Visiting Hours

by Tagan Shepard

  She may as well not have been in the room for all the notice Alison gave her. She focused completely on Beth. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” Beth winced as the ultrasound tech squeezed a large dollop of cold gel onto the crown of her belly. “I’ve just had some cramping and my heart rate’s a little high. Jess says it’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Where is Jess?” Alison turned accusing eyes on Nancy. “Why isn’t she here? This is an emergency.”

  Beth squeezed her hand. “It’s not an emergency.”

  “It’s not an emergency,” Nancy echoed. She glared at Alison and continued. “The ultrasound is a precaution and her pulse is elevated because she’s nervous. We just need to stay calm, right Beth?”

  Beth closed her eyes and nodded, taking a couple of deep breaths and blowing them out slowly. “Right. Everything is fine.” She opened her eyes, looking a little more relaxed. “There hasn’t been any bleeding. The cramping passed quickly. Everything is fine. Jess asked for the ultrasound just so I could see him. It’ll help to see him. It will.”

  “Okay, I’m all set here.” The ultrasound tech’s voice was little girlishly high. “Are we ready to go?”

  Nancy reached for Alison’s arm. “Miss, if I could ask you to wait in the hall.”

  She did not even turn in the nurse’s direction. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Can’t she stay?” Beth chewed on her bottom lip. She held Alison’s hand in a bruising grip. “Please Nancy? Since Stephen can’t be here?”

  Before Nancy could answer, the technician chirped cheerily, “The more the merrier.”

  Nancy’s scowl showed she didn’t agree, but she was outnumbered. Almost the moment the ultrasound wand touched Beth’s belly a staticky, underwater sound filled the room.

  “Okay little guy, where are ya?” The technician squinted at the monitor. The screen was a blur of black and gray pixels in constant motion as she moved the wand around. She painted lines of clear gel across Beth’s stretched skin. “Time for your close-up, buddy. Don’t hide.”

  Alison looked back and forth between the blurred image on the screen and Beth’s face. It was pinched with worry, and the longer they waited, the more pinched it became. Alison had never been present for a moment like this. All of the previous miscarriages had been unexpected. Even as the number of them mounted, each doctor had been confident that this new pregnancy would last. The last was always a fluke, something they could correct.

  The last doctor had been the first to paint anything but a rosy picture.

  That was the lone visit Alison had made with Beth. She remembered the short, stocky woman with wide glasses and hair pinned straight back off her forehead who had barged into the room where she and Beth had been waiting for forty-five minutes. It was just two weeks after her latest miscarriage and the doctor was looking at a clipboard when she entered and barely took her eyes off it when she said Beth’s name. Alison had found the chill of her manner sickening.

  Not until after Beth had chosen her had she discovered the woman was also a recently elected, extremely conservative state senator. Since her election she had shown a growing disinterest in her medical career, but she had come highly recommended by one of the other attorneys at Beth’s firm. The doctor tore her eyes from the clipboard long enough to bark out an explanation about Beth’s ‘hostile uterus’ and ‘inadequate placental formation’ before flatly declaring that it would be selfish of her to continue attempting to conceive. She would never be able to carry a baby to term and she would doom all of her fetuses to an early death. She left without shaking Beth’s hand or scheduling a follow-up appointment. Beth spent the next ten minutes sobbing into Alison’s shoulder. The nurse who came to check on them was neither surprised to see her upset nor apologetic for her treatment.

  A tear started in the corner of Beth’s eye. She stared at the monitor, willing the image of her son to appear there.

  Alison turned on Nancy. “Where is Jess?”

  “Dr. Baker is in surgery right now.”

  “She needs to be here.”

  They squared off across the bed, Alison tightly gripping Beth’s hand. “Dr. Baker has a lot of patients and she doesn’t have to be present for an ultrasound. She asked me to call her in the OR as soon as it’s complete. I don’t think…”

  “He makes an appearance at last!”

  A new sound floated through the static and sloshing. It was difficult to make out at first among all the other sounds, but it soon became more distinct. A rhythmic sort of gurgling noise. Something like slapping a steak on a cutting board or squashing a tomato in your hand.

  Beth’s voice was a whisper. “Ali.”

  Tears streamed down her face. The picture on the monitor flashed white and then cleared. Sharpened. The black and gray blob transformed into a black and white blob. Alison squinted at it. There was a tiny spot near one side of the white part that was flashing between gray and white. One small adjustment of the wand and the sound got louder. Stronger.

  The tech pointed at the flashing spot with a blue-gloved finger. “Nice steady heartbeat on this little guy.”

  Everything seemed to come together in a moment. The tech’s finger moved away from the white part of the blob and suddenly it wasn’t a blob anymore. There was a nose. The big white lobe curled above the flashing pixel was a head. Alison could even see the hint of an eye above the nose. Something moved at the other end. Toes. Tiny toes flexed out at the top of a foot. She looked at the pixel again. It was flashing at the same rate as the wet slappy noise. It was his heart, and it was beating. Dancing in his tiny chest inside her best friend’s big belly.

  Alison looked over at Beth and she was smiling like she hadn’t since the day her baby Rachel was born. Beth turned that beaming smile on her and they laughed together.

  “That’s your son.”

  “That’s my son.”

  Alison didn’t feel the wetness on her cheeks until she realized the screen was blurry. She wiped her eyes and she could see him again. She watched him stretch his leg out and curl up a little tighter. The tech typed a few commands and Nancy asked her a question or two. It was all lost on Alison. She stared and stared and held Beth’s hand.

  “Is that him?” Stephen’s rich baritone floated across the room, making Alison jump. “Is that our son?”

  He was moving into the room like a man who was lost. He fixed his eyes on the monitor. They shined suspiciously.

  Beth let go of Alison’s hand and held it out for Stephen to take. He hurried to her side and they laughed together through their tears. Stephen leaned over, kissing her cheek and Beth smiled up at him like he was the sun. Alison wished again that Jess were here.

  Nancy was glaring at her from across the bed again, and Alison took it as a cue to leave. “I should be getting back to work. I’m glad everything’s okay.”

  Stephen dropped Beth’s hand and wrapped his arms around Alison’s neck. He smelled like grass and sweat again. There was still something of the sun’s warmth clinging to his clothes.

  “Thank you for being here when I couldn’t, Ali.” He smiled through his tears. “I can’t tell you how much it means.”

  “Anytime.” She looked over at Beth, who looked ten years younger than when Alison had arrived. “I’ll see you this evening to give you your pedicure.”

  “You don’t have to, Ali. You missed work already because of me today.”

  Alison looked around for her purse. “I know it’s hard for you to see your toes these days, but girl, they need help. I’ll see you later.”

  She caught one more malevolent look from Nancy as she stepped into the empty hall.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The sound of that tiny heartbeat echoed in Alison’s ears for the rest of the day. She taught her classes, but she saw flashing gray pixels instead of her students’ faces. She tried to work on lesson plans, but she was too giddy. Her face hurt from smiling. He was alive. His heart was strong. She wished again t
hat Jess had been in the room to share the moment. She wanted to talk to Jess about the miracle of it. Hold her hand or lean against her body and describe all of the emotions of the day with someone who would see the beauty of it more than anyone.

  That happiness made it all the more jarring when she arrived back at Beth’s room to find her friend agitated and restless. The morning’s scare had unsettled Beth more than she had anticipated, and something of her energy rubbed off on Alison. The abrupt change in her own mood felt like an itchy sweater. She wanted to be rid of it more than anything. She fidgeted in her seat, and nothing they talked about soothed their nerves. When Beth’s phone rang, Alison wasn’t alone in her relief.

  Alison headed for the door. “We’ll reschedule your pedicure for tomorrow.”

  Beth gave her a cold smile and she gladly escaped the room.

  “Okay ladies, I’m heading home. Everyone should be okay for the night, but call me if you need me,” said a familiar voice at the nurses station.

  Alison nearly laughed with relief. Now she could shed the unpleasant tension of her day and replace it with the far more enjoyable tension of asking Jess out on that date.

  “Hold on. Before you go Dr. Baker,” Nancy barked from behind the counter. Jess stood on the other side, a messenger bag resting against her hip. Alison tried not to stare at the way the strap crossed over her chest, accentuating the lines. “Room eighteen. Her blood pressure?”

  “Oh yeah, it’s come down a little, but I want her to stay overnight.”

  “She’s not happy about it.”

  “I know.” Jess adjusted the bag and started walking in Alison’s direction. “But that’ll teach her to eat gas station hot dogs on the way to her prenatal appointment when she’s already been warned about her sodium intake. You know my number. See you in the morning.”

  She turned and her eyes locked on Alison’s. She had gotten used to seeing Jess’s face split into a wide grin when they saw each other, especially if the meeting was unexpected. This time, however, she looked distracted, and gave Alison the kind of smile you give to an uncle you don’t particularly like when he interrupts a conversation at Thanksgiving.

  “Fancy meeting you here.”

  Jess gave a half-hearted laugh and her eyes softened. Clearing her throat, she said, “I was heading out for the day. Can I walk you to your car?”

  She caught herself staring at the plump curve of Jess’s lips. “Sure. I’m in the deck.”

  They walked in silence for a few moments, Alison lost in pleasant memories of Jess’s lips. Jess still looked distracted, her eyes constantly moving, but never seeming to fall on Alison. Alison scowled, trying to find a way to break the strange coolness between them. Fate kept conspiring against her today. No matter how much she tried to be happy, everyone around her was grumpy.

  Jess coughed, holding the door to the stairwell open. “So, umm…tell me something I don’t know about you.”

  Alison played with the strap of her purse and fixed her eyes on her feet. She climbed a couple of stairs before responding, not bothering to hide the note of sourness Jess’s bad mood inspired in her. “I’m an open book. Ask away.”

  Jess finally looked over, her brows knitting. Alison refused to meet her eyes. “What’s your favorite color?”

  “Red.”

  “Hmm. Interesting.” When that didn’t elicit further comment, she continued, “Coke or Pepsi?”

  “Come on, I’m from the South! Coke, of course.”

  “Wine or beer?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Jess laughed, and Alison smiled at her shoes. “I’ll remember that for another day. Star Wars or Star Trek?”

  Alison pushed open the parking deck door, stepping into the maze of cars. “Star Trek.”

  Jess came to a sudden halt. “You have got to be kidding me!”

  “Don’t ask the question if you aren’t prepared for the answer, Dr. Baker.”

  “That’s a ‘getting to know you’ question you ask because you have to, but there is only one acceptable answer. Star Wars brought sci-fi to the mainstream and changed American cinema forever. Come on! R2-D2! Han Solo! The gold bikini! ‘Luke, I am your father!’ What does Star Trek have on that? Nobody could possibly like Star Trek over Star Wars!”

  Alison walked slowly toward her, putting a deliberate sway in her hips. “Well this body likes Star Trek better. Patrick Stewart. George Takei. I mean, do you see his Facebook posts? He’s hilarious!”

  Jess resumed walking, passing Alison without showing the slightest hint of interest. “That’s not the shows, that’s the actors. Doesn’t count.”

  “What can I say? I have a thing for redshirts.”

  “Well, you at least get nerd girl points for knowing about the redshirts.”

  “I found an article called ‘Ten Things You Should Know if You’re Dating a Nerdy Gamer Girl.’” She was hoping for another laugh, but received awkward silence instead. “I…think it was a Buzzfeed list or something.”

  They walked in silence. Jess had wandered off again, and Alison was left feeling cold and confused.

  Finally she ventured, “How was work?”

  “Oh, you know. Large women in pain, tiny angry humans. Lots of blood and screaming from both. Normal day.”

  “Right.”

  “I’m sorry.” Jess stopped and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It was kind of a long day. I hate that I was stuck in the OR when Beth was getting her ultrasound and Nancy told me…Never mind. I’m not the best company at the moment.”

  Alison smiled at her, but it felt forced. “It’s fine. Been there.”

  Jess walked on. “I’m looking forward to next week when we can get together again. Email me your schedule so we can find a night that works?”

  “Sure. Soon as I get home,” Alison said, stopping behind her car and taking a deep breath. “I know you’re on nights this week, but maybe I can take you to lunch? I can buy you a burger or something and then get you back home in time to sleep for work. You know, even the score a little. You took me to dinner and coffee. It’s my turn. There’s this burger place in Carytown…I’m rambling and I’m not even sure why.”

  Jess smiled, and it was a lot closer to her normal smile this time. “I’d like that. We saw each other at the bar in Carytown, remember?”

  “Right. At Babe’s. Wait. Did you say yes and I missed it?”

  “I did say yes. Lunch sounds great. If you’re sure you have the time.”

  “Great. Yes. I have the time. I’m looking forward to it.”

  She held her hands behind her and leaned forward just enough to be an invitation rather than an insistence. To her great disappointment, Jess took a step back.

  “Definitely.”

  She took another step and Alison let her shoulders drop.

  “Safe trip home.”

  With that, she turned on her heel and continued down the row. Alison watched until she rounded a corner and was out of sight. Disappointment welled up in her like a bitter cousin of the happiness Jess’s presence normally inspired. She shrugged and vowed, as she opened the driver’s side door, that she would not let herself dwell on Jess’s coldness all night long.

  She dropped her forehead to the steering wheel. She didn’t stand a chance of living up to that promise.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “You know what I want, Ali?”

  Alison applied another layer of pastel orange nail polish. “To come home from work every night and be greeted by Stephen, naked on your bed holding a bottle of 2003 Chateau Lafite Rothschild in one hand and a million dollars in the other.”

  “Obviously.”

  Alison held the brush far away from the nail she just finished while Beth giggled.

  “Seriously though. It’s something so much simpler.” Beth’s laughter died slowly, melting into something dark and unbearably sad. The swell of an enormous tear was gathering in the corner of her eye. Alison watched it, sure it would fall any moment, as Beth continued, “I wan
t to go to Labor and Delivery.”

  “I’m sure you can go over there. We’ll snag you a wheelchair and go for a field trip. Where is it?”

  “It’s upstairs. Just one floor away.” The tear hung in her eye, the reflection of fluorescent light dancing on its surface. “And completely out of my reach.”

  She smiled, and the movement finally knocked the tear loose. It slid down the swell of her cheek, diminishing as it left a trail of itself behind.

  “You know that scene they put in like every movie? The woman with the impossibly large belly shouts to her husband that her water broke. He sweeps her up and drags her to the car.”

  “Of course. It’s in every chick flick.”

  “She screams at him that she forgot her bag and he runs back inside for it. He throws it in the backseat and she yells at him to get her pillow, so he runs back inside for the pillow. Then they go to the hospital, swerving in and out of traffic at ridiculous speeds and pull up to the Emergency Room. They get her a wheelchair and she is huffing, puffing and screaming and they wheel her upstairs.”

  “You won’t watch a movie without that scene,” Alison teased.

  “That room upstairs. The one where she gives birth to the perfectly healthy, perfectly clean, silent, sleeping cherub. That room is in the Labor and Delivery unit.”

  She turned to the window and another tear followed the exact same path as the first.

  “It’s where women go to give birth. It’s where they go when everything goes right and when they’re done they have a baby.”

  Alison swallowed with difficulty and watched Beth run a hand over her growing belly.

  “I used to have these daydreams of the herd of perfect children with straight teeth and brilliant minds and fairytale weddings and a gaggle of grandchildren. Now all I want is to make it to Labor and Delivery.”

  “Bethie…”

  “Do you remember when I had Rachel?” There was a pleading in Beth’s eyes that Alison couldn’t ignore. She nodded and Beth continued. “We had that movie moment. Stephen and I. My water broke and we ran to the car. I sent him back in for more pillows because I knew there wouldn’t be enough. He thought he could get away with only one.”