Shameless (The Shameless Trilogy Book 1)

by M. Malone

  Brent shook his head. "No. I got myself into this mess, and I'm going to get myself out. Maybe head back home until things die down. I suggest you do the same thing. But I'm getting the hell out of here."

  Her fingers traced over the lip of the envelope. She wanted to open it. She wanted answers. That part of her that was always searching, lingering at the edges of her nightmares she couldn't see, that was the part of her that needed to know the truth. It's not safe. You need to stay safe. Yeah, but what good was staying safe if she couldn’t really live?

  "Thank you for bringing me this."

  Brent shook his head. "Look, I know you really need that information, but this whole thing is bigger than I knew. Just promise me one thing?"

  She met his gaze and nodded. "Of course."

  "Be careful. These are not the best guys to get tangled up with, so please, promise me. Even if you need to go to that Noah guy for help, I’ll feel better leaving if I know you’re safe." He hesitated then added, "I'm sorry."

  Lucia watched as he hurried out the front doors. All the answers she wanted were right here in her hands. She just had to be brave enough to take that next step. Are you ready to accept the danger? She didn't care. Lucia was done with letting Noah protect her. She wanted resolution, and she was starting with this.

  chapter thirteen

  Noah took everything out of his pockets, including his wallet, keys and phone and placed them in the small plastic basin provided for valuables. Then after walking through the metal detectors, he claimed his things and waited for Matthias.

  “Please be careful with that,” Matthias protested as the security guard put his headset in the basin. The guard, an older woman with her dark hair pulled back into a tight bun, waved him through impatiently. Matthias walked through the metal detectors and then had to double back when the alarms blared.

  Noah rolled his eyes as Matthias was subjected to a pat down and then scanned with the handheld metal scanner. When she found another cellphone in his back pocket, the guard pursed her lips in annoyance.

  “Sorry.” Matthias grinned sheepishly.

  She continued scanning his body and a few chirps erupted from the device as she passed over the front of his body. As she brought the scanner right in front of his crotch, it chirped again. Matthias turned bright red.

  “Um, sorry?”

  The guard pulled her hand back quickly but Noah caught the faint smile on her face as she turned away. Matthias gathered his stuff hurriedly and then jogged to catch up with Noah.

  It wasn’t nice to tease the man who held his entire electronic footprint in the palm of his hand but Noah couldn’t resist.

  “I never thought you’d turn out to be the security risk getting in here.”

  Matthias flushed again but laughed. “Sorry about that. It’s a new…um…piercing.”

  “Right. It’s always you nerdy types who turn out to be the real kinky bastards.”

  They were escorted to a small waiting room, and Noah sat gingerly in a hard blue chair facing a coffee table filled with magazines. The celebrity face staring back from the magazine cover wasn’t familiar, although all the recent celebrities looked the same to him. He sighed. When had he gotten this old? Matthias walked over to one of the windows and looked out. After a few minutes, he paced back to where Noah was sitting. It was only when he could see the other man’s face that Noah figured out the weird tension he’d picked up on.

  Matthias was nervous.

  “Hey, are you okay? If you don’t want to do this then we can leave right now and I’ll tell the Deputy Director of Whatever to fuck off.”

  Although this was potentially the most lucrative contract he’d ever been offered, Noah had more than a few reservations about getting in bed with the federal government himself.

  Matthias shrugged. “It’s fine. Just feels weird to be voluntarily meeting with law enforcement, you know?”

  “Yeah. Believe me, I understand.” Noah chuckled at the thought. He shared Matthias’s distrust of all people in power, but for the first time, at least he was in control.

  Despite his knee-jerk instinct to avoid all law enforcement, he wasn’t really worried. There was nothing to worry about. When Rafe had taken him on as an apprentice, he’d assured Noah that there would never be any way to tie ‘Steven Noah Williams’ to his new identity of ‘Noah Adam Blake.’ His time working for ORUS had screwed him up in the head, maybe more so than he’d already been, but they took care of their people.

  Their assets, he corrected himself. The shadows behind the ORUS curtain didn’t care about any of them as people. They were tools to be used until they weren’t useful anymore. Or until one of them gained the leverage needed to negotiate escape the way he had. The way he’d negotiated for Matthias.

  It wasn’t something that happened often.

  A young woman appeared at his elbow. “Gentlemen? He’s ready for you now.”

  Matthias glanced at him and nodded his head. The woman looked between them in confusion at the delay so Noah stood. They followed her down a long hallway and when they reached the last door, she stood aside to let them enter first.

  The man behind the desk stood and came around with his hand outstretched.

  “Thank you for coming on such short notice. John Calhoun. I’m the Deputy Director of the FBI’s Cyber Division.”

  Noah shook his hand. “Noah Blake. This is my associate Matthias Weller. We understand you’ve had a few threats you can’t trace recently.”

  While they chatted, Matthias remained standing, only nodding his head when appropriate. With every minute that passed he got more agitated, and Noah decided that they could do without the revenue from this contract. From the day he’d pulled Matthias out of ORUS, he’d vowed to do for the kid the same thing Rafe had done for him. Teach him. Protect him. Show him that there was a better way. He hadn’t come this far only to send him back into the lion’s den before he was ready.

  He glanced over at Matthias again. A fine sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead, and his fingers clenched the strap of his computer bag so tightly the skin was pulled white over the knuckles.

  “Thank you for the meeting. I’ll take everything back to my team and we’ll devise a plan to see if we can tackle this.”

  Calhoun looked shocked, and Noah had to smother a laugh. He was willing to bet not too many people cut him off or interrupted his long-winded bullshit. Being the Deputy Director of anything in the FBI tended to gain people’s respect. Most people’s. Just not his.

  “Of course. Of course. Let me know what resources you need.”

  Noah tuned him out again, focused on getting Matthias out of there. When he leaned over to shake hands with Calhoun again, his eyes were drawn to a picture on the desk. Before he had a chance to look closer, Matthias suddenly turned and walked out.

  “We’ll be in touch,” Noah assured the director before following.

  He found Matthias in the waiting room pacing back and forth in front of the receptionist’s desk. Wild-eyed, Matthias turned to him, his jaw set like he was daring Noah to say anything. The kid should have known better because no one understood catching a case of the vapors around the cops like Noah did. After years on the streets trying to avoid detection, it was ingrained to avoid all law enforcement like you avoided STDs.

  Something in his face must have broadcast his understanding because the tension left Matthias’s shoulders. In that moment, he wasn’t the brilliant killing machine Noah knew him to be. Instead he looked his age, young and vulnerable, and Noah didn’t care if they lost the contract or not. Matthias hadn’t had an easy life either, although Noah didn’t know many details other than he’d escaped from England right before Scotland Yard could catch him with a rap sheet longer than an escort’s contact list. But since the moment they’d met, he’d seen something in Matthias that reminded him of himself. Something worth saving. He would do whatever was necessary to get the kid the hell away from his personal bogeyman.

  “Let’s
go.”

  Matthias didn’t ask any questions, just followed Noah while muttering hasty goodbyes over his shoulder. Once they were out on the sidewalk, they moved quickly to the second level of the parking deck where they’d left the car. When they were on the road, Matthias looked over at him.

  “Do you ever worry that your past will circle around and come back for you one day? That the stuff you did for ORUS will have consequences down the line?”

  Noah sighed. “Every day.”

  Lucia was distracted all day and found herself making simple mistakes. She could only hope that she hadn’t screwed up anything that Adriana would notice. But constantly looking over her shoulder had made it impossible to focus on the myriad ridiculous demands that she normally handled with aplomb.

  Ordinarily, Lucia had a great sense of humor about her job. At least she was doing something she loved, right? But lately she’d started to wonder about the direction of her life. Brent’s visit had only hammered the point home. He’d taken a great risk to do the right thing and let her know what was going on before he’d left town. There were a lot of people who wouldn’t have bothered in his position. Who was she to him, really? Just some girl he’d gone on a terrible date with once. He didn’t owe her anything at all.

  At two o’clock, she gathered her things and stuck her head into JJ’s cubicle to say goodbye. Even though she’d gotten approval to take off early from HR weeks ago, she was always strategic when she had plans to leave before her normal quitting time. It wouldn’t be unheard of for Adriana to invent some task she wanted taken care of at the last minute.

  “I’m off. Hopefully Adriana doesn’t need anything while I’m gone but can you cover for me just in case?”

  “Sure, no problem. Nonna’s okay, right?”

  “Yeah, she just has a doctor’s appointment today. I like to take her to make sure I hear the doctor’s instructions. Now that she’s having all these problems with her blood pressure, I want to make sure she’s doing what she’s supposed to do. She’s so stubborn sometimes.”

  “Wonder who that reminds me of,” JJ muttered.

  “Hey, I’m not stubborn. I just know what I want.” She left JJ with a wave and took the stairs down to the first floor instead of waiting for the elevator.

  It was nice to be out in the sunshine in the middle of the day but there was no time to waste. Nonna had an appointment at three thirty so Lucia had made sure to allow enough time to get to Queens even if the trains were running slowly.

  As always Lucia had a shadow. Ryan this time. As annoying as it was, he gave her space so it was easy enough to forget he was there. Luckily the subway wasn’t experiencing any delays for once, and Lucia arrived roughly thirty minutes later. She knocked once and then opened the door with her key. To Lucia’s surprise, Nonna was in the living room working on the big book of crossword puzzles that she’d had forever. She was wearing the floral housecoat that she normally wore to bed.

  “Hi, Nonna.” Lucia offered her cheek for a quick kiss. “Did you forget that you have a doctor’s appointment today?”

  Her grandmother blinked. “I had my doctor’s appointment last week. Everything is fine.”

  Lucia let her handbag drop to the floor with a thud. “Nonna! I took off work to take you.”

  “I’m sorry. I thought I’d mentioned to you that I’d already gone. I didn’t want to worry you with my troubles. You’re a busy career woman now.”

  Instantly Lucia felt terrible. She was having a crisis but she shouldn’t take it out on Nonna. All these years she’d complained that her grandmother didn’t take her career ambitions seriously, and now that she finally was trying, Lucia should appreciate it. She followed as Nonna got up and went into the kitchen. She watched as her grandmother put on a kettle for tea.

  “You probably did. I’ve been distracted lately but that doesn’t mean that I’m ever too busy for you. Well, what about the bill? I can still take care of that.”

  Nonna didn’t look at her and suddenly got very busy cleaning a spot on the countertop. “It’s fine, amore mia. You don’t need to worry about any of that.”

  Lucia narrowed her eyes. Nonna only slipped into Italian when she was nervous or agitated. So that behavior, along with her uncharacteristic reluctance to talk about her doctor’s visit, something she’d normally love to complain about, only made Lucia’s suspicions grow.

  Nonna was hiding something.

  “Where’s the invoice? I’m sure the insurance didn’t cover everything. I’ll pay the balance for you. It’s really no problem.”

  Nonna looked up at her with a hesitant expression. “It’s already paid for. I told you I save money for a rainy day.”

  The sound of the door opening drew both of their attention. Her grandmother bustled around the counter, strangely eager to investigate. Lucia followed her and they both stopped when they saw Noah standing in the entryway.

  “Noah, what a nice surprise!” Nonna welcomed him with open arms and he leaned down obligingly to kiss her cheek.

  “Sorry to interrupt, Nonna.” Noah glanced over at Lucia. His eyes scanned her from head to toe as if looking for damage.

  For a moment, Lucia forgot how angry she was as she took in his appearance. His eyes were wild and kept darting around like he expected something to pop out at him. Finally their eyes met, and the energy that crackled between them was palpable. Her heart flipped at the anguish she saw in his eyes. Something was very wrong.

  She took a step toward him before she stopped herself. This was how he always drew her back in. He did something unacceptable, but then she’d look into those deep brown eyes and forget all about it. But that wasn’t going to work this time. He’d crossed the line, and Lucia was done making excuses for him.

  Lucia rolled her eyes and turned around, hoping her grandmother wouldn’t pick up on the tension between them. Ever since Rafe’s death, Nonna had accepted Noah as his surrogate in their family. She was from the old school, and while there were a million rules Lucia was expected to live by, Noah had carte blanche to pretty much do whatever he wanted. In Nonna’s way of thinking he was the “head” of their family so she’d always turned a blind eye to his faults.

  As much as she liked to believe she was a modern woman, Lucia had to admit she’d been guilty of doing the same. All these years, she’d accepted Noah’s interference in her life. But those days were over.

  “I’m going to go. There’s so much work I need to catch up on. I’ll see you later Nonna.” Lucia kissed her grandmother quickly and then gathered her handbag from where she’d dropped it near the couch.

  She could hear Noah making his excuses and then his footsteps on the concrete behind her as she walked down the sidewalk toward the subway. Normally she’d engage, start a fight, maybe even scream at him, but no more. He could follow her but he couldn’t make her talk to him. It was time to stop entertaining his nonsense.

  chapter fourteen

  Lucia shivered in the cool air of the church, the dimly lit interior forcing her eyes to adjust. Stopping right in front of the holy water font, she gently dipped her finger in and crossed her forehead. She blanketed all of her emotions and feelings in a thick layer of numbness. She did not want to feel this way. She didn’t want to feel anything. She didn’t want her pain to rise to the surface and bubble over, spilling on everyone she loved. She didn’t want it to affect Nonna, JJ, or even Noah. Despite how angry she was with him, if she didn’t do something soon, she was going to combust.

  Last night, she’d slept fitfully and agonized over the day to come. It was the anniversary of her brother’s death, six long years since his murder. How fitting that last night she’d remembered more of that ill-fated day than ever before.

  She could recall being happy at Coney Island, eating hot dogs and riding fair rides. She had consumed more funnel cake than any human being should. Her brother had teased her, laughed with her, and won prizes for her. It was a perfect day until everything changed.

  She’d gone
to the bathroom, and in the span of time it took to wash the powdered sugar from her fingertips, she had washed away weeks of a happy and lighthearted mood. From the moment she’d returned to his side, Rafe’s demeanor had gone dark, dour, and desperate. He’d been frantic to leave, frantic to get somewhere else. He’d begun to talk so quickly that Lucia couldn’t understand him.

  He’d been full of anger and what looked a lot like fear. The whole time in the car, he’d apologized. Kept saying how sorry he was. She knew his worried look, firm brow, the restless tapping of his fingers on the steering wheel.

  Rafe only fidgeted that way when he was nervous. He’d been worried about something and Lucia didn’t like it. Something had been wrong. She remembered Rafe giving her a gun. The gunshots. Her brother going down. The weight of the gun in her hand as she pulled the trigger. But when she tried to remember the face of the man she shot…nothing. Nothing but a dark, empty hole in her heart and memory. It haunted her. From the moment she’d fired that gun, her next clearest memory was of herself wrapped in blankets the next morning.

  She’d woken on the couch in excruciating pain, her muscles so cramped that she hadn’t been able to move them. Then Nonna told her Rafe had died the day before.

  Her grandmother hadn’t told her what had happened or how she’d gotten home though. Months later, based on what others had asked her and what the Feds had told her family, she’d realized that her brother had taken her somewhere that warm summer afternoon and had then been shot.

  The police had found her in the Hamptons, several miles from the location, huddled under a payphone that she had used to call for help. They’d found her frightened, shaken, and in shock, and they had taken her home. She’d been covered in blood.

  Lucia crossed over to the vestibule where the lit candles were. All lit in prayer for the sick, the lost, for those not yet born. She automatically put her stick in the flames and picked a non-burning candle to light. She whispered a quick prayer to a God she wasn’t sure she believed in anymore. At the very least, a God she could no longer trust. After all, he had taken her brother.