Break Me (The Summer Series)

by James, Harper

  “I did do that.” She smiled up at him through her wet eyes before kissing him back. “Did you just take the night off work?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “I couldn’t bring myself to crawl out of this bed and leave you.”

  “Good.” She sat up on her knees and wiped her face. “I need you tonight.”

  “I’m here for you, always,” he said, looking deep into her eyes, hoping that his sincerity diminished some of the pain she felt from her mother’s earlier reaction.

  “Promise?” A little of the insecurity that she had been hiding so well for days, appeared.

  “Always. Gemma, I . . . I’m so in love with you. You’ve become this woman who’s so confident, so strong.” He shook his head and looked at her in awe.

  Gemma buried her face in her nearby arm and shook her head. “No. I’m not. But being with you, something about it makes me . . . different. Better.”

  “You amaze me.”

  She laughed at the look of delight on his face and ached with love for him as he continued to help her forget about her problems. Had he not been there for her today, she didn’t know that she would have had the strength to finally take what she wanted—to acknowledge that she could love her mother but accept the life she desired instead of allowing the life her mother gave her. Kate had helped, but Abe was her strength. Knowing that next year she would be so close to him, that this didn’t have to end, she was sure she could handle the next few weeks and whatever her mother said in the end.

  Fourteen

  Gemma heard Abe’s alarm going off and fought to stay in her dream. She had been wrapped up in a bed with him, desperate for the moment of complete peace only he knew how to give her. “Gem, baby, wake up,” he said with morning gruffness in his voice.

  “Don’t want to,” she whined, her eyes still closed.

  “Hey, if you want to stay the night, that’s fine with me. But otherwise we had probably better get going so I can have you home tonight.”

  “I wish. I just don’t want to deal with any more drama.” She sat up, pulling the sheet with her. Sometime in the night she had turned to him, needing more. She still wasn’t able to hand herself over to him completely, but she needed to feel his desire for her, to know that he saw her and needed her as well. He’d continue to peel away her layers and had praised her with his words all over again. “I doubt they would notice. They haven’t even picked up on the fact that Kate and I have been sneaking out and in as it is, but if they did, I really couldn’t handle the fallout at the moment.” She reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear as she leaned over the side of the bed, looking for some clothes. “But”—she sat up straight, excitement evident in her tone and in her eyes—“I turn eighteen in a couple of weeks. I guess technically—” As if catching on to what she was saying, her eyes went wide and she bent back over the side of the bed in a panic, grabbing for her clothes.

  “Technically, what?” Abe tried to keep from smiling but was having a hard time fighting the grin that was curling up the sides of his lips.

  “Nothing.” She stood, now partially clothed and started pulling her shorts on.

  “Gem, say it.”

  Her head dropped in defeat. “Don’t freak out. I got ahead of myself. I was just going to say that I could stay here whenever I wanted once I turned eighteen. I could practically live here at that point. What can they say? I’m an adult who is technically a college student.” Putting her hands out to stop him because she could see words forming on his lips, she hurried on. “But I know that’s crazy. What eighteen-year-olds move in together? Besides, we’ll only have a couple weeks of summer left at that point, and then you’re headed to NC State. Clearly, I’ve had a crazy day, and it’s messing with my brain.”

  Abe stood from the bed and walked over to her, pulling her into his arms. “Do you really think that our relationship will end when you all leave your rental? Don’t you think we can survive a thirty-mile separation?” He leaned down and kissed her on the shoulder and then made sure she was looking into his eyes. “I told you I loved you. Before I even knew you were staying, I had every intention of figuring out how to make this work. I’ll be damned if anything changes between us. And if you don’t start staying the night with me after you turn eighteen, then be prepared for me to stay the night with you. Kate can just learn to deal with it.”

  Gemma smiled up at him and let out a laugh. “I just didn’t want you to think I was rushing something, forcing it. I know that’s what happened with my parents and look at all of us now.”

  “Gemma, you know we’re different from them. Hell, move in tonight. I’ll deal with your parents if I have to.”

  “Tempting.” She scoffed. “But I don’t want my boyfriend thrown in jail for something that can wait a couple of weeks. Wait.” Her eyes widened, realizing what he was saying. “Move in?”

  “Am I the one rushing things now?” He looked at her hopefully. She simply smiled up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and jumping up to wrap herself fully around him. His arms closed in on her as well.

  “No, but seriously, what is wrong with us? Who moves this fast?” She laughed as he reached down for the shirt she had discarded the night before, almost falling to the side. He dangled it from his fingers and she smiled, taking it from him and giving a wink before turning her back and changing out of the shirt she had borrowed for the night.

  She heard his chuckle before he cleared his throat and continued. “We do. When you’re in love, you’re in love. There isn’t much else to it.” He reached out and pulled her flush against him, burying his face in her neck. “And now that you’re covered and I can think straight again, I need to get you home.”

  “Then maybe you should let me go so you can.” She raised a sarcastic eyebrow at him.

  “See. I can’t think clearly around you, woman.” He kissed her lips and then picked her up, throwing her onto the bed where she watched him dress and smiled like the cat that ate the canary.

  ~~~

  The next morning Gemma found herself unable to sleep. Seeing Abe after the events of last night was paramount. It was as if some kind of switch had been flipped. It wasn’t that she loved him more. That seemed impossible. It was that she knew in her head and heart that she was done with the search, a search she had avoided and somehow found herself in anyway. Last night had shown her something she didn’t know she needed to see. He was perfect for her. He wouldn’t rush her, and she could continue to decide what their relationship would look like. He would challenge her in everything that could make her a better person as he had done since the day they met. In a nutshell, he was exactly what she needed, and she couldn’t be more excited to spend every second of every day with him.

  “You’re up early.” Gemma was startled by her father’s voice behind her as she pulled a coffee mug out of the cupboard. “Don’t you usually go to Dockside for your morning coffee?”

  Shocked he paid that much attention, she nodded at him as she walked to the coffee pot. “I have plans to meet up with everyone in a few and don’t have time.

  “Where’s your sister? Seems you two have been spending a lot of time at the water this year.”

  “Um, asleep, I think.” Gemma again wondered how he could know anything about what she was up to this summer. This was probably the fourth time she had seen him enough to converse since they had arrived.

  “Well,” he said as he walked to the refrigerator and then grabbed a bottle of water. “Have a fun time at the beach.” He turned and started for the stairs. And that was it. Her entire summer with her father consisted of that conversation. Two months were wrapped up in one tidy little talk. Rolling her eyes at his retreating back, she poured her creamer in her coffee and took a sip while looking out the back window at nothing in particular.

  The lack of relationship wasn’t anything new. It was just a little more painful now that she was figuring things out with her siblings. She knew she was nowhere near ready to forgive and forget with her f
ather and Karen, but was it too much for them to try? Sure they brought her here each year. But how much of that was because of a court order? It had certainly been a long time since it felt as if they were pursuing a relationship. She couldn’t remember a night they tried to get her to join them for dinner since that second night here this summer. It was as if they had finally given up. But wasn’t that what she had wanted all along? Why was it suddenly pissing her off so much?

  ~~~

  Gemma and Kate spent the next week following the same pattern they had established the first day Kate met Simon. Kate had to spend a little more time at home because her family was questioning her absence as of late. They were a little bit more used to Gemma ducking them on a daily basis. Also, Simon wouldn’t commit to all day every day, and Kate said she preferred it that way too. Gray was also starting to make more and more appearances with the group. He fit in pretty well. Unlike most fifteen-year-olds, he didn’t try to act older than he was or smart off with some line, thinking that would somehow make him fit in better. He was just himself, and honestly, he was pretty cool. It had been a week since Gemma had talked to her mother. Gemma had been sending her at least one text message both morning and night, desperate for any kind of response. She found a theme in all of them to be her apology for keeping things from her and then her reassurance that it wasn’t about her father but about her future. The summer crowd had hit its max, so the group was hanging out at the coffee house more and more. It was just too much to fight for public beach space, and the private beach staff knew all of their friends well enough to kick them out on sight.

  Emily had suggested the group go to Ryan’s house for the day so they could actually spend some time outside. He had a pool and his parents would be gone at work. As soon as Abe had finished cleaning for the day, he had picked Kate, Gray, and Gemma up, and they were now sitting around the pool, watching Simon and Ryan play a game of basketball with a floating goal. The girls heard Emily coming and grinned at each other before subtly watching Gray. As soon as she walked through the gate, he sat up straight and cleared his throat. When she walked past him, squeezing his shoulder as she usually did, he noticeably adjusted in his seat to continue watching her walk away. To be fair, her swimsuit only left so much to the imagination. Once she was seated and leaning in to talk to the girls, Gray stood and asked Abe if he wanted to join the game the other two were still playing.

  This behavior had been pretty typical for the past few days. There was no denying Gray had his first grown-up crush. It just made the sisters a little sad that it had to be Emily. She was head over heels for Ryan and four years older than Gray. He always tried to show that he could do whatever Ryan and the other guys were doing, but Emily was completely clueless. The girls had discussed pulling Emily aside and filling her in on what was clearly going on but figured that would just embarrass everyone and left things as they were. It was still pretty cute to see Gray growing up. Gemma may have missed a lot, but there was no way to miss that this summer he was starting to turn into a man, a man who would no doubt break a lot of hearts someday.

  The girls leaned in and started talking about what they wanted to do the coming weekend to celebrate Gemma’s eighteenth birthday. “I’ve never really done anything,” Gemma admitted. She was embarrassed to look at Kate as she continued. “When I was little, Karen and my dad would take us all out to eat, but as soon as I could get away with it, I refused even that. Karen tries to make a cake every year”—she shrugged—“but I never touch it.” She hung her head in shame.

  “Well.” Kate reached out and squeezed her hand not only to remind Gemma that she was forgiven but to reassure her that she understood. Gemma couldn’t have been more grateful for her sister at times like that. “Then this year we celebrate in style. To make up for all the years without.”

  “Sounds perfect!” Emily stood up and clapped. “Boys, we need to throw the beach party to end all beach parties on Saturday. Gemma only turns eighteen once.”

  “Uh, Emily.” Kate laughed. “She turns eighteen on Friday.”

  “No kidding, but I figured lover boy over there would like to plan something special for the actual day, if you know what I mean.” She winked at Kate, and Gray groaned before sinking under the water.

  “Emily,” Kate and Gemma yelled, “he’s fifteen. Keep it PG,” Gemma finished.

  “He’s fifteen!” Emily yelled as she shook her head at them. “I promise I’m not the one to introduce the concept of sex to that kid. Anyway”—she waved them off—“party at our spot Saturday. You guys are in charge of the fire, so be there around seven.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Ryan saluted as the others rolled their eyes and someone muttered a quiet “whipped.”

  “So”—Kate leaned in toward Gemma—“do you have anything special planned?” Kate’s eyes widened as if Gemma didn’t know exactly what she was referring to.

  Gemma shrugged. “Not really, I know what you’re asking, and I still just don’t know. I mean obviously I’m completely in as far as the relationship goes, but I just can’t quite make myself hit that last stop on the train, you know?”

  “Not really.” Kate snorted. “I mean the stuff you have done is not less sexual. Basically you’re just holding out on the final emotional piece. Are you sure you’re not ready to go there?”

  “No, but I don’t want to have any doubts with him. He’s too special for us to have any regrets.”

  “Hey.” Kate squeezed her knee and smiled. “I’m not criticizing. I’m just saying it’s not as if you’re innocent anymore. If you love him and you want to take that last step, it’s okay.”

  Gemma sat back in her chair and watched the boy’s horseplay. Yes, she could go there, but was she ready to? She wasn’t a virgin, but past experience showed that having sex was the moment her relationship ended. And when she had taken things further before, she knew she wasn’t in love with the guy. The thought of taking this next step while completely infatuated scared the hell out of her.

  Fifteen

  He told her he would pick her up at six. She had been pacing her room for an hour, he would be there any minute, and all she could think about was the somewhat uncomfortable lingerie she was wearing beneath her clothes. Kate had insisted they hit some stores the day before, just in case, and she couldn’t believe what she had on under her new sundress. The part of her that was desperately in love with Abe, that had spent weeks getting to know him more intimately than she could have thought, the part that was addicted to him, had been ready to make love to him a while ago. Her insecure side, the side that trusted him but didn’t trust herself, though, was terrified of what may happen and was threatening to get sick at the thought of what may lie ahead of her tonight.

  To top off the bundle of nerves over their sexual relationship, she couldn’t help but study the way the lingerie cut into her figure. The way the dress lay on her body. The way her eyes were too big, her chest too high, her curves too curvy. She got stuck on the shape of her eyebrows. She turned to the side and examined her stomach in the mirror. Why couldn’t she see what Abe saw? To him she was perfection. However, when she looked in the mirror, all she saw was a bundle of flaws.

  “What are you doing?” Kate laughed as she walked into the bathroom.

  “Nothing,” Gemma turned to the mirror and ran another pass of mascara over her lashes.

  “Seriously, what’s up?”

  “I’m just . . . What does he even see in me?” She looked at her backside in the mirror and lowered her eyes before connecting them with Kate’s in the mirror over her shoulder.

  “Um, a complete hottie who is giving him the time of day?” Kate narrowed her eyes at Gemma.

  “Seriously”—Gemma crossed her arms over her stomach protectively—“you’ve seen his ex. You’ve seen Emily and, well, you. Why me?”

  “Gemma.” Kate stepped closer and placed her hands on Gemma’s shoulders. “You are seriously crazy.” She turned Gemma to face the mirror and stood behind her. “You ar
e breathtaking. I mean seriously one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Why wouldn’t he be crazy about you?”

  “I know I’m not—”

  “Stop.” Kate turned Gemma toward her again. “I swear your insecurities must mess with your eyesight. That or you seriously need glasses. Now stop this. That boy is wild about you, and he and I and every dude here who drools over you aren’t crazy. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

  Gemma reached out and pulled Kate into a hug. “Thank you.”

  “You got it, dude.” Kate pulled back and winked before making her way back into the bedroom. Although Gemma felt a little more confident in her looks, she still couldn’t contain her nerves about the night. It just felt different and sitting and waiting patiently wasn’t even a remote option. “Would you chill out? That thing’s going to make your rear chafe.” Kate lay back on her bed and smiled at the ceiling.

  “That thing was your idea, and I may as well be going commando for all the coverage it provides.”

  “Be sure to tell Abe to thank me when he sees it.”

  “If you come up when he sees it, you don’t have to worry about Abe ever again.”

  “Good point. And don’t worry, that boy won’t be able to think of anyone but you after he sees that little number, ever again.”

  “What little number?” Gray asked as he walked through the door.

  Both girls looked at each other with wide eyes, but Kate was the first to recover. “Her dress, isn’t it pretty?”

  “Sure.” Gray shrugged. “Anyway, Abe just pulled up.”

  “Oh.” Gemma straightened up suddenly. “I guess I better head down.” She reached over and grabbed her purse and started to leave the room when Kate called her name.

  “Gemma, listen. About what I said, don’t do anything you don’t want or that you’ll regret, okay?” Kate stood and hugged her and leaned forward to whisper so Gray couldn’t hear. “But you look freaking hot, so if you do decide to go for it, he’s going to crap his pants when he sees you.”