Word Nerd

by Susin Nielsen

  ‘The Labradoodle was fine. Now shut up about it and let’s eat.’

  Mom noticed I was acting awfully perky as she headed off to work on Friday. ‘You’re in a good mood,’ she said, as I spun her around to a song on our boombox called ‘Darlin’’. It was a peppy, countryish number by a Canadian band – Luther Wright and the Wrongs – and it was on one of my mom’s favorite CDs. When our budget would allow it, she’d pick up interesting music from a used CD shop on West 4th Avenue.

  ‘Fridays,’ I said, as the song ended. ‘Royal Canadian Air Farce on CBC. Who wouldn’t be in a good mood?’

  ‘By the way,’ she said, as she put a bunch of term papers into her bag, ‘I found out why Cosmo was in prison.’

  My stomach did a flip. ‘Oh, yeah?’

  ‘Mrs Economopoulos told me. I guess she felt I should know, which was good of her.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘He got caught breaking into someone’s house. To support a drug habit.’ She shook her head, disgusted.

  ‘But he’s not on drugs anymore,’ I said.

  She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. ‘How on earth would you know?’

  ‘Well, he doesn’t seem like he is.’

  She put on her brown suede jacket that she’d got for only twenty bucks at Goodwill and that looked amazing on her. ‘His mother says he isn’t using anymore, either.’ By the way she said it, I could tell she didn’t believe it.

  ‘Why are you so skeptical?’ I said. ‘Maybe he really is clean. Maybe he really is trying to make a new start for himself. Maybe he’s really a good guy who took a wrong turn.’

  She looked puzzled. ‘Why do you care so much?’

  ‘I don’t. I’m just saying, you shouldn’t always expect the worst in people.’

  She put her hands on my shoulders. ‘Ambrose. I don’t mean to expect the worst. But in my experience, the worst is what often happens.’ That hung in the air. Had she always felt this way, I wondered, or was it only after ‘the worst’ had happened to my dad?

  ‘Believe me,’ she continued, ‘I sincerely hope that he’s managing to stay clean. Because if he falls off the wagon, he might try to steal from us, too.’

  ‘We have nothing to steal.’

  ‘Drug addicts don’t care about that. Mrs Economopoulos told me he used to steal money from her wallet all the time.’

  I thought about the jar of quarters in my room.

  Mom put on the floppy hat with the flower on it, then she held out her arms and I gave her a hug and a kiss. ‘I’m going to have a drink with Jane after our classes,’ she said. ‘I’ll be home by midnight.’

  Once she left, I went into my bedroom and hid my quarter collection under my bed. Just to be safe.

  At six o’clock, Cosmo picked me up in his Camaro at the end of our block. Having dinner and getting self-defense lessons from him in the backyard were secrets the Economopouloses didn’t seem to mind keeping, but I figured going out with Cosmo in his sports car on a Friday night would be pushing the envelope.

  ‘You look good,’ I said. He was wearing new-looking jeans and a short-sleeve button-up shirt that partially hid his tattoo.

  ‘Thanks. You look … unique. Quite bright.’

  I’d opted to wear my good pants – the brown ones that were a bit tight in the crotch but otherwise perfect – my Ikes, and a neon green T-shirt that I felt brought out the flecks of green in my brown eyes.

  ‘You washed the car too,’ I said.

  ‘Inside and out.’

  ‘Funny how you take better care of your car than you do of your own self.’

  He just gave me the stink-eye.

  But as we drove through the neighborhood streets to pick up Amanda, who lived in a low-rise apartment building near 4th and Burrard, I could hardly breathe. ‘What’s that smell?’ I asked, unrolling my window.

  ‘My aftershave,’ said Cosmo.

  ‘What’d you do, pour it over your head?’

  ‘Is it too much?’

  ‘Yes!’

  So Cosmo turned the car around and I ducked down in the passenger seat as he ran back into the house to shower and change. I’d never seen him like this before.

  Once he was back in the car, I asked him: ‘Have you ever fallen off the wagon?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘With the drugs, since you got out of jail.’

  ‘No. I was tempted at the beginning, but no.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Where is this coming from?’

  ‘Would you steal from us?’

  ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

  ‘You stole from your mom.’

  ‘Aw, for – yes. I did. When I was using. I’m not now. That part of my life is over, understood?’

  I wanted to ask him how he could be sure, but we’d arrived outside Amanda’s apartment building. She was waiting out front, and even to my untrained eye, I could see she looked drop-dead gorgeous in a peasant top with a plunging neckline, a short brown leather jacket, and a pair of tight jeans tucked into red cowboy boots. She smiled at us and headed toward the car.

  ‘Get your ass into the backseat,’ Cosmo said, as he climbed out to open the door for Amanda, a big goofy grin on his face.

  17

  NNBIDOG

  bingo, boing, bind, doing, big, bog, ding, dong, gob

  BONDING

  Cosmo wanted to take us to a Chinese place next to the bowling alley for some supper first, but I told him I probably shouldn’t eat there with my allergy because some of the dishes would have peanuts in them.

  ‘So we’ll order the dishes without peanuts,’ said Cosmo.

  ‘No, he’s right,’ said Amanda. ‘With an allergy like that, you can’t be too careful. Even if they used the same wok, or if a stray peanut got in … that’s all it takes.’

  I gave Cosmo a smug look and Amanda my biggest smile. She ruffled my hair, which felt good. ‘I have a cousin with a peanut allergy,’ she explained.

  So Cosmo took us for pizza instead. It was quite a thrill for me, being in the brightly lit, noisy restaurant. Mom and I almost never ate out, because it was a) expensive and b) too stressful because of my allergy.

  Amanda ordered a beer and Cosmo and I ordered large Cokes. Cosmo used the excuse that he was driving, but I wondered if being an ex-druggie meant he wasn’t allowed to drink, either.

  Amanda asked Cosmo how long he’d been my Big Brother.

  Cosmo coughed. ‘Not too long,’ he said.

  ‘Well, you seem like an awfully good match.’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ I said, milking it. ‘Cosmo’s very generous. He loves taking me out to things I’ve never tried before, since I don’t have a dad and all. Next Friday night, he’s promised to take me to Cliffhanger.’

  Cosmo almost choked on his bread stick.

  ‘The climbing gym?’ said Amanda. ‘I’ve always wanted to try that.’

  ‘I’m sure Cosmo wouldn’t mind if you came along, would you, Cosmo?’

  Cosmo forced a smile. ‘We’d love it if you’d join us.’ Then he kicked me hard under the table.

  ‘I’d like that. But how can you afford it, if you’re between jobs?’

  ‘It isn’t easy,’ Cosmo answered. ‘But I do it for the boy.’ He slapped me on the back, a little harder than he needed to. ‘What about you, Amanda?’ Cosmo said, turning to her.

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘What do you do when you’re not playing Scrabble?’

  ‘Well … I knit.’

  ‘You knit?’

  Amanda smiled. ‘I work at Wild and Woolly on Main Street.’

  I knew Main Street. Mom and I had gone there once on a Saturday outing. It was a really neat part of town, full of funky shops selling antiques and clothes, and a bakery that sold the best chocolate-chip cookies ever.

  ‘It’s a knitting shop,’ she explained. ‘And twice a week, I host Stitch and Bitch sessions at my apartment for a little extra cash.’

  ‘Stitch and Bitch?’ I a
sked.

  ‘Yeah, I normally have about ten people per session, usually all women. We barely fit into my apartment and we all work on a special knitting project.’

  ‘Did you knit that sweater you were wearing when we first met you?’ I asked. ‘The one with the big sun?’

  ‘I sure did,’ she said. ‘I knit everything.’ She showed us her belt and her purse, both made from colorful wools. ‘I sell my stuff in a few shops. It doesn’t make me rich, but you know what they say, “Follow your heart …”’ She laughed like she was embarrassed.

  ‘I’d like to follow my heart,’ Cosmo said. ‘If only I could figure out where it wants to go.’

  She gave him a sweet smile, then she turned to me. ‘Speaking of knitting, how come you aren’t wearing your cool hat tonight?’

  ‘You like my hat?’

  ‘Yeah, I do. Someone made it for you, right?’

  I shot Cosmo a triumphant look, then nodded. ‘My mom.’

  ‘Tell her if she ever wants to come to one of my Stitch and Bitch groups, she’s welcome.’

  ‘Sure,’ I lied. ‘I’ll tell her.’

  She turned back to Cosmo and said, almost shyly, ‘I also like your tattoo.’ Then Amanda pulled back the neck of her blouse, revealing a small, bright blue dragonfly tattoo on her shoulder blade. ‘I’m thinking of getting another one, on my ankle.’

  It was Cosmo’s turn to shoot me a triumphant look. ‘The dragonfly looks beautiful on you,’ he said. They smiled at each other and this time it was long and lingering and mushy, so I decided to change the subject.

  ‘How did you get into Scrabble?’ I asked.

  ‘Oh, I’ve always loved Scrabble. I played all through high school. I was a total nerd,’ she giggled.

  ‘I find that hard to believe,’ said Cosmo.

  ‘No, I really was. You should see my yearbook photo.’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  They looked at each other in that way again and Amanda blushed. ‘Anyway, I joined the West Side Scrabble Club a few years back, and when the club director moved to Kamloops, they needed someone new to step in, so … here I am.’

  ‘You’re an excellent club director,’ I said, laying it on a little thick. ‘Top-notch.’

  ‘Well, thank you very much, Ambrose,’ she said, taking a sip of her beer. ‘You know, as club director, one of the more difficult jobs I have is trying to keep the peace among all the different players with their different personalities.’

  ‘I can imagine,’ I said. ‘Like Larry, the expert guy, and the way he’s always clearing phlegm from his throat. I can hear him from across the room. And Joan, the fat lady in pink.’

  ‘Funny you should mention Joan,’ said Amanda. ‘She told me you said something rather cruel to her the other night.’

  So she had heard me. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I said, but I could feel my whole face go hot, even my ears.

  ‘Did you say something about her not being able to fit into her pants?’

  Cosmo snorted and Coke came out of his nose.

  I pondered how to answer this. In the end I didn’t answer, which was pretty much like answering, if you know what I mean.

  ‘You can’t do that, Ambrose,’ Amanda said, kind of gentle but kind of firm. ‘You can’t make disparaging remarks. Imagine how you’d feel if someone did that to you.’

  ‘You, of all people, should know that,’ Cosmo chimed in. ‘Those guys at your old school, weren’t they always picking on you and calling you names?’

  I gave him the stink-eye. Cosmo was shameless, suddenly acting like he was my Big Brother, just to impress Amanda.

  Our pizza arrived, but I wasn’t feeling so hungry anymore. ‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled. ‘It won’t happen again.’

  ‘Good,’ said Amanda, ‘because if it did, I’d be forced to ask you to leave the club, and that would be a shame because I really like having you there.’ She smiled at me and I could tell she was trying to make me feel better. ‘But since we’re on the topic, there are a few other things you need to know. Number One – nobody likes to hear another player gripe about lousy letters.’

  ‘I couldn’t agree more,’ said Cosmo.

  Amanda ignored him, which gave me a bit of satisfaction. ‘Everyone gets lousy letters once in a while, and it all evens out in the end. It’s just a game, deal with it. Number Two – the only thing worse than a sore loser is a sore winner.’

  ‘Ha! Didn’t I tell you?’ said Cosmo smugly, which made me want to hit him.

  ‘So no more victory dances on the chairs, OK?’

  ‘OK,’ I said. I was worried I was going to cry, when Amanda reached over and put her arm around me and pulled my head right into her boobs.

  ‘I’ve made you sad, and that was not my intention, kiddo. I’m only telling you like it is because I think you can handle it and because I like you.’

  She let me go. My head was spinning. I’m sure I had a silly look on my face.

  ‘And because I think you could be a really good player. You just have to remember that playing competitive Scrabble is different from playing kitchen Scrabble. I read this great book about Scrabble last year, called Word Freak by Stefan Fatsis, and he says Scrabble isn’t about words, it’s about mastering the rules of the game.’ She patted my hand.

  ‘Will you help me?’ I asked, trying to look at her face and not at where my head had just been.

  ‘Sure I will. In fact, I brought you a present.’ She pulled a dog-eared book out of her bag and handed it to me. ‘It’s the Official Scrabble Tournament and Club Word List,’ she said. ‘Different from the Official Scrabble Dictionary for home players. This one has all the swear words.’ She winked. ‘I had an extra one kicking around.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, and I meant it. I had my appetite back, and I grabbed a piece of pizza. It was delicious – better by far than Mom’s homemade whole-wheat crust pizza.

  ‘What about me?’ asked Cosmo. ‘Do you think I can be a good player?’

  Amanda smiled. ‘I think you can be as good as you want to be, but that you don’t care enough to become very good. I think your motives are suspect.’

  Cosmo helped himself to a second piece of pizza. ‘That sounds about right,’ he said, and for some reason this got him a big huge aren’t you just the cutest thing on earth grin from Amanda.

  After pizza, we went bowling. I’d bowled only once before, at one of the few birthday parties I’d ever been invited to. It was in Regina and, now that I think about it, the whole class had been invited. We were divided into teams, and I kept sending my balls into the gutter and making my teammates groan. Then right at the end of the party, I barfed all over the floor because I’d wolfed down too many hot dogs, since Mom would never buy hot dogs because she thought they were disgusting.

  Tonight, though, I wasn’t that bad. Not as good as Amanda, who was really good, bowling strike after strike. I got a couple of gutters, but most of the time I’d knock down a pin or two. Once I got a strike and just about screamed like a girl, I was so pleased. Cosmo sucked, although I think a bit of it was for show. Every time he sent another ball into the gutter, Amanda would double over with laughter, and I could tell he liked making her laugh.

  At ten o’clock, I excused myself and called my mom from the bathroom on my cell phone to make sure she was still going out with Jane.

  ‘I’m planning on it, but only if it’s OK with you,’ she said.

  ‘No problem, Mom. Go for it. Just don’t drink and drive, ha-ha.’

  At eleven o’clock, we drove Amanda home. When we arrived outside her apartment, Cosmo asked me to wait in the car while he walked her to the door.

  I got back into the front seat and watched them. They chatted for a few minutes, and I thought they were going to leave it at that, when suddenly Cosmo leaned in and kissed her. I waited for her to push him away, but she didn’t. In fact, she put her arms around him and kissed right back. They must’ve kissed for over a minute. I bent forward to get a bett
er view and accidentally hit the horn. They jumped away from each other, and, a moment later, Cosmo returned to the car.

  ‘What’d you do that for?’

  ‘It was an accident.’

  Cosmo waited until Amanda was not only safely inside the building, but safely inside her apartment. We saw the lights go on in a unit on the second floor, then she stepped out onto her balcony and waved at us.

  Cosmo waved back. Then he put the car into gear and we drove off. He was humming again.

  ‘She’s great,’ I said.

  ‘She sure is.’

  ‘Great smile.’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Cute overbite.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘Fabulous boobs.’

  He reached over and slugged me.

  ‘Ow!’

  He just kept humming.

  ‘I think she’s looking forward to doing indoor rock climbing with us next Friday,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, thanks a lot for that. Do you have any idea how much a place like that costs?’

  I shrugged. ‘Then I guess you’d better get serious about finding a job.’

  18

  STHYNOE

  nest, notes, tones, hones, honey, stony, shone, then, hey

  HONESTY

  I WON TWO out of my three games, both with scores over 300, at the Scrabble Club the following Wednesday. And I was on my best behavior, too. No complaints about lousy letters (even though it killed me not to say something when my seven tiles were OUIIOUK); no victory dances when I won. But it was impossible to keep from grinning when I managed to beat Joan again.

  ‘You could wipe that smile off your face,’ Joan said.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I replied. ‘I’m only smiling because it means a lot to me to beat someone who’s as good as you. And have I ever told you, pink is really your color?’

  OK, I laid it on a bit thick, but I think she liked it because she smiled.

  In the evenings, I studied the Official Scrabble Tournament and Club Word List, which was an interesting book because it didn’t give definitions. It just listed column after column of words, and I only recognized about half of them on each page. And it really was full of all the swears. I discovered that there are ten different ways you can legitimately use the ‘f’ word.