Weapons of Mass Distraction

by Camilla Chafer

  I picked up my wine glass and took a long sip. “That, I don’t know. But my gut tells me there’s something iffy about these deaths; and I’ve learned recently when my gut tells me something, I should listen to it.”

  “All right then. Tell me more about what happened to the guy, the one in your spin class. Jim something,” he said. I was sure he knew Jim’s name and had already mentally filed every little detail I’d given him.

  “There really isn’t much to say. He was doing okay, although I think he was going a little slower than he was supposed to. It’s a pretty tough class.”

  “How so?”

  “Tough cardio for heart and lungs, and pretty hard on thighs too. Our instructor, Anton, pushes us hard and gets results.”

  Solomon nodded, but I suspected he’d never taken a spin class in his life. Not that his thighs suffered any for it; but I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about that either. “Okay. Go on.”

  “So, Jim Schwarz was slowing down. He got off the bike, wobbled a little, then just collapsed onto the floor. Anton tried to help him, but there was nothing he could do.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yeah. Oh, and his finger was bleeding.”

  “A lot?”

  “No, like a bead, like he’d just pricked his finger.”

  Solomon mused over that. Finally, he said, “With the exception of the treadmill death, it still sounds like your first guy died of natural causes. Maybe he nicked his finger. It’s probably not related.”

  “And the woman?”

  “It’s not absolutely unheard of for two people to die of natural causes at the same location in a narrow time frame. It’s just really unfortunate.”

  We waited as the server arranged little plates onto the table, asked if we wanted our wine glasses refreshed, then gave us a little bow before disappearing.

  “Unnatural enough for you to ask me if I wanted to find a new gym,” I pointed out. The delicious aromas reaching my nose made me salivate. “But maybe I’ll go to the doctors and get a health check.”

  “I have a stethoscope,” said Solomon, looking up and smiling, with his eyes sparkling under his lashes.

  “Really? Are you sure what you keep in your pants is called a stethoscope?”

  The sultry smile remained on Solomon’s lips. “Stay over tonight and find out.”

  “If you insist, but only because I need to stay healthy.”

  “I’ll give you a full body check. Promise.”

  I shivered. I knew exactly what that meant: that I’d be very tired in the morning, albeit very satisfied. “Since you insist and while we’re on the topic, I’ll be doctor and you can be nurse.”

  “I’m a real man and I can be a hot nurse,” said Solomon.

  For no apparent reason, I wanted to eat our meal quickly, but Solomon’s leisurely pace forced me to slow down. The dating thing was new, and great, and so far, only the two of us knew about it. Oh yeah, and Lily. And his sister, Anastasia. Okay, so that made four, but most importantly, our colleagues did not know, and the rest of Montgomery did not know, which meant my family couldn’t bug me about it. It also spared me from having an awkward conversation with Maddox, who already knew that things had occurred between Solomon and me in the past, but not that they were now happening on a regular basis.

  That said, I did have the occasional urge to shout from the rooftops that Solomon and I had been getting it on for the past two months, ever since he arrived at my house one night and asked to stay. Since then, we have enjoyed a series of movies, meals, and nights in at his place. He rarely slept over at mine when I had my apartment in West Montgomery, but I figured that was just because his home in Chilton was closer to our office. However, now that I’d moved, it would be nice to have him stay over in my home.

  “You could stay at mine tonight,” I suggested between mouthfuls of something savory. “You could still get to work easily tomorrow.”

  “At yours? The ranch?”

  “It’s a bungalow,” I corrected for the millionth time. “And sure, why not? I’ve stayed at yours a bunch of times.”

  Solomon shrugged. “Okay.”

  “Oh, I didn’t think you’d say yes.”

  “Disappointed? Worried what the neighbors will say when they see my car outside your house?”

  “Not at all. Aidan will probably high five me.”

  “Aidan?”

  “Neighbor. You’ve met him. Deaf. Got a crazy dog.”

  Solomon blinked. “Barney?” he asked.

  “That’s him. He really doesn’t take any getting used to,” I continued, “and I have breakfast.”

  “I’m already sold. No persuasion necessary. Why didn’t you think I’d say yes?”

  “I thought you might find a sleepover at a yellow bungalow emasculating.”

  “I already agreed to play the role of the nurse, how much worse can it get for me? Will there be any sex?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Then…” Solomon showed me his palms and stuck his head forward a little, eyes wide, as if to say “What’s up?”

  “Okay, you got me, what if one of the guys drives past my house and sees your car?” I asked, wondering why the hell this stuff came out of my mouth. I wanted him in my home. I just didn’t think he wanted to be there, despite what he said.

  “Why would anyone drive past your house in the middle of the night?”

  “Why does anyone do anything? I don’t know.”

  “Lucas doesn’t like the outdoors. I know Delgado is staying with your sister tonight, and Fletcher and Flaherty went to a casino.”

  “I hope they’re not robbing it.”

  Solomon laughed. “Me too. All the same, no one is around, so you’re safe.”

  “So… you don’t want to be seen at my house?” I frowned.

  “I didn’t say that. You invited me over, I said yes, then you… are we having an argument?”

  “Not unless we can have angry, make-up sex.”

  “I thought you wanted to play doctors and nurses?”

  “I want to be the patient now.”

  “And I want to give you a full physical and I don’t care whose house it’s in.”

  I looked over at the table next to us. The woman was staring at Solomon and rapidly fanning herself while her male companion droned on about his golf handicap. If I turned down a full physical by Solomon, I’d be letting the female species down. That would be wrong.

  “You’re on. Say no more. I’m glad you’re sleeping over and really, really sorry you don’t have any pajamas. You’ll have to sleep naked. Yay!”

  Our female neighbor gasped as she reached for a cracker.

  “Glad you’re happy. Are you eating that?” Solomon pointed his fork at my plate. “Can I?”

  “Human garbage disposal.”

  “Thank you.” And Solomon finished off my plate. I decided that was a good thing because he would probably need the energy. However, when we climbed into the car a little later, and Solomon did his cursory visual checks as always, I couldn’t help wondering if he would have turned down my offer if any of the guys at work were likely to be in the neighborhood. The secret relationship thing was great in parts: no one to tease me, no one to imply I got my job through sleeping with the boss while I try to convince them that I wasn’t when he offered me the job, and no one to get my mother’s hopes up that she might have finally married me off — but it also had its downsides. We had yet to dine somewhere without worrying about running into other people we knew, not that I knew for sure if Solomon had any close friends, and we never made PDAs. Even hand-holding ran a risk of us being found out so we didn’t.

  A part of me kind of wanted to be exposed, perhaps so that Lily wouldn’t be my only friend who knew, or so I could go public with the relationship and not worry about it affecting my work life. I just didn’t know if Solomon felt the same. How I felt about that, I wasn’t sure, but there was much less worry, dented pride, and even a tiny bit of relief at the lack of in
terference from everyone else.

  Chapter Three

  When I awoke the next morning, sated and yawning, I could feel Solomon next to me, warmth radiating from his body. We slept in the guest bedroom downstairs while I finished painting my bedroom in the attic.. Although I missed my new, king-sized bed upstairs, at least the kitchen was downstairs and within staggering distance. The scent of coffee hung in the air so I figured he’d already gotten up, made a pot, and returned to bed, all without waking me. He was stealthy like that. Again, I was glad he was on my team and not out to rob me, because I really wouldn’t have heard a thing.

  I stretched until the tips of my toes touched the footboard and my fingertips the headboard, then rolled over and snuggled into him. His arms went around me and I smooshed my head against his muscular chest. My tongue stayed in my mouth by sheer force of will. I couldn’t think of a better way to start the day. Or a much better way to end it either. After the past forty-eight hours, it was tempting not to get up at all.

  “Can we stay here all day?” I asked, my voice muffled against his skin.

  “I heard ‘mumph-mumph day’,” said Solomon, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen across my face behind my ear.

  I lifted my head, and looked sleepily up at him. Damn it, he’d already had a shower and brushed his teeth, while my hair was still stuck to one side of my face. Peeking under the quilt, I saw he was clad only in boxers. Tight ones. Hubba. I repeated the question, adding, “How long ago did you get up?”

  “I wish, and around an hour. I had some phone calls to make. Speaking of calls, your phone keeps buzzing.”

  “Did you look?”

  “No.”

  “What if it was another guy?”

  Solomon raised his eyebrows skeptically. All the same, he said, “Your business.”

  “Might be a hot date,” I teased, waiting for the reaction that never came. What was up with that? “You can look if you want. It’s probably Lily. Or my mom.”

  “Has your mom taken up any new hobbies?” Solomon grinned. I remembered the one time I took him to a family dinner and my mother wanted him to enroll in a survival skills class. Like he needed it. He politely declined and I got lumped with both the class and the practical excursion. My mother’s gift of a knife came in handy though, and I still had it, just in case I needed to cut anything or stab someone else.

  I sighed. “I hope not.”

  “Have you taken up any hobbies?”

  “Only you, and painting this house.”

  “I’m now a hobby?”

  “One with infinite possibilities and many, many years of research.”

  “Years, huh?” Solomon wriggled away from me and slung his legs out of bed. “I looked through your kitchen cabinets. I’m making French toast with bacon.” He waited.

  I waited. He made a gesture with his hands, signaling he wanted a yes or no. “What?” I asked, “You think I’m going to say no to that?”

  “It was fifty-fifty after your newfound commitment to the gym.” Solomon leaned down, both hands on the mattress, and planted a kiss on my nose. “Get ready. Breakfast is in fifteen minutes.”

  “It’s not newfound! I’ve had membership for years.” I watched Solomon disappear around the corner, a pair of jeans in his hands. “It’s waning though,” I muttered to myself, trying not to think of Jim Schwarz or Karen Doyle.

  While Solomon earned serious points in the kitchen, I headed upstairs to use the bathroom and gather my clothes. I got ready lightning fast, scrubbed my teeth, showered, and fastened my hair in a neat pony. A clean, white shirt, dark blue jeans and the cutest pink pumps in the world prepared me to face the day. My stomach started growling the moment the bacon aroma reached my nostrils.

  As I descended the stairs, and passed through the small hallway to the guest bedroom, I grabbed my cell phone from the nightstand. Making my way into the sunlit kitchen, I had to rub my stomach in an effort not to scare Solomon with the internal baying for food.

  Solomon had already laid the plates, filled the glasses with orange juice and poured coffee. He even found the maple syrup and added it to the table. “This looks amazing,” I told him, joining him and sitting down. “And it smells delicious.”

  “Let’s go three for three and hope it tastes good too,” he said, moments before a heaped forkful landed in his mouth. I followed his lead. My shoulders dropped, my head dipped to one side. “Mmm,” I murmured, the wonderful flavors swirling deliciously on my tongue. “Mmm-mmm-mmm.”

  My phone buzzed just as I dropped my fork onto the empty plate and reached for my coffee. I picked it up, reading the message from my new gym buddy, Lorena. It said Call me ASAP. Need to talk. Lx.

  Scrolling through my phone, I saw it wasn’t the first time she called. There were five text messages from Lorena, each with a variation of the same thing, starting from last night. There was one from Lily too, asking if I wanted to join her for a drink at her bar later; and one from my mother that I think she must have meant for my dad, because after reading it, my eyes flew open wide and I almost lost my breakfast.

  “I need to make some calls,” said Solomon, sliding his chair out and reaching for the plates.

  “I’ll clear,” I told him, laying my hand over his for the briefest of moments, but long enough to give me that tingling feeling I always got whenever he was near. “Thank you. This was great.”

  “Anytime.” He leaned over, kissed me again, this time on the cheek, then left the kitchen. He closed the door to the guest bedroom, and a moment later, I heard his muffled voice.

  I cleared the plates, rinsing them in the sink, and leaving them stacked while I texted Lily a yes, my mother an OMG! and then Lorena, asking if she was okay. She called me right back.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I asked when I answered. “I got six messages from you. I was at dinner so I didn’t check my phone.”

  “It’s okay. I had some bad news and… I just need to talk to you,” said Lorena, the urgency apparent in her voice. “Soon.”

  “Okay. Want to meet at the gym? Or did you want to take a run too?” I asked, hoping she would say yes. It would be nice to get my mind off Jim Schwarz and Karen Doyle. Lorena and I hadn’t run together for a couple of weeks after she sustained a sprained ankle. I checked in on her every few days and she assured me she’d be better soon and was looking forward to taking a few light runs.

  “Not today. I don’t feel so great and I really need someone to talk to.” Lorena sniffed and her voice wavered. Now that I thought about it, she really didn’t sound so great, and though I hadn’t known her for very long, she was usually a warm, bubbly woman. Something was definitely upsetting her.

  “Has something happened? Is everything okay? Is it Marnie?” I asked, knowing she was previously concerned about her daughter away at college.

  “No, Marnie’s great. She got an A on her English paper. It’s something else. Lexi, I can’t talk on the phone, but I really need to see you. Can you come over now?”

  “Where are you?”

  “At home.”

  I estimated how long it would take me to kiss Solomon goodbye, throw a few things in my bag, and tidy the house before I left. “I can be there in under an hour.”

  “No, I need to speak to you sooner. It’s really important, Lexi, or I wouldn’t ask.”

  “Okay,” I paused, noticing the tremor in Lorena’s voice, the sniffle that could be almost a sob. Lorena lived in a small link house not far away from my old apartment. I could leave the washing for later and only needed to grab my wallet. “Twenty minutes. I’ll leave right away. Do you need anything? Medicine or… tissues?”

  “No, nothing. Just you. Please hurry, Lexi. I think… I think I’m in trouble.”

  “Don’t worry. Try and relax. I’ll be right over and we can work things out,” I assured her. Truth be told, I was a little pleased that she called me to help her. Obviously, she thought a lot of our new friendship; and I decided I’d help her however I could.

 
; “Okay,” Lorena sniffed again. “Okay.” She hung up without saying goodbye.

  I stared at my phone, puzzled. Since meeting Lorena a couple of months ago at the gym, we’d gotten friendly. When she mentioned she was starting to train for a half marathon, something to motivate her towards eventually doing the Boston marathon, I told her I wasn’t a particularly good runner, but wanted to be. We agreed to be running partners in order to motivate each other. Since then, we regularly ran twice a week, pounding the sidewalks of Montgomery before bonding over pots of coffee. She lived alone, her daughter Marnie only coming home for vacations, and was all kinds of interested in my job since finding out I was a PI. I didn’t expect to be a person she called when she needed help though, so I wondered what was bothering her that she didn’t turn to family or a closer friend. Still, I said I would be there so I ducked my head around the door to the bedroom and told Solomon I had to go.

  He held one finger to his lips, said something into his cell phone, and hung up.

  “Sorry, was I interrupting?”

  “No. We finished. Did something come up at the agency?”

  I shook my head. “A friend called. I think I mentioned her a couple of times. Lorena Vasquez. The one I’ve been running with? She’s upset and wanted to talk. I said I’d go over.”

  “Are you coming into work?”

  “I’ll make the meeting.”

  “You sure?”

  “Absolutely. I never miss one unless I’m undercover or on a job; but I filed my last report and I don’t have any ongoing cases.”

  “Unless there’s a shoe sale,” said Solomon, ignoring that and focusing on a more valid reason why I might be late.

  “How dare you!” I feigned mock anger. “I shop online. I’m still there physically.”

  Solomon just shook his head and reached for his sweater. “Let me grab my stuff. I can finish my calls at the office.”

  “I don’t mind giving you a key.”

  “Nah. I’ll leave with you.”

  I didn’t get much of a lingering kiss, but on the porch, I received a fast and furious one and some stray hands, which nearly had us rolling through the front door and back into the house! That, however, would have made Solomon late for work, and me renege on my agreement to Lorena, so instead, we agreed to meet up for a lunchtime horizontal later in the day.