“He would prefer to live with his filthy animals than to come and be a member of Society? He is barely above an animal himself!”
I leap before he can say another word, crashing into him with blind instinct. I have no fighting skills or training beyond surviving but the monster in me seems to know how to do damage. I slam into the Regent and he flies backwards knocking people out of the way as he does so. The room breaks out in a cacophony of noise as the spectators move away, some breaking things in their haste, but none of that matters as I see only my prey weak, broken, and on the ground. He starts rising back to his feet but I move faster. I close the distance between us and slam my fist into his face, the crunch that resounds out gives me a deep satisfaction that only heightens as his blood sprays out from his now broken nose. I reach down and grab the front of his shirt, pulling him up to me so that our faces are inches apart.
“HE IS NOT AN ANIMAL!” I scream.
I lift and thrust at the same time and he flies against the far wall, the force of impact drives his body into the wall before he slides down again, leaving an imprint of himself behind. His fangs come out and a low growl comes from him as he crouches there on the floor, his head bowed, his blood dripping down. He raises his head and looks at me with pure hate; I can sense his beast is cornered, trapped with nowhere to go.
The crowd around us has pulled back and no one seems inclined to get involved. They all move in slow motion for me; for every three steps I take they take one, trying to get away. I am dimly aware of their screams echoing through the room but my focus is on the Regent. I sense him gathering for an attack, summoning all the blood he has to fuel his abilities. I start stalking towards him; one step, two, and then I reach out with my senses to his beast, caressing it before I pull the rug out from under it. In my mind, as I move, I see it as slamming the beast in him into a small locked room that has no key or door. I erect it around the creature, blocking it completely. The Regent, about to leap in one instant, then sags and there is nothing before me but a weak, whimpering man.
I push myself to go faster, my vision is completely awash in crimson, I want his blood on my tongue, I want to hold him over me and rip him apart letting it shower down on me in a rain of blood and viscous.
I stop. I try to move forward but I can’t, it feels like I just ran into an invisible wall. I push, but my body doesn’t respond, I just stand there. Then I hear her voice cut through the haze, imperious and angry.
“That is enough!” Athene commands. Her hand lands on my shoulder and the monster in me surges, I want to turn and rip her apart but I still can’t move.
I stare down at the broken man at my feet, his bones are starting to heal already, the blood that was flowing slows then stops as I struggle against her control over me.
Athene moves forward and helps him to his feet. “Regent, are you all right?” she asks.
I hear the sound of bones popping back into place with loud cracking noises as he rises. His eyes avoid me at first, then he looks at me with pure hate, like the school bully someone finally stood up to and put in his place.
“You are not fit for Society any more than that filthy animal who sired you is!” he declares.
I just stare at him, anger still pulsing in me but slowly I feel a smile edge onto my face. The walls I put around his beast crumble away, I feel them going down and am unable to keep them in place. They need my will to keep them there which has been blocked. I look at Athene and know she is the one controlling me. I can sense the bond between us and I can feel her anger but outwardly she gives no sign of any upset.
“She is new, her control of herself is tenuous at best. You understand, I’m sure,” Athene apologizes for me.
“Oh yes, I understand. I understand only too well that the monster Dallas has filled her with his own lack of control. You are too close to him to see it obviously.” He straightens his suit as he speaks and Katherine reappears next to him from where I have no idea. She is all smiles herself, dusting his jacket for him with a half-smile on her face.
“She will be trained by others,” he continues. “She is to be educated in different schools of thought for controlling herself. She is not going to be welcomed into Society with her obvious lack of control.” He turns away from me, but he does so slowly, I can see the nervousness in his movements, the tension of someone that is waiting to be jumped. He is speaking for show.
I want to jump him and finish what I started, but there is no way I can move. Athene catches my eye and gives the slightest shake of her head. Interesting, can she feel me struggling against her control? I push out, willing myself to move but watch her as I do. I see her frown deepen and I give myself a mental nod. I’m starting to figure this out, maybe it will all be worth it after all.
The Regent walks away slowly while the room remains silent as a mausoleum, which in a way I suppose it is. Griogar steps in front of the Regent.
“Regent,” he begins. He is taller than the Regent and it seems to me that he has his eyes on me the entire time he is speaking. “I would volunteer, at great personal costs of course, to be the first to educate this young one on the matters of control.” Griogar smiles broadly.
God damn it.
“Fine,” the Regent’s reply is terse and he immediately begins moving again. The remaining crowd starts to mingle and move about again once the Regent is out of the room.
Suddenly, the force that was keeping me still is gone and Athene is there looking up at me. I don’t see any anger in her eyes, I see sadness.
“This will be interesting,” she shakes her head.
I was prepared for anger so this takes me by surprise.
Griogar approaches. “You will attend me in two nights,” he speaks to me without looking at Athene. “I will show you . . . control.” He drags the last word out while his eyes rove over me and revulsion whelms up inside me but I have to admit, I’m curious.
“She will be there.” Athene replies, her eyes on me the entire time as well.
“Mmm, this will be very enjoyable.” Griogar smiles and then walks away.
I arch an eyebrow at Athene but she just shakes her head and heads for the elevator.
LUNA RISES
Wolf
I SEE HER WALKING OUT OF THE BUILDING beside Athene. Her form is perfect, the grace with which she moves now is unmistakable but more than that she is a burning light in the dark night. The humanity she exudes even now calls to me like a moth to the flame. Desire pulses in me, I want her, she attracts the beast in me and I want to bury my desire in her. I growl, refusing to let the animal instinct take over. Their car pulls up and they get in, both of them moving quickly but not too quickly. I glance up at the moon, something has happened, they are leaving early. The crowd starts to exit the building as well and I watch them file out, each getting into their vehicles, with or without drivers and leaving.
My frown is fixed, they all pretend that their Society is fine but I know it is slipping. Their pretense cannot last much longer, more of them are falling each year, going into a long sleep or losing themselves to their beast. The balance cannot be maintained, they are losing control and all it will take is one final misstep, too much public attention and the burning times will come again. I turn away from the crowd, their simplicity and blindness is too much for me to want to deal with.
I hear a scream in the night, it’s several blocks away judging by the volume and lack of echo. As I start towards the sound, memories of the night I saved Lily tell me this could be a trap. I don’t care though; let them try to trap me, fools that they are. The sound of the struggle grows louder so I push blood to the beast letting it increase my speed.
“No! Please no, oh God, no!”
I look down and see a boy on his knees begging for his life. There is a gang of tattooed, leather clad teens surrounding him and one boy who lacks tattoos in front of them with a gun aimed at the crying boy’s forehead. The one with the gun can’t be more than ten years at the oldest, the gun shakes as
he aims, wavering back and forth.
“Do it T, do it!” one of the surrounding boys says, a big one, over two hundred pounds, his head is shaved and has flames tattooed down the side. “Fucking do it!”
The boy holding the gun continues to hesitate while the one on his knees begs. I remember the gang that had surrounded Lily and growl, then the smell of their fear wafts to me awakening my hunger, the beast leaps at the idea of food and a smile spreads across my face. Dinner is served. I leap off the roof but I must have made a noise because one of the gang looks up and yelps causing the others to turn and open fire. The bullets rip into me one after another but I ignore them.
Claws extend as I land and rip into the flesh of the first shooter. Screams tear out of him but I look over him and lock eyes with my next target, the one who was running his mouth and pushing the one kid to shoot the other. My claws sink into the guts of the boy before me, I lift him to use as a shield from the others. My gums tear as my fangs extend, it hurts every time, but I’m used to it. The beast is in control and I’m along for the ride at this point. I have to let it run free at times, it’s the only way to maintain the balance between me and it.
I see the fear in their eyes but that only enrages the beast, for me it brings back memories of another gang, only a few nights back, surrounding Lily. She was my connection to what it meant to be human, to struggle to survive just as she did, to actually care about others. She rolled with the punches, took some hits, but she remained strong, she remained human. No matter how hard they hit her, she never lost touch with made her special, her ability to care about others. I admired it, wanted it, but it felt so alien to me. It was unreal to put another above my own needs, the man who had been capable of that died a long time ago. I thought he had, thought I had walked away from that and left it long behind.
Then I heard her on the radio, her soft voice echoing out through the empty night, caring when no one else did. She gave hope where there was none to be had. At least that is what I heard in her voice and in the words she gave to the desperate people calling into her overnight show. My shoulder explodes in pain as a bullet rips through it. I throw the man in my arms at the shooter and leap, raking down with my claws across his face. Most of the bullets miss, the shooters are too scared to aim. I see the first of them start to run, the beast roars with triumph feeding on the fear as much as the blood.
I was weak when I gave in to her needs, to my own desire and had sex with her. I should never have taken her but I wanted her, wanted to pull her light inside me and protect it from the hell that is the world in which we live. I should have known better, nothing good lasts around me. Now she is turned. I should have been stronger, should have stood up to Athene and not given in, should have let her die a clean death. My own weakness again, like it makes me the better man that I didn’t do the turning, I didn’t stop it either. The pit of my stomach is hollow as I contemplate my failure. I should end her, not let her live in this tortured state but the thought of the world without her in it is more than I can bear. Some part of me hopes that she can maintain that light she represents even now.
I smell her on the air, her light scent, the cheap hair dye, that crappy perfume she likes. I feel the touch of her on my skin, the softness of her against me, I want her back. I can’t have her, even turned, she is better off without me, more now so than before. Knowing me has already gotten her killed, there is so much more she could lose. She could not live like me, embracing the beast, trying to find a way through, to achieve the mythical balance between man and animal. I worry I have gone too far already.
I kill the gang almost without effort, my thoughts running without consideration for what the beast is doing with my body. I am separate from it, that much I’ve achieved. I can maintain myself on this island within me while it slakes its needs on the flesh I’ve made available to it. The others lose themselves in it, it takes over all thought as well as their form. The price of this control though is high, too high for her to pay. Too high for anyone to pay, that is why they all leave. I can’t have them with me. They will end up like Billy, losing themselves to the beast. Then I have to put them down, leave them lying on the ground in a dirty alley.
Another body drops to the ground as a bullet hits me in the chest. The pain flares up but I push it down and ignore it, the beast doesn’t care, a small push of blood and the wounds become inconsequential. I learned a long time ago to ignore the pain. I crouch down one hand to the ground making a smaller target as I look for the next victim. The gang members are scattering realizing they are getting nowhere with their bullets. I smile as the prey runs. I can smell their sins on them, this is not their first rodeo, these boys have all killed before and will kill again. My one restraint I keep on the monster is to target the worst of society. I have to embrace it to follow the path that no one else can but at least I can maintain that much control.
The final two drop too easy to satisfy the monster, nothing really slakes the hunger, the thirst it feels not only for blood but for violence, for exerting dominance over other living creatures, for being the ultimate predator. Sobs come from behind me and slowly I turn to look at the boy they were going to kill. I know the smile on my face will be more terrifying to him than the gun they had in his face, a man covered in blood smiling with fangs protruding from his mouth is not a friendly sight. I walk towards him slowly, the beast bucks but I ride it down. It is easier now that it has been appeased in blood and viscera.
“What in the hell are you!” The boy’s tears stream down his face. “Please don’t kill me too!”
I stare down at him resisting the urges. It was getting harder to not lose myself and let the beast have control. The path is difficult, but I can see a glimmer down there, a way out if I just ride it far enough down.
“Go home,” I say. This boy has no business being out in the streets. The gang who had surrounded him lies dead around us. I’m sure that will play havoc with the ‘Society’ folks, but no one really cares when a gang hit goes wrong and they could spin it like that. The boy jumps to his feet and runs without another word.
I nod at his retreat then turn and head out of the city as Lily drifts in and out of my thoughts. I can’t, I can’t have her. I don’t deserve her, she deserves better. I have to push her away. I cannot let her be affected by this darkness, cannot let her light be quenched.
The moon hangs over the city street almost full with an orange tint, a harvest moon we called it when I was young. I stop and stare at it, feeling its pull. I want to run, to break free and run with the wind in my face and no limits to be had. There is no running though, nowhere to run, and no one to run to. I lower my head back down and continue walking.
Footsteps start to echo mine, almost perfectly in step with me, lesser ears would never have caught them. I smile and pick up the pace, let’s see how they play. I turn the next corner pressing against the building as I do. No one appears around the corner, so I wait longer. I catch a faint scent but it can’t be who I think it is. Finally I step around the corner and face an empty street. I look around, checking the tops of the buildings as well, but nothing. Turning around I start to continue home.
“Hello Wolf.” She is there, in front of me and the entire world drops away as the moon steps back into my life.
AFTERMATH
Lily
“I‘M SORRY!” I APOLOGIZE WHILE FOLLOWING ATHENE as she walks into the house without a word. My guts feel empty as I walk along behind her; she hasn’t said a word to me since I lost it on the Regent. I know this is bad, I don’t know how bad but it can’t be good at all. He runs the City, he is the one in charge and I just threw him across the room like a rag doll. I would not put this on my top ten list of bright ideas. The worst part is I don’t feel bad at all about what I did, that part makes me happy, elated. The thrill that ran through me as I dominated him was electric, but the look on Athene’s face, the quiet treatment she has given me since it happened is heartbreaking.
She stops in the foye
r of her house and I stop too, waiting, expecting her to kick me out. I have nowhere to go; my old place would not be safe from the sun much less from anyone who wants to find me there. Wolf doesn’t want me around either. My mind races as she stands there looking at me trying to figure out what I will do if she abandons me. I stare at the floor waiting for her to berate me, to kick me out, maybe even to beat me I have no idea what I’m waiting for but I know I deserve it if she wants to deal it.
“It’s not your fault,” she says at last.
My eyes fly up to meet hers. “Really?” I feel overwhelming joy flood through me. I smile at her but she doesn’t return the smile, she just looks sad.
“No, not completely. I did not prepare you well enough. I knew you were having troubles controlling yourself. I should not have let you go out in Society yet.”
My stomach tightens, I feel like she just kicked me, hard.
“Now we will have to deal with this.” She turns and starts walking up the stairs.
As she moves away I look at the cage she has built around her own beast, the weaving of light refracting around itself holds the monster inside easily. It seems to take her no effort at all. I have nothing but a chain on the monster in me, there is no cage, no walls, nothing but my will that I can throw at it when the thing lashes out.
“How do you do it?” I ask her retreating form. “How does anyone do it? How do you find a way to cage this? To resist the urges? I’m so . . .” I don’t know what I am, some weird combination of hunger and thirst, but so deep it aches. I would say in my bones but it’s deeper like my soul is empty, something in my core just needs something. “Even when I feed, it doesn’t stop.” I walk towards her and stop at the bottom step as she stands with her back to me several steps up.
Control Page 5
