When It Rains...

by Angie Daniels

  Honey shrugged. Helen Love’s sixtieth birthday was in three weeks. “I don’t know. Dinner maybe?” Last year, they each chipped in and bought her a new stove. This year Honey wanted to do something extra special.

  Rashad lowered his eyes and sighed. “Maybe a day to relax. I wish she’d stop working for those mothafuckin’white folks.”

  Honey could detect the anger in her brother’s voice. “You know that’s a losing battle.” They had fallen upon a touchy subject. For years, Helen Love had worked for a prominent white family as their housekeeper. No matter how much her three children complained, she refused to quit. She took pride in her job, and wasn’t ashamed of what she did for a living. It was her kids who seemed to have a problem with it.

  Honey gave him a thoughtful look. “I’d like to send her on a cruise.”

  “That’s a possibility,” Rashad mumbled before lookingdown at his vibrating pager. “Sorry, sis, got to go. I have a bathroom I’m supposed to be finishin’ on the Southside. I’ll holla atcha this weekend.” He reached for his bomber jacket and headed for the door, where he turned around to say, “You know, you should let me hook you up with Darrius. He’s been beggin’ me for your number.”

  She remembered bucktoothed Darrius, who’d lived next door to them until junior high. “Don’t even try it.” She waved him away in disgust. “I’ll see you this weekend.”

  “Yeah, okay.” He chuckled. “Peace.”

  Honey absently stroked the leather binder in front of her and found herself deep in thought long after he left. Even though she’d ended her relationship with Lavell only last week, she already missed having a male companion. She raised her hand to her face, restingit under her chin, and sighed. A hundred years ago, she would’ve been considered an old maid at her age. Then, maybe the shit wouldn’t matter.

  Pushing away from her desk, Honey moved over to a small refrigerator that she kept in the corner of her office and removed a diet soda. She found her mind drifting to Jay again. He’d been the subject of her thoughts for the last forty-eight hours, and it was driving her crazy. She’d succeeded in keeping him out of her life for months. Now, after one afternoon, she couldn’t stop wondering what he was doing. Now, after her discussionwith Sasha, she knew he was also thinking about her.

  She desperately needed something else to think about, so after contemplating a minute further, she moved around her desk, reached for her phone, and dialedher brother in his car.

  “Yeah, sis?” he asked after the first ring.

  Honey frowned, hating Caller ID. “What’s Darrius look like?” she asked.

  Rashad chuckled. “Girl, you know I don’t be judgingno dudes.”

  “Quit playing!”

  “Have you ever known me to hang around with a bunch of bustas?”

  Honey hesitated only a second before she found herself saying, “Go ahead and give him my number.” Then she added, “He’d better not be a scrub.” She hung up before Rashad could respond. Taking a deep cleansingbreath, she inhaled the smell of fresh-baked bread coming from the Wonder Bread factory on the corner. What the hell was I thinking? She groaned.

  She was still wondering if Darrius had ever gotten his teeth fixed when she was roused by a knock at her office door. Looking up, she saw Candy, her shoulder resting against the jamb.

  “Can I get the hookup?” She smirked.

  Honey sighed. Since the first time Candy met Rashad, she had expressed an interest in getting to know him better. “Girl, you can do that on your own. After next week, you’ll see him every day for several weeks while he’s workin’ on the expansion.”

  Honey was kind of surprised Rashad hadn’t tried to make a move on Candy himself by now. Then again, Candy probably wasn’t his type. She was adorable and soft-spoken, and attending college in the evening, so she probably intimidated her brother’s thuggish ass. Rashad was usually attracted to aggressive women with one or two babies by different daddies. The one exception was Diamond, a college student he’d dated for almost two years. Honey never knew what happened between them; Rashad refused to talk about it.

  “Mmm-hmm-hmm. I can’t wait,” Candy said, bringingHoney back to the moment. Candy’s chocolate eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and she turned to leave, then remembered why she had walked to Honey’s office. “Oh yeah. I almost forgot. You asked me to remind you about a four o’clock appointment.”

  Honey looked down at her watch, then pressed her lips together in a gloomy expression. “Yes, I did. Thank you.”

  Kendra faced the presence that darkened her doorstep and frowned. “Look what the cat brought in,” she muttered, voice cutting with sarcasm. Without bothering to invite Jay to follow, she turned away and returned to lounge across her floral jacquard couch.

  Knowing her attitude was justified, Jay flashed Kendra an embarrassed smile, which she chose to ignore.He shut the front door to the plush apartment and reluctantly joined her in the living room. Then, looking down at her sour expression, he replied, “I guess I deservedthat one.”

  “Good fuckin’ guess,” Kendra snapped before droppingher gaze to her manicured hands.

  Jay removed his leather jacket and draped it across a burgundy swivel rocker before taking a seat beside her. He dropped a hand to Kendra’s knee and squeezed it. “How you been?”

  Jay’s voice was so tender it took Kendra by surprise, taming her facile tongue. Tilting her head to the right, she considered his question for a moment, but when she saw his mellow expression her irritation brewed, and she raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows in a scowl.

  What did the sorry mothafucka want to hear? That she hadn’t seen her clit in months and it was driving her fuckin’ crazy? That she spent over an hour looking at herself in a full-length mirror this morning, and found her swollen nose and massive stomach repulsive? Or that she’d gorged last night on a gallon of butter pecan ice cream and a bag of chocolate chip cookies? Shhiiit! Whoever said being pregnant was a wonderful experience fuckin’ lied.

  “Still pregnant,” she answered, and was surprised when Jay’s gaze traveled over her with admiration.

  Kendra’s hair was pulled up into a bun secured with several decorative bobby pins, with bangs that lay flat across her forehead. Dressed as she was in a navy blue corduroy jumper with a coordinating white blouse, he found her appearance quite adorable. Too bad her beauty’s only skin deep. “Babe, you look good,” Jay said, then patted his thighs, motioning her to prop her feet up across his lap.

  Kendra, taken aback by his concern, complied with a smile. Leaning comfortably against the arm of the couch, Jay removed her leather moccasins and gently massaged her stocking feet. A sigh of relief escaped her lips. She’d had a long day at the office and as usual, by late afternoon her ankles had begun to swell. Her obstetrician insisted that she cut her days short and spend the rest of the afternoon with her feet elevated, but Kendra shit on that idea. With a new dental practice,it was important that she be available to her patients,especially if she wanted to compete with the numerous established offices in the area. She had learned a long time ago that customer service and flexibilitywere important to any business’s success. Besides,she depended on the money. Lease payments were high, and she needed new equipment for her office.

  While Jay kneaded the bottoms of her feet, she made herself comfortable and closed her eyes. This was what she missed most with Jay. The attention he used to shower her with. The pampering. Although a freak behind closed doors, Jay had always been a completegentleman. She wanted that back in her life. Sure, maybe she had been a little pushy at times, but she’d learned long ago that men had no respect for weak-ass women. Women who knew what they wanted, and weren’t afraid to do whatever the fuck it took to get it were the winners. Men didn’t want women like that princess in the movie Coming to America. You now, the kind you can tell to bark like a damn dog. She had learned that shit the hard way.

  Once upon a time, she had tried being nice. But being nice never got her no-fuckin’-where. Being a b
itch was much more appealing. How else had she been able to keep Jay’s chocolate ass in her life all these years? Because he couldn’t get enough of me. Even pregnant, Kendra knew she still made his dick hard. She’d seen his appreciative gaze as he assessed what her current condition had done to her body, and was pleased to find that he still found her irresistible. Maybe there’s some truth to the saying that men find pregnant women desirable.

  Under lashes heavily coated with mascara, Kendra gave him a sidelong glance and saw his somber expression.She wondered what had brought Jay to her home this evening. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself, but was certain he’d finally made a decision.

  Jay observed her silence and sighed heavily, certain that she was upset with him for his slowness. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come to my senses,” he said, looking for a good place to start. “It was very inconsiderateof me.”

  Kendra opened her eyes and gave him a hopeful smile. She had dreamed of this moment; Jay had finallydecided he wanted to be a family. She felt renewedhope that she wasn’t going to be alone like her stupid-ass mother had been. She was going to be with her baby’s daddy.

  Jay turned to her and looked at her intensely for severalseconds, then lowered his gaze to her sand-colored carpet, already regretting the outcome of their conversation.He’d read the hope in her eyes; Kendra wanted to marry and raise their child as a child should be raised: by two loving parents. However, he knew they could never do that, especially not as long as Kendra was incapable of loving anyone other than her own selfishass ... and not as long as he loved someone else. “Do you have any idea what you’re carrying?” he asked, trying to prolong his decision a little while longer.

  Kendra shook her head. “I had an ultrasound at the beginning, but it was too soon to tell.” She sighed innocently.“All that matters is that he or she is healthy.”

  Silence stretched between them before Jay finally replied, “I tried calling you several times, but I figured that some things were better discussed in person.”

  “I agree,” she said, urging him to continue. She wondered in which pocket he was hiding her phat-ass engagement ring. A cruise this time of the year would be ideal.

  Carefully avoiding her eyes, Jay stared down at his shoes. “I know what it feels like to be raised without parents, and I never want my child to ever go through that.”

  Kendra looked up at him, chestnut eyes wide and hopeful. “I agree,” she said hastily. Now hurry the fuck up!

  Jay bit his lip, trying to find the best way to phrase his thoughts. He shifted his gaze and watched the light dancing in her eyes ... a light he knew would soon fade. Placing a palm on her leg again, he shifted on the couch to face her. “I believe your decision to put the baby up for adoption is a reasonable choice.”

  “What!” Kendra couldn’t believe her ears. “But I want to keep the baby.”

  “You do?” he answered, confused. Her statement was a complete contradiction of what she’d told him several weeks prior.

  “Of course I do,” she answered. “But only if you do it with me.”

  With a groan, Jay found his eyes traveling to a pair of pleated drapes covering the window on the other side of the room. There wasn’t anything left between them but their unborn child. Why couldn’t she fuckin’ see that? Instead, he’d seen the hope in her eyes. Guilt lumped in his throat, and he swallowed hard before allowinghis gaze to travel back to her face. “I guess I misunderstood. I thought you wanted to give the baby up for adoption.” Before she could respond, he raised a hand to silence her. “If you want to keep the baby, I’ll be there for you. But you gotta understand, I ain’t marryingyou.”

  Kendra glared at him. Be there for you? What the hell did he plan to do? Come over and play house a couple of times a week? She stifled a bitter laugh, then, stinging with rejection and humiliation, she barked, “I guess I was good enough to fuck with but not enough to marry?”

  “Kendra, this ain’t a game. You tricked my black ass and you know it! I was too drunk to have any control over what happened that night. If I had, we wouldn’t have had unprotected sex. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t have fucked you at all.” Feeling his temperature rising, he tapped his hand lightly against her leg. Kendra alwaysdid bring out the worst in him. He calmed himselfand began again. “It’s over between us. It has been for months. I don’t love you. Nor do I want to make the mistake of marrying you because I feel obligated to do so. If you’re gonna keep this baby, then we need to try and be friends.”

  “I don’t want to be friends. I want to be your damn wife!” she shouted. Then, realizing shouting would get her nowhere, she reached over and ran her fingers caressinglyalong his arm. “We can make it work,” she cooed.

  Jay stiffened at her touch and quickly removed her hand. “We’ve tried, Kendra, and it doesn’t work betweenus.” He sighed, realizing their discussion was going to be harder than he had imagined.

  Her demeanor calmed and she fixed pained eyes on him. “But things are different now. I’ve changed.”

  Not wanting to hurt her, Jay thought about keeping the truth to himself, but decided it was best to be honestwith her. “Would you really want to be with me knowin’ that I love someone else?”

  “What!” She dropped her feet to the floor with a thump and began wagging her head furiously. “Jay Andrewsdoesn’t fall in love, remember?” She laughed a bitter laugh.

  He patted her hand and said kindly, “Kendra, you’re making this difficult.”

  “No, you’re makin’ this shit difficult!” she countered,jerking her hand away. Her voice was unsteady with disbelief. “Don’t lie to me. I know better than to believe that you’re in love.” She dismissed his confessionwith a toss of her hand. “If you don’t want to have anything to do with me or this baby, then fuck, just say so, because as I stated before, I’m not gonna raise a baby alone. Do you really want to put your own flesh and blood up for adoption?” She glared at him with contempt.

  “No, I don’t want that. But to be totally honest, I think we’d both be lousy parents. There are so many married couples out there ready to give a child all the love it needs.” Jay stood and moved over to the window to find big flakes of snow falling in blankets across the lawn. There was no use talking. She was only going to listen to what the fuck she wanted to hear. Still, he had to try. He turned to face her. “I don’t think I know how to do that. Be a parent, I mean.” Kendra rolled her eyes while Jay paused to run a hand through his hair. “But if you want to keep the baby, I’ll stand by your decision and support you in every way.”

  She leaned back against the cushion and said, “I don’t think so. If I can’t have you, then I don’t want your ugly-ass baby either.”

  Jay tried to sound as reasonable as he could. “It’s ultimatelyyour decision, but please keep in mind I’ll be there for you and my child. Money will never be a problem.”

  She flinched. His insinuation was like a slap in the face. “You think this is about money?” She laughed. “Well, it’s not! It’s about me being forced to be a single parent like my mother.”

  “No one forced you to have this baby,” he said, feelinghis temper surfacing.

  Kendra’s eyes grew large as she spoke in a slow voice that chilled him. “You’re right. No one did, and no one will force me to keep it either.”

  There was a prolonged silence before Jay asked, “So, what do we do now?”

  “We don’t do anything,” she said with a tone of indifference.“I’ll find a lawyer in the morning and arrange a private adoption.” She cringed inside. The discussion hadn’t gone as she planned. Jay still hadn’t gotten used to the fact that she was carrying his child. How long is this shit gonna take?

  Jay sighed heavily. “I guess it’s settled then.”

  Chin raised, eyes glittering with anger, she said, “Yes, it is.”

  “Look ... I didn’t come over here to fight with you. Let’s try again tomorrow.” Jay reached for his jacket and looked down at her disappointed
face. “I better get goin’. A storm was scheduled to move in from the north tonight and it looks like it’s already here. I’ll call you in the mornin’. Call me if you need anything beforethen.”

  Arms folded above her belly, Kendra responded with a temperamental sniff. Her frosty glare told him her attitude toward him now was nothing compared to what he’d have to face from this day forth. Finding no reason to stick around any longer, Jay turned and headed for the door.

  Kendra was about to toss a pillow at his head when the baby took the opportunity to give her a swift kick in the ribs. Her eyes sparkled with an idea. “Oh!” she moaned.

  Jay rushed back to her side, his eyes wide with concern.“Is somethin’ wrong?”

  Kendra shook her head vigorously, wearing an angeliclook. “No. Nothing’s wrong.” She giggled. “Your child has a tendency to kick field goals against my ribs.”

  Kneeling down beside her, Jay focused on her stomachand asked, “Does it hurt?”

  “No.” She gave him a pathetic smile. “Why don’t you feel for yourself?”

  Jay laid a nervous palm on her stomach. As luck would have it, the baby moved again and Jay flinched. “Oh, shit! Was that the baby?”

  Kendra nodded.

  “Damn, he’s got some kick.”

  She frowned. “Who said anything about it being a he?”

  Jay was stunned. He hadn’t thought about it much, and had used the word in a general way. But the little person kicking could be a future football player, or even a little ballerina.

  As she watched the awe on his face, Kendra had to fight the urge to smile. When he’d first arrived, she saw the way he watched her move, staring down at her stomach. And only moments ago, she saw his eyes as he felt his child move inside her womb. All of those were signs of a father curious about his unborn child. There was no way Jay was going to be able to resist his child. Especially if it’s a boy. She was certain of that. She just needed time to make him realize it. All she had to do was put a plan in order. All she needed was time. “Can I ask you a favor?”