're an amazing woman." He turned and walked away from her, and as she watched his back disappear through the door to his room, she felt a piece of her heart go with him.
Roman showered and went to bed, his heart and his thoughts on nothing but Cami. When he finally fell asleep, he slept better than he had in years. Cami went to bed feeling sorry for him, wondering what kind of wife wouldn't want to be with him every single night. She knew in her heart that she had found a friend she wanted to keep.
The sun pulled them both out of bed, and each of them was showered and dressed, and out exploring the ship, both of them looking for the other one, neither one of them wanting to admit it to the other.
Allen found Roman before Cami did. He pulled Roman down to a deck chair beside him and covered his face and his sunglasses with his hand. "I made a huge mistake," he groaned.
Roman's mind shifted toward Allen and he looked at him through narrowed eyes. "I told you to be careful with Colette."
Allen nodded. "I know."
"What happened, did you fall for her?" Roman asked, with an air of disappointment.
"Not exactly." Allen looked left and then right, making sure no one was around them. "We were in the hot tub together and she was drinking a lot and I wasn't. She was talking about how she could never find good love and we were listening to the musicians play last night, and I don't know what came over me, but I just grabbed her and kissed her. Right out of the blue. She just went nuts and started kissing me back... and then we made out... and then she took me to her room and I woke up tangled in her sheets. She didn't want to let me go last night."
Roman tried to hold it in but he couldn't. "She wouldn't let go of you?"
Allen shook his head slowly. "No. She was like a vice grip on me. She told me she fell in love with me."
Roman laughed out loud then, but just as Allen looked at him in aggravation, a high pitched voice called down the deck toward them. "Oh pooooopsie! Poopsie, where are you? There you are!" Colette came tottering toward him on high-heeled sandals and pulled him up from his chair, wrapping her arms around him and walking him down the deck as he looked over his shoulder helplessly at Roman. Roman just laughed at him and shook his head.
Cami found him just before breakfast. He was sipping a cup of hot coffee at the back deck where they had spent their time together the night before.
"I thought I might find you here!" she said with a grin, reaching for him to hug him tightly. He hugged her back, holding her close and enjoying every moment of it with no guilt at all. After a long while, he let her go.
He looked at her and saw that she was dressed in a light peach sundress with white swirls throughout it. He grinned. "Peaches and cream. You look beautiful."
She turned in a circle and her wavy loose hair flew out around her, falling to her elbows when she stopped twirling before him. "Thank you. You look good too." She took in his white button up shirt, snug shorts and tanned sculpted legs with a smile.
"There's a buffet breakfast, would you like to get something to eat?" he asked, hoping she'd say yes. She nodded and took his arm as they headed into the dining room. They ate together at a small table on the deck, looking at the sea and the land as they sailed past it in a parallel line. They saw whales and dolphins playing in the water, and when they looked overboard later, they were thrilled to see schools of huge jellyfish as they passed by.
They spent the morning walking around the boat and talking. She showed him her stateroom, which was an identical match to Allen's, although hers was on the other side of the boat, and then he showed her his room, and she gushed at the incredible beauty of it. They walked out on his private deck and talked about many different aspects of their lives, enjoying each other's company, humor, wit, and kindness, as they sailed along in the sunshine.
Before they knew it, the boat had reached Cabo San Lucas, and they decided to go ashore and spend the afte
rnoon shopping in the little seaside town, talking with the Mexican people, admiring their wares, tasting their food and beer, and loving their music. It was magic for them both.
They swam in the waves and walked in the sand. Both Roman and Cami felt that their friendship had deepened considerably in no time at all. He bought each of them a silver bracelet, placing hers on her wrist and then she placed his on him, and they smiled at the old tradition of friends sharing matching tokens.
After a long day in the sun, sand, and sea, they went back to the boat and headed in separate directions, showering and napping, and agreeing to meet for dinner. Roman found her on the deck in their spot, just before dinner was served, and this night, when they sat beside each other, they were sharing stories of their day together in Cabo, and listening to everyone else tell their own tales. It was a night full of regalement and happiness.
Neither of them really wanted to spend any more time at the dining table than was necessary, and so they both skipped out early, and headed to the back deck of the boat. They were talking and laughing when they heard some of the others coming their direction, and not wanting to lose their time together, Roman led Cami quietly through his private door down the stairs into his room and they went out to his deck where they could have privacy in peace.
"I hope that's okay,” he said. "I just didn't want to visit with everyone else tonight. We'll be back in Carmel tomorrow, and then I'll go my way, and you'll go your way, and who knows when we will see each other again."
She shrugged. "Oh, I'm sure we'll run into each other at some point." She smiled and they both knew it was a long shot, and neither of them wanted to think about it, so they both looked at the sunset. Roman hated the feeling that he was going to lose the ability to see her after they returned.
He'd made a close friend, and it was going to slip away. The current between them pulled hard at him and he rose up off his chair and went to railing at the edge of the deck.
She stood up and went to stand beside him, pointing at the dolphins that were jumping in the brilliantly colored water of sunset as the sun sank into the ocean. "Don't hold on to the sadness. Just let it go,” she said sweetly. "We had a great time, didn't we? I know I'm never going to forget it." She nudged him with her shoulder and turned her head to look up at him, but his expression was serious and he pursed his lips.
"I don't want to let it go,” Roman said softly. "You're a great woman, Cami. I'm so damn lucky to call you my friend. You can't even begin to imagine what you gave back to me in the brief time we've been out here." He shook his head as his breath and his heart caught in his throat.
She turned him toward her and looked up at him. "Hey..." she said softly, taking his hands in hers, "it's alright. This was a powerful time for me, too. I was all broken up about some idiot and you and I found a way to heal together. That's huge."
He looked down into her lovely face and could not look away. "It is huge, and it should be enough. We should be able to walk away from this and not feel like we're losing. It just doesn't feel fair. It's like you woke me up, and I didn't even know I was asleep."
Cami shook her head. "You weren't asleep, you were just left alone for far too long."
"I don't want to be alone again," he said quietly, reaching his hand up to her cheek and running his finger along her cheekbone. Her eyes darkened and her mouth turned down in sadness.
"Please don't look like that..." he whispered, feeling the current suck him down into powerful depths. She lowered her eyes and he saw a tear roll down her cheek. He knew it was for both of them, and he brushed it away with his fingertips. Then he brushed the next tear away with the barest touch of his lips on her cheek, and then he succumbed to the current and let himself go. Their mouths met in a tentative kiss that began to catch fire almost immediately, burning away all the air in their lungs and the resistance in their bodies as they wrapped themselves around one another in a tight embrace.
She slid her arms around his neck, holding him to her, and he picked her up around the waist, hugging her to his body, their lips and tongues moving swiftly together. "I want you so much it hurts me..." he whispered. "I know this shouldn't happen..." He felt twinges of guilt in his heart, but she kissed them away and clung to him, feeling heat engulf them both.
"It's my choice too, and I want it as much as you do. I want to give you the love you've lived without for so long," she said, in between his kisses. He opened the sliding glass door and walked into his room with her wrapped around him, and closed the door behind him, then walked toward his bed.
“I know I've never known anything like this before." He stood her on her feet and slowly peeled her dress from her, staring at the swells of her breasts and the curves of her waist and hips. He ran his fingers over her lightly, tracing the lines of her, touching softly as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, breathing in the electric feel of it.
He pulled his own clothes off and lowered her to the king sized bed beneath them, touching her softly, tasting her, exploring every inch of her with his lips and tongue, with his hands and his body as she sighed sweetly in happiness, kissing him in return and curling herself around him.
Ramon could not get enough of the taste of her mouth or the feel of her body against his, and as she wrapped her legs around him, it took everything in him to pause and look at her in all seriousness.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked hoarsely. She nodded and pulled him to her breasts, "More than anything I have ever wanted.” She kissed his face, and then his lips. "Make love with me, Roman, please make love with me."
He closed his eyes and pushed himself inside her, feeling her tighten around him as he began to pump himself into her depths, and a rush of pleasure and passion such as he had never known, swept through him, and overwhelmed him so much that he had no thought in the whole world but here, right there, right then. They moved together, twisting and grasping, kissing, biting, clinging and moaning as their bodies locked together, and their orgasms made them hold desperately to each other, as she trembled in his arms and he flooded her with all that was in him. The energy in them dissipated and they laid back against the pillows, holding hands, kissing softly, and smiling in amazement at one another.
They were silent awhile, gazing at one another, neither one wanting to break the spell. Their soft, intermittent kisses became warm again, and then hot, and before long they were tangled in impassioned love again. It was three times that they lost themselves in each other before the sun came up, three times that they clung to one another and felt their worlds turn inside out. Then they fell asleep in the light of the new dawn, and when they went to shower together, they made love again, wishing they could hold on to every precious moment they had as the boat drew nearer their destination.
They dressed, and found their way back upstairs, trying to act like the friends that they had been before they found their way into each other's arms, and hoping that no one else noticed.
She left him for a short time, heading to her room to change her clothes and pack her bags. He packed his bags in his room and he heard a knock at the door. He knew it was her; he knew she needed him one more time, but when he opened the door, he saw Allen standing there looking like hell.
Roman blinked and stepped back. "What happened to you?" he asked, astounded at the state his friend was in.
"She didn't let me out of her room all weekend. I don't think I can even move." He walked over and sat on the edge of Roman's bed. "I should have stayed in here with you. I'd have gotten some sleep."
"Well, we'll be back in Carmel soon, so go shower and pack, and maybe you'll have time for a nap. Just lock your door and don't answer it." Roman chuckled a little at Allen, and sent him on his way down the hall. He looked past Allen to see if Cami was there, but she wasn't, so he closed the door and finished packing.
He was thinking of the transition. He was thinking that he would have to go home to Denise and he knew that he may never be the same again. There was a sharp kn
ock at his door and he knew it must be Allen.
"Come in," he hollered.
The door opened and Cami came in. She was wearing a slip of a dress and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the curves of her body that pressed against the material. He knew those curves, and it was all that he could do to raise his eyes to meet hers.
"This is goodbye, isn't it?" she asked, looking at him miserably. "You're going to go back to your wife, and your world, and I'm going to go back to mine, and that will be the end of it, won't it?" she whispered.
He shook his head. "No... we can... we can talk... we can..."
She shook her head back at him. "No, we can't. We live far enough apart that we won't run into each other. We won't be near each other. We won't be close enough to... do this again, and even if we were close, I don't want to be your mistress. I don't want to be an aside to your marriage. The best way to do this is to end it, and call it the best dream we ever had."
He frowned and furrowed his brow. "That's not enough!" he spoke adamantly. "You brought me back to life again... you gave yourself to me... you... you touched me...." He reached for her and pulled her close to him, holding her tightly and kissing her hard on her mouth.
