The Surgeon’s Secrets

by Michelle Love

  “Why do I have a fever and low blood pressure, Doc?”

  “The human body is complex. With depression, anxiety, stress, any of those things, our immune systems become weaker. Your fever is caused by the chemicals your body has been releasing a lot of, to help you cope with all that’s on your plate right now. Once we get those chemicals in balance, which will take a few days, then you will begin to feel better.”

  “So this isn’t an instant fix?” I ask as I look over at Brittany.

  The doctor shakes his head. “I wish there was something to immediately take this all away. Much like this didn’t happen all at once, it won’t be taken away all at once. But each day you will feel better. And if you don’t, then let your physician know so they can change the prescription until they find what will work for you.”

  “Something is better than nothing,” I say, and find myself meaning it.

  “Now, we’re going to hook you up to some monitors for a little while so we can track your blood pressure and your heartrate, breathing, those kinds of things. And I can send in a priest, preacher, or a certified psychiatrist to talk to you about things. And you can see any variation of them if you want,” he tells me then gets off the bed.

  “I think a professional and maybe a preacher,” I say, as I think about who might be able to help me the most.

  “I’ll get them coming to see you and my nurse will get you going on the anti-depressant and hook you all up. I’ll be back in a few hours to see if you feel like staying the night with us or leaving.”

  “It’s up to me?” I ask in surprise.

  “It is all up to you, Jason. Nothing is out of your control. Remember that,” he says as he pulls the curtain back and gives us a wave then leaves.

  Pulling in a deep breath, I already feel somewhat better. Then Brittany moves to my side and puts her hand on my shoulder. “Better than drinking and smoking?”

  I nod. “Yes. You were right.”

  She sits down and runs her hands through my hair. “I love you, Jason. I will always do what’s best for you.”

  And just like that, I know she is my rock and always will be.

  “I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m going to hold on to you for all I’m worth.” I take her hand and kiss it as I look into her eyes.

  I don’t know how she puts up with me and all my drama, but I’m damn glad she does.

  Chapter 10

  BRITTANY

  On his own, Jason decides to stay the night in the hospital. So here I am, cuddled up next to him on his hospital bed in the largest private room they have here in the little place. He’s sleeping with his arm around me and seems to be getting better.

  After a couple of private conversations with people who completely understood him and knew the right things to say to him, he seemed better. Not one hundred percent better, but better.

  I called his mother while he was in one of those private sessions and told her about everything. She was kind of mad at herself for not thinking about getting him help after his grandfather died.

  The preacher came to talk to me after he left Jason’s hospital room. He and I talked a lot about how Jason has been living. Jason came clean with the sweet older man who never judged him a bit about all the lying, cheating, and hurting he’d done to women.

  I was a bit surprised myself the man was so easy to talk to. I ended up telling him a few things about my life too. Things I’ve never told anyone before because I was so ashamed of doing them. He made me feel better, too.

  It seems most people do some things most other people deem as bad. The preacher put it to me this way. He said, “No one is all good or all bad. There is good and bad in us all. At times, situations occur that make us pick one path or another. There is no reason to beat yourself up because you picked the negative path. You wouldn’t beat yourself up for picking a bad melon, so don’t beat yourself up about picking a bad way to deal with something.”

  By bringing Jason here to this hospital instead of enabling him by taking him to get alcohol, I helped us both, even though I didn’t think I needed any help.

  His arm tightens around me and his lips press against my neck as he whispers in his sleep, “Don’t let them take her from me.”

  With no idea what he’s dreaming, I kiss his cheek to wake him. There’s no reason to let him have a bad dream. Not with all the other shit on the poor guy’s mind.

  His eyelashes flutter as he opens his eyes. “You’re still here.”

  “I am. I’m not going anywhere, sweet pea.” I kiss his cheek again. It’s rough from not shaving, yet he still looks as handsome as ever.

  “Thank you, Britt. I really mean that. I can’t thank you enough. No one has ever cared enough to fight me to make me do this,” he says as he blinks back a few tears.

  “Get ready for a lifetime of this kind of stuff. I’m in it for the long haul. Thick and thin and all that jazz,” I say as I run my hand over his tight abs.

  “I’ve never had anyone do the things you do for me. Marrying you is going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done. There will be no worries about you at all. You’ve proven yourself a hell of a lot more than I’ve proven myself to you. I don’t feel worthy of you. Not in the least. It scares me some that one day you will figure that out. But until that day comes, which I pray never happens, I will hold on to you for dear life.”

  With no idea what I should say to that, I just smile and move my hand up to run it through his dark hair. Leaning my head on his chest, I listen to his heart beating. I want to hear it every night before I go to sleep. I want to hear it first thing when I wake up every morning.

  His strong hand moves over my head. “I’ll make you proud of me, pumpkin.”

  “I already am, Jason. You don’t have to prove yourself to me. I know the man you are deep down inside. If you think I expect you to never have any troubles, you’re wrong. I know life is full of problems.”

  “My life has more than most,” he says, then kisses the side of my head.

  I hold my tongue so I don’t say what went through my mind. How there are more troubles because he created them. There’s no reason to add to the pressure he’s feeling.

  “I can handle them, Jason. You can count on me. I will always be in your corner.”

  “Do you think we can still be happy if that baby is mine, Britt? Because I think it would cause all kinds of hell.”

  “We won’t let it cause any hell. I don’t want you to worry about it anymore. There’s nothing worrying can do, anyway. And I am with you on any decision you would make.”

  “Would it be terrible of me to want nothing to do with the kid if it is mine?” he asks, and I get a little tense.

  The doctor told me not to talk about anything serious with him for at least a few days. This is serious, and I’m certainly not about to tell him it’s okay to forget about a person his body created. With his knowledge or not.

  “Well, that’s one of those topics the doc told you not to think about for a while, Jason.”

  His hand moves over my side, stroking it. “Yeah, I know, but it’s been running through my mind a lot. I need to know how you’d feel if I signed away my rights.”

  “I will back you no matter what you do,” I say. But I feel kind of bad because once he’s all better, I will tell him how I really feel about it. “But you know, you can’t make that kind of decision while on the anti-depressant. That will have to be thought about a bit later on.”

  “No, I hadn’t realized that. The results will be in well before I’m done with the treatment. I thought I’d give him up right away.”

  My heart is aching as this is such a huge decision to make and he’s obviously in need of more therapy. “Doing something quickly is never a good idea. Giving a human away is definitely not a thing one should do quickly. Take your time and think about things. It doesn’t matter when you would do a thing like that. It doesn’t have to be done right away. Giving him up won’t change the fact you have to financially care for
him, anyway.”

  “It’s not the money. I’d give any kid of mine all they would ever need. It’s dealing with that woman for the rest of my life,” he tells me, and now I understand a lot better.

  “Things can be done so you don’t have to handle things with her on your own. Advocates can bring the child to you. That would leave her out of it.”

  “I know there would still be times I’d have to deal with her. You see what she’s capable of. I don’t trust her at all,” he says.

  “Nor should you. Nor should you be thinking about this right now. Let me see if I can help you take your mind off of things so you can get some sleep.”

  “Now that sounds like the kind of therapy I need, baby,” he says with a low moan.

  I’m not sure how the nurse will take finding the door locked, but I’m locking it. Slipping off my shorts, I find Jason watching me in the silver glow of the dimly lit room. He makes a little growl as I pull my T-shirt off.

  “Baby, you look amazing in this hospital room. The next time I see you in one of these, I want it to be just after you have our baby.”

  I grin at him and take my bra off as I take slow steps toward him. I giggle as he adjusts the bed to sit up some. Losing the panties, I stop just in front of the bed and pull the thin, pale blue blanket back and rid him of his underwear, leaving the hospital gown on. It opens in the front, after all.

  “Climb on,” he tells me, as the bed has him in the best position for me to ride him.

  As I settle onto his hard cock, we look into each other’s eyes. “We need to get an adjustable bed, baby. There are just so many possibilities,” I say with a moan, as I am fitting him better than usual and we fit very well together, as it is.

  “Make it happen, pumpkin.”

  He’s almost back to being Jason again. And even though it was a very short time of having to deal with him in the other mode, I missed the real Jason far more than I realized, as tears begin to flow. I run my arms around him and hold him close so I can feel him and make sure he’s real.

  And just like that, it becomes apparent that I cannot live without this man. And I don’t know if that’s bad or good.

  The Finish Line Part Four

  Chapter 1

  JASON

  “What do you mean, she still hasn’t taken the baby to get the mouth swab done?” I shout at my attorney over the phone. “It’s been three weeks. This is insanity! She was ordered to do that! Jackson, I don’t pay you like I do to stand around and let things go. I need you to make her get that swab test done. I want to get married as soon as possible. Do you understand me?”

  “I understand you, Jason. But Beatrice is saying the baby is sick. What do you want me to do? Order a mother to take her sick baby to a lab for a swab?”

  “How fucking difficult could that be?” I find myself still shouting. “We’ve been stuck here in Dallas for nearly an entire month. Britt has to be back in New York in three days for a meeting about some book cover with some author. I want to accompany her. But I can’t if I don’t have those results.”

  “Go with her. I’ll take care of this from here on out. No one told you that you had to wait around, Jason.” He sighs, and I can tell I’m grating on his nerves. “What’s the real problem here? You and I have been working together for a few years now and I’ve never seen you this tense. You’re usually the opposite of tense, as a matter of fact. I should point out that since you and this new girl have hooked up, you’re kind of an irrational puddle of emotions, Jason. Maybe she isn’t good for you.”

  Jackson is an older man who I’ve looked up to and needed as an advisor since the very beginning of my career. His help in making sure I kept all the rights to my application was invaluable to me. If he’s saying I’m not the man I was then, I need to listen to him.

  I look over my shoulder and see Brittany is still outside on the balcony, talking to her agent. “Jackson, I know I’m changing. I’m well aware of that fact. I’m on an anti-depressant now.”

  “Why?” he asks, in what sounds like disbelief. “Jason, you’ve always been the most laidback man I’ve ever met. Why in the world would you need anti-depressants?”

  “I have dark times when bad things happen. It’s been years since my last episode. But with this paternity suit hanging over my head and an accident I witnessed a few weeks ago, it sent me into that darkness I had avoided. So now I’m on medication to fix that. It’s working. I’m much better. Not entirely, but much better than when it first set in.” I run my hand through my hair and sigh.

  The fact is, I have gotten better. Only it seems to be taking longer than I expected for me to come back around. I keep blaming the lack of results from the paternity test, but something else is there, too.

  I want to be married to Britt already!

  “What’s the big fucking deal if the kid is yours?” he asks me with an exasperated tone. “You have plenty of money to pay whatever the court orders. See the kid, don’t see the kid, whatever. I can’t understand why the fuss, Jason. Honestly!”

  “The fuss is that Britt wanted only us to have kids. I’d be letting her down if the baby is mine.”

  “Did she tell you that?”

  I look back out the glass door and see her still on the phone, waving her hand in the air and talking what looks like excitedly. “No, she’s never said that. It’s me who thinks that. I know it would bother her. I’ve done wrong by her, and all I wanted to do was make it all up to her. Then one of my many women had to go and fuck up my plans.”

  “You can marry Brittany after the results are in. If you are the father, then marry her after the child support is set. Not a big deal. So stop freaking out. Start making your plans. Why not set the wedding date for a year from now? Let her make wedding plans. Women love that shit,” he says with a deep chuckle.

  How can I explain to anyone the rush I feel about getting Brittany permanently attached to me? It makes no sense to anyone but me, I think.

  “I don’t want to wait a year. I don’t even want to wait a day. You don’t understand. I feel like there’s this tiny thing holding us together right now. It’s like, any minute she could find out something about me that’s a deal breaker for her and boom, it’ll all be over.”

  “What makes you think a piece of paper like a marriage license, will stop that?” he asks. “And what kind of things are you hiding, Jason?”

  “Just a past riddled with deceit and other terrible things like that.”

  The balcony door opens and I see Britt come through it with a frown on her pretty face. She gives me a glance, then walks to the bedroom.

  “Do what I’ve told you to, Jason,” Jackson tells me. “Go on about your business. I can sign any papers that will need to be signed. Go back to New York or wherever you want. I’ll deal with this. It’s just a legal problem, when you really think about it.”

  The bedroom door closes and I find myself worried for some damn reason. The fucking anti-depressants don’t stop the worry. “Okay, Jackson, I’ll leave this up to you. Don’t let me down. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Great. Bye,” he says and ends the call.

  Placing the phone on the table by the sofa, I go to the bedroom to find Brittany packing her things. “What are you doing?”

  “I have to head back to New York this evening. Could you do me a favor and call that private jet charter company?” She walks toward the bathroom.

  “I’ll come with you,” I say as I follow along behind her.

  She stops and spins around. “No!”

  I freeze, then thaw very quickly as distrust flows through me. “Why not?”

  “You need to stay here in case Beatrice gets the swab test done and the results come back. If the baby is yours, then you need to fight for joint custody! Can’t you remember what we’ve discussed a thousand times, Jason?”

  I cross my arms in front of me. “You sure it’s not because you plan on seeing one of your boy toys while you’re there?”

  “Lose the clo
sed-off posture, Jason,” she says as she uncrosses my arms. “It has nothing to do with that. It’s all to do with the fact that if the baby is yours, we want to have joint custody.”

  “I can go back with you. It’s just as easy for me to jet back over here for the results if luck goes against me and the kid is mine,” I say, then wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me.

  Her frown hasn’t gone away. The crease between her dark, perfectly arched brows deepens, as she says, “Don’t say that. Don’t think of him as bad luck. What if he’s the only child you ever have?”

  And there it is, her doubt about getting pregnant. I lean my forehead to hers. “Baby, it’s not out of the question that you and I will have kids. So what if the pregnancy tests have all come back negative? It’s been less than two months since we started trying.”

  “I know that. I have this feeling it’s not going to happen for us, that’s all. We both managed to get rich. We managed to find each other again. We even managed to get my parents to get over what happened between us in the past. That was a miracle in itself. I just don’t think we get to have everything. You know, like a family of our own. This baby may be all the family you ever get.”

  Rocking with her, I whisper, “Baby, if all I ever have in this world is you, then I’ll count myself one of the luckiest men alive. Kids or no kids, I want you. I want you to be in my life forever.”

  The touch of her hand as she runs it across my back sends chills through me. “Jason, don’t act like that wasn’t one of the first things you said to me. You wanted to have a baby with me. It was foremost on your mind. I know you. Probably better than you know yourself. If I can’t give you what you desperately want, then you’ll find someone who can.”