What She Left Us

by Stephanie Elliot

  And all Courtney did was stand there like a statue, waiting for her sister to leave. She was so mad at her, and she was so sad at the same time, she didn’t know how to express her anger and her fears. So she waited until her sister left. Until she drove out of her life for four years.

  Courtney was alone for a long while then. Going to school, doing homework, getting into the typical teenage trouble. Her mother wasn’t around all that much, and Jenna was away at college. That was a time in her life she’d never felt so alone.

  Until now.

  Now, she felt lost, completely alone, unsure of where her life was headed. Completely unsure of who she was even. Sure that her whole life was a complete mystery. Or worse, worried that her whole life was a complete lie.

  “You’re still my mother, aren’t you?” she whispered into the quiet of the room. “You’re still my mommy.”

  Chapter 58

  They didn’t make it to the hammocks. Mitch called Jenna and said Courtney needed her home, that there was an emergency and she was a mess and couldn’t talk. Finally, when Jenna demanded he put her sister on the phone, he complied.

  “Courtney, what’s wrong?” Jenna asked, scared to death.

  “It’s… well, I need you home really bad,” she whimpered.

  “But Darren… ” Jenna whispered into the phone, “I think he’s going to ask me to marry him again tonight.”

  “Oh God, Jenna, I’m so sorry… the doctor… it’s bad, well, I need you to come home. Dr. Rhetler said I don’t have hemochromatosis.”

  “What? How can that be? You’ve been… I don’t get it? What’s wrong then? Why do you keep getting sick and fainting? Are you pregnant? Tell me you’re not pregnant!”

  “No, it’s not that. I really need you home. Can you get on the next plane?”

  “Yes. Yes, I’ll do anything for you Court, anything. I love you.”

  So Jenna packed her bags and with eyes filled with tears, she explained to Darren that she had to leave, that something was terribly wrong with Courtney but she wasn’t exactly sure what had happened.

  “Jenna, you can’t leave now. Can’t this wait?” Darren asked.

  “Dare, I can’t, she needs me. Something bad’s happened, something she couldn’t explain on the phone. Can you come with me?” Jenna begged.

  “No, they'll terminate my training.”

  “Please?”

  “We’re finally getting stuff figured out. Can’t you go back Monday like planned? Can’t you stay the weekend?” He sounded almost like he was begging, and Jenna desperately wanted to call Mitch and Courtney back, to ask if they couldn’t hold on for three more days, to put whatever it was on the back burner, to give her this time to focus on herself. She’d been so consumed with taking care of her little sister since their mom died, she hadn’t had time to do anything for herself she felt, and she needed to figure out where she and Darren were heading.

  If she left, she feared she would miss out on the opportunity for her and Darren to make the commitment to one another again, which was what she wanted.

  But then, she got a hold of herself. It was her sister, her best friend, and something was obviously seriously wrong. If she didn’t have hemochromatosis, was it something worse? It was something bad enough that she couldn’t tell her on the phone. She had to get home to find out what was the matter.

  Darren took her to the airport, his hands gripped tight onto the steering wheel, his jaw clenched so hard she could see the muscles in his face twitching. When they arrived, she kissed him goodbye, not knowing when she would see him again. “I’m sorry Darren, she’s my sister. Something bad has happened, and she needs me.”

  “I’ve been waiting for you for months. Waiting for you to decide when you’re going to need me.”

  “I know,” Jenna said, tears in her eyes. “Please, please understand.”

  “I’m trying to understand, and I'm trying to be patient, but I’m ready for us to build our lives together, and I can’t promise I’ll keep waiting.”

  Chapter 59

  Jenna threw money at the taxi driver and rushed into the front door of her mother’s house. Mitch was in the family room, half asleep in the dark with his eyes closed, a book in his lap.

  “Where is she, what happened? Where’s Courtney?” The plane ride had Jenna all in a jumble, she was a frenzied tornado of nerves, couldn’t control her emotions and finally, the tears erupted. “What’s happening?!”

  “Hey, hey,” Mitch stood up, shook off the sleep that had taken over, and grabbed Jenna by the shoulders. “She’s upstairs sleeping finally.”

  “She’s asleep?” It was like Jenna couldn’t grasp the concept. Was her sister dying? How could her sister sleep when something horrible was happening to her? What was going on? She needed to know.

  “I need to see her now!” Jenna shook herself away from Mitch and made her way toward the stairs, but Mitch reached for her.

  “Wait, Jenna! I think you should let her sleep for a while. I don’t think she’s slept since Wednesday. I came right after I had Thanksgiving dinner with my family… I brought her some sleeping pills of my mom’s and she’s finally getting some rest.”

  “What the fuck Mitch! You left her alone! She was alone for Thanksgiving?! Why wasn't she with you!? You pull me away from… you call me with an emergency, tell me something horrible has happened, and I rush here. I left everything behind, everything! Darren was going to propose tonight! I’m here! And now you’re telling me she needs to sleep! That’s bullshit!”

  Mitch was silent for a second, trying to figure out what he should do; he knew Courtney needed to sleep, but he also knew Jenna needed to know what was going on, yet he didn’t feel he was the one to tell her.

  “Jenna, you’re tired, why don’t we all try to get some sleep and talk in the morning.”

  “No Mitch. Look, I don’t even know what you’re doing here if she was already alone! Why are you even here?”

  “You may not care, and I don't know why you don't like me very much, but I love Courtney, and she wants me here now, so that’s why I’m here.” He paused a moment, then continued. “On Wednesday, she told me to go to be with my family. I didn't want to leave her, but she had to do some things on her own. But I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere.”

  Jenna stared at Mitch for a long time; she felt her heart racing and her hands shaking.

  “Tell me then, why am I here and not in Florida getting engaged? Why am I here Mitch? What’s wrong with my sister? She doesn’t have hemochromatosis but I do? So that’s just great! Just great! Why am I here Mitch? Tell me!”

  “You really want to know? You don’t want to hear it from Courtney?”

  “Really, Mitch. Really.”

  “Put two and two together Jenna. You’re a smart girl. You’ve got hemochromatosis and she doesn’t.”

  Jenna stared blankly at Mitch.

  “Jenna. It’s a hereditary disease. Hereditary.”

  Jenna’s face slackened as the realization of Mitch’s words sunk in.

  My sister.

  Chapter 60

  Courtney pulled herself out of the dream she was soaking in. In it, she was flying. She was flying above the puffiest of clouds and carrying a baby, and she’d never felt warmer or so alive, and the baby was giggling and smiling, the brightest smile ever. The sun was warming her and the baby, and as they were flying, they were racing colorful birds and swooping circles around them.

  Then, her sister was there, but she wasn’t flying, she was pulling her out from the clouds, making her come down, telling her to wake up, to “wake up Courtney, wake up Courtney” but she didn’t want to wake up because she loved the little baby she was flying with and she hadn’t felt this good and warm and worry-free in such a long time, that she nudged Jenna away. She wanted to fly with the baby and the colorful birds a while longer. She thought it would be fun to play in some fluffy clouds and make the baby giggle some more.

  “Court, honey, baby, wake up, it’s
me, Jenna.”

  Then she woke up and remembered.

  And she began to cry. Heavy sobs at the memory of what she’d discovered. That she wasn’t who she was, that she didn’t know who she was, that her sister – was this her sister? – was here, her beautiful sister who she’d loved forever, was right here but now she didn’t even know who she was.

  “Oh baby, Court, it’s okay, it’s okay, everything is going to be all right,” Jenna crooned and stroked her head.

  “Jenna, what’s happening? Did you know? You’re not my sister?”

  “Oh my gosh, no. Don’t say that, no matter what, we are sisters. Nothing that happened will take that away from us. Ever.”

  “Mom didn’t have me. She’s not my mom. She wasn’t my mommy,” Courtney wept harder. “There are pictures of her pregnant with you, but not with me. I was adopted. I must have been. But why? None of this makes sense.”

  “Court, honey, we’ll figure this out. There has to be an explanation. But remember this. You and I have always been sisters. Always. From the day you came into my life. I remember the first time I ever held you. I loved you the minute I saw you. You’ve always been my sister, and Mommy was always our Mom. Okay? You cannot ever forget that.”

  Jenna pulled the crocheted blanket they used to make forts with up close over their bodies, and they huddled together under it.

  Was it true, did it really not matter where Courtney came from, and why she was adopted? Of course not, Jenna thought. She was her sister, had been her whole life, but she wondered how Courtney felt, and what they would discover.

  Courtney sniffled and Jenna pulled her sister closer to her. Mitch appeared in the doorway and asked if they needed anything.

  “We’re okay,” Jenna said.

  Courtney, held close to her sister, craned her neck and said, “Thanks for being here Mitch.”

  “Of course, baby,” he said. “I’ll let you two get some sleep.”

  Jenna said, “Mitch, I’m sorry, thank you for taking care of my sister. I know you love her.”

  “I do, I truly do,” he said, and then closed the door behind him.

  After he left, Courtney said to Jenna, “What are we going to do? I can’t not know. I’ve gone through all Mom’s things. I can’t find anything.”

  “I’m not sure. But I think we’re going to have to call Dad.”

  “I thought that’s what you were going to say,” Courtney said.

  “We’ll call after we get back to school. And we’ll probably have to go see him over winter break. He’ll have to tell us.”

  Chapter 61

  Back at school, Courtney's mood was solemn. While it seemed like nothing had changed on the outside, everything had changed. Courtney fell into a silence that was so out of character for her, even the students on the dorm floor noticed. They were quiet and rule-abiding, not causing their usual commotion, or maybe they were simply preparing for exams. Courtney was keeping to herself and she found she couldn't express herself. She couldn't make sense of anything, because nothing in her life made sense any longer. She didn’t want to talk to Jenna about her feelings, couldn’t talk to Mitch. Because she didn’t know how she was feeling, she didn’t know what she was feeling.

  It was inexplicable.

  She and Jenna agreed to wait until after her semester exams to call their father, which, seemed pretty funny to Courtney because he wasn’t even really her father?

  Or was he? Maybe she was an illegitimate love child and they had taken her in as a sad story. Maybe she was left on their doorstep by a teenage mother late one night and her parents felt sorry for the squawking baby laying there in a basket of day-old newspapers so they kept her. Maybe they had tried for another baby diligently for years, only to discover they were infertile the second time around. After all, she and Jenna were five years apart, and maybe they couldn’t have another child, so they’d adopted her. And maybe her mother really wanted her, but her father hadn’t, and she caused such stress in their otherwise quiet and calm family of three that their marriage had experienced such turmoil that her parents had divorced over the arrival of her.

  She remembered stories of being a sickly child. Maybe she had been too much of a troubled child for her parents to handle. Maybe she was never wanted, and she was the cause of all that had devoured her parent’s marriage. The thought of her ruining everything her family could have been further plummeted her into a deep depression. She was becoming more and more withdrawn, wasn’t attending classes, couldn’t study, was barely eating. When she would spend time with Mitch, she would lie on his bed and sob. This was not the Courtney anyone knew. But who was the Courtney before? Even she didn’t know.

  It was killing her. And although she and Jenna had agreed to make the phone call to their dad together, one night, when Mitch was practicing with his newly formed band, and Jenna was at Klippy’s working, she looked up her father’s number. It had been almost a year since she last saw him and she hadn’t talked to him since shortly after her mom died.

  The phone rang three times before his wife answered.

  “It’s Courtney, is my dad there please?”

  Chapter 62

  Jenna tried to get back into a normal schedule, but she didn’t know what normal was supposed to be. After finding out Courtney was adopted, but not really knowing anything more, she had called Darren immediately, and while he had been understanding and confused by the news, she had feared something had been lost by her leaving Florida when she had. But what else could she have done? It was a family emergency, she had told him again.

  “What would you have done?” Jenna pled into the phone.

  “I guess I would have done the same thing,” Darren admitted to Jenna.

  “Of course you would have, because you love your family too,” Jenna said.

  “Yeah,” Darren agreed.

  “Yes. See, I had to leave.”

  “I understand,” Darren said. “How is Courtney dealing with all of this?”

  “She’s a mess; we both are. Will you be back in six weeks?” Jenna asked.

  “Maybe,” Darren replied.

  Jenna didn’t like how short Darren was being with her. How could he possibly be angry at her for leaving like she did? How could he not understand that family came first.

  She ended the call by telling him that he knew where she was when he was ready to get his priorities in order.

  “That’s what I’ve been telling you all this time,” Darren said.

  “You can’t be serious, this is my sister. It's devastating news.”

  He sighed. Jenna imagined Darren pulling his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “I know. Look, this training is taking a toll on me. Maybe I’m just exhausted. Maybe I need these next six weeks to focus. Then we’ll see.”

  They said goodbye and she clicked her phone to off. Then we’ll see? That’s all she was at this point to him? A flippant then we’ll see. Jenna was so tired of their back-and-forth and never getting it right with one another that she said out loud, “We’re done!” forgetting that she was in the back room at Klippy’s.

  “More love troubles?” Clay asked, coming up behind her with a stack of glasses.

  “Ugh, you have no idea. It’s like that boy and I are only on the same page when we’re on the same page. In the same room. It sucks.”

  “Sorry to hear that.” Clay inched past Jenna, brushing against her. “Can you grab that other stack of glasses back there?”

  “Sure, sorry I’ve been moping. I’ve got other stuff on my mind too.”

  “Anything I can help with?” Clay asked.

  “Maybe, but it’s not for during work discussion.”

  “Beers after?”

  “Sure.”

  Clay and Jenna worked side-by-side all afternoon serving beers and burgers, and it was the perfect distraction for Jenna. She didn’t think about Darren all that much, and she didn’t worry about what Courtney might have been worrying about at the moment. She concentrated on get
ting her orders right, and at smiling at her customers and bringing ketchup to the tables when asked, and making sure not to spill beers. Before she knew it, it was six o’clock and her shift was over.

  As she was pulling her apron off and moving toward a bar stool next to Clay, she said, “That was actually the most enjoyable time I’ve had in like forever, and I was working. Is that pathetic or what?”

  “Things must be really sucking for you?” he smiled, and that smile brought Jenna back to the first time she met him, how nice he had been to her, how he had made her feel so comfortable and welcome. She remembered how he had gone out of his way to help her get this job, and find such a great apartment. She was so thankful to him, for if not for him, she wouldn’t be able to be so close to Courtney, and here is where she needed to be, now more than ever.

  “Oh God, you have no idea. No idea.”

  “Darren?”

  “It’s not even that, really. I’m coming to the conclusion that if Darren can’t understand that family comes first, then maybe he’s not right for me. But that’s not the big thing, actually. It’s Courtney. She and I... well, we just discovered that she was adopted.”

  Saying the words was like a sucker punch to Jenna. She had never said them aloud, and saying it to Clay felt strange. Really strange. She got a lump in her throat and her eyes welled with tears. Clay reached for a napkin and handed it to Jenna like it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Man, that’s tough news. Really tough.”

  “It just really sucks,” Jenna’s voice cracked.

  “So what… did her birth mother come looking for her?”

  “No. We found out she doesn’t have hemochromatosis. Just me. So that means we’re not related. She’s not my sister.” Jenna wiped tears away, thankful that they were at the far end of the bar and the rush was over and the night crowd hadn’t come in yet. She didn’t want anyone seeing her crying like this.